Cry a River For Michael P

Okay, so here's the official family script: Michael works too hard! He is just working himself ragged, w/his full-time bigboy job during the day & his writing that he does @ nite (instead of, y'know, acting like a parent or a hubby, but that's just me commenting here). The fam script sez Michael totally needs to quit that soul-crushing day job so he can pursue his destiny as Canada's best! writer! evah! Then he & Dee R supposed 2 move in2 this house, Mom & Dad R supposed 2 move in2 that smaller house w/lotsa choo-choo yard space, & I guess I'm supposed 2 live in a van by the river.

So last nite, Mom was totally coaching Dee on what she shd say 2 Mike up in his lonely lil attic o' writing an' hiding. But first Ma had something 2 get off her chest. She's all, "Deanna Sobinski Patterson, what were U doing spending time & precious $ on a frivolous 'beauty lunch'?" (Yeah, Mom did those lil air quotes even tho she was on the phone & Dee totally cdn't see her do them.) Then: "Oh. Michael bought U a gift certicate, eh? Well, that's different. That just goes 2 show I raised my boy right. Hold on one sec." (She puts her hand on the mouthpiece & yells 2 Dad.) "John! John 'Pat' Patterson! Michael bought Dee that beauty lunch. Becuz he loves her! If U luv me, U will buy me 10 beauty lunches, w/xtra lunch! U hear me?!?!" Then, back 2 Dee: "Okay, so Dee. Remember what U have 2 do this evening. U go up 2 the garrett & tell my precious boy he can't keep up these long hours. Remind him he gets up @ 6 2 get 2 work by 8:30 & then gets home by 7, shoves his food down his gullet & goes upstairs 2 write until 11 or l8r. When he tries 2 tell U that he's OK & U need the $ point out the 'irony'" (air quotes) "that U don't have 2 die in order 2 make a living." I can only try 2 guess what Dee was saying on the other line, but I heard Ma saying, "Just do it, Dee! Remember what U signed on 4 when U became a Patterson! What do U mean U've been like a single parent NEway? I won't listen 2 talk like that! U march upstairz & do as U R told, or U know what!" & she slammed down the phone. Yikers!

Well, Becky & I have had sum wild adventures getting all those samples to Ms. Brenda Starr. Thanks 4 yr update last nite, Ms. Starr. This all just gets weirder & weirder, doesn't it? I know U have a rep 4 being a gr8 investigator, so I hope U will B able 2 fig out who wd deliberately make Mboro str8 guys age prematurely. Cuz Gerald, Dunc, Jeremy, & a zillion other boyz I know don't wanna look like Gramps when they R 20!

Well, gotta run, ppl!

Apes