Pet Squabble an' Stuff

So, you totally hafta read through the comments from yesterday about how Anne Nichols tricked Becky's mom in2 giving Steve an OD of his meds by spiking the pastries he was tasting. Anne was way pissed abt having caught Steve having an affair w/Mrs. McGuire, & it ended up w/Steve being rushed 2 hospital, & Becky, Anne, Becky's mom, & Howard going along in the ambulance. While they were @ the hospital, Anne called Mom, who is captain of the Sharon Park drive neighbourhood crisis phone tree. While she was on the phone, she sed, "April. Go 2 yr room. U're not allowed 2 learn the secrets of activating the casserole phone tree until U R a married lady". So I was up in my room reviewing my French notes when I heard the door slam shut & the 'vASSe start up. I crept down the stairs & found my Dad sittin' @ the kitchen table kinda shakin'. I'm all, "What's the matter, Dad?" & he sez, "Yr mom. She put me in charge of a CASSEROLE TREE. Casseroles, April. They'll start 2 arrive next door. In fact, I think it's starting already. It's going 2 B like a rain of casseroles. Or the reign of casseroles. That's a pun on precipitation vs. a monarch's rule, and even I can admit that's not sticky-out-tongue phunny."

While Mom was @ the hospital, I got a txt message from Gerald: "April, my dove, U R very emotional rite now b/c of the pregnancy loss. I will go out of my way 2 make the partygoers & our classmates aware & sensitive abt the sitch." I just abt lost it & I called Ma on her cel. I had trub getting thru, & now I know it's cuz of all the calls she was getting fr. phone-tree foax abt casseroles. When I got thru, Becky answered, & it took her a coupla mins 2 find Mom. NEway, once I got Mom on the phone, I was like, "Mom. U totally need 2 go up 2 the OB/GYN dept. & make me an emergency appt." She was like, "OMG, April! R U OK? Is it b/cuz U really R pregnant! OMG, I KNEW it! I will kill Jeremy or Gerald or Gerard or Geranium, or whoever did this 2 U!" "Mom, chill, I swear 2 U, I M not pregnant & I nevr was. BUT! Gerald has it in his head that I WAS pregnant & lost the pregnancy. Now he's abt 2 go around telling every1 they need 2 treat me special cuz I had a m/c. & 1ce that rumour takes hold every1 in town will think yr little girl has gone roadside & they'll all say it's cuz U R a terrible mother! We need 2 get a dr 2 xamine me & give us sumthin' in writing that shows I've never been pg!" So, Mom was like, "April, I'm on it!" She called me back 10 mins l8r & sed I have an appt. @ noon 2day w/Dr. Inge Babyfangfederblech up in the OB/GYN dept. We're gonna haul Gerald's baby-obsessed arse w/us so he can hear this all fr. the baby-catching dr's own mouth.

We started getting sum strange calls, like Carol Enjo calling & saying, "April, does yr mom have a recipe 4 plaid leprecaun butternut squash casserole?" & Connie asking "Does yr mom have a recipe 4 "Magic munchkin MnM sausage tangerine cheddar eggwhite kidney bean surprise?" & ea time I got a call like that, I was like, "Nope, but I doubt NE1 else does either, so U can totally make sumthin' up & no1 will know." Most ppl kinda argued a lil bit & ended up agreeing w/me.

Soon, Dad was screeching, "The casseroles! Make them stop! They're piling up!" I sed, "Dad, relax, U R freaking out the pets!" Dad cd C it was true, Dixie ran & hid under Mom & Dad's bed, Eddie howled 4 an hr, chasing Buttsy around like he wanted 2 eat her, & then passed out by the stairs. I stuck Buttsy in her cage & gave her sum lettuce 2 calm her down, & I thought she was calm enuf that she'd stay there w/o me needing 2 lock the hutch, but as soon as I was outta site, she was bouncin' off Eddie's head. So of course, he started chasin' her again, & gettin' all agitated cuz Dad was by the window whining abt the casseroles again. Then I heard Eddie slogging his head in the toilet & then I saw him shaking the water out on2 Butts, who was hidin' out in her hutch again. Yuck.

When I heard my dad outside yelling abt making the casseroles stop, I popped my head out, as Howard sed, but Dad was all, "Go back inside & take covr!" B4 my eyes even had a chance 2 focus.

Much l8r, when Ma was home, Connie was here helping her load most of the casseroles in2 the big deep freezer in our basement. Ma was like, "Connie, it's a relief that poor Anne won't need these after all, but we certainly can't let them go 2 waste!" Dad was in a corner sobbing, "Pls, no more casseroles! I don't think I even wanna know what Marshmallow Spam Enchilada Havarti Tim Balls Melt is!" Ma was like, "Pipe down, trainboy!" At this pt, I was xhausted & I went up 2 bed.

Alexandra, now I understand Y "U" seemed a lil nervous when I met "U" @ Horny Tim's, like "U" were afraid some1 who knew "U" mite come by & say hello. & now that U mention it, I did keep thinking I'd seen another girl @ school who looked almost the same, but w/a nicer nose. So I think I prolly know who U R. No, do not ask Mike 4 help w/yr English paper. He stinx @ writing & wd make U flunk!

Apes