Nothing Stays the Same
The next thing Gramps sed in our convo abt the band last wk was "I hope U're still practicing." And I told him, "Yeah. We get 2gether an' jam... But it's not the same. We were such a good band when Becky was with us." Gramps was all, "Nothing stayz the same, April. U have 2 move on." Just then, Iris was all, "R U giving advice again, Jim? ...Yr grandfather is just FULL of advice!" Then Gramps got this, like, constipated look on his face & his thot bubble over his head was, "That's because nobody ever takes any of it." Which, oh, c'mon Gramps! Here's a stepladder so U can get over yrself, cuz that's not true. Sure, peeps don't take yr "advice" when it's "Let me feed 22 kg of havarti cheese 2 Dixie cuz she luvs it so much!" But otherwise, I think ppl listen when he advises.
Speaking of advice, in the comments last nite there was a post fr. Trent Steel saying mayB we cd have a 5-person band & call it 4 + Eva. Hmmm, that's kinda cute. Thanx for the idea.
Jeremy, abt yr questionz where U asked me if Ger defending me wd B a turnoff. No, I think I'd really like it if Ger wd defend me, esp. against peeps who R all sittin' around saying I'm unsuitable 4 Ger & how only Becks is suitable (y'know like Becky's Dad, eh?). Of course, I wouldn't want him going around beating the crizzapple outta every1, like how Becks sed Pierce Inverarity doez. Cuz he doesn't, like, need a crim record or NEthing. And also, I don't think that's NEthing like Ger turning all bossy 2 me & telling me where & how 2 B @ all tymez. That wd B a diff thing & v. creepee. But thanx 4 saying the nice stuff abt Ger B-ing lucky 2 have me as his gf. It'd B nice if Ger wd say that 2 his buddy Thorvald.
And, yeah, I saw what Becks sed abt Ger B-ing 2 drunk & out of it 2 notice what Thorvald was saying, but I hope he reads Becky's comment & then is ready 2 defend me next time the chance comes up. Oh, & I hope @ least he has a strong reaction once he seez what bad stuff his buddy sez abt me. Not cube.
Apes
Speaking of advice, in the comments last nite there was a post fr. Trent Steel saying mayB we cd have a 5-person band & call it 4 + Eva. Hmmm, that's kinda cute. Thanx for the idea.
Jeremy, abt yr questionz where U asked me if Ger defending me wd B a turnoff. No, I think I'd really like it if Ger wd defend me, esp. against peeps who R all sittin' around saying I'm unsuitable 4 Ger & how only Becks is suitable (y'know like Becky's Dad, eh?). Of course, I wouldn't want him going around beating the crizzapple outta every1, like how Becks sed Pierce Inverarity doez. Cuz he doesn't, like, need a crim record or NEthing. And also, I don't think that's NEthing like Ger turning all bossy 2 me & telling me where & how 2 B @ all tymez. That wd B a diff thing & v. creepee. But thanx 4 saying the nice stuff abt Ger B-ing lucky 2 have me as his gf. It'd B nice if Ger wd say that 2 his buddy Thorvald.
And, yeah, I saw what Becks sed abt Ger B-ing 2 drunk & out of it 2 notice what Thorvald was saying, but I hope he reads Becky's comment & then is ready 2 defend me next time the chance comes up. Oh, & I hope @ least he has a strong reaction once he seez what bad stuff his buddy sez abt me. Not cube.
Apes
posted by April Patterson @ 9:32 AM
20 Comments:
At 12:01 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Boozhoo (Hello).
I read your writings about your mishomis (grandfather) again. I am happy to see you are still writing about your mishomis (grandfather) by telling another story of him. However, I do not think you are honouring his wisdom with your stepladder suggestion. His advice to you “Nothing stays the same, April. You have to move on.” This would not be good advice for my people. The more my people have “moved on”, the more aanimi (disastrous) it has been for them. It may be good advice for you. My open and honest opinion is you should consider your mishomis (grandfather’s) advice, except for feeding 22 kg of Havarti cheese to someone named Dixie. That is bad advice. If you eat too much Havarti cheese, it will affect your moowan (excrement).
Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
Constable Paul Wright
At 12:37 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, u ticked off eva again. she wuz “becky! becky! becky! i am sick of hearin’ how april thinks her band wuz such a good band wen becky wuz w/us. i think we’re goin’ ok, since all we evah do iz jam & we nevah actually practice nething.” i sed, “we’re suppozed 2 get 2getha this sunday & i get 2 play sum keyboardz.” eva sed, “jeremy, get this. wut do u think bout the band name ‘4 + eva’.” i sed, “u gotta b kiddin’. that wud make u like the star of the band.” eva sed, “u think so? i thot it wud b pointing out i am not an original member.” shannon sed, “i…thot…she…liked…the…name…the…patterson…quartet” eva sed, “no. that idea didn’t work. she mentioned it 2 her dad & he gave her sum lecture ‘bout how it wud b hard 2 tell who likes u 4 urself or 4 the name of ur band.” shannon sed, “april…haz…told…me…her…dad…duzn’t…want…her…2…have…ne…ambition.” i sed, “wut iz ur ambition, shannon?” shannon sed, “2…get…my…TIL (toward…independent…living) …program…certificate…&…b…declared…independent, 2…help…othah…peeps…w/disabilities, &…2…have…my…own…apartment.” eva sed, “that apartment part iz so u can have boyz ovah, rite?” shannon sed, “u…bet. mebbe…jeremy…can…come…ovah.” i sed, “that wud be fun, if i am still alive by then.”
i 4got 2 ask but ru doin’ sumthin’ special 4 ur b-day on saturday?
At 1:05 PM,
howard said…
April,
Your step-grandmother came into the salon today for her usual weekly shamp-Oh. She was fuming. She said, “Coward. I need a shamp-Oh and a good one. I am about fit to be tied.” I said, “What’s wrong.” She said, “My husband Jim. He is just FULL of…advice.” I said, “Advice? About what?” Iris said, “We supposed to go to the Stratford Festival Theatre in summer, and he ‘advises’ me to go by myself. I want to go to visit my kids who live in the states and he ‘advises’ me to go by myself. Then he goes on & on about how a trip to the dentist is an ‘outing’ for him so he ‘advises’ me he doesn’t need to travel anywhere else. Then when he is sleeping he mumbles about his first wife Marian. When I asked him about it, he said ‘I still think of Marian, of course, because I know she' watching over us. I advise you not to worry about it.’ It’s just creepy knowing he thinks his dead wife is watching us. I never talk about my first husband George that way.” I said, “It just sounds like he doesn’t like to travel.” Iris said, “Oh it’s worse than that. He is always giving ‘advice’. During his birthday party he had a long conversation with April, where he did nothing but give her advice. It’s a wonder she still talks to him, since she can’t tell him anything without him spouting off some ‘advice’.” I said, “Well, this shamp-Oh should help you forget all that. I am going to your favourite spot.” Iris said, “Oooh. Coward. That’s just the right place. I advise you to stay right there.” I thought you might find this story interesting.
Howard K.
At 1:34 PM,
April Patterson said…
paul, i think u got a lil bit of a wrong idea abt me & gramps's advice. & the stepladder. my pt is it's not true, & i do take his advice, or @ least i consider it, eh? i c what he meanz abt the band stuff & i know he is prolly rite. he'z wrong abt havarti cheese for dixie. (dixie is a dog, btw.)
btw, i told my gramps all that stuff u've been saying abt honouring the wisdom of yr grandparents, & he sed, "ask him 2 pass that on 2 my other granddaughter, elizabeth. april, u're the only one of my grandchildren who honours me."
jeremy, omg, didn't u get the invitation? i hand-delivered it 2 yr house like a month ago & yr mom told me she'd b sure u'd get it. i was wondering y u didn't rsvp! it's this coming saturday (my b-day) @ my house, 5 pm. can u make it? ger, becks, dunc, eva, vicks, gordie, shannon, & assorted other peeps r gonna b there.
howard, i can c y iris wd b ticked off abt gramps's "advice" 2 her. soundz pretty mean!
apes
At 1:47 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, u gave the invite 2 my mom!! no wondah i didn't get it. she iz the worst 'bout givin' me stuff peeps have given her 2 give 2 me. i am glad i asked. i'll try 2b there, assumin' mom hazn't scheduled a blind d8 4 me. evn if she haz, i'll try 2 get outa it.
At 2:08 PM,
April Patterson said…
jeremy, if u have a blind d8 & u can't get out of it, u can bring her w/u 2 the party, eh? sorry i didn't think 2 check w/u abt if u'd gotten the invite. i had no idea yr mom was bad abt getting stuff 2 u!
oh, btw, sorry eva 4 how i was harpin' on the becky/band stuff. i know my moping on that was ott & i'm trying 2 take grampers's advice abt moving on.
apes
At 3:09 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
I am so upset right now. I do so honor Grandpa! I spent $100 on those moccasins to show him how sorry I was that I wasn't there at his birthday, and also how sorry I am that I haven't been able to see him in a long time. As you know, I do not make as much as other teachers do. It is true that my expenses are low, since I do not pay rent or utilities or a car payment or car insurance. But still, the First Nations communities are not able to pay me very much. So it is a big deal for me to spend $100 on anything. That was to show how much I honor him!
Also, I specifically enlisted Paul to help me think of a gift. I told him, "I have no idea what my Grandpa would like. You are close to your mishomis. What would he like? Do you have any ideas?"
And Paul said, "Buy him some Mtigwaki moccasins. Then he will know that you honor him, and that you want him to have something from your new home, to make the distance between you and your family seem less great. That you are here in spite of, and not because of, the distance between you and them."
And I said, "Wow, Paul, thanks! That was so easy I didn't have to think about it hardly at all!" And we went and bought the moccasins. Frankly, $100 was more than I wanted to pay, but it would have been embarrassing to say I had changed my mind in front of Paul and Mr. Goulais.
Later on, I was kind of thinking about it, and I realized that what Paul said was wrong. I did come up here mostly to get away from all the people I knew, including my family. White people and their culture are so complicated and confusing that it made my head hurt. There is so much conflict. Nobody agrees about anything! The Native people and their culture value simplicity. They mostly have the same opinions and beliefs and ideas about how to do things. That is so appealing. I get a lot fewer headaches now.
Anyway, I am still angry with Grandpa Jim! Oops, I said "angry." What I mean is "upset." And hurt." Oh well, I think the best thing to do is take Grandpa's advice and get over it. And never bring it up with him. That would probably only start a conflict, which is something I want to avoid.
Sincerely, Liz
At 3:16 PM,
April Patterson said…
aw, liz, don't let it get 2 u, eh? u know gramps & his moods.
apes
At 3:23 PM,
April Patterson said…
hm, becks, can i come over? :)
apes
At 4:42 PM,
howard said…
April,
I agree with Becky. The view in her workout area is fine and Becky is drooling a little, but who can blame her. Certainly not I. I think I am going to look forward to Drew coming over here. Your boyfriend Gerald is in fine shape also. Now that I think about it, Becky did position the versaclimber so you have a clear view of the free weight area while you are using it and she does seem to be on the versaclimber every time I am lifting. You don’t think she was looking at my butt, do you? If so, should I feel cheap or feel flattered? Well, I can do both quite well.
Krystle (Becky’s mom) told Becky she would be more than happy for Drew and Gerald to work out here as often as they want. Now they are both drooling a little. I think it’s an odd kind of mother-daughter bonding experience for them. If you come over, April, you can have supper with Becky. I am already making something for Drew and Gerald, but I won’t be able to stick around and eat with you, because I have to go to the Valhalla for my evening shows.
Howard K.
At 5:00 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, i checked w/my mom ‘bout the nvite. she sez, “oh yeah. i remembah i wuz gonna give that 2u.” the nvite iz rilly pretty cube. it’s got a pic of u playin’ the guitar, a pic of u playin’ tennis or racquetball (i dunno which 1 cuz the racket is outa the frame), and a pic of u wearing a midriff-baring outfit n which u luk hott, evn tho u have a kinda strange xxpression on ur face. my mom saw the nvite & sed, “thass april?” i sed, “yes. mom.” she sed, “thass strange. her mom only seemz 2 show pictures of her frum when she wuz youngah.” i sed, “april complainz ‘bout that all the tyme.” my mom sez it’s ok 4 me 2 go 2 ur partee & she iz not gonna schedule a blind d8 4 me, cuz she iz sure my blind d8 2morrow will go so gr8, i will have a new gf 2 take 2 ur partee. so i will prolly b comin’ alone.
At 5:56 PM,
April Patterson said…
i'm having dinner w/becks, drew, & ger. howard's food is delish as alwayz. howard, i dunno if the view fr up on the versaclimber is a butt-view of the w8s, but the w8s have a def. butt-view of the versaclimber. i know this cuz i did a bit of w8s while ger took his turn up on the vc.
jeremy, that's cube abt u being able 2 make it 2 the party. glad u liked the invite. my mom totally wanted me 2 use sum lame toddler pix, but i got 2 overrule her cuz it's my b-day!
apes
At 7:49 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, i am glad u got the nvites the way u wanted them & ur mom backed down 'bout the pics. u luk gr8 n thoze pics.
i swear this is the weirdest thing. i have been pickin’ orange cat fur off my clothez. i have no idea where it came frum.
today @the drama club in the cafetorium, we hadda work w/the fog machine 4 the 1st tyme. mr. mirabell wunts big tyme fog 4 the scenes w/the 3 witches, cuz they talk ‘bout fog n their linez or sumthing like that. i got the fog machine goin’ & it wuz doin’ the kinda fog my dad liked when he wuz n his “i’m bettah than garth brooks phaze.” it wuz ‘bout up 2 peeps kneez. well, mr. mirabell started yellin’ 4 more fog & more fog, till i got tired of hearin' it & just cranked the fog machine 2 full blast. then mr. mirabell sez, “thass perfect. keep it rite there.” the only problem wuz it wuz up past peeps necks & it iz hard 2 breathe & the 3 witches were chokin’ 2 much 2 say their linez & u cud hardly c nething. i knew i hadda turn the fog machine down & mr. mirabell wuz screamin’ @me, “no. no. keep it where it iz.” i sed, “the witches can’t breathe.” & mr. mirabell sed, “it adds 2 the drama.” neway, i decided i didn’t wanna choke peeps 2 death, so i cut it down neway. then i got knocked 2 the floor hard & i wuz c-ing starz. @1st i thot it wuz mr. mirabell, cuz he wuz gettin’ rilly mad hiz fog wuz goin’ away, but then i saw there wuz this girl on top of me. she sed, “sorry. i cudn’t cu4 the fog.” & she got up kinda mbarrassed, prolly cuz it looked like 4 a minute like we had been doin’ sumthin’.
neway, i told mr. mirabell, i wuzn’t gonna do that much fog again & i think he haz backed down. i gotta big knot on my head frum where i hit the floor. but the strangest thing iz this orange cat fur. i have no idea where i got it. mebbe there'z cats in the cafetorium wen we aren't there 4 skool.
At 7:52 PM,
April Patterson said…
jeremy, thanx 4 the nice comment abt the pix. wow, that mirabell guy soundz crayzee!
orange cat fur, eh? dunc sed sumthing abt zandra larson having an orange cat who's b-ing v. sheddy l8ly.
apes
At 8:22 PM,
April Patterson said…
becks, sure, drew is welcome @ the party!
apes
At 8:45 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, zandra larson? who iz that & y wud she bring a cat 2 drama club? i didn't c a cat there, but i cud have missed it n the fog.
At 9:10 PM,
April Patterson said…
jeremy, zandra larson is the z-girl in drama club who's playing lady macbeth & who dunc gave those sisterz of mercy tix 2, remember? the onez u got but didn't know who u were supposta give 'em 2?
i dunno if she brot her cat 2 dram club, but dunc mentioned the cat's been shedding a whole lot & zandra complained abt having 2 get orange fur offa her clothez fr. the shedding. mayB it just got transferred sumhow?
apes
At 10:04 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, ok. i remembah her now. lady macbeth iz zandra, eh? that mite help me tell her apart frum thoze othah z-girlz. it’s been awhile since i thot ‘bout thoze sisterz of mercy tix. u sure do a gud job of keepin’ up w/peeps. ru & zandra like gud friendz, cuz u hang ‘round w/dunc all the tyme?
At 2:47 AM,
howard said…
Becky,
I know that given my track record on relationships I am hardly one to give advice on maintaining one long term. My most recent longest term relationship was with Brenda Starr and there were definitely some superficial aspects to it. Brenda and I never spoke about politics or spirituality, but we did discuss plastic surgery surprisingly often. Given Brenda’s advanced age, this should not be a surprise.
However, speaking from a male perspective, Drew probably already thinks you are hanging out. When you posted your conversation with him early today, you said he was already using terms of endearment like “babe” and “sweetie.” If you want to have conversations on politics or spirituality or poorly done rhinoplasties; you may have to introduce the topic yourself. Boys are notoriously known for being much more the pointing and grunting type of creatures than the talking and nurturing kind of creatures, at least the big muscular ones I like are often like that. You may be considering me or your father as examples of the typical male, but I assure you that your father and I are quite a bit more loquacious than the average male. Frankly I think the whole idea that your boyfriend has to be your best friend you can talk to about everything is overrated. If you want good conversation, you should stick with your girl friends or your gay friends and let your boyfriend do what he does best, which isn’t talking. Drew is a sweetie, though, so if you try to get him to talk, I am sure he will do his best.
Howard K.
At 3:50 AM,
howard said…
Becky,
When I say “let your boyfriend do what he does best” that doesn’t mean just sex, even though that may be what you are thinking about with Drew and I don’t blame you. He looks yummy. Big muscular guys are usually good for fixing things, or lifting things, or for leading when you dance, or taking out the trash, or killing that thing with the sharp and possibly poisonous teeth that got in the garage, or for holding you in their strong arms and making you feel safe. Of course, none of my boyfriends ever did any of those things, so I may be confused on the matter. I was always the one killing/capturing (if possible) those garage animals.
As for my being your true love and fate bringing us together, there may be some truth to it, but it sounds more like something April’s sister Elizabeth would say than you. In any case, the idea of your gramma Eulalie or April’s grandma Marian watching over us, creeps me out. I will admit I would have never thought my best bud would be a teenage girl, so there may be something to the series of unusual coincidences that brought us together last summer. On the other hand, I wouldn’t give up on Drew. He is so cute, Becky. I would enjoy him for as I long as I could, then if it doesn’t work out, you will always have me to fall back on for conversation.
Howard K.
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