Confession changes probability to 100%
OK Liz, I'd better just confess: I've borrowed yr stuff. U know, sum of the small stuff U left behind @ the house. A girl on the bus, who may or may not end up becoming a new good friend, sed she liked the cute hairclip I was wearing, which was totally yrs, Liz. Then I told her abt the shoes, also yrs. This girl asked if U knew I was borrowing yr stuff, & I sed "No yet", but
So, Liz, there it is. I borrow stuff fr. U. I fig I hafta come clean abt this since U read the blog & all, & the borrowing-stuff is, like, part of the story I've just gotta tell 2day. Also, I had this kreepee feeling that the kid in front of us on the bus was, like, totally eavesdropping & mayB planning on blackmailing me w/this stuff. U know how much Mboro peeps luv the blackmail!
I M soooooo pissed that Michael's going around getting peeps thinking that I killed Farley and Mr. B! D00d totally has it in 4 me, & it's all such liez! But like I sed in the comments yesterday, Dunc's lawyer's lookin' in2 helping w/me on a libel case on a contingency basis.
Thanx again 2 every1 who chipped in on the "buy April a caf-made chicken wrap" fund that Alex Love organized. U guyz put tog. a feast 4 me! U R the best! Speaking of Alex, it looks like she & Jeremy R talking again this morning. Jeremy sed sumthin' & Alex smiled, then she laffed & kinda tossed her hair over her shoulder. Jeremy looked all nervous 4 a sec, but then he smiled 2.
Becky sez her mom & Dr. Ted mite B getting serious, & that wd B OK if it didn't mean mending so many shirts!
Well, I C a teacher glaring @ me, gotta go!
Apes
If we were doing a probability study...I'd say there's a 40% chance she'll B really ticked, a 30% chance she'll B mildly annoyed, a 20% chance she'll have a positive reaction & a 10% chance she won't care.I'm afraid I had that tm Patterson closed-eye smug look on my face when I sed all this, Liz. Y the F do we Pattz do that? NEway, this girl I'm talking 2 was all, "Math is interesting this year, isn't it." Like a statement instead of a question, but whatevs. & I was like, "Totally!"
So, Liz, there it is. I borrow stuff fr. U. I fig I hafta come clean abt this since U read the blog & all, & the borrowing-stuff is, like, part of the story I've just gotta tell 2day. Also, I had this kreepee feeling that the kid in front of us on the bus was, like, totally eavesdropping & mayB planning on blackmailing me w/this stuff. U know how much Mboro peeps luv the blackmail!
I M soooooo pissed that Michael's going around getting peeps thinking that I killed Farley and Mr. B! D00d totally has it in 4 me, & it's all such liez! But like I sed in the comments yesterday, Dunc's lawyer's lookin' in2 helping w/me on a libel case on a contingency basis.
Thanx again 2 every1 who chipped in on the "buy April a caf-made chicken wrap" fund that Alex Love organized. U guyz put tog. a feast 4 me! U R the best! Speaking of Alex, it looks like she & Jeremy R talking again this morning. Jeremy sed sumthin' & Alex smiled, then she laffed & kinda tossed her hair over her shoulder. Jeremy looked all nervous 4 a sec, but then he smiled 2.
Becky sez her mom & Dr. Ted mite B getting serious, & that wd B OK if it didn't mean mending so many shirts!
Well, I C a teacher glaring @ me, gotta go!
Apes
posted by April Patterson @ 7:52 AM
27 Comments:
At 9:17 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
I thought I would tell you what happened on the bus on the way into school since you so obviously ignored it. I was sitting with Jeremy to your right, I think. Sometimes it's hard to tell on these school buses, you know?
Well just after picked you up and you sat with that new girl with the tight bun -- wow that doesn't sound right -- and cute nose, this guy sitting behind you goes, "Dude, you gotta check out my new sneaks!" and throws his foot up in the air to show everyone! The guy in front of you, he turns around and he's like, "Oh, no way dude. You gotta totally check out mine!" Around the same time Jeremy bent down to get something out of his book bag and he, Jeremy, totally got kicked in the head!!! OMG It was awful. I went to put my arm around him, to hold him you know, and I must have misjudged or something because my STUPID bony elbow totally clocked him in the head. All this after he hit his head on the desk from yesterday.
That wasn't the totally strange part. The guy sitting behind me, he totally starts freak'in out. He starts yelling, "EVERYONE SIT DOWN AND PULL OUT A BOOK! You're totally ruining my pictures! Damn this first panel has a Totally Pointless Random Floating Foot in it now!" And everyone did just that. It was the strangest thing. I was going to tell the guy sitting behind me that it wasn't very nice of him to start yelling like that, right after Jeremy got kicked in the head and all but Jeremy's like, "This happens all the time. You just go along with it."
Once we got to school, I was like, "So Jeremy," and a flipped my hair to look all sexy, "You wanna kiss before class?" and he flinches and then is all smiley. I think he thought I was going to hit him again. He was all nervous, not sure what answer would get him a kiss or clocked, and he's like, "Uh, will you walk me to the nurses office? I have a slight headache." ... I walked him to the nurses office. I hope it's not a concussion.
Alex
At 9:22 AM,
April Patterson said…
i'm so glad u 4give me, liz, i was feeling worried & guilty abt the borrowing. & xtra sorriez abt the shoes. normally i wdn't have borried shoez, but they were the s00per cute ones i helped u pick out that time. but i won't wear 'em again!
i'll take that sekrit phone # next time we talk! meanwhile, guess what? that lawyer served the school paper w/a cease an' desist 2 kill that story becks saw in advance. the principal got all freaked & told the editor not only 2 kill the story but also 2 sever all ad tiez 2 michael.
the kid who wrote that article was marshall melonloper, who's in grade 11. he sed the only reason he wrote all that stuff was that mike promised him a s00per-d00per summer internship @ portrait. when i told him that mike was planning 2 quit & mite already have, he was pretty pissed. he sed he mite just have 2 write a "humourous exposé" of his own, lol!
apes
At 9:27 AM,
April Patterson said…
wow, alex, i can't believe all that stuff was going on during the bus ride & i didn't notice! i really wasn't trying 2 ignore u or nething, it's just that this girl sitting next 2 me was asking me all these questions, & when u r answering a buncha questions, it's e-z 2 miss other stuff goin' on. but now i know y i thot i smelled foot odour, ew!
apes
p.s. jeremy, ouch! hope u don't have a concussion!
At 9:46 AM,
Anonymous said…
Theres a new black girl @ school? I need the deets, Apes!
p.s. I still think u r hott, Beckers, but what if u hook up w/ that police d00d? MayB I shld have sum backup.
At 10:10 AM,
Anonymous said…
Oh, no way. I didn't think you were ignoring me, Apes. If anything I was probably ignoring you. Jeremy explained the whole thing on the way to the nurses office, sorry I didn't explain before.
I won't be able to post for the rest of the 'school' day. My 'phone' appears to be being monitored ...
Out,
Alex
At 10:23 AM,
Anonymous said…
Dear Howard,
I wish it were Monday so I could get out of here. There is the possiblity that someone is trying to kill me, but that's just a panicky thought because I'm used to people trying to kill me. Most likely they're trying to kill The Chef, I think he has a lot of enemies. Don't worry about me though, I'll be fine. I am growing more and more curious about Dr. McCauly's knowlege about the Johnston Institute by the day.
Constable Paul Wright,
I am indeed THEE Brenda Starr. Don't get excited though. I'm simply a very, very good friend of Howard's. Just think of me as Brenda.
April,
If you would like, I will call a few contacts to put pressure on Mike regarding his story. But if you'd like you can simply use them as leverage. I doubt they'd want to publish anything Mike writes unless they're being black mailed. Perhaps that is why he and Deanna are so poor, he spends all his money buying out people and black mailing newspaper editors to publish his work. Hmmmmmm that bears some looking into.
Loves and stuff,
Brenda
At 10:42 AM,
April Patterson said…
i think u r prolly on2 sumthin' w/mike & blackmail. i'd really appreciate ne help i can get! :)
apes
At 11:26 AM,
howard said…
Brenda,
I just read your post about someone trying to kill you and I am trying not to panic. If you need me to beat up someone, just give me the word.
Nervous,
Howard Kelpfroth
At 11:43 AM,
Anonymous said…
april. i’m n nurse horbreth’s office. i got kicked & elbowed on the bus 2 skool. nothing new 4 me, but alexandra must think i’m the biggest klutz n the world. then she sed she wunted a kiss & i wuz goin’ 4 it wen she flipped her hair like a model, only modelz don’t have heavy metal hair decorationz that smack u n the head. i wuz seeing starz & then asterisks & then the planet saturn & then i saw these little clownz (not the scary circus orange clownz but gentle nonxxplosive clownz). they were pretty funny. alexandra sed, “yru all smiley. dontcha wanna kiss?” i did, but i wuz ‘bout 2 fall down, so i asked alexandra 2 walk me 2c nurse horbreth. i told nurse horbreth i had a headache, but 4 sum reason she wanted 2 check out my guy parts. sumthing ‘bout how teenage boyz problems r all n their parts. i told her no way iz she luking down there, when alexandra iz watchin’. i am resting here till i feel bettah. nurse horbreth made alexandra go back 2 class.
At 12:19 PM,
Anonymous said…
Howard,
Thank you for the offer of protection. But I will be fine, just detained away from you longer than I'd like. I've had so many attempts made on my life through out my years that I can see it coming miles away.
I am concerned however about Jeremy Jones' account of Nurse Horbeth wanting to do an indepth examination of his body. Is there anyway you can find out about her for me? Ask Gerald and Duncan if they have garnered simlar treatment from her? Does she have ties to the "Institute" or is she just in need of a firing?
BOYS, you do not have to submit to letting a school nurse look at any area of privacy. She shouldn't be looking there unless your bleeding to death and she needs to stop the flow of blood.
I am deeply concerned for the boys Howard!
Aggitatedly,
Brenda
At 12:26 PM,
howard said…
Brenda,
Please be careful and don't hesitate to call on me, if you need to. I would just die if anything happened to you.
As for Nurse Horbreth, I don't know if Gerald is the best person to ask, considering his history with problems in that area. Perhaps Duncan and Jeremy can shed some light on the nurse and her ties to the "Institute."
Yours forever,
Howard Kelpfroth
At 1:17 PM,
April Patterson said…
ok, so i asked gerald if his dad had told him anything about the "special ad hoc advisory hearing on the question of school lunch for april patterson". ger was like, "well, like i sed yesterday, the stenographer took minutes 2 enter the transcript in2 the public record. my dad gave me a url where u can get the transcripts. they shd b up by now." so i found the transcript, and i'm copying & pasting here:
Assistant Principle: Let the record show that it is 7 PM on the Night of November 9, 2005, and I am calling this meeting to order. The official title of the meeting is "Special Ad Hoc Advisory Hearing on the Question of School Lunch for April Patterson." The reason for this meeting is that it has come to our attention that Mrs. Elly Patterson, née Richards, of Sharon Park Drive, has not only refused to allow young April the $3 required to purchase our nutrionally sound cafeteria meal planned for today, the chicken wrap, but that, instead, Mrs. Patterson produced a homemade wrap of questionable origin.
Elly Patterson: I object!
Assitant Principal: Mrs. Patterson will please refrain from speaking until she is officially recognized!
[Mrs. Patterson mutters something unintelligible under her breath.]
Assitant Principal: Mrs. Patterson, you will follow our rules, or you will be removed from these proceedings.
[Mrs. Patterson nods.]
Assitant Principal: First, I'd like to begin with the testimony of Dr. Kermit Fingerlakes, of the Milborough Hospital, who has kindly analyzed the sandwich that Mrs. Patterson proffered to her daughter this morning.
Elly Patterson: What?!?! You wasted perfectly good food? And what did April eat instead?
Assitant Principal: Mrs. Patterson, you've been warned!
[Mrs. Patterson nods.]
Dr. Kermit Fingerlakes: Thank you for giving me the opportunity to report on my findings. I am certain that the parents and citizens of Milborough will be quite interested in my findings. The sandwich that I analyzed contained boiled chicken and chicken by-products, including gizzard and giblets. The chicken was approximately three days past what I would consider to be a "safe" use-by date. The mayonnaise in the sandwich was approximately two months beyond usability and contained both blue and black mold. The lettuce, of the iceberg variety, comprised both brown and yellow leaves. The tomatoes had almost completely blackened. The bread, almost inexplicitly, appeared to be a large pita bread that had been bisected and rolled in the fashion of a tortilla. It was only slightly stale. In my professional opinion, Miss April Patterson would have become violently ill had she consumed this sandwich, and would have had to be admitted to hospital promptly.
[Crowd gasps throughout the above testimony.]
there's a buncha boring stuff in the transcript, but at the end, the assistant principal is, like:
Assitant Principal: We can only conclude that there are some serious issues that need to be explored in your home, and we are requesting that you meet with a social worker who often works in conjunction with the school board. Her name is Philandrea Lake, who also has a daughter in grade nine--Shannon.
Elly Patterson: Oh, yes, April's nice special-needs friend!
Assitant Principal: Please do not interrupt, Mrs. Patterson! I trust you will make an appointment with Mrs. Lake as soon as we adjourn.
Elly Patterson: [expletive deleted]
Assitant Principal: Mrs. Patterson, that is a breach of decorum! Meeting adjourned!
apes
p.s. sorry abt the shoez, liz. i swear i didn't plot nething. i just got soooo overcome w/their cuteness!
p.p.s. that's gd news abt paul & gary & the mtig goss!
At 2:40 PM,
Anonymous said…
Dear Ms. Starr,
You should know that my friend Nurse Horbreth is an impeccable professional. She would never do anything of a sexual nature with an unwilling teenage boy.
I went and talked to her about this incident with Jeremy. She claims that she feels it was a perfectly legitimate point. In the last couple of months, there has been a rash of genital mutilations among the teenaged boys of our school. Duncan, Jeremy, and I have all been victims. Nurse Horbreth, being a consummate professional, has updated medical records on all of us, and is aware of the growing epidemic.
She asked me to quote her here:
"When 94% of the students who come into your infirmary are there because they got their penis mangled in by a girlfriend seeking revenge or in a gym locker accident, you learn to check for that sort of thing right away. They teach us in nursing school: when you hear hoofbeats, look for horses!"
Please, please, please don't get Nurse Horbreth fired! She is the only woman who has ever understood me.
Sincerely yours, Gerald Forsythe
At 3:11 PM,
April Patterson said…
becks, it was a long mtg, but i skipped ovr a buncha stuff & just posted the interesting stuff.
apes
At 4:08 PM,
April Patterson said…
hm, just make sure u don't step in the truth serum. & mayB u shd get ellen 2 spy on jesse 2 make sure he doesn't try nething tricky.
i'm @ the store working, of course. mom took the afternoon off, of course. i think she meets w/the social worker, shannon's mom, 2morrow.
apes
At 7:19 PM,
howard said…
April,
Something happened at the Mayes Midtown Motors restaurant that I think you will definitely find of interest. Tracey Mayes opened up a back room of the restaurant for a special event and she said she wanted it catered with as many pastries as I could whip up. I told her I would do that and I said, “Is it a ‘family’ event?” and Tracey said, “No. It’s an audition.” Of course, this got me excited, because I am thinking it might be an opera audition. When I brought the pastries into the back room, I saw a sign that said, “Open Auditions for Daughter’s New Best Friend.” I still held the hope that “Daughter’s New Best Friend” might be the name of an opera, until I saw your mother in the room and a long line of women gathered around her. They were peppering her with questions:
Woman #1 : Mrs. Patterson, why are you looking for a new best friend for your daughter?
Elly Patterson : I thought I had arranged a perfectly good replacement best friend for her, but unfortunately her mother is a social worker who refused to accept my word that everything in the Patterson household is perfect, except for my daughter. I have to meet with her tomorrow and I will set her straight about April.
Woman #2: Is there something wrong with April?
Elly Patterson : Aside from being nearly unintelligible, having a strange fashion sense, enjoying threatening and cacophonous music, and sometimes turning into a barely recognizable surly Martian creature, no. My daughter is normal. She doesn’t meet the Patterson standards yet, and that’s why she needs a new best friend.
Woman #3:She changes form? That doesn’t sound normal.
Elly Patterson :It does to me. You should see my nose when I have hot flashes.
Woman #4:Why would we subject our daughter to such a creature as your daughter?
Elly Patterson :Humph. Well there are the obvious benefits of being associated with a Patterson and me in particular. Of course, I will provide guidance for my daughter April, so that she can learn from your daughter the things not to do and perhaps April will speak the same lesson to your daughter, so she can also benefit.
Woman #5:Is that it?
Elly Patterson :Well, we Pattersons are known to be financially generous to our children’s best friends. This very building in which we are standing would not exist, if it weren’t for our giving money to the proprietor, who was our son’s best friend. Plus, you get 25% off any purchases you make at Lilliput’s and free dental care from my husband.
Woman #6:That sounds great, but what happened to your daughter’s previous best friend?
Elly Patterson :She is a selfish, only child, who just couldn’t break away from her destructive path of being selfish and only. We tried for years to help her, but to no avail.
Woman #7:My daughter has siblings, so that’s not a problem. What are the other requirements for the position?
Elly Patterson :In order for my daughter to learn, her best friend should belong to an ethnic minority or have some mental or physical handicap. All you mothers with healthy white girls should leave.
Woman #8:What about religious minorities?
Elly Patterson :Heavens, no!
{Mass of white mothers leave}
Ethnic Woman #1:Besides being ethnic, is there anything else you will need from my daughter?
Elly Patterson :Your daughter should be willing to put her hair in a very tight bun and it needs to be tighter than my daughter’s, so as to provide her with a good example.
Ethnic Woman #2:How tight do you mean?
Elly Patterson :{motioning to me}Roberta come over here. {I come over.} Roberta is a very ugly woman, as you can see, but her bun is immaculate. {Lots of oohs and aahs over my bun.} Ideally, I would like your daughter’s bun to look like this, but I know just how difficult it is to achieve. As long as the bun is tight, with no loose and flowing hairs, then it will acceptable.
Ethnic Woman #3:What else is required?
Elly Patterson :Your daughter must be willing to cater to the personality quirks of my daughter. April is blissfully unaware of her poor fashion sense and I do not want her to be traumatized by an ill-timed word of disapproval. Your daughter must be willing to compliment her on every part of her attire, including her hair clip and her shoes.
Ethnic Woman #4:Will they study schoolwork together?
Elly Patterson :Yes. Unfortunately, my daughter is very poor at math and still closes her eyes to count percentages on her fingers. Your daughter must be willing to overlook that and say things like, “Math is interesting this year, isn’t it.”
At this point, I had to leave to tend to the restaurant. I thought you needed to know this.
Toodles,
Howard Kelpfroth
At 7:31 PM,
April Patterson said…
::kills self::
btw, i have an "a" average in math.
apes
At 8:03 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
This has been the absolute WORST day! Tomorrow, I go back to drinking lots and lots of coffee. This "cutting back on the coffee" is just not working out for me. This morning I totally had you confused with the new girl. How does that happen!?
I don't know if you noticed but I put heavy metal hair decorations in my hair so I'd look more ethnic in case I met your mom today, I wanted her to like me. Well I TOTALLY forgot about them so when I went to flip my hair all sexy like, I totally whacked Jeremy with them. That's why he looked all woozy when I asked him if he wanna kiss. And here I thought he was, like, shy or something.
And OMG April, I'm a total perv!!! In the nurses office when the nurse told Jeremy to take his pants off I didn't turn my back or anything. No, I was like, "Oh wait, let me get a better view!" I didn't say that but that's totally what I was thinking. OMG! Unfortunately, Jeremy said he'd not do it til I left. What a ... sweet guy (prude)! And to think yesterday I was slapping him for looking under my skirt.
And I already mentioned my totally whacking phone. I asked my mom about it but she pleaded innocent. This is one I won't win so there's no point in trying. I just won't be able to post from school. The best I could do is read and talk to you, Vicki, Jeremy, and Becky in the halls/class and maybe you can for reply for me = (
Anyhow. Totally sucky day.
At dinner my mom was talking about the meeting yesterday, she asked me if you ate school bought lunch today and I was like, "I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention. I think she has plenty of change from yesterday, she could have afforded a school lunch today. Why?" And she told me that your mom stood up in front of everyone and announced that you're a farter! That she keeps school bought lunches away from you because it gives you terrible gas!!! Something about the preservatives in school lunches. You'll be happy to know though that Dr. Kermit Fingerlakes asked her, "If that's so why are you feeding expired foods and not healthy foods that are more gentle on the stomach and intestines?" Your mom, she answered, "April's young yet. Her body can tolerate the expired foods better than John or I can. We can't afford to buy fresh foods and waste them on April. We're only lucky that my precious Michael and Elizabeth is out of the house. We can spend our money on more important things!" "Such as," the good doctor asked. "Well pastries and choo-choos," your mom answered. My mom said the whole place gasped in shock and then your mom said, "Don't judge me! You have no idea what it's like living with this Martian!"
After hearing that my mom said you can stay with us if you ever need to, like, get away.
Alex
At 8:14 PM,
April Patterson said…
well, my mom obvs wants 2 ruin my life! i saw that farting thing in the transcript & it's not true. my mom's a farter. so is gramps. & dixie. but me? not so much. gah, what is this woman's problem?
apes
At 8:54 PM,
Anne said…
MayB the fumes from ur mom's farts warp her judgment...no more bran muffins 4 u, Jelly Fatterson! lol
U could give her some of this stuff. Tell her Dee swears by it an' she'll think it's magic!
At 9:02 PM,
April Patterson said…
we tried the beano 4 mom once & it made her barf! so it's like, one end or the other!
apes
At 9:08 PM,
April Patterson said…
omg, becks! u mean there's, like, hope? that stuff that dr. f. said abt the narci-whatsis soundz so like my mom. it's so cube of u 2 help like that!
i gotta ask, don't u think it's kinda weird that dr. f wants ger 2 b w/a skank? most dads r so, like, the opposite of dr. f. abt stuff like that.
apes
At 9:21 PM,
Anonymous said…
Dear April and Becky,
I talked to my father about that very question just a few days ago. He told me that he did not manage to lose his virginity until he was 32 years old. This left him with low self-esteem and all the other psychoanalysts made fun of him. So he wants to make sure the same thing does not happen to me. He wants me to be exceptional in every way. Since the average teenage boy loses his virginity by age 17, he thinks losing it at age 14 would make me exceptional.
You know, I think maybe he was so sexually frustrated during psychoanalysis school that he didn't pay attention closely enough. I think there are probably some drawbacks to early teenage sex that he has not considered. But as Dad is always saying, the scars of childhood run deepest and blind us irrevocably. Or, as Grandpa says, "Your father is a dumbass!" So I'm not going to argue with him.
Besides, Big Ger and the boys want to go for a walk in April's pleasure garden!!
Sincerely yours, Gerald
P.S.--I know, I know, not until we're 16! That's ok, we'll still be above-average.
At 9:27 PM,
April Patterson said…
that's what i thot abt dr. f being the dad of a boy, becks.
& thanx 4 xplaining abt yr dad, ger. yeah, it soundz like he's got sum dumbass 2 him. doesn't a psychoanalyist need 2 have sympathy? like, can't yr dad think abt what a girl's parents r thinkin' & feelin' insteada only thinking abt making u xceptional in sex?
apes
At 10:16 PM,
Anonymous said…
My willowy little winterblossom,
Dad's motto is, "Not my client? Not my problem." He says that if he did not adopt this as his motto, he would be "overwhelmed by the pathos of everyday life."
I don't mind. I would like to be exceptional in sex. I am not exceptional at anything else, which is why I am currently on the next-to-lowest rung of the high school social pyramid. But if I could be exceptional at sex, then I would quickly be at the top. And that means 97% fewer swirlies per annum.
Devotedly yours, Gerald
At 11:48 PM,
Anonymous said…
Elizabeth,
Boozhoo gwanaaj oshki-ikwe (Hello beautiful one)!
I read your nijiimens (sister) wears your clothes. It is good to share in your inawendaagewin (family). When young, my nijiimens wore my shirts for sleeping. I had to look in her closet for my shirts.
On Saturday, if it’s OK with you, we can go to Lake Nipigon with my kayak. We will see the Ojibwe's sacred Undercliff Mountain. There are many gaakaabishiig (hawks) and Migizi (eagles) there. Then we can explore Inner Barn Island, which rises out of the lake. It would bring me happiness to mazhiwe (hike) with you there stargazing and watching for meyagizidjig (Northern Lights). Bring your telescope.
Gawaabmin miinwa (Hope to see you again soon)
Constable Paul Wright
At 12:31 AM,
Anonymous said…
Rebecca McGuire,
Boozhoo (Hello)! It’s good to hear from you. The mumbo-jumbo is Ojibwe. It is translated. The words in the parentheses are English. If the English has words you do not know, I can explain them for you.
You are correct. A life preserver is required for canoeing and kayaking. You have interesting fantasies. It would be uncomfortable to do your fantasy, so we will not.
Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
Constable Paul Wright
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