April's Real Blog

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Mom burns stuff and thinks about Grandma

When Mom sat down @ breakfast this morning, Dad & I just had this "Let's get it over with" attitude. 2day she was talking abt the ceremonial drum & the sacred fire. Somebody gave her tobacco & bits of fresh cedar 2 burn & pray & thank Mother Earth 4 all she's given. Ma sez when she burnt her stuff she thot abt Gma Marian & all the gifts she'd given Mom. She looked sort of sad & serious when she sed this, but also like she kinda expected 2 get a laugh on "gifts from Mother Earth" vs. "gifts fr. Mother", but we just weren't feelin' it, peeps. Oh, Liz, Mom mentioned that she glanced over @ U during this burning & thot U had a strange look on yr face. Strange? Liz, I'd love 2 hear what U have 2 say abt this lil ritual.

So, not only did Marjee make my hair all cute (style #2, but sorta w/the bangs fr. #3), she taught me how to put it up in the uggo propellor-head bun Ma likes me 2 wear 2 school & then get my hair back down again w/out messing my style. So now I have it down again & ppl (the ones who recognize me) R saying they like it. Ger was being all pissy on the bus. When he was over last nite, I got a bit inspired 2 make out. It was just making out, but v. v. passionate. But if U check his last comment 2 yesterday's post, U will C his attitude. He's all, well, I was trying 2 go thru the bases w/U B4 & U got mad, but now that I'm all Prozacky &, um, mellow, U wanna "rape" me. Er, no, Ger, not so much. U know what I think his real prob is? I think he doesn't like it that I was the one who started things up steada him. Like girlies Rn't supposta do that. Puh-leaze.

Well, time 2 fly, ppl!



  • At 9:14 AM, Anonymous duncan said…

    Oh, man, Apes. Worst d8 evah last nite. I met Kimmi Bhind the Macs Milk an' she pulled out the lipstix an' we were picking out the 1st colour an' then there was this cop shining a flashlite in r eyes. The cop goes, Elly Peterson told us u would B here. He took us 2 the station an' Kimmi was charged w/ fraud 4 using her moms credit card 2 buy the lipstix. I wasnt charged w/ NEthing, but the cop called my 'rents 2 pick me up an' told them if hed gotten there 5 min l8r he wouldve seen sumthing 2 charge me w/. My mom told me 2 go 2 my room an' stay there. My 'rents both went 2 work w/o saying NEthing 2 me this am an' I dont no if I should leave my room 2 go 2 school or not. I had 2 leave 3X already 2 use the bathroom but I can get back 2 my room a lot faster fr the bathroom than fr school an' I think my 'rents would get even madder @ me if I didnt use the bathroom.

    Kimmi is rilly boned. MayB the judge doesnt h8 this cop an' prolly this cops a lot smarter than Luggie.

    Oh, man. I just heard the answering machine come on. Some1 called my mom abt plane tickets 2 Barbados. MayB my 'rents r sending me 2 the goat farm.


  • At 9:27 AM, Blogger howard said…


    I am so glad you have found a sensible friend in Yulanda, who can point out the B.S. in Billy Strangeblood. It’s good to know that there are sensible people in Mtigwaki, because when I was there, I certainly didn’t meet any. I am sorry he reminded you of me, but that’s to be expected considering my reprehensible behaviour this summer. I still can’t believe how easily I was tricked into assaulting you, and I am so sorry that you were hurt because of my foolishness. My lawyer says that he has heard nothing from the RCMP doing Operation Navette and I have a court date coming up. I know you tried to drop those charges, but my lawyer says that they have a videotape of you talking about me that was filmed shortly after the assault occurred in which you were in an entirely different frame of mind. The prosecuting attorney says that they think I should get 2 years if I plead guilty, but my lawyer says that is B.S. because the maximum sentence is 18 months. He’s still trying to work a plea bargain, so we’ll see what happens.

    As for your cat, I would make an appointment with a veterinarian. Do they even have those in Mtigwaki? Unless you want to deal with kittens, I would not let that cat anywhere near a door until she is no longer in heat. When I was little, we had a cat that went into heat, Mrs. Fluffy White Bottoms. Every male cat within about a mile of our place was camped outside our house, yowling. She got outside and let me tell you, it was an educational experience for me when I was that age.

    Howard Kelpfroth

  • At 9:34 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    omg, dunc, i hope u don't have 2 go 2 that goat farm! u r my bud, & i'd miss u. plus no1 makes fun of the choo-choos better than u. mayB yr 'rents just wanna arrange sum time away during our next school break. oh, & since my mom's like totally fixated on u 4 sum reason, i'll bet she'd wanna talk yr 'rents outta sending u away.

    btw, keesha grant almost cried when she noticed u were absent fr. english class 2day.

    lol, becks was making up a funny song abt her mom & that new bf guy during homeroom 2day. i nearly pee'd myself laffing!


  • At 9:39 AM, Blogger howard said…


    Your mother’s latest episode in her Mtigwaki story reminds me of something else that happened when Kortney and I were being toured around Mtigwaki by Gary Crane. He showed us the ceremonial drum used during the pow-wow. He said, “Like a heartbeat, the big ceremonial drum can be heard for miles in all directions.” I said, “You can’t hear a heartbeat for miles in all directions. You have to use a stethoscope to hear it. How is a drum like a heartbeat?” Gary said, “Sorry. That was a poor analogy. I meant to say that the ceremonial drum has a steady rhythm like a heartbeat." Kortney said, “BU-BUM…BU-BUM...BU-BUM? You play the ceremonial drum with only a 2-beat rhythm?” Gary said, “Sorry. That was a poor analogy. The ceremonial drum is loud and rhythmic like the song of the Canadian Warbler, a bird known for its loud but sweet song that can be heard for miles in all directions.” I said, “How can a drum beat sound like a bird song?” Gary said, “Sorry. That was a poor analogy. The ceremonial drum is loud and rhythmic like when Vivian and I are in the throes of passion. Our rhythmic thrusting noises can be heard for miles in all directions.” Kortney and I said, “Eww! Stop with the analogies already.”

    Anyway, I am surprised that Gerald is surprised about you being a little forward with him last night. Since I have been in Milborough, it seems to me that every single woman I meet is a little forward (not you of course). Just tell him you are like Cleopatra with Antony, and I think he will get it.

    Howard Kelpfroth

  • At 10:02 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    thanx 4 the cleo & antony comparison, howard. ger did c that on the blog & he sed, "well, i hadn't thot of it that way. that's diff". then that reminded him he wanted 2 look up something in the classics section of the library.

    oh, he also sed he thinx my mom oughta let him set up his own shelf @ the store & call it "gerald's gems". it wd have bks on roman history & biography of great & powerful romans. i told him 2 feel free 2 pitch his idea 2 mom.


  • At 10:46 AM, Anonymous geraldus millicentus forsythus said…

    Dearest pudding pop,

    I have thought about it some more and I don't like the analogy to Antony and Cleopatra. Antony was a scuzzball, and although his playboy ways can be instructive in finding hints of ways to woo my love, I do not wish for our entire relationship to emulate his. Instead, we should be like Caesar and Servilia. Even though they were married to other people for purely political reasons, their love affair continued throughout the years, burning with a constant flame, even when he was out in Gaul for eight years killing barbarians and she was stuck home with her drippy son Brutus.

    Of course then Caesar went to Egypt to cheat on her with with a much younger woman--Cleopatra, who got all the guys--but we don't have to copy that part.

    Also, I have been thinking about the 4Evah situation, and I found inspiration in Caesar's life. The First Triumvirate of leaders of Rome consisted of Pompey, Crassus, and of course, the inimitable Julius Caesar. The three men were brought together by their common enemy Cato. Before that time, Caesar was not an important man, but afterwards, he grew in stature until he was quite large. (I think they mean that figuratively but maybe he did get taller too. I don't know. I would like to get a little taller and bulk up, so I'm hoping they mean it literally.)

    The remaining members of 4Evah should follow his example and use our hatred of Becky to unify ourselves. Of course, April and Dunc are the biggest stars out of the three of us now, but one day April will be dead and my Egyptian pals will kill Dunc, and then I'll be the biggest star of all. At least until I get stabbed 23 times by April's drippy brother Mike. That's a drag, but at least Mike will have to flee to Greece and commit suicide, which will make everybody happy. Even Dee.

    What do you think?

    Sincerely, your friend Gerald

  • At 10:50 AM, Blogger Mary Worth said…

    i think ger isn't fighting with a full legion, so to speak. that's what i think.


    p.s.--i just wanted 2 say that i looked at our posts last nite an' they make it look like jeremy an' i did it. well we didn't. we were making out so hard though that i passed out frum lack of oxygen. remember when ur kissing that no matter how in2 it u r, u still need 2 stop an' take a breath now an' then.

    p.p.s.--my krystle an' rick song isn't done yet but i will post when it is.

  • At 10:58 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    omg, ger, we don't h8 becky, what r u talkin' abt? & do u want dunc & me 2 b killed? i'm getting a little scareda u.

    l8r, apes

    p.s. i can't w8 till u finish that song, becks. the part u did in h'rm was so funneeee!

  • At 11:01 AM, Anonymous geraldus millicentus forsythus said…

    My dear little dum-dum lolly,

    Everybody is going to die someday. The pertinent question is, do you want to go out in a blaze of glory, or withering away in a senior's home, incontinent and impotent like Grandpa Jim?

    Sincerely yours, Gerald

  • At 11:05 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    well, i don't want u speeding along my demise, idiot gumdrop! :x


  • At 11:14 AM, Anonymous Kimmi LaSalle said…

    omigah, i am in soooooooo much trubbel. my 'rents r saying they mite hafta send me away 2 catholic military reform school in ottawa! ::sob::

    kiMMi <3 <3 <3

  • At 11:21 AM, Anonymous geraldus millicentus forsythus said…

    My pretty little pie crust,

    When I called you a "dum-dum lolly," I was not trying to call you stupid. Dum-Dums are my favorite candy, as you know. Actually, you're sweeter than a Dum-Dum lolly. Certainly your lips were very sweet last night, my sugar plum. :)

    Sincerely yours, Gerald

    P.S.--Actually, in our little pseudo-Roman drama, I assigned you the part of Crassus, who died a natural death. I would not want to speed your death, my delicate little dillybar, even if it means you will get old and fat and wrinkly like Iris instead of dying a proud manly death like Caesar and Pompey.

  • At 11:24 AM, Anonymous gaius geraldus caesar said…

    Fairy princess of mine,

    Upon further consultation of my source material, I have learned that Crassus died in battle. But he was very old when that happened. Also, you are unlikely to encounter any battles, so you will probably end up like Iris after all.

    Best wishes, Gerald

  • At 11:32 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    ok, ger, i 4give u 4 the "dum-dum" thing, but pls stop thinking abt me being dead. i know i'll b dead sumday, but meanwhile i wanna focus on b-ing ALIVE!


  • At 12:20 PM, Anonymous keesha grant said…

    mmmm, dunc is sooooo dreamy. don't worry, dunc, if that kimmi chick hasta go 2 catholic military reform school, i will still b around 2 keep u warm on cold winter nites!

    btw, i totally saw shannon lake taking a drag off esther ford's ciggie in the quad 2day!


  • At 12:25 PM, Blogger howard said…


    I don't like this talk of killing. If you ever hurt April or Becky, you will regret it. Let me see if I can state this in a way you will understand: Stop being like Nero, with this insane talk of killing, and be more like Trajan who was known for his kind heart.

    Howard Kelpfroth

  • At 12:30 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    becks. that wuz my fault u passed out. ur such a gud kisser i didn’t wanna stop, evn 2 breathe. r we goin' 2 audioslave friday?

  • At 12:32 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    howard, it is so cube u have our backs like that. thanx!

    ger, all this killing an' death talk makes me wonder if u mite b a bit depressed? i remember in grade-8 health that sumtymz ppl react badly 2 prozac & feel more depressed instead less?


    p.s. jeremy, becks already has a ticket 2 audioslave, so it soundz like there's an xtra floating around. who else shd we include, peeps?

  • At 1:28 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    thanx 4 buttin’ in apeface. ur worse than ur mom. it’s my ticket 2 audioslave. i want becks 2b w/me. now keesha grant an’ kimmi lasalle r all ovah me, cuz they want me 2 give my ticket 2 doofus duncan. they both wanna switch tickets w/me so they can sit w/duncan. an’ then if i do, i hafta sit w/kimmi’s stinky sis or keesha’s dweeby bro. do u hate me or sumthing?

  • At 2:12 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    omg, jeremy! marjee bought becky a ticket 2 the concert agez ago, where ya been sleepin'? but neway, kimmi & keesha shd talk 2 becks, cuz if she wants 2 sit w/u, she's the 1 who has an xtra ticket 2 give away. geez, way 2 jump down my throat!


  • At 2:15 PM, Anonymous kimmi lasalle said…

    well, i can't go 2 the concert cuz of all the friggin' trubbel i'm in. so now my sis, angelica, has an xtra ticket if ne1 cares. she's in grade 11, btw.

    kiMMi <3 <3 <3

  • At 2:24 PM, Anonymous Marjee Mahaha said…

    Well, you know, Jeremy, this was really supposed to be a girls' night out. But if we're turning this into a couples thing, and there are two extra tickets floating around out there, maybe Maynard and Gerald can go.


  • At 2:36 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    apeface, sorry 2 get mad. i am trying 2b more cube these dayz, but keesha grant haz been buggin’ me, like every 5. i just got the audioslave tickets frum a promoter, when we were talkin’ bout setting up a show 4 becks. i wud have asked becks b4, but she’z been bizzy w/her career, i didn’t think she wud have time 2 go. but last night she wuz v. v. nice 2 me. neway, they r floor level, gud seats.

  • At 3:01 PM, Blogger Vicki Simone said…

    The more the merrier 2morrow nite, I figure, as long as every1 gets along. :-) It's so cube that Maynard got us all hooked up w/fake IDs so we'll b able 2 drink! He's good 4 something when he's obeying the law. The Centre bar has the best $4 Jager shots, so I'm stoked!

  • At 3:16 PM, Blogger Vicki Simone said…

    D'oh! I'm such a foob sumtimes. Maynard is actually kinda breakin' the law w/the IDs...I just meant when he's not n jail he can b useful!

  • At 3:32 PM, Blogger Mary Worth said…

    duh u girlz i told u like 2 weeks ago i wuz going 2 audioslave w/ jeremy. so we weren't really talking 2 much 4 awhile but that's not a reason 2 assume my plans changed. i hope u guyz ren't sitting near us cuz we plan 2 neck like crazed weasels the whole time.

    man u girlz can b so un-cube sumtimes. concerts r way more romantic w/ ur bf stead of ur friends. yap yap bicker yap that's all u girlz do. i'm going w/ jer cuz when we're 2gether it's like magick. we hardly talk at all (wink wink).


  • At 3:37 PM, Anonymous gaius geraldus caesar said…

    Dear friends,

    Thank you for your concern, but I am not depressed or obsessed with killing. I am developing a serious interest in classical history. Unfortunately, during that time period, violent killing was a part of everyday life.

    I'm sorry you can't support my dream to be a scholar of the classics. I'm also sorry that you are not erudite enough to understand my allusions to great historical events. Maybe my dad was right about you, April.

    In any case, I will be taking Vivianne Hulten to the Audioslave concert. She's a Grade 11 girl that I met in the school library when we both reached for the only copy of Marcus Aurelius's Meditations at the same time.

    Sincerely yours, Gerald

    P.S.--I bet Grade 11 girls go all the way to third base.

  • At 3:48 PM, Blogger Vicki Simone said…

    U've changed ur thinking in the romance dept, Becks....lol. It was like 2 months ago when you an' Marjee an' me were shopping @ Woodbine Centre, an' u wanted 2 tell the couple shopping 4 rings at the Lori Jewelry store 2 get a room. They were being all kissy-face and putting their hands n each others' back pockets, so the ick factor kicked n 4 me too. Oh well...if u wanna b social, u'll know where to find us @ the concert!

  • At 4:34 PM, Anonymous Marjee Mahaha said…

    Oh, I don't know where my head is, Becky! No problem, then!


    P.S. Our seats are 4th row centre.

  • At 4:37 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    omg, ger, i don't know what yr damage is, but if u wanna start d8ing grade-11 girls who share yr luv 4 the classics, go rite ahead, & i will ask chad daniels is he wants 2 go w/us. whoev sed nething abt not supporting yr scholarly dreams? u were doing all this death talk, gah. & now u've shown yr true colours by finding another girl 2 go out w/just cuz u assume u'll b able 2 stick yr hand down her pants. bite me, ger.


  • At 4:47 PM, Anonymous Vivianne Hulten said…

    ROTFLMAO! Angelica LaSalle told me that her sister Kimmi said that dorky grade-9 boy Gerald actually thinx he can go 2 3rd base w/me! I said I'd go 2 the Audioslave show w/him cuz they're cube an' Ange is going. But if he tries 2 touch me, he's going home in crutches. Gah, that foob almost cried his eyes out when he thought I was checking out that Aurelius book he wanted 2 borrow.


  • At 5:00 PM, Anonymous Chad Daniels said…

    Dude! Well, I haven't seen much of April since I had that boy-girl overnite party 4 my b-day when we were 11. Man, that was a party! Luvved playin' spin-the-bottle an' 7 mins. in heav. w/u Apes! NEway, v. cube 2 b going 2 that show w/U.


  • At 5:30 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    vicki simone i don’t need an id. becks & i already have them for bizness reasonz. ‘sides becks doesn’t drink cuz of her mom & stuff.

    geritol. ur gonna get a disease frum vivianne hulten. jeff bray had 2 get a shot frum masher mccauley aftah he d8ed her. i heard that vivianne likes 2 wear nuttin’ but bedsheets & no panties. she callz them chiton tunics. she iz wack. just right 4u. jeff sed she acts all prissy & stuff, but she’z not.

    apeface. i saw wut u rote bout me frum chad’s post. there'z sumthing dark inside me that sayz, EVERY1 KNOWS CHAD’S A STONER. god ur such a loozer 4 askin’ him. this concert iz gonna b a big disaster like those howard parteez. that’s way cube.

  • At 5:59 PM, Anonymous marcus geraldus caesar said…

    But Vivianne! When we were in the stacks together, you grabbed my ass and tried to kiss me! Naturally, at that time I had to fight you off because of my love for my angelic April. Don't play coy now.

    April, I still love you like the stars above and will until I die, but you have to understand that I also love Julius Caesar. I feel that by rejecting my discourse about him, his life, and his wisdom, you are rejecting my dreams and ambitions. That hurts me worse then it hurt Caesar when his drippy illegitimate son Brutus stabbed him.

    I only said those things about going to third base with Vivianne to make you jealous. In actuality I still have no libido whatsoever. I mostly just like that she thinks it's cool when I compare her to Cleopatra (cleverness wise) and she doesn't get all pissed just 'cause Cleo happened to off herself by letting a poisonous snake bite her on the boob.

    And I did not cry over Marcus Aurelius. I might have choked up a bit, but no actual tears were spilled.

    Resentfully yours, Gerald

    P.S. Just in case you care--though I doubt that you do--they've lowered my Prozac dosage again. Dr. Krazenfutz wants all my friends (or, as it happens, non-friendly associates) to be on the lookout for any bizarre behavior on my part.

  • At 6:06 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    jeremy, u obvs weren't paying attention when i posted recently xplaining that i totally didn't write that stuff. my MOM did. geez, i was only nine. what nine-yr-old writes stuff like that?

    but, yeh, i guess no matter what i do u've decided i'm a loozer. whatevs.


  • At 6:09 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    ger, i so didn't reject yr caesar discourse. if u recall, i was really interested when u were telling me about sum of his speeches during lunch. i got freaked abt the blood an' guts stuff, that's all.


  • At 6:11 PM, Anonymous Vivianne Hulten said…

    In your dreams doughboy. U lunged at me 2 get that book & I had to grab yr ass 2 get U off of me.


  • At 6:11 PM, Blogger Mary Worth said…

    yeah just offhand i can think of a few odd things you've done lately. like dump ur smokin' hott girlfriend cuz u prefer a guy who's been dead for like a jillion years. what's dr. krazenfutz's number? oh never mind, i can get it frum dr. schlanger. did u guyz know that goof still calls me like every day 2 ask me the status of gerald's hoohoodilly?


    p.s. my stance on pda hasn't changed. it's ok when i do it, an' gross when i have 2 watch other peeps do it. an' isn't that how we all really feel?

    p.p.s. oh yeah i forgot the krystle an' rick song. here it is.

    Krystle an' Rick

    Krystle an' Rick
    U make me sick
    Watching u lick
    Each other's tonsils
    So irresponsible
    In front of your kid
    Wonder what I did
    To deserve this

    Today I caught you
    You know that it's true
    You were having sex
    And it was right next
    To the day old bread
    Then you said
    It's my shop
    I can do what I want

    Why mom, why
    With every new guy
    Do you get obsessed
    It always ends in a mess
    He runs away
    Often cuz he's still part gay
    Leaving you in a bad way
    Sobbing on the floor

    Not going to do it again
    I'll always be your friend
    And your daughter
    But you gotta
    Learn from your mistakes
    Before it's too late
    Take control of your fate
    And kick this dumbass guy to the curb

  • At 6:12 PM, Blogger howard said…


    I found Jeremy's last post a little disturbing. Please don't get involved with a drug addict, just to get revenge on Gerald. I've been drugged up enough times to know the consequences.

    I am at Krystle’s Kakes and Pies for the evening shift. Your mother came in a few minutes ago, and her behaviour was little odd, even for her. I need to tell you what happened:

    Your mom came to the front counter and asked what we had fresh. I said I had just made some Cinnamon Rolls. She got an odd look on her face and said, “Cinnamon reminds me of my mom. Cinna-mom. I can’t have those. It reminds me of my mother and all of the gifts she had given me, like those sponges for my sink. What else do you have?” I said we had marmalade croissants. She said, “Mom-alade croissants. No. I can’t have those. It reminds me of when my mother taught me how to cross stitch. What else do you have?” I said we had Chocolate Grand Marnier Bars. She said, “Grand Marian Bars. No. I can’t have those. It reminds me of when my mother took me bar-hopping for the first time. What else do you have?” I said we had Chocolate Macadamia Nut cookies. She said, “Ma-cadamia. No. I can’t have those. It reminds me of when my mother so wisely convinced me to discontinue my academic career and become a wife and mother. What else do you have?” I said German Chocolate Brownies. She said, “Germa_n Chocolate. Oh the hell with it! I’ve got to eat!” Then she grabbed a package of cigarettes out of another customer’s pocket, ran to the kitchen, threw it on the lit stove and said, “Here’s my tobacco gift to the sacred fire. Bring me some brownies! Now! I need to pray!” After we put out the stove fire and fed your mom a lot of brownies she calmed down, except she kept asking me if I had any bits of fresh cedar, for some reason. I just thought I would warn you. Watch out.

    Howard Kelpfroth

  • At 6:14 PM, Anonymous Chad Daniels said…

    apes, i m not a stoner! i usta b a stoner in middle school but i gave it up over the summer, i swear 2 god. jeremy's dad & my dad usta b in a band 2gether & 4 sum reason he holds that against me since his dad chose muzik ov. him & his mom. & dude, u totally smoked more than i did.


  • At 6:20 PM, Blogger Mary Worth said…

    dang is that y the bakery stinks like cigarettes?

  • At 6:20 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    howard, my mom's been fixated on g'ma marian since she told us that story this morning. i fig. it'll wear off soon, tho.

    becks, lol on the song. & ger, what becks sed! (thanx, becks!)

  • At 6:26 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    chad. kmad. ur always soddi. every1 knows ur 420. like wts dude.

  • At 6:35 PM, Blogger howard said…


    We tried to keep the cigarette smell confined to the kitchen, but we were not entirely successful. Fortunately, April thinks her mother won’t continue like this. However, I am going to keep my eye on her the next time she visits, which, if she keeps her normal schedule, should be in the next hour or so.

    The rhyme scheme for the Krystle an' Rick song is nice, but the lyrics are a little darker than your usual stuff. I am interested in hearing the tune. Are you moving to a heavier, rock sound in your music to match the lyrical content?

    Howard Kelpfroth

  • At 6:45 PM, Blogger Mary Worth said…

    the song is kinda dark i don't really know how 2 describe it i guess it's rock but it's slow an' i sing it in the real low end of my range an' growly like. i think i will mostly play it w/ bass an' electric guitar but dunc is 2 busy w/ kimmi 2 help me w/ the song so i haven't really heard it like i want it 2 sound yet.

    i don't think i'll ever perform it in public but it helps me get out some of my anger which is good cuz i don't want 2 end up punching someone out an' doing lots of jail time like dad.


  • At 6:47 PM, Anonymous chad daniels said…

    dude, dunno y u r so hostile! i'm all about the peace.


    p.s. ger, u r just trying 2 make up w/april cuz u know u r not gettin' ne from viv. loozah.

  • At 6:58 PM, Blogger howard said…


    I can't wait to hear your song, and you should consider doing it in a performance. The best music of all time was done when the composers put their personal life into it. For example, WA Mozart’s Magic Flute, one of his best operas, had loads of stuff from Mozart’s own life. Since your song is low in your vocal register, when we have your lesson tonight, we can work on letting it growl like you want, but not hurt your voice. I’ll see you after I close up your mom’s shop. I asked your mom if she and Rick could hold it down while we are rehearsing, since they were so noisy the last time. If not, I bet we can sneak over to my place. The way your mom is these days with Rick, I doubt she would notice.

    Howard Kelpfroth

  • At 7:14 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    chad. peace schmeace. every1 knows u & geranium h8 each other. we all know bout the fight u had with ger @ megafood, cause ger said caesar salad wuzn’t from julius caesar and u sed it wuz. it’s ioco that’s y apeface asked u. ger is gonna get some frum vivian. she’s ez. u shud know. u d8ed her last year.

  • At 7:20 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    btw, u all mite b wondering y i sed becks' song is funny when it's a dark an' serious song. well, the thing is, when becks sang it in h'room she did it with a total bouncy rhythm & squeaky voice w/funny sound effects betw. lyrics & totally played 4 laffs. & when i read all that which she wrote here, i heard it in my head the way she did it in h'room.


  • At 7:32 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    well, u know, gerald didn't worry abt my feelings when he made a d8 w/vivianne. chad mite not know abt caesar salads, but he's cute. heck, i'm not gonna marry the guy, just hang during the concert, that's all. but i dunno y u h8 him so much, jeremy. what'd he do 2 u?


  • At 7:35 PM, Anonymous Vivianne Hulten said…

    Shuddup, Jeremy, U don't know what U're talkin' about. No way Gerald Delaney-Forsythe is gettin' NEwhere wi'dis. Not even 1st base, lol.


  • At 8:01 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    apeface, u dunno y i h8 chad? jfc. don’t u know nething? chad iz the guy who went round school in grade 8 talking bout becky & jeff bray. he wuz the guy who rote “becky mcguire iz a roadside gig” on all the boy’s bathroom walls.

  • At 8:43 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    no1 ever told me that, jeremy, but if it's true, chad's uninvited. that's not cube.


  • At 8:51 PM, Anonymous Chad Daniels said…

    dude, i don't remember writin' ne 'fiti. 'sides, i seem 2 remember back when every1 was talkin' abt becky bein' roadside u were singing that "becky mcguire, roadside like a tire" song. shit, dude, didn't u make it up?


  • At 9:46 PM, Blogger Mary Worth said…

    well apes i guess i think "krystle an' rick" is funny in that black humor kinda way. i sang it goofy in homeroom cuz deep an' growly doesn't sound right unless u got some instruments playin' 2.

    i h8 2 say this but apes i think u should give ger a break. he has had so much trauma l8ly an' he's on these krazee drugs that mess with his brain which frankly wuzn't wired 2 good 2 start with. plus he's got this nutso dad an' 2 nutso doctors workin' on him 24/7. he's pretty much a good kid tho. i mean he's a total geek but he luvs u an' he talks abt running the bases but u know he is too chicken 2 ever do more then 2nd base over the bra.

    did i tell u i called dr. schlanger abt ger this afternoon? he conferenced in dr. krazenfutz an' dang they r hard 2 understand w/ the german accents but what parts i got sounded totally off-the-wall. i'm pretty sure they sed something abt needing 2 put ger on a regimen of "lingam massage" an' that as ger's main girlfriend i should b in charge of that. well i don't know what that is but i told them that his auxiliary gf wuz in charge of the heavy labor so xpect a call.

    u don't wanna go dating some1 like chad. jer isn't kidding abt him being a stoner. when we went 2 make out bhind the bleachers 2day (we cut study hall) we found him smokin' up back there. u don't want 2 get busted cuz u know jelly would go psycho on ur ass.


  • At 9:55 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    chad. waloc. ur a bfl. april haz known me 4 a long time & i wuz rilly mean 2 her b4. but i nevah lie 2 her, evah. sumtimes i tell april things she duzn’t wanna hear, like when becks wuz leaving 4-evah, but no liez. i used 2 sit outside the music room when 4-evah wuz practicing, 2 listen 2 her & becks. & that wuz way b4 becks d8ed jeff. so, no way i rote that "becky mcguire, roadside like a tire" song. ‘sides ur just trying 2 get evn w/gerund.

  • At 10:51 PM, Blogger howard said…


    I am familiar with the lingam massage and its female counterpart the Yoni massage, and have found them both to be quite effective. They create an intense bonding experience between partners. At least it was intense for me, but with my track record in relationships, you can take that with a grain of salt.

    Lingam is the Sanskrit word for the male parts. So, I don’t think you and Gerald are ready for this yet. There may come a time when you feel you are ready, and I will be happy to teach you the technique. This probably sounds a little, as you would say, “Ew”, but I did use some of the Yoni massage techniques on Marjee Mahaha during our single night together. She can tell you if she believes it is a technique worth learning when you are older.

    Becky and I have been in her garage taking some of the rough edges off her Krystle an' Rick song and using her keyboard to pre-record some background sounds. It’s shaping up into a pretty cube number. We stuffed a towel under the garage door to block out the sounds from the actual Krystle and Rick.

    I should tell you that Becky is a little upset with her mother. She may be composing more songs about her. Becky and her mom had a deal where her mother promised not to bring home any more “uncles” and her mom was allowed to go out on dates. But tonight, Becky’s mom had a ring on her finger from Rick and she was calling him her post-divorce fiancé, and so technically not an “uncle.” Becky explained to me the way this works. Her mom and dad got a "divorce order" over the summer and now they have to live apart for a period of at least one year before they can get a "certificate of divorce" to prove that the divorce is final. After that time, her mom can marry Rick.

    Things have also changed between Becky and Jeremy, seemingly overnight. Earlier in the evening, Jeremy called here to say he wanted to come over, but Becky told him that she can’t concentrate when he is there. I don’t know if you noticed, but Becky referred to Jeremy as her “bf” in one of her posts today. It used to be that she called Jeremy her friend that she sometimes kissed. I am really happy for her and I know you and Jeremy have a history, but I hope are happy for her too. Jeremy seems to really like Becky and he definitely supports her music.

    Becky is beating on her mother’s bedroom door now trying to get her to be quiet, so she can go to sleep. She said that if they don’t stop, she wants to spend the night at my place, so we’ll see if she is successful or not.

    Howard Kelpfroth

  • At 11:10 PM, Blogger Mary Worth said…

    don't get 2 excited howie i meant "bf" in a very loose sense. it's not like apes an' ger practically married bf/gf. it's like the "free 2 c other peeps an' keep it casual" kind.

    i got mom 2 stop moaning. well i don't know if it wuz me or if rick just made her pass out again. whatever. i'm going 2 bed.


  • At 11:38 PM, Blogger howard said…


    I don’t know why you are saying that Jeremy and you are free to see other people and keep it casual. You are obviously meant for each other. After all, you met each other in middle school, and you know that when you meet your true love in middle school, it is destined that you will be married and raise a family.

    Why did I say that? I just got the shivers. I never used to talk about you and Jeremy like that. I wonder if I am getting sick.

    Howard Kelpfroth

  • At 11:47 PM, Blogger Mary Worth said…

    u have been spending 2 much time around jelly fatterson cuz she's alwayz in the bakery. try not 2 breathe in 2 deep when ur around her so u don't get krazee particles in2 ur system. i find that really helps.


  • At 11:59 PM, Blogger howard said…


    Thanks I'll try that. Get some rest. It's a school night.

    Howard Kelpfroth


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