April's Real Blog

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Michael, Imaginary Landlord

Apparently, Lovey told Mike & Dee abt serving Melville K w/an eviction notice & Mike was all happy abt it. But Lovey sed they can appeal & all they need 2 do is fix their damage & not smoke NEmore. Then she complained she didn't wanna manage apts NEmore & was, like, "I should sell these two houses and move! You want them? I'll sell them cheap!" Then it seemz Mike went in2 this whole daydream abt owning the bldgs, & Dee was all, "'Cheap' does not exist in Toronto", & he was all, "Dreams R free." But can U imagine my bro in the landlord biz? Er, meet yr landlord, Michael Patterson. If U pay yr rent l8, or if U cause other tenants 2 complain abt U, then watch out! Yr landlord will write a scathing, "funny" article abt U & win the Nobel Prize 4 it. ::puke::

Well, my 'rents were in a bit of a tizzy this morning, cuz they were, like, what if Mike does find a way 2 buy those bldgs? They were going on & on abt how this would "ruin everything". The heck?

Apes out


  • At 9:45 AM, Blogger howard said…


    I had a conversation with my aunt Winnie this morning. She had an interesting story to tell me. She was putting out the recycling and ran into her upstairs neighbours as they were going to work or daycare, as it may be. At first she saw the upstairs neighbour daughter, and she was acting in a peculiar way. Her arms were shaking and her eyes were wide open and bloodshot. She kept on saying, “Coffee is good. Coffee is good.” She stopped when she saw my aunt and said, “Do you have any coffee?” My aunt said no, because she was kind of scared by the creepy little girl. When the mother came down the stairs, my aunt said to the mother, “It looks like your daughter has been drinking a little too much coffee.” The mother said, “No. She acts that way because she just started drinking it. She will get accustomed to it in time.” Then she was followed by the little boy. He would crawl a few steps and then fall asleep. Then he would wake up, crawl a few more steps and then fall asleep again. My aunt said to the mother, “It looks like your son has a little narcolepsy problem.” The mother said, “No. That is just because we weaned him from crying at night using an egg timer. Now his sleep patterns mimic the timer.” Then the son was followed by the father. His eyes were wide open and staring out into space. He was saying, “You know dreams are free. You know what else is free? Butterflies. Butterflies are free. Butterflies and dreams are free. You know what else is free? Air. Air is free. Butterflies and dreams and air are free. I think I can write a column on this subject: Things that are free. What do you think Dee?” The mother snapped, “Give it a rest Michael. We are not going to buy 2 houses and kick out Weed, Carleen, Lovey and Morrie. Trust me, ‘Cheap’ does not exist in Toronto, no matter what price Lovey told you. Plus you still need to quit your job at Portrait, so you can avoid just this kind of temptation.” My aunt thought it was a little odd, so she told me, and now I tell you this story.

    Howard Kelpfroth

  • At 10:18 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    man, oh, man, howard! it soundz like things there r weirder than we imagined, eh? liz, mayB we should kidnap our niece & nephew & smuggle 'em up 2 mtighooha, where u can raise them in the wise noblenorth ways?

    hm, wonder what mike's on?


    p.s. abt yr comment last nite, howard, i agree it makes no sense 2 have all those plans based on houses that rn't even 4 sale, but i think i'm in the twilite zone sumtymz.

  • At 3:30 PM, Blogger Mary Worth said…

    omg guys im not in school 2day bcuz

  • At 3:48 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    bcuz? becks, u r scaring me! i'm gonna stop by yr house after school!


  • At 3:51 PM, Blogger Mary Worth said…

    crap apes i'm not at home i'm in a car and you won't blieve who i'm wi

  • At 4:05 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    omg, becks, r u ok? do u need help?


  • At 4:27 PM, Blogger Mary Worth said…

    sorry i keep losing cell reception i m ok but really freaked i can't really say more then that rite now. more later.

  • At 4:43 PM, Anonymous Marjee Mahaha said…

    Kiddo, you've got me freaked, too. Are you sure you don't want me to drive around and look for you?


  • At 5:00 PM, Blogger Mary Worth said…

    no marjee don't bother i don't think we're in ontario nemore. i'm not really sure where we're going either an' i couldn't tell u neway but i will keep posting so u guyz know i'm ok. i will tell u that mom is with me 2 so mayb that will make u feel better.

    i can't say nething else.


  • At 5:01 PM, Blogger Mary Worth said…

    ps--howie could u go over 2 the bakery an' make sure everything is running ok over there? mom is worried that jelly mite not get the usual good service an' start going somewhere else.

  • At 5:06 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    omg, i think ecky-bay might b on-ay the un-ray w/her om-may & her ad-day! i hope if this is true ecky-bay's not gone 4evs!


  • At 6:43 PM, Blogger howard said…


    I checked the bakery, like you asked. The guy your mom hired was there and running the place. We had a nice conversation. He was cute, in a Tom Cruise kind of way. He asked me out on a date tonight after my shift at the Mayes Midtown Motors restaurant was over. I told him I would go as just friends, since I am in a relationship with Brenda Starr.

    Anyway, I mentioned that you had asked me to make sure everything was OK at the bakery and that you and your mom were out of Ontario and might not be there to take over the evening shift. He wasn't surprised. He said that your mom had already told him that she was taking an extended vacation, and that she had hired someone for evenings. So the bakery appears to be in good shape. Don’t worry about that.

    Have fun on your vacation. I guess your mother must be keeping it a secret so it will a surprise where you are going. I hope that whenever you get there, it turns out to be some place fun.

    Howard Kelpfroth

  • At 9:07 PM, Anonymous ardith said…

    Oh dear. It seems that Deanna didn't remember any of the tips I gave her before I stopped looking after the kids. Coffee for a child Meredith's age!? It doesn't get much worse than that! I really hope that your friend isn't being kidnapped or anything, April. Well, I suppose I should probably pipe down an' watch my back, now. It sounds like Deanna might be involved in something shady, with the Hells Angels or something. I'm glad I never took her up on those offers to cruise the downtown!

  • At 1:42 AM, Blogger howard said…


    No. Becky is not kidnapped. She and her mother are just on an extended vacation. Her mother is kind of irresponsible taking Becky on a vacation in the middle of the school year, though. I agree with you about the coffee though. I don't understand your other statements, but maybe April does.

    Howard Kelpfroth

  • At 2:10 AM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    becks. where r u? we were suppoz 2 meet bout the Starr party 2nite. ttyt.

  • At 4:04 AM, Blogger Mary Worth said…

    no we r not on a vacation i can't tell u who mom an' i r with but 1 think i m sure of is that its gonna end badly.

    i don't know if i will b back 4 the brenda starr party the person we're with sez we mite not come back 4 awhile. howie, mom asked me 2 ask u 2 run the bakery she sez u can give urself a nice salary as manager an' just do what u have 2 2 keep it running we trust u 2 do a good job. i wish mom had planned ahead a little better. i would of but they kidnapped me out of my bed at like 3 am yesterday morning.

    sorry 2 post so late but i had 2 wait 4 mom an' the person we're with 2 go 2 sleep. they don't really want me talking 2 peeps 2 much about our trip.


  • At 8:46 AM, Anonymous duncan said…

    Make sure u r not going 2 a goat farm, Beckers. An' I hope that u dont hafta listen 2 96.3 on the ride.

    So Ill tell Keesha the d8 is on 4 sure. She told me she wants me 2 come 2 her place aft 2 help her organize her lipstix collection.


Post a Comment

<< Home