April's Real Blog

Sunday, October 02, 2005


Wow, peeps, I know I'm l8 posting this. Sorry abt that. I don't even know what time it was when I finally got home after the Freeman party & our stop @ Horny Tim's afterwards. I am sooooo wiped. & so glad that Mom's taking a break from being our own Wikipedia abt the wise & noble natives. Well, Liz called this morning 2 make sure I'm OK, & she did share a story of her own. But @ least it was just a little thing that happened in her classroom steada being a National Geog special. So Liz showed her class how 2 use Dad's leaf press. & during lunch, that Jesse kid used it to squoosh his cheese sandwich.

Then Liz sed, "Now that we've gotten my obligatory slice-o'-native-life bit outta the way, tell me everything that happened last nite! & don't leave NEthing out!" Well, I tried, but I was way tired. The comments 2 my last post already do a gd job describing the party, so I'll just add a coupla things. Becks is totally rite abt those reality-TV producers trying 2 get us 2 create conflict in their interviews. They totally try 2 stir the shizzit, peeps! This guy who interviewed me knew all abt how Jeremy tried to run me over w/his bike & got hit by that car, like a million yrs ago. I'm like, "Dude, that is so ancient history. Jeremy & I mostly leave ea other alone. He's totally nice 2 my bud Becks, so it's all gd, U know?" & this guy was all pissed @ me. He even dredged out sum old letter of "mine" from when I was 9 (yeh, of course Mom totally wrote it) that sez "There's something dark inside him and until he stops being mean, I don't think he will have any real friends at all." What 9-yr-old wd say "there's something dark inside him"? So I had to xplain abt how we all write those monthly letters & my mom "edits" them.

NEway, I don't think the producer guy was NE happier w/me than he was w/Becky, cuz I didn't bring the drama. But U know, now that Gerald has readjusted his Prozac dosage, he's interested in the makin' out again. But without constantly trying 2 go thru the rest of the bases. So we got sum smooching in B4 we realized the cams were watchin' us.

That Huey kid ended up making a huge speech @ the end of the party, mostly abt how shameful his grandfather is, but he also threw in a buncha stuff abt pop culture & the BET TV network, which I don't get, even on Gordo's dish. That Caesar kid ended up being all buddy-buddy w/Dunc even tho they were all competitive @ the beginning. He sed he had a much easier time getting a word in edgewise w/Dunc & that they had more in common than Caesar did w/Huey.

Well, Dunc just got here, so we R gonna go back out 2 Horny Tim's. We totally don't feel like jamming 2day. :)



  • At 1:06 PM, Anonymous Marjee Mahaha said…

    Wow, you all are not kidding about those producers for the reality show! One of them sat me down and it went like this:

    Producer: So, Marjee Mahaha, is it true that your parents are Thorvald McGuire and Echo Simone?

    Me: My birth parents, yes.

    P: So are you angry at Thorvald and Echo for giving you up?

    Me: No, they were very young, and my adoptive parents are great.

    P: So why, then, did you pursue your birth parents?

    Me: It's all part of knowing myself and connecting with family. I got two great sisters out of my quest. Becky and Vicki.

    P: Half sisters.

    Me: Technically, yeah, but I just think of them as my sisters.

    This producer guy was obviously getting bored with me, so he tried a different approach.

    P: So, I hear you're a swinger!

    Me: I wouldn't say that. I have an open relationship with my boyfriend, which means that we can choose to be with someone else as long as we are open and honest. And no emotional connections allowed with outsiders.

    P: (whispering) So maybe you and me, afterwards, in the van?

    Me: Forget it! Hey, Becky's about to sing "Good Morning, Heartache," so can we wrap this up?

    P: (Sulking) Okay.

  • At 1:29 PM, Anonymous Maynard Mahoney said…

    That producer guy didn't have too much to say to me, except he kept trying to get me to hit on this chick named Edda. She was pretty hot and she looked like a ballerina, but I just wasn't in the mood for that, not with cameras following me around. Plus she had this giant muscly guy on one side of her and this dark-haired nerdy guy on the other, both acting like bodyguards.


  • At 1:57 PM, Blogger Mary Worth said…

    wow i wuz super-tired after last nite. sorry i didn't post til now.

    ok well after the party i went 2 talk 2 the main producer guy about how much time they would devote 2 our performances at the party. i know the rest of u guyz r in the band 4 fun only, as is "proper" so u don't end up "old an' lonely," but i intend 2 make a career out of music so getting lots of exposure = good. well u know i wuz wearing that low-cut, backless black dress. so i walked over 2 the producer guy an' flirted w/ him a little (never hurts) an' asked him how much he thought we would b on screen. he sed maybe a minute! i wuz so pissed but i didn't show it. i just tried 2 convince him that our performance would really appeal 2 all demographics an' all that boring crap frum those books jer gave me. it didn't seem 2 b working. so i started 2 talk 2 him abt what it takes 2 get a reality show. i figure that nobody brings the drama like krystle an' thorvald! but the producer wuzn't interested. in fact he wuzn't interested in nething that didn't involve taking my panties off. man that guy is a perv.

    ok so i quit talking 2 pervo an' jeremy came up 2 me an' wuz real angry-like. he saw me flirting w/ the producer guy which is actually something i read in 1 of the books he gave me that a little sex appeal = good business so long as u don't go over the line an' look desperate or like u r prostituting urself. but jer wuzn't happy that i used his books. he wuz all like, "i thought i wuz ur only guy!" an' i go "well i know i'm not ur only girl!" an' he goes, "that's different" an' i'm like "how?" an' he's all like "i'm a guy, we're supposed 2 b hounddogs" an' i got all mad an' sed, "well i'm a liberated woman" which is something great aunt jackie likes 2 say. so jer wuz super angry w/ me. i don't know if i like him so much now.

    i just wanted 2 say how great i thought dunc wuz last nite. i m not really in2 rap but he wuz amazing an' he really got the crowd going. sorry abt that whole MCDunC has a gun thing. i know u don't want 2 get in2 nemore trouble with the law. good thing marjee wuz there!

    ok gotta run now mom let me sleep in but she wants me at the bakery for the afternoon shift.

  • At 2:28 PM, Anonymous Cindy MacPherson said…

    wow, that MC DunC guy was hott! tho i cdn't get too close to him with that kimmi girl fiting with jazmine over him. weird thing, tho, when kimmi & jazmine were both trying to kiss him, it looked like he cdn't take his eyes off of the singer girl becky. but i don't know him, so i cd be off!

    cindy hip-hop macpherson

  • At 2:43 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    dunc & i just got back fr horny tim's. we totally wanted 2 stay away fr. our dads. & of course my mom. i mean, wdn't u?

    so @ horny tim's we were havin' tim balls & a lotta coffee. a lotta-lotta coffee. then who walks in but keesha grant. she does this little swaying walk over 2 dunc & sez she heard all about how cube he was @ the party last nite. & abt that fite betw. kimmi & jazmine. then she gave him this little stare like she wanted 2 eat him up & sed "they'll have 2 get thru me, badboy!" & she winked @ him. then she whispered 2 me "thank yr mom 4 tipping me off that dunc is meant 4 me!" then she got some coffee 2 go & was outta there.

    dunc just sorta shook his head like he didn't know what 2 say. & i was 2 tired 2 think of much 2 say myself. so we just ragged on our dads & their choo-choo fetish.

    we r gonna review our vocab now. another quiz 2morrow!


    p.s. no, ger, we're not gonna review w/the kiss game, so relax!

  • At 4:43 PM, Blogger howard said…

    Becky and Duncan,

    I forgot to mention this last night but that mixing of Becky singing the Billie Holiday version of "Good Morning, Heartache" and then going to Duncan doing the Ol' Dirty Bastard version was pure genius. I was quite impressed. I have to work Krystle's Kakes and Pies for the evening shift, so maybe I will see you there.

    Oh. For some reason, I have been having a strange craving for a cheese sandwich. Does anyone have any good recipes with any cheese except Havarti?

    Howard Kelpfroth

  • At 5:02 PM, Anonymous jesse mukwa said…

    mmm, cheese sandwiches. i wub my teacher. shtaa-taa-haa!


  • At 5:05 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    here's a recipe for cheese crackers i've made b4. they're pretty good, but b careful of my mom. if she smells them, she will want 2 eat all of them!


  • At 5:32 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    oh, also meant 2 say i agree abt "good morning heartache". that totally kicked arse & if those reality-tv only wanna use a small bit of our performance, it shd totally b that!


  • At 7:12 PM, Blogger howard said…


    I’m working the evening shift at Krystle’s Kakes and Pies. I have to tell you the funniest thing, although I doubt Becky will agree it was funny. When I got to the bakery, Krystle and Becky were already there. Becky was helping out when there were a lot of customers, but mainly she was reviewing her vocabulary for the quiz you both have tomorrow.

    Then Krystle’s boyfriend who works at the Milborough Board of Health walks in and says, “Honey, sweetness of cake and pie, are you ready to go?” I immediately started thinking, “Oh boy, another evening with me sleeping on Becky’s couch.” So, Krystle says, “Yes, we are my cootchie wootchie sugar dumpling. Becky dear, it’s time to go.” And Becky says, “Go where?” And Krystle says, “Oh, Becky. I told you this before. All 3 of us are going to play tennis as a family. My big strong hunk of a boyfriend just loves tennis, and I bought you the cutest pink tennis skirt to match mine.” Then she pulls out a bag from behind the counter and lifts up 2 fuzzy pink, matching tennis skirts, embroidered with “Krystle” and “Rebecca” in a glittering cursive lettering. Becky gets this panicked look that says, “Howard please save me!” So I say, “Becky has a vocabulary quiz tomorrow. She could stay here and keep on studying, and I can take her home.” But Krystle says, “Oh Howard. We have imposed on you too much already. Besides I think the 3 of us need to spend some quality time as a family, bonding over some tantalizing tennis.” I knew it was a lost cause, although it was difficult for me not to laugh with Becky making those gagging gestures every time Krystle and her boyfriend weren’t looking.

    I hope your studying went well. I did try your recipe for cheese crackers, and it was the oddest thing. As soon as they were done, your mother walked into the shop and bought the whole lot of them. I think I will wait to try it again when I am safe at home, with the doors locked.

    Howard Kelpfroth

  • At 7:25 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    becky, i’m sorry i got mad at u last nite. i know ur a liberated woman. i still wanna b ur roadie, evn if u don’t like me so much. i’m used 2 peeps not likin’ me.


  • At 7:27 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    my mom has an incredible nose 4 baked goodz. she prolly cd smell them fr. down the st.

    sorr 2 hear yr mom roped u in2 doing tennis in the cutesy clothes, becks. 'rents can b such butts!


  • At 11:56 PM, Blogger Mary Worth said…

    jeremy, u know i like u. i just can't deal with 2 much jealousy or other b.s. i get 2 much of that at home as it is.

    well we played tennis an' it totally sucked. her bf's name is rick an' he is totally lame. at first he wanted 2 play against me an' mom but then every time he yelled the score (40 love!) he an' mom would run 2 the net an' kiss. it wuz practically making me puke so finally i went 2 the pro shop an' left them 2 do whatever. i wuz just getting in2 a really good conversation with a cute caddy named jack when a tennis instructor came in an' sed, "u guyz won't believe it, but there r 2 people doing it on the tennis court!" fortunately i managed 2 talk them out of arresting my mom i just had 2 get her home pronto. so i had 2 go down there an' pull them apart. i totally didn't want 2 c them naked but a girl's gotta do what she's gotta do 2 keep out of foster care. neway, i can now tell u what it is that my mom sees in this guy. he is asset-rich, to use the parlance of the business management books jeremy has been giving me. his portfolio is front and end loaded.

    neway, i have 2 go. mom is so mad at me that i m spending the graveyard shift at the bakery cleaning ovens. i asked her y we didn't just get self-cleaning ovens an' got a big lecture about how u can't fit really big pans for sheet cakes in those. snore.


  • At 12:58 AM, Blogger howard said…


    Just to let you know, Becky is sleeping over at my apartment tonight. I read her post and went over to get her. She asked to sleep over here, because she didn't want to face her mother again tonight.

    I cannot believe her mother would leave her cleaning ovens at the bakery during a graveyard shift before a school day. It makes me so angry. I am going to have to have words with Krystle tomorrow. Besides, I always clean the ovens before I leave for the night, so she was just making work for Becky. Between hardly sleeping prior to last night's party, the tennis, and trying to keep her mother out of jail, Becky was exhausted. She fell asleep on the way, and she didn't wake up when I carried her out of the car to my apartment.

    Howard Kelpfroth

  • At 1:17 AM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    becky, iz cube. no jealousy b.s. that's no problem. long az i'm still ur roadie.


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