Liz, can I live with you?

Liz sez that as every1 was leaving & she was abt 2 pack up her telescope, that Paul guy asked if he cd look thru it & she told him "Sure!" Also, "April, when he touched that telescope, I wished that telescope were me! But I'm leaving that out if I tell Mom this story!" NEway, when he was looking thru, he sed, "My mishomis* told me that every star represents the spirit of some1 who's passed away." Liz was, like, "That's a nice thought." Then, he was all, "Well . . . If it's OK, I'll walk U back 2 yr house . . . & mayB I'll C U 2morrow." Then, Liz thought, "That's a nice thought 2," while making doe eyez @ him. She sez she'll tell me more deets when she e-mails me 2morrow nite. She sez she needs Sunday off 2 think abt totally random, non-continuity-type stuff.

Well, O.M.G. If U followed the comments fr. yesterday, U know that thru a buncha misunderstandings worse than the stuff U C in really bad sitcoms, Mom, Dad, & even Gerald thought I was PREGNANT! Of all ppl, U'd think Gerald wd know better. Cuz we haven't, U know, done it. But he went all crizazee picking out namez & looking 4 jobs. & Then my 'rents got the idea that I cd B pg w/Jeremy's baby! Well, Jeremy's last comment pretty much xplained how that got sorted out, if U can even call it that. The one thing he didn't know about was what happened when Dad went out 2 get a shotgun. It seemz that while he was out, he got distracted & he ended up coming home w/a new train. My mom yelled @ him, but he was, like, "What? I can hit a teenage boy on the head with a good, solid train!" Alexandra, wd U pls NOT tell yr mom that I'm pregnant! Cuz I'm not! (Also, I wish she wdn't say mean thingz like that abt Liz, who's not an idiot!) & U totally hafta convince her that U R not d8ing me! Tho Gerald sez he's got a new fantasy now. . . .

& I still need 2 tell U about the play last nite, Mike's Romie & Julie, supposedly a modernized Romeo and Juliet. Well, here's a lil review in our local paper:

If you would like to see a modern adaptation of Romeo and Juliet, please consider renting William Shakespeare's Romeo + Juliet (1996), or West Side Story (1961). Do not, under any circumstances, see Romie & Julie, Michael Patterson's erstwhile adaptation, currently at the Toronto Little Dinner Theatre. I don't exaggerate when I say the rubbery chicken was the best part of my evening.

Not only does Mr. Patterson demonstrate a complete lack of understanding of Shakespearean language, culture, and nuance, let alone the point of the original play, but he introduced baffling changes and new material. In order to understand the meaning of these bizarre additions, it was necessary to read some of Mr. Patterson's other writing. I was unfortunate enough to read his article "Knocking on Wood, Neighbours From Hell", a so-called "humourous exposé" about his downstairs neighbours; a recent interview in The Clairion; an "Edgewise" column called "Wedded Bliss or Bedded Miss?"; a profile called "Josef Weeder, Photographic Genius"; as well as some very frightening fan fiction based on the U.S. series Star Trek: Next Generation. I have reached the conclusion that Mr. Patterson, who has somehow stumbled into a coveted position as editor-in-chief of Portrait magazine, is congenitally incapable of writing anything without introducing autobiographical elements. These autobiographical elements are all the more disturbing since they appear to constitute the writer's attempt to lash out at the people in his life.

For example, many audience members were baffled at Mr. Patterson's choice to make the feuding families the Montagues and the Sobinskis. In light of my research on Mr. Patterson, I am unsurprised to discover that this is his wife's maiden name. Another oddity was an interlude that bisected the fifth act. An actor dressed to resemble a sheepdog jumped into a river where another actor, depicting a small girl with a bowl cut, was splashing and thrashing. The dog woofs, "Reye'll rave roo, Raye!" And he jumps in, grabbing ahold of the little girl, who then pulls the dog's head under the water and shouts "Doggie breathe under water!" There is also an odd soliloquy where Romie praises Mercutio's artistic ability and nose while complaining that Julie is cold and uncompromising. Space limits preclude me from providing more instances of Mr. Patterson's Shakespeare butchering. I know it is a cliché to note that a dead author is spinning in his grave, but I'm pretty sure I can hear the actual spinning all the way from Stratford.

So, yeah, it was pretty awful, yo.

And in case U hadn't heard, Mike is now telling ppl that I killed Farley by holding his head underwater! That is such a lie, peeps, & I don't know WTF is up w/that! Look @ the stills from the documentary the CBC did abt my accident & tell me if it lks like I evr pulled that poor doggie's head under water, as if I evr cd or wd! Mike = arse! (& Becky, thanx 4 that dirt abt Mike & his lil "visits" 2 Martha McRae. That cd B v. v. useful!)

Well, I'm meeting Dunc @ Horny Tim's in a lil while cuz I've just gotta get outta that house! I was planning on getting 2gether w/Ger, but he's being so weird, I just can't do it!

Apes, not pg, not a dog killer

*OK, so I didn't know what this meant, so I checked the Ojibwe dictionary Liz told me about, & the closest thing I found was "Grandfather: mishoomis". So mayB this Paul guy was so xcited abt Liz that it came out kinda wrong?