Mom blah-blahs & Dad sleeps
As I was walking by Mom & Dad's room Monday nite, I heard Mom talkin' pretty loud. First, I heard, "Mmmhh! I love 2 travel, but it's alwayz good 2 come home." She sounded as though she was stretching when she sed that. She also sounded like her hands had gotten small & spindly & footlike. Don't ask me how that soundz, U don't wanna know! Then I heard Mom saying, "The best part is getting in2 yr own bed. No matter how comfortable the bed is in a hotel, it's never as good as yr own. . . Right?" Then I heard a pause, then a big "SSNORGK" from Dad & Mom being all, "U weren't listening 2 me, were U." That last bit was not a question, it was a st8ment. & how's Dad supposta listen when he'z asleep? Or get in trub 4 not listening? & mayB he was listening @ 1st, but he got so bored, he nodded off, eh?
Jeremy, I'm sorry 2 hear yr Mom & Chelsea Chasteté's Mom had that big fite after U & Chelsea realized U like ea other. What R U gonna do?
Jeremy & his mom and Howard & Marjee R all attending a lame workshop my Dad's giving @ the community centre 2day, on howta make balsa-wood model boats. Meanwhile Dunc & I R gonna B jammin', working on a coupla goth songz he's writing.
Apes
Jeremy, I'm sorry 2 hear yr Mom & Chelsea Chasteté's Mom had that big fite after U & Chelsea realized U like ea other. What R U gonna do?
Jeremy & his mom and Howard & Marjee R all attending a lame workshop my Dad's giving @ the community centre 2day, on howta make balsa-wood model boats. Meanwhile Dunc & I R gonna B jammin', working on a coupla goth songz he's writing.
Apes
posted by April Patterson @ 9:55 AM
11 Comments:
At 1:35 PM,
howard said…
April,
I picked up Marjee Mahaha and we are now at your father’s balsa wood boat making workshop. When we got there, your father was in the front of a series of tables with balsa wood boat kits and glue. He said, “Welcome balsa wood boat making enthusiasts. This is my first time teaching how to put boats together with balsa wood and glue, so I hope you can all stick with me and my presentation will not be too wooden.” People groaned.
He continued, “I learned the fine art of balsa wood boat making on my recent trip to Baja, Mexico, which looks like it should be pronounced /Ba-Ja/ but is actually pronounced /Ba-Ha/. I think it’s because Mexicans have such “pronounced Ja(w) bones” they have such “pronounced Ha’s” like laughter.” People stared at him dumbfounded.
He continued, “The Mexicans are a good and noble people and after I had spent my vacation making arrangements with Gordon Mayes to trade in my car, and answered my e-mail, completed the household bookkeeping, and helping my wife Elly sell her business; I was bored. I asked the hotel manager, Juan, if there was something else I should “Juan”-na do in Baja, Mexico.” People looked irritated.
He continued, “Juan suggested things like swimming, boating, fishing, sunbathing and eating fine Mexican cuisine; but I don’t really like to do new things. I love to travel, but it’s always good to do the exact same things you do at home. You could say I like to hang with the homies.” People appeared perplexed.
He continued, “I asked Juan if there was any model train building in Baja, Mexico. He said he had a balsa wood boat kit that someone had left behind when they left the hotel and I could do that. I guess he lost his train of thought, and had to re-boat his mind.” People were stupefied.
He continued, “I had such fun building my balsa wood boat, I thought it wood be good to share my experience with my fellow Milboroughans. Here is the one I built.” Jeremy Jones was there and at this point he said, “Dr. P. That’s a train, not a boat.” Your father said, “I knew it was good to have a surly, raging teenager here. Yes, that is very observant of you Jeremy. No matter how comfortable the balsa wood train is in the hotel, it’s never as good as your own model trains…right?” There was dead silence. Your dad said, “Jeremy. Were you listening to me?” There was a sound of “Ssnorgk.” And Jeremy said, “Mom. Wake up.”
Your father continued, “In front of each of you is a model boat kit and glue and instructions. While you are doing your boat, I will be here available for questions. If you get stuck, I woodn’t want you to stop because you didn’t know what things were a-boat.” People were befuddled.
Marjee and I have started on our boat, and your father appears to be answering his e-mail and completing his household bookkeeping in the corner of the room. I find the intricacy of the design of the boat rather soothing although the glue is a little messy. It seems to bond very quickly and I keep getting stuck to Marjee. It would help if the instructions weren’t in Spanish.
Howard K.
At 2:04 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, the next tyme my mom wunts me 2 do ne kind of workshop or seminar run by sum1 n ur famly, u have my permission 2 come 2 my house & shoot me dead. my mom dragged me ovah 2 the model boat buildin’ workshop ur dad wuz doin’. he talked & talked & talked. it wuz soooo borin’. my mom fell asleep & wuz snorin’. of course i think it wuz cuz she wuz up l8 tryin’ 2 matchmake me anotha d8, this tyme w/sum1 whoze mom wuz not frum quebec. u don’t know ‘bout my mom & politics. let’s just say she usedta b a liberal wen she wuz married 2 dad & now she iz a conservative. most peeps n the musick biz r liberal, so sumtymez it causes problemz. neway, she sed she found sum1 & i have a d8 4 2nite. so mom wuz tired & she wuz snorin’ loud. i cud barely hear dr. p wen he pulled out this model boat he had built, only it wuz a model train. he called me surly & ragin’ again, & he asked the othah peeps if he needed to put me @a table @the othah end of the room 4 their protection. he actually volunteered 2 call connie poirier 2 come ovah & watch me 2 make sure everythin’ wuz ok, wen my mom finally woke up. mom sed, “wtf ru doin’ dr. p? i am jeremy’s mom & i am rite here.” ur dad looked a little mbarrasseed & sed, “there’s nothin’ bettah than the protection of a mother. she iz ur ar-mom-ment.” then he left us alone. we started on the boat kit, but the nstructionz were n spanish. i asked ur dad, “do u have ne w/the instructionz n english or french?” ur dad sed, “that wud be disrepectin’ the noble mexicans who made this kit, durin’ the tymez wen they weren’t playin’ their favourite mariachi tunes or sleepin’ durin’ their siestas.” my mom sed, “if u don’t have ne nstructionz n english or french, we r gonna leave.” ur dad sed, “ic surly & ragin’ iz a famly trait. it is gud 2c a son follow hiz mother’s teachings, so well. it only took my son 30 years 2 learn wut ur son haz learned @14.” my mom sed, “do u have nstructionz n english or french?” ur dad sed, “no. the balsa wood kits with nstructionz n english or french are a lot more xxpensive. u hafta watch the boat-am line w/public workshops.” my mom sed, “can u give us personal nstruction then?” ur dad sed, “certainly, az soon az i finish my e-mail & household bookkeepin’.” so we w8ed 4 a long tyme & finally my mom sed, “let’s go jeremy. i dunno wut i wuz thinkin’, comin’ here.” it’s always good 2 come home aftah a gruelin’ seminar w/1 of ur famly. the best part iz getting’ n2 ur own house.
At 2:15 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Boozhoo (Hello).
I read your writings about your mother’s talk on comfortable beds and your father’s sleeping. At the Otter County detachment where I work, most of the people I have arrested and are in our facility do not sleep well. Your own bed is usually much more comfortable than the bed in jail. Since your mother has slept at our detachment overnight, she knows. It is a good lesson for you as a teenager, if you want to sleep well, don’t go to jail. Or vacations either.
I know when I visit your sister, I rarely sleep well there on her chesterfield, but I think it has something to do with hardly ever waking up without a new scratch or bite from Shiimsa. She is a sweet cat, but sometimes she is aggressive with her sweetness. My own bed is comfortable, but your sister is not near it. However, I do wake up injury-free when I sleep on it. Someday I wish to have a new bed with my sweet girl and the door locked against scratching and biting cats.
Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
Constable Paul Wright
At 3:16 PM,
Anonymous said…
Well, Moira Kinney and Beatrice Alfarero owe us big time for our putting up with what has to have been the most boring workshop in the history of workshops. Bo. Ring. And those awful puns! April, I don't know how you can stand it, even a little!
As Howard mentioned, we were getting stuck together. Luckily, I never leave home without glue remover in my purse. Long story. It sure came in handy today!
There was a cute guy at another table. I thought he was checking out Howard, but Howard thought the guy was checking me out. But before we even had a chance to find out, the guy ended up leaving early, in frustration, since he didn't understand the Spanish instructions, couldn't figure out the boat-making on his own, and also couldn't get your dad to tear himself away from his computer to help. Damn shame, boy was cute!
We're at my apartment now. I'm not a great cook, but there are a few dishes I can do rather well, and I know that people seldom cook for Howard, since they are intimidated by his skills. So, anyway, I'm cooking a light meal for him and we're listening to jazz on the radio.
Marjee
At 3:19 PM,
April Patterson said…
howard, jeremy, marjee, omg, i m so embarrassed 2 b related 2 john "bad punz" patterson. & sorry 2 hear he totally bored u outta yr minds like that.
dunc & i had a v. nice jam session. he kept asking me 2 sing all "dark an' goth". i did my best. dunc sez when he gets a chance, he'll post the titles & lyricz 2 the songz he is writing.
apes
At 6:06 PM,
howard said…
April,
Marjee and I had a nice lunch at her apartment. We had a nice light meal and listened to jazz on the radio for awhile. Then I suddenly remembered I was supposed to monitor Becky’s study date with Drew Fontaine. Marjee and I rushed over to Becky’s house and Becky was there. She said, “I should have known you would be with my half-sis. You spend more time with her than with me these days. You were supposed to be here to do my hair.” I said, “I am so sorry. I had to go to a balsa wood boat-making workshop for Beatrice Alfarero and Moira Kinney and it took a long time. So, how did the studying go? Is Drew still here?” Becky said, “He is gone and the studying is done.” I said, “So, how did it go?” Becky said, “Howie. I am little ticked off at you right now. Everyone seems more important to you than me. Maybe I will tell you later.”
So, I made dinner and there was stony silence from Becky. I think possibly because Krystle (Becky’s mom) invited Marjee to stay for dinner. Krystle said, “I love to eat out, but it’s always good to come home for dinner.” Dr. McCauley said, “The best part is getting your own personal chef to make dinner.” Marjee said, “No matter how comforting the food is in a restaurant, it’s never as good as your own home…right?” Dr. McCauley and Krystle said, “Right.” Becky said, “If we are going to talk about boring stuff like this, I am not listening to you.” Even my chocolate, chocolate fudge chocolate surprise dessert could not get Becky out of her mood. I said to her, “Are things all right between you and Drew?” Becky said, “Do you even care?” I said, “Of course, I do. You’re my bud.” Becky said, “Why don’t you ask my father why it is that my bud is performing at the Valhalla and not me? Why don’t you ask my half-sister why my bud has lunch with her and not me?” I said, “I don’t have time to discuss it now, because I have to get to the Valhalla. We can talk about it after I get back.” Becky said, “Why is Marjee still here?” I said, “She wanted to see my show, so she is going with me.” Becky said, “Yeah. Right. Sure.” I said, “I’ll see you when I get back.” Becky said, “If I am here. I may be out with Drew doing all kinds of things you won’t like.” I said, “I promise I will talk to your dad about why you are not headlining the Valhalla over the weekend, like we had planned.” Becky said, “Yeah. Right. Sure.”
I hated to leave Becky in such a bad mood like that, but what else can I do? Marjee and I are now at the Valhalla getting ready for the early show. TTYL.
Howard K.
At 6:14 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, omg. my blind d8 iz avery, the a-girl. i sed 2 mom, “ru kiddin’? u didn’t like this girl wen she came ovah 2 our house.” mom sed, “i think i may have been influenced by your ex-gf becky. she can be v.v. manipulative. i don’t think we gave avery a fair chance. b-sidez, avery’z mom iz v.v. conservative & she is not frum quebec. we won’t have the same problem az last nite.” i sed 2 mom, “but there were all thoze othah problemz w/avery. remembah?” my mom sed, “every1 deservez a 2nd chance. i certainly gave ur dad lots of 2nd chances.” there wuz no arguin’ w/her. i called up eva & sed, “eva. u know how i told u there wuz no way my mom wud set me up w/avery. i wuz wrong. she did.” eva sed, “omg. ur not gonna b her bf ru?” i sed, “not if i can help it. i dunno if my mom will try 2 force me.” eva sed, “i hope she duzn’t. good luck.” i sed, “thanx.” i hafta stop postin’. we r leavin’ 2 go spend tyme w/avery & her mom.
At 10:39 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, we just got back frum dinner w/avery & her ‘rents. it turned it wuzn’t just avery’z mom, but it wuz avery’z dad 2. we hadda go ovah 2 the mayez midtown motorz restaurant. i haven’t been there n a long tyme & it iz a lot diffrent frum wen howard usedta work there. it’s all bavarian now.
wen we got there mom sed, “jeremy, please xxtend ur hand 2 mr. & mrs. moglie scambio.” avery’s dad sed, “just call me moglie. my wife iz marito.” i xxtended my hand. avery’s mom sed, “u have a v.v. obedient husband, mrs. jones.” my mom sed, “oh. i ‘m not married. this iz my son, jeremy.” avery’s mom sed, “husband has passed from old age?” my mom sed, “no. he left me shortly after jeremy wuz born.” avery’s dad, “az a mboro man, our tyme iz short. we must njoy life while we can. rite, marito?” avery’s mom sed, “ur quite rite, moglie.” my mom sed, “so wut bizness do u have n town?” avery’s dad sed, “we have a leather goods & pasta bar & sum dealings w/the italian mafia.” my mom sed, “it iz terrible the way the mboro city commerce forces peeps n2 ethnic biznesses.” avery’s dad sed, “we wud have opened a leather goods & pasta bar neway. but n mboro, we have no competition cuz of the ethnic bizness restrictionz. we r makin’ a killin’, so 2 speak.” i sed, “if ur so italian, then y iz avery named avery?” my mom sed, “u must pardon my son. jeremy, don’t ask such personal questions of peeps u have just met.” avery’s mom sed, “it iz a v.v. good question & 1 2 which i wish i knew the answer. we do not call her avery. her given name iz veronica.” avery looked rilly mbarrassed.
i sed, “oh, i get it. u take the last letter of veronica & it becomez averonic or avery 4 short. thass rilly cube.” avery looked rilly happy wen i sed that. avery’s mom sed, “wtf?” avery’s dad sed, “y wud she wanna do that?” i sed, “the a-girls hafta have a name that begins w/’a’.” avery’s mom sed, “a-girlz. wut r a-girlz?” i sed, “it’s the popular girlz n skool. they all have blonde hair, r skinny, have cell fonez, & namez that start w/’a.’” my mom sed, “thingz r a lot diffrent n r.p.boire since i wuz there. all thoze uniformz did wuz 2 make the kids try harder 2 find wayz 2b diffrent frum each othah.” avery’s dad sed, “wut do u do 2b diffrent, jeremy?” i sed, “i don’t rilly hafta try. aftah grade 8, i started lookin’ rilly old.” avery’s dad sed, “it iz a fact of life n mboro. my advice iz 2 live life 2 the fullest. b adventurous & do thingz othahz wud not dare 2 do.” my mom sed, “thass gud advice. wut do u say, jeremy?” i sed, “thank you 4 the good advice.”
we had dinner & mom & avery’s ‘rents talked ‘bout a lotta bo-ring stuff ‘bout the conversative party. avery leaned ovah & sed 2 me, “thanx 4 sayin’ thoze thingz 2 my ‘rents. i tried 2 talk 2 them ‘bout the a-girlz b4, but they wudn’t unnerstand me.” i sed, “ur welcum. i hafta xxplain the weird thingz that happ 2 me all the tyme 2 adults, so i have gotten pretty good @it.”
aftah dinner, we were w8ing 4 dessert, when this strange thing happened. this gorgeous woman stepped n2 the restaurant & she wuz w/ur dad. avery’s dad sed, “omg. who iz that vision of loveliness? she is like a goddess.” i sed, “omg. it’s april’z mom, elly patterson. wtf happed 2 her? she looks so hott.” my mom sed, “jeremy, language. do not uze the ‘f’ word n fronta the scambios. also, it iz not polite 2 salivate n fronta the scambios.” avery’s mom wuz sayin’ the same thing 2 avery’s dad, xxcept w/jones nstead of scambio. my mom sed, “omg. it’s the patterson allure. this wuzn’t suppozed 2 happen again till the summer tyme. we hafta get outa here.” avery’s mom sed, “emergency. veronica, grab ur father & help me get him out.” i remembah my mom grabbed me. i wuz kinda dazed, but i knew all i wunted 2 do wuz 2 marry ur mom. that iz rilly freaky 2 rite, but it wuz true.
i kinda came back 2 my senses @avery’s house. my mom wuz pouring cold water ovah my head. i sed, “hey, thass cold.” my mom sed, “@last ur back. i thot we lost u there, jeremy.” i saw avery’s dad wuz rilly wet 2, but he seemed ok. avery’s mom sed, “we can have our dessert here. i called the mboro emergency squad ‘bout the patterson allure. they sed they wud deal w/the problem & 2 stay off the streets till they sounded the all clear.” i sed, “wut happed?” my mom sed, “apparently elly patterson went on vacation 2 mexico & sumthin’ happened there. they don’t know 4 sure wut it wuz, but this hazn’t happened since that idiot @the salon went 2 far w/hiz shampooing on elly patterson b4 xmas.” i sed, “shamp-oh.” my mom turned on me. she sed, “u haven’t gotten a shamp-oh there have u jeremy?” i sed, “gross. mom. no i haven’t gotten a shamp-oh frum an ugly, gay guy wearin’ a dress. it’s 4 girlz only.” avery’s dad sed, “this iz the guy that u girlz love so much?” my mom sed, “he may b ugly, but he iz magick w/the fingahs.” my mom & avery & avery’s mom all sighed @the same tyme.
aftah we had dessert, avery’s mom sed, “u2 shud stay the nite. it’s not safe 2 go out. veronica, show jeremy the xxtra cot n ur room.” my mom sed, “& leave the door open.” avery’z dad sed, “it’s all rite, mrs. jonez. veronica iz v.v. trustworthy. she knowz wen she shudn’t innerrupt the adults.”
we went back 2 avery’s room & it wuz like a teenage heaven. there wuz evry kinda video game & she had the cubest musick. she evn had air hockey. i sed, “avery. this stuff iz freakin’ fantastic. ur not like ne a-girl i know.” avery sed, “ur not gonna tell ru, jeremy?” i sed, “not if u don’t want me 2.” avery sed, “good. i hafta call my friendz 2c wut i shud do next.” she got on her cell & talked 2 her a-girl friendz. aftah she hung up, i sed, “lemme guess. bauhaus tickets.” avery sed, “rite.” i sed, “thoze thingz go on sale on april 1. i told duncan not 2 show hiz 2 ne1 till aftah april 1, but he haz no control & now every1 knowz. how many?” avery sed, “8. 1 for each of my a-girlz & our d8s.” i sed, “ok. if i get u the tickets, then wut happenz?” avery sed, “my friendz say i shud ask u 2b my bf.” i sed, “& if i say no?” avery sed, “my friendz say i shud kick u2 the curb.” i sed, “ur gonna hafta kick me 2 the curb. i don’t like the idea of u sellin’ urself 4 tickets. u seem like ur rilly cube & i think ur bettah than the a-girlz.” avery sed, “but i needa bf. all my a-girl friendz have a bf.” i sed, “avery. ur pretty & frum the looks of this room, u don’t like a-girl kinda thingz. yru lettin’ them decide stuff like this 4u?” avery sed, “r.p. boire iz big. u hafta have friendz or u get lost n the crowd. there’z a girl n skool who still gets lost just walkin’ ‘round skool.” i sed, “thass april patterson. she’z not usedta places w/regular roomz & hallz. if u saw the nside of her house, u wud know y she gets confuzed.”
avery sed, “i’m not good @gettin’ a bf. thass y my ‘rents r doin’ this matchmakin’ thing.” i sed, “i’m good @getting a gf. i am not good @keepin’ a gf.” avery sed, “y did becky break up w/u?” i sed, “ovah march break, eva got n2 trubble & she hadda stay n my room till we got thingz figgered out. rebeccah didn’t like eva b-ing n my room, so she broke up w/me.” avery sed, “were u doin’ nething w/eva?” i sed, “no. she just slept there.” avery sed, “i guess since becky’s so popular she can just throw away a good bf. she wuz rilly mean 2 me that nite @ur house.” i sed, “u were a little aggressive.” avery sed, “my a-girl friendz sed girlz 2day r rilly aggressive, so i thot i wud try it.” i sed, “ur a lot nicer wen u don’t do wut they tell u.”
so we played sum video gamez & sum air hockey & lissened 2 sum rilly cube musick avery haz. i wuz thinkin’ she wuz rilly cube. then she sed, “jeremy. wud i u mind if tried sumthin’ new?” i sed, “ok.” then avery kissed me. i sed, “this izn’t 4 bauhaus tickets iz it?” avery sed, “no. i wanna c if ur a good kisser. i need the info so i can make my own decision ‘bout sumthin’.” i sed, “decision ‘bout wut?” avery sed, “if i wanna b ur gf or not.” so we started kissing a little & there wuz this loud sound frum where the ‘rents were. i sed, “not again. wtf iz up w/my mom this tyme?” avery sed, “oh no. mom & dad. i hope they didn’t do it again.” i sed, “wut? ur ‘rents fite ‘bout politics?” avery sed, “no. i wish they did. they’re worse.”
but b4 i cud ask, my mom wuz n the room & grabbed me & sed, “jeremy. we r leavin’. “ i sed, “but mom. they r conservatives & they’re not frum quebec.” my mom sed, “sorry veronica, but i don’t want jeremy 2cu again. i cud nevah b nlawz w/ur ‘rents.” i sed, “but mom.” my mom sed, “don’t ‘but mom’ me. we’re goin’” avery wuz cryin’ & sed, “not again. not again.” mom dragged me outa the house. we passed avery’s ‘rents who were sayin’” we hope u will reconsider. life shud b lived 2 the fullest.” that just made mom madder & she jerked me outa the house. i sed, “but wut ‘bout the patterson allure?” my mom sed, “ovah a long tyme ago & evn if it wuzn’t we r goin’.” we were drivin’ away & i sed, “mom. wtf iz goin’ on?” my mom sed, “language jeremy. do not uze the ‘f’ word w/ur mother.” i sed, “ok. wut iz goin’ on mom?” my mom sed, “ur friend veronica’z ‘rents asked me if i wudn’t mind b-ing a part of a 3-some.” i sed, “wtf?” my mom sed, “wut did i just tell u ‘bout language?” i sed, “sorry. it just came out. a 3-some, like with a guy & 2 girlz, & ur 1 of the girlz?” my mom sed, “yes. ur father tried 2 do that kinda stuff w/me & hiz little groupiez. i am not doin’ that again.” i wuz goin’ “ew. ew. ew. mom. 2 much info.” my mom sed, “sorry, jeremy. thass wut avery’s ‘rents r like. ur not gonna b her bf.”
so, we got home & my mom iz on the fone again, tryin’ 2 matchmake me. this tyme w/a girl w/conservative non-quebecois non-swinger ‘rents. i think i am gonna watch ice hockey 4 the rest of the nite till the image of my mom n a 3-some iz not n my head nemore.
At 11:33 PM,
Anonymous said…
Dear friendly Becky flower,
I would be happy to do you this favor. You may not know this, but I am your father's very best friend and confidante. I took over that post a week ago Friday, after Orque and your father had an argument over a dice game that went horribly wrong. I'm not quite sure what happened, but your father says Orque owes him forty thousand kronur. Of course, this is a ridiculous sum and can probably never be repayed. When was the last time you saw that many donuts in one place? Never! And even if Orque paid his debt, Thorvald could never eat them all before they went stale and moldy. Though I am sure he would try. Probably Mrs. Patterson could do it, but not Thorvald.
Anyway, I did not tell Thorvald to be reasonable, because Orque's loss is my gain.
I will do my very best to get Thorvald very drunk and pump him for the information you need.
Sincerely glad to be helpful, Gerald
At 12:13 AM,
Anonymous said…
Dearest April flower,
What Becky and Drew say is true. I took about 27 personal fouls in that game. That's the most of any guy on the team. Coach said he's never seen anyone shake off blows as well as I do. I didn't tell him that I get a lot of practice at home. When I mentioned it to my hockey coach, he thought I meant that my parents are child abusers, and he called the principal. Of course, I was talking about my brother.
I hope you are proud of me, April flower! I know you couldn't be at the game because of your family obligations. Your mother seems very nice, but she can certainly be demanding.
Love always, Gerald
At 2:52 AM,
howard said…
April,
2 more successful performances at the Valhalla. It seems to be going very well there and Marjee was impressed with my performance. At least that’s what I think she meant when she said my performance was really out there. I did take the opportunity between shows to corner Becky’s dad Thorvald about Becky’s headlining. He just stammered a lot and said, “Becky-Thora’s act isn’t ready to debut at the club.” I said, “What are you talking about? Becky has been performing publicly for the last 3 years.” Thorvald stomped his foot and said, “I am her manager and I say she’s not ready.” I said, “Your daughter is not like Ragnarök, the twilight of the gods, where you try to put it off for as long as possible.” Thorvald said, “Your comment has been noted. By Thor’s mighty hammer Mjölnir, do not ask me again.” I tried the direct route, but that did not work. Thorvald is up to something, but I do not know what.
There was another mysterious thing that Marjee noticed during the second show which is primarily attended by gays. After the show, Marjee said, “Howard. Those guys in the audience want you.” I said, “Because of my melodious singing voice I hope and not something tawdry.” Marjee said, “Sorry. It’s your buff body and the shadows from the lighting over your guy part make it look longer than it actually is.” I said, “You think I am short, do you?” Marjee said, “I know from personal experience, you are not lacking in that area, however, you do not drag the floor.” I said, “Ouch. That sounds painful.” Marjee said, “Why aren’t these guys asking you out?” I said, “I don’t know. Could you ask?” Marjee said she would and she came back with a most mysterious answer. She said, “You’re already taken.” I said, “What? I’m already taken? That’s news to me. They’re not talking about my agreement to be the backup gay for April Patterson (that’s you of course)?” Marjee said, “No. The word is that you are already seeing and are serious about someone.” I said, “Do they say who?” Marjee said, “They don’t know who and I asked a lot of guys.” I said, “That is so odd, and yet it makes sense. It explains why I haven’t been asked out. Usually when I expose myself publicly, there is some kind of offer that comes later. I wonder who spread the rumour I was no longer unattached. That is very strange.”
After the show, we went back to Becky’s house, and I tried in vain to talk to her. She said, “Gerald is going to find out what is going on with my dad, since you are too busy with my obnoxious butting-in and friend-hogging sister Marjee to do it right.” I said, “I did try, Becky. Can we at least talk about how things went with you and Drew?” Becky said, “I posted it. If you want to know the details, you can read it there.” That was pretty much the end of that conversation. Marjee and I lifted free weights for awhile, but it didn’t seem to help. I really hate it that I let my bud down. She’s going to get a really great breakfast tomorrow as a peace offering.
Howard K.
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