April's Real Blog

Monday, September 05, 2005

Superficial Friendships

Well, the 1st day of school has come and gone, but it's probably going 2 take @ least 6 days this wk 4 me 2 discuss what happed on that 1st day. Then on Sunday, I'll talk about sumthing completely diff, but may or may not return 2 this subject the next day. Wait & see!

We'd sort of rehearsed our fake fight, & we were planning 2 have a more drawn out convo about whether we can ev. have a true friendship again. But Becks had also warned me she mite wanna "improv" a bit, & her line abt having a superficial friendship? Total improv. Tomorrow, I'll discuss what we did & said next.

Meanwhile, Ger & Becks were supposta B workin' on a geog project 2gether, but I cdn't find them NEwhere even tho Becks sed come on by. I mite just have been missing them, but I guess I'll B finding out?

L8r, Apes


  • At 9:54 AM, Blogger howard said…


    Kortney and I just got in from gambling at the Mirage Hotel Casino and I saw that Becky has not yet posted. That’s not like her and I am getting worried. I tried calling her house and her mother said that she was in the garage with you doing some homework project. I told her that wasn’t right, and I asked her if she would look, but Mrs. McGuire started rambling incoherently about Shirley MacLaine being a fine example of motherhood and started crying uncontrollably. I eventually had to hang up.

    I tried calling Marjee’s place, but Maynard answered the phone saying something about how Marjee was sleeping by the toilet due to some bad pizza she ate and couldn’t talk to me. Maynard said they might go looking for Becky, if she doesn’t post before Marjee wakes up. He didn’t seem concerned about Becky. He said that around last Christmas, Becky disappeared a lot with some guy named Jeff, so I shouldn’t worry. He said maybe this Gerald guy is the new Jeff. Becky has never told me about any Jeff, so I am still worried.

    I don’t know Gerald’s number. Can you please call for me?

    I told Kortney we might have to cancel our trip and go back early, and she was not happy about that, so she may have something to post about it also.

    Other than that, we had a good time gambling last night and Kortney made a lot of money again. She wants me to relax her the same way I did yesterday morning, but I am so stressed about Becky, I doubt that I could even do that. We may have to stick with just the massage this time.

    Howard Kelpfroth

  • At 10:04 AM, Anonymous duncan said…

    Hey, Apes! Did u go 2 school 2day? I didnt go 'cos its Labour Day but now Im thinking mayB there were classes 'cos there were classes on Fri and Sat. L8r.

  • At 10:13 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    howard, now i m worried, 2. u c, when i tried calling becks this morning, her mom sed, "april, y r u calling fr. my garage? r u & becky playing a trick on me? that's not nice! debra winger wd never do that 2 shirley maclaine!"

    "no, mrs. mcguire, i'm not in yr garage. i'm @ my house & i'm trying 2 call becky. i tried her cell, but i got voicemail".

    "oh, i wdn't worry, she alwayz comes back".

    then i tried ger's phone. voicemail. his regular phone @ his 'rents. ger's mom: "what? he's not w/u? i assumed. . . ."

    marjee: i got the same answer as u, fr. maynard.

    becky? gerald? r u guyz ok?


  • At 10:14 AM, Anonymous kortney said…

    a lot of stuff to comment on again:

    i can't believe that those people though i was lindsay lohan. i didn't look a thing like her, as she's like 50 pounds and i look like a linebacker compared to her. that chick deserved to get punched; she was trying to come on to howie and no one comes on to him without my permission. "eat some beaver" my ass!

    i'm sorry that i laughed about you falling into the water like that. i guess i still have that high school habit of laughing when people lose their balance and fall.

    at the time, i really would've held that promise of punching april in the teeth, but that was before i took anger management classes (guess they don't work after all since i punched those two girls, huh?).

    i really don't understand why you *would* take advice from 14-year-old girls. some people might think that you're a weirdo if you do that, but it's your life. and i figured that april hasn't gone roadside, she looks like a 3rd grader with the hairstyle that she's forced to have. purple lip boy shouldn't be trusted. lay off the lip gloss dude, you're a guy!

    do i think that becky went roadside? i have to say no. rumor has it that jeff bray isn't very endowed. if he had sex, it would probably get lost in there and never return. plus, he has those birthing hips. no guy that has birthing hips can possibly be "packing it" down there.

    i'll let howard talk about our latest gambling adventure. he can rememebr the details better than me.

  • At 10:16 AM, Anonymous kortney said…

    wow, howie, your fast!

    you're right in that i hate to end our fun times, but i was getting tired of vegas anyway.

  • At 10:17 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    naw, dunc, we didn't have school on sat. it just felt like it cuz we're dwelling & dwelling on the 1st day (plus i messed up the d8 on that post). no schl 2day, either, but still dwelling.

    r u spending the day in bed again? if not, mayB u can help me look 4 ger & becks.


  • At 10:23 AM, Anonymous duncan said…

    Oh, man, I just read what Kortney said abt me an' what Howard said that Kortney said that I said abt u an' Im going back 2 bed. My 'rents r out 2day an' the keys in the mailbox if u want 2 come over an' yell @ me or bring me some more cookies or something.

  • At 10:26 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    i think u must be rite abt jeffo, kortney, cuz kaytelinne kruhbobble told me he wasn't all that & she held up her pinky when she sed it!

    1 of these dayz i've gotta change this dumb 'do of mine!

  • At 11:00 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    dunc, i m coming ovr now 2 get u out of bed so u can help me look 4 ger & becks. i m bringing chocolate.


  • At 11:39 AM, Anonymous AnthDad2FranMilboro said…

    As I was getting set to leave the hospital again I got a card! The feminine handwriting made me think it was from Liz!

    Sadly, it was a "Drop Dead Soon" card from a person or persons unknown called "The Gangsta Striperz"

    It read:

    "You totally f___ed up our lives. Now we're going to (mess, but they didn't say mess) up yours."

    Should I be worried?

    On the plus side, Mom's really been happy and energetic lately, which is a nice change. Though she is sweating a lot.

    Oh, and somebody wrote "I love dick" on the back of my head with a permanent marker when I was asleep. I had my mom change it to "I love dickens" but it's hard to read the last couple letters.

  • At 11:56 AM, Anonymous The Gangsta Striperz said…

    we're not playin' witchoo, granthony needs-a-cane. u think u got hurt bad already? u ain't felt nuttin' yet, nuttin!

    The Gangsta Striperz

  • At 11:58 AM, Blogger howard said…


    If you can get out of the hospital to that room of which you are well-acquainted that I mentioned to you in my post yesterday, it might help you out. The other possibility is to send your mother. Just warn her that the wall decorations and the unsavory equipment there might disturb her.

    Howard Kelpfroth

  • At 12:05 PM, Anonymous Shawna-Marie Verano said…

    April, I was just checking in to see if Liz might have posted, and I saw your comments about Gerald and Becky being missing. I'm pretty sure I saw them this morning at the Dine 'n' Dash Diner just off of Centre St. They were sitting in a booth & I was going to say "hi" but they seemed to be having a rather intense conversation.



  • At 12:22 PM, Blogger howard said…


    There is no need to apologize for laughing at me when I fell in the water last night. After all, I was laughing too. I am sorry to hear that you would have punched April when you were working at Lilliput’s. From what I have seen, that is a really stressful place to work. So maybe your anger was stress-induced. However, it was really flattering to me when you punched those 2 States girls yesterday. That’s twice you have defended me. You’re my super-heroine, like that lady who was with Captain Canuck, I forget her name. Also, I am a pretty experienced guy, and I have never seen that relaxation technique you used on me. I am feeling calmer, so maybe we don’t have to leave Las Vegas immediately. I love being with you, and we have had a lot of fun.

    You had suggested that we go visit that Chapel of Love so we could pray for Becky’s safe return. I am not really all that religious since my experience in the Training School for Boys, when I was young. But, we are too far away from Milborough to do anything to find Becky; I think you are right that it might make me feel that I was doing something positive for her. Let’s go.

    Howard Kelpfroth

  • At 12:48 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    so, dunc & i stopped by the dine 'n' dash after we saw shawna-marie's comment, but we musta missed ger & becks. we're gonna go back out & try again.


  • At 1:22 PM, Blogger howard said…


    You still haven’t found Becky and something happened to me I need to talk to someone about. I wish Becky were posting, but I hope I can talk to you about it.

    Kortney and I went to the Chapel of Love, to pray for Becky’s safe return. When we got there, there was a guy dressed up as Elvis, saying “Welcome to the Chapel of Love! Would you like the Elvis wedding, the Drive Through I Do wedding, the Snow White’s Carriage wedding, or a Traditional wedding?” I said I was just looking for somewhere to pray. Kortney said, “Just sign these papers the man has and we’ll go into the chapel to pray.” The man dressed as Elvis said, “It sounds like you want the traditional. Just to let you know, our package includes the Grooms Boutonniere, Specialty Music and we provide a witness, if you need one. Also, we have a professional photographer on site, so you can have pictures of your special day burned onto a CD right here.” Kortney was telling Elvis that we wanted the complete photo package and kept shoving papers in my hand to sign.

    We finally went into the chapel and I tried to remember how to do the kneeling for prayer from when I was younger, but the music was so loud I couldn’t concentrate. Plus there was a man in front of Kortney and me who was just talking and talking. I didn’t really pay attention to him until he start saying louder and louder, “Now’s the part where you say ‘I do.’” And Kortney was nudging me and saying, “Just say ‘I do’ and you can pray.” Then I suddenly realized Kortney was wearing a veil and carrying a bouquet of flowers. I turned around and ran out of the place. As I was leaving, I heard Elvis say to Kortney, “Don’t worry about it. This happens all the time in Vegas. Sometimes they sober up during the ceremony.”

    I don’t know what to do. I like Kortney and I don’t want her to be mad at me. Plus, I have always wanted to be married, but I wanted to be the one with the veil and the pretty dress. What do you think I should do?

    Howard Kelpfroth

  • At 3:17 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    wow, howard, i've heard sumtymz ppl in vegas get this sudden urge 2 get married even if they wdn't have thot of it sumwhere else. mayB this is what happened w/kortney, like when britney spears married her friend jason alexander (the 1 who wasn't on seinfeld) & then l8r sed it wuz all a joke & got it annulled? mayB this all meanz it's time 2 get out of vegas?

    dunc & i were riding our bikes looking for becks & ger, when my dad pulled up in his bushwacker & yelled out his window that we had to go 2 my house 4 a labour day cookout. we tried 2 xplain about our search but he just didn't want 2 hear about it! we r in my rm posting this, but our dads r in the yard yelling 4 us 2 come out. i m not sure when we'll b able 2 check in again, but we will do our best 2 sneak away when the gr'ups r'nt looking.


  • At 7:11 PM, Anonymous marjee mahaha said…

    I'm a little fuzzy. I woke up on the bathroom floor about an hour ago. I can't believe how long I was passed out. Not letting Maynard be in charge of pizza or any other food from now on.

    So I tried calling Becky on her cell and at her house, but I can't track her down. Her mom says, "Mind your own business, bastard!" and slams the phone on my ear. I'm leaving a comment here in case Becky checks in and I'm gonna drive around and see if I can find her.


  • At 7:32 PM, Blogger howard said…


    Good news! I called Becky’s uncle Ralph to see if he knew where Becky had been. It turns out that most of the time she has been over there in his guest bedroom. I asked Ralph what she was doing over there and if she was with anyone else. Ralph informed me that he and Becky have a strict “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy. He says that is the only way Becky will feel comfortable going over there, when things get rough with her mom. He told me that when Becky’s mom and dad were together and fighting all the time, she would come over a lot. And also, over the last Christmas break she came over a lot. He said the only questions he asked Becky today were when she got up this morning if that shirt she was wearing was his (It wasn’t, which is good because he hates it when she wears his shirts.), and when she went out for breakfast to the Dine 'n' Dash Diner if she would bring him back a breakfast muffin. Ralph told me that Becky is fine, and that I did not need to cut my Las Vegas trip short on her account. I thought you would be relieved to know that she is all right.

    As for me and Kortney, when she got back to the hotel room from the Chapel of Love, I thought she was going to be really mad at me. Instead, she ran up to me and gave me a big hug, and started crying and talking. This went on for about an hour, and I would like to tell you what she said, but I honestly do not know. She was crying so hard, I could not understand a thing she was saying. I just held her and nodded occasionally, and that seemed to satisfy her. If she posts, maybe she can tell you and me what she was saying. Anyway, once she had calmed down, the first words she said that I understood were, “So we’ll just take it slow and enjoy whatever time we have together.” We are going to get some supper and see Danny Gans at the Mirage Hotel. I am hoping for a nice uneventful evening.

    Howard Kelpfroth

  • At 7:42 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    well, i'm glad 2 hear becks is ok. but now i'm really wondering just what is going on. if her unk ralphie saw becks wearing a guy shirt--well, ger. oh, i can't ev. think abt. it.

    dunc just went home. gramps & iris were here & gramps insisted dunc go get his bass so we could sing duets. dunc was all, "mr. richards, i'm 2 depressed" & gramps was all "nonsense, if u r depressed, u need music more than ever". he kept making us do 1 song after another, ev. when our fingers were sore. & he made us do o, canada like a zillion 1/2 tymz. "i was in the war, u know, duncan." "yes, mr. richards."

    well, dunc, i think it's my turn 2 go 2 bed cuz, well, ger. becks. u know what i'm saying.


  • At 7:49 PM, Anonymous marjee mahaha said…

    Oh, good, I'm glad you're okay, Becky. Thanks for checking with Ralph, Howard.


  • At 9:37 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    cripes, so i'm lying in bed w/my head under the covs, just like dunc was b4. i'm starting 2 fall asleep fr. the stress of not knowing what's up w/becks & ger. then my phone rings fr. where i have it on the bedside table & i pick up thinking g. or b. is calling. guess who? mike! 2 nag me abt telling him sum story about mom being a great mother 4 that essay he's writing. "i'll have 2 get back 2 u l8r" i say & hang up.

    i can't take this, ppl! i'm turning off my 'puter & phone 4 the rest of the nite & hiding under these coverz. mayB if i'm lucky i'll accidentally smothr myself.

    l8r (mayB)


  • At 10:12 PM, Blogger howard said…


    Kortney and I just got back from seeing Danny Gans and I read your post. I know you are nervous about Becky and Gerald, but I have seen enough of Becky to know she can handle “The C.” He won’t be able to do anything with her that she doesn’t want him to. Remember how well she handled her mother’s boyfriend Bill?

    You know she’s your bff and you have a true friendship. There is going to be a logical explanation for all the stuff Becky’s uncle Ralph told me. Becky is my bud, and she would never do anything to jeopardize her relationship with you. I am as sure of that as I am sure that you have never done anything to jeopardize your relationship with Becky. You see, there is nothing to worry about.

    By the by, if you are ever in Las Vegas, I can recommend Danny Gans to you. He sings, tells jokes and does spot-on impressions. It’s a great show. Kortney liked it too. Kortney has told me that she has been making so much money by gambling in Las Vegas, she thinks we could make a living here. I like Las Vegas, but I am not sure I could stand the people. Just today, someone who found out I was Canadian kept on trying to get me to say the word “about” and then broke into laughter every time I said it. I told Kortney she could always go to the Casino Windsor or the Casino Orillia in Ontario, but she said it was not the same.

    Anyway, we are out to do more gambling. This time we are going to Treasure Island, where they have the pirate ship battle staged in front of the Hotel. It should be fun.

    Howard Kelpfroth

  • At 10:13 PM, Anonymous duncan said…

    Apes, if u r reading this, Im coming over 2morrow 2 go 2 school with u, even tho we rnt in the same homeroom an' I already missed a day of school an' mayB a geography project if Im taking geography this semester an' I dunno what Im taking this semester but Ill find out 2morrow neway.

    Ill bring ackee an' codfish.

  • At 2:15 AM, Blogger Mary Worth said…

    well peeps sorry i wuz gone so long. sounds like some of u have let ur imaginations run wild an' i'm gonna try not 2 hold it against u. (apes, i'm looking at u now.)

    ok well on sunday morning i posted an' headed over 2 ger's house we were gonna do our luxembourg extra-credit project there cuz, well, no telling what cld happen at my house. i get there tho an' nobody answered the door but the house wuz unlocked. i go in an' nobody's home. i put my backpack down an' started looking for ger. then i found a note on the back door saying "mom, i went 2 becky's house 4 a school project, luv an' sloppy kisses, gerald" an' i slapped my own face cuz ger's wuzn't available he is so dumb sometimes! so i ran back 2 my house but forgot abt my backpack. i found ger wandering around my back yard all confused. i smacked him around a little, then we went 2 walmart 2 get some flour an' salt 2 make the playdoh. (sorry if that sounds 2 babyish 4 u dunc, but what else would u make a relief map out of?)

    neway, we ended up running in2 my uncle ralph at the store an' he suggested we go back 2 his place 2 do the project cuz he has a big workroom an' it doesn't matter if we get it dirty. it ended up taking us a super long time 2 get done. ger is such a dork his bedtime is usually 8:30 so even tho his parents let him stay out later he fell asleep by 9. around 11:30 so i went upstairs an' went 2 sleep in the guest room. btw that guys' shirt wuz my dad's he left some stuff at uncle ralph's b4 he went 2 jail. an' i left ger sleeping on the floor of uncle ralph's workshop.

    neway when we woke up in the morning we went 2 get some breakfast. i had 2 go play at the morgan's labour day party so i went 2 do that an' ger went back 2 uncle ralph's 2 finish the map.

    the morgans party went good i got a lot of compliments an' dr. morgan paid me my "going rate" of $500 i was gonna charge less but then they asked the bumsteads an' i guess mrs. b told mrs. m what they pd me.

    u guyz need 2 get a life. just cuz i don't post 4 a day or 2 doesn't mean that i am boning ur boyfriend or need 2 have my pic put on a milk carton.


    p.s.--howie, mayb u should marry kortney. u guyz seem 2 have a lot of fun 2gether. just tell her u want 2 wear a white dress 2.

  • At 2:17 AM, Blogger Mary Worth said…

    oh an' ger bring my backpack 2 school 2morrow. i will bring yers.



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