Aw, Dude, ANTHONY?
When I came downstairz 4 brekkie 2day, Dad was on the phone w/Mike. U know the partz I've already told U of this "Dad goez 2 Mayes Midtown Motorz 2 trade in the car U thot he'd already traded" story? OMG, I had 2 hear them all. over. again. But this time w/a whole lot of "Isn't that great, Mike?" kinda stuff. Then he got 2 the next part he hadn't told me, yet, and I totally didn't even wanna know, but Dad was totally using his OUTDOOR VOICE 2 tell this story. He was, all,
An anonymous poster left this suggestion in yesterday's comments: "know what would be fun? If for a goof you started flirting with Anthony. His marriage is a wreck anyway, and you could totally mess with the heads of the whole family." Hm, whattaya think? Wd this B funny? I cd go 4 sum funny, & I'll bet lotsa ppl cd. But I'd hafta make sure Ger was OK w/this joke.
Well, gotta motor!
Apes
"So, Mike, I was standing there looking @ the sedan Gordon had left me with. Gordon! what a gr8 guy! Then, I heard a familiar voice say, 'John! U bout a new car!' It was Anthony! And I told him, 'Not yet. I'm just test driving her. She'z a nice little machine, tho, Anthony. I'm tempted!' And Anthony said, 'I can C Y!' Then, Anthony asked, 'Got time 4 a coffee? We put in a self-service station 2 speed thingz up a little.' Then, Mike, the joke was on us, because there was a row of those self-serve machines, each with a different type of roast indicated on top, and a list of flavours 2 choose from down the front. And on a sign, there were a list of silly coffee and tea names that gave me a distinct feeling of déjà vu 4 the coffee offerings @ the restaurant in the Spigott bldg where I have my practice! Sum1 in this town seemz 2 think specialty coffeez & teaz R funny. 4 xample, sum of the optionz @ this self-service station were excremeo, javalava, mocaroca, queenbean, and lotsafroth. The optionz listed on the fronts of machines were vanilla, hazelnut, mocha, amaretto, and RUM, Michael! RUM! I had a vanilla mocaroca and Anthony had a rum javalava. I didn't ask. So, let me tell U the next thing that happened, my boy! What's that? Oh, U have 2 run off? Well, that's OK, I'll fill U in with more detailz l8r! Take care! Kisses 2 Dee and the kidz!"Like my title sez, aw, dude, ANTHONY? Yeah, I know he worx 4 Gordo, but, aw, geez, no. And BTW, what is it w/guyz referring 2 carz as "she"? If yr vehicle ain't got a vulva, then shut up w/the "she" stuff, eh?
An anonymous poster left this suggestion in yesterday's comments: "know what would be fun? If for a goof you started flirting with Anthony. His marriage is a wreck anyway, and you could totally mess with the heads of the whole family." Hm, whattaya think? Wd this B funny? I cd go 4 sum funny, & I'll bet lotsa ppl cd. But I'd hafta make sure Ger was OK w/this joke.
Well, gotta motor!
Apes
posted by April Patterson @ 7:53 AM
25 Comments:
At 9:02 AM,
howard said…
April,
I should mention that the queenbean is very popular in the Milborough gay community as it is a blend especially created for the gay palate by the "For Gays By Gays (FGBG)" company or Fug Bug as it is affectionately called. It also has a much cruder nickname, that you can no doubt guess.
By the by, it is not my favourite coffee. It is too limp-wristed for my taste.
Howard K.
At 9:08 AM,
Anonymous said…
april, still test driving, eh? i will be looking out for him and so will dirne. i may hafta go ovah 2 mayes convenience store 2 get sum of that rum coffee.
i dunno y ne1 wud think u flirtin' w/anthony wud b funny. it wud b v.v. creepy 2 me. also callin' vehicles a girl iz a kinda guy thing. i catch myself doin' that sumtymez wen i am fixing sum sound equip & i kinda talk 2 like a girl. it's weird, but not that unusual 4 guyz.
At 9:17 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Boozhoo (Hello).
I read your writings about your father talking to your brother about his friend Anthony discussing coffee. I am sure your father is exciting about nothing over the Rum. It is probably a Rum flavouring and not actual Rum alcohol, which cannot be legally dispensed in a serve yourself coffee station in a convenience store. To be on the safe side, you should probably avoid the Rum selection if you go there.
Your anonymous writer has made a very poor suggestion. If this Anthony is the one I think your sister has told me about, then he is married and has a child. Flirting with a married man is not a good idea for you or anyone else. Please do not take this suggestion.
Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
Constable Paul Wright
At 9:17 AM,
duncan anderson said…
Jer, d00d, dont waste $ on the rum coffee. Ive already tried it. Its not rilly rum its sum crap fake flavouring.
L8r.
At 9:21 AM,
April Patterson said…
yeah, i don't think i'll actually flirt w/anthony, mostly cuz he kinda makes my skin crawl & i'm not that good @ acting, iykwim!
it figz abt the bad rum flavouring!
apes
At 9:23 AM,
Anonymous said…
duncan, good advice 'bout the rum coffee. now that i think 'bout it, i prolly shud not go newhere near mayez. there mite b othah peeps than dr. p that wanna go on test drives w/surly teenz. i'll stick w/starbucks.
At 9:42 AM,
duncan anderson said…
Hey, Apes, I dont pay enuf attention sumtimes but I think that Granthony an' his wife r ovah I keep c-ing that Quebecoise woman whenevah I go 2 my lawyers office. I wldnt flirt w/ that d00d Im not in2 guys NEway but if I was a girl I wldnt flirt w/ him. If he doesnt take u seriously he mite tell other peeps abt it an' sum1 mite call child welfare or yr 'rents an' then u wld hafta c a psychotrist. If he takes u seriously hed b trying 2 stop Ger fr "going after" u an' u wld have a pervy new BF. Lose/lose IMO.
L8r.
At 10:22 AM,
April Patterson said…
omg, u r rite, dunc! i'd better keep my distance fr. him!
apes
At 1:11 PM,
howard said…
April,
It is interesting that Duncan mentioned Anthony’s wife Thérèse, at least I think that’s who he is mentioning when he refers to the Quebecoise woman. As you may remember, Thursday is when the Quebecoise women come into Sugar’s salon. Usually they are in a pretty bad mood, but yesterday was an exception. Thérèse said, “Howard. I am feeling superbe and I am in ze mood for ze shamp-Oh.” I said, “Why are you feeling so good?” Thérèse said, “I went by ze new convenience store at ze Mayes Midtown Motors.” I said, “And what happened there?” Thérèse said, “Zey have all ze kinds of coffees you can choose from.” I said, “And…?” Thérèse said, “Zere eez a particular bland vanilla flavouring you can put een ze coffee. I had committed to eet long ago. But ze taste of eet soured very queeckly. Finalement, I decided to separate from zat flavour and try somezing new. Ze new coffee flavour eez so much bettaire zan my old vanilla. Eezn’t zat vrai, mes amiesz?” The Quebecoise women all laughed. I am not what she was saying, but if you ever go to the convenience store at Mayes Midtown Motors, you should probably avoid the vanilla flavour.
Howard K.
At 1:51 PM,
April Patterson said…
mayB she meant that anthony'z like plain ol' vanilla, eh?
apes
At 1:54 PM,
howard said…
April,
That may be so. You should probably avoid both at Mayes Midtown Motors.
Howard K.
At 1:56 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, dirne iz rilly gettin’ n2 the porter part frum the drama club production of mac…the scottish play. @lunch, she wuz sayin’ the linez 4 almost ne kinda reazn. she sed, “wut 3 thingz duz this chicken wrap especially provoke?” i sed, “i dunno.” she sed, “marry, sir.” then she stopped & sed, “thiz duzn’t mean i wanna marry u. but of course, if i did wanna marry u, it iz way 2 early n the relationship 2 say it. no, marry is a word which expresses amused or surprized agreement.” vicki sed, “soundz like marriage 2 me.” dirne laffed & sed, “ur so funny, vicki.” then she sed, “marry, sir, this chicken wrap provokes nose-paintin’, sleep, & urine.” then she stopped & sed, “nose-paintin’ iz not actually paintin’ a nose. it iz rhinophyma, which iz the medical term 4 redness of the nose caused by excessive drinking, not by eatin’ chicken wraps.” shannon sed, “not…unless…u…count…chicken…wraps, april’s…mom…makes.” we all laffed @that 1. then dirne sed, “shakespeare also referred 2 rhinophyma n henry iv part i, wen falstaff tells bardolph–in act iii, scene iii–that hiz red nose looks like a lamp.” eva sed, “wow! ur rilly n2 this. ru gonna put red makeup on ur noze?” dirne sed, “i wud hafta ask mr. mirabell ‘bout it, but i don’t think he wud have a problem w/it. he likes authenticity.” shannon sed, “ru…gonna…uze…a…designer…red…makeup?” dirne sed, “well i hafta uze a red colour that matches my skin tone & won’t make me break out.” eva sed, “that wud b so cube. i can’t w8 2c it.” dirne sed, “the porter iz not a big part. she’z only n 1 scene.” shannon sed, “mebbe…i…can…get…my…mom…2…let…me…go…c…it. she…mite…think…shakespe…are…iz…2…hard…4…me…2…unnerstand, but…if…i…tell…her…‘bout…the…red…nose, she…mite…lemme…go.” thass how lunch went. lots of shakespeare & chicken wraps.
At 2:17 PM,
April Patterson said…
lol abt the chicken wraps my mom makes! shannon has a "wicked" sense of humour. 4tun8ly, my mom is afraid not 2 give me lunch $ whenev chicken wraps r on the menu, after what happed that one time.
howard, u r prolly rite abt avoiding gordo's dealership & vanilla coffee. & anthony.
apes
At 6:17 PM,
howard said…
April,
Becky takes over the shows at the Valhalla tonight, so it is kind of a night off for me, except for the usual making Krystle McGuire’s (Becky’s mom) and Dr. McCaulay’s dinner, cleaning up the mess that Drew Fontaine left when he worked out after school, replenishing the naked fruit juice supply from Drew and Becky drinking it all in one day (mainly Drew, but Becky drinks a lot of it too), doing Drew's laundry, and getting out of the house before Krystle and Ted start making their love noises and thus making staying in the house pretty unbearable.
Since I can’t get any gay guys to go out with me and yes, I have resorted to asking them, Marjee Mahaha said she would take pity on me and go with me to see a movie. Marjee wants to see Friends with Money starring Jennifer Aniston, Joan Cusack, Catherine Keener, and Frances McDormand. Simon McBurney who plays McDormand's husband, is supposedly a little confused about his sexuality, so there might be something of interest to me.
Howard K.
At 6:30 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, wen we went thru act iii str8 2day, i thot u did gr8 playin’. dirne wuz glad we didn’t do her scene cuz she iz kinda nervous 2 get n fronta mirabell. she thot he wuz pretty hard on mosta the actors 2day. i think he got duncan upset wen he kept yellin’ @him 2 stop breathin’ wen he wuz dead. it’s kinda hard 2 do, so i tried 2 help him by litin’ him a little darker. of course it didn’t help wen brent luggsworth kept on sayin’ “he’s breathin’ again” 2 mirabell. i dunno wut’s wrong w/that guy.
neway, 2nite, i am takin’ dirne 2c justin rutledge @the rivoli. we r actually celebr8in’ 3 weeks 2getha. can u b-lieve it?
At 8:29 PM,
April Patterson said…
hey, jeremy, dirne, congrats on 3 wks. i m writing this fr. the dbl-d pizza place where i'm having dinner w/ger. i'm glad u liked my playin' @ the rehearsal. yeah, i cdn't b'lieve brent luggy. dunc was, like, "i don't think king duncan'z even really supposta b onstage when he'z dead." but mirabell was all, "who's the xpert?"
howard, lemme know if u like the movie so ger & i can d-cide if we wanna go c it soon!
apes
At 8:31 PM,
Anonymous said…
April! It's so funny that you're at the Double-D Pizza place. Howard and I just got out of the movies and he was just saying he feels like "slumming it at a pizza joint." We're on our way over there now!
Marjee
At 9:39 PM,
Anonymous said…
Constable Paul Wright, in my opinion, flirting with a man for a goof is no worse then checking up on and blogging on a 15 year old girl's web site, especially if you only know them through the woman you're dating. . . Kind of creepy.
At 11:29 PM,
howard said…
Anonymous person,
Boozhoo (Hello).
I read your writings about my checking up and blogging on my girlfriend's sister's Blog. I value your opinion as a fellow human being, even though you are going by the very suspicious name of Anonymous. I will ask my sweet girl whether she thinks it is creepy. I doubt she will, since it was her idea. She thought it would be an excellent way for me to get to know her family. However, if my sweet girl or her sister April share your opinion and think it is creepy, then I will cease and desist. I would not want to do anything that would offend either of them or tarnish the reputation of the Ontario Provincial Police.
Constable Paul Wright
At 12:13 AM,
howard said…
April,
Dinner with you and Gerald was interesting. I was a little surprised that Gerald was so interested in Marjee’s and my description of the vibrato scene in the movie Friends with Money. Gerald seemed to be very disappointed when I told him the movie was rated R. The movie was a little too much about sisterly relationships for me. One of the husbands was possibly metrosexual or ambiguously gay, but not enough to satisfy my particular tastes. The story is probably a little too much married woman life for you to enjoy it. Not only that, but it is married Los Angeles woman life, which is really a very different place than Milborough.
I do enjoy the Double-D Pizza place with its marvelously tacky interior design that has many, many pictures of women on its walls overlaying their breasts with different kinds of pizza. It takes some courage to be so brazen in their double-entendres or should I say double-D-entendres. The pizza is nice and greasy, just the way pizza should be. Bad for you, but tastes so good.
I hope Gerald was not too upset when Marjee challenged him to arm-wrestling and beat him. Marjee has really been working out lately, and I doubt I could beat her in arm wrestling either. Actually I didn’t beat her. Marjee was in a pretty aggressive mood tonight. She said if I beat her in arm wrestling she would make me dessert and if I beat her in arm-wrestling, I would make her dessert. Of course, the fact I prefer my dessert to her dessert, might have swayed the outcome of the wrestling a little.
Howard K.
At 1:14 AM,
Anonymous said…
Constable Paul Wright, Boozhoo to you too,
You personally don't think it's kind of odd for a grown man to read and comment on a daily basis to an underage teenager's blog you hardly know?
-Now I don't personally know you, but if you're a good enough man to make it as a L.E.O. off in the wilderness of Canada there should be nothing to be afraid of. -But honestly, if we didn't know that you were a cop or dating her sister (or even dating her sister!) don't you, seriously now, as a officer of the law, find it a bit odd to be checking up on a tween's blog?
What would _you_ as an offcer of the law think if some grown adult, who has never met the underage girl, was reading and commenting on a daily basis, Trying to be "friendly"? Honestly? I read stories about these people on MySpace who do horrible things to kids pouring their hearts out online. And Kids are far more likely to be abused from someone who is in the family. . .
Just trying to look out for my friend.
Yours in Christ,
Anonymous person
At 1:34 AM,
Anonymous said…
Anonymous person,
Boozhoo gitwaam (Hello again).
You have some valid points. As I wrote before, I plan to ask my girlfriend and her sister what they think of my reading their writings.
However, your points are undermined by remaining anonymous and calling yourself as a friend to April. I guess you are the same anonymous person who wrote to April yesterday and suggested she should start flirting with a married man as a goof. If I examined your writings and mine, as an officer of the law, I would be more concerned about yours, particularly if your real name is Anthony Caine.
Constable Paul Wright
At 2:24 AM,
Anonymous said…
Constable Paul Wright, Boozhoo gitwaam,
I would think valid points would be valid regardless of my name, and the fact that you respond so quickly to this blog in fact, faster than APRIL does, proves you stop by a lot. Again, if it was some other guy reading this blog as often as you do, wouldn't that be another reason to think, hmmmm. . .
And yes, I _suggested_ that she flirt with Anthony as a _goof_. Which means, it could be it *could* be funny considering he likes Liz. But then maybe it's not. Who knows, it's up to April. It's just a *suggestion* I could suggest we go smoke, I could suggest we steal stuff. I could suggest we study homework more, I could suggest we take Eva into our band, I could suggest a lot of things, but it makes them nothing more than suggestions. And the responsibility remains on April to make the right choice.
But I'll have to admit, I think it's funny as all outdoors that you think I'm Anthony.
Jesus loves you.
Yours in Christ,
Anonymous person
At 3:01 AM,
Anonymous said…
Anonymous person,
Your other supposed “suggestions” show where your true interest lies. As a minor, the Crown will not consider it April’s responsibility to have made the right choice, if in fact she makes the wrong one, but the adult writing anonymously who persuades her to steal stuff or go smoking together or whatever other illegal activities you have in mind. You may rest assured that your religious epithets will not save you if you are caught by the Ontario Provincial Police in these activities. I have called Officer Luggsworth of the Milbourough Police to let him know of your interests in April Patterson. Rest assured he will take your “suggestions” seriously.
Constable Paul Wright
At 3:26 AM,
Anonymous said…
Constable Paul Wright,
Boozhoo gitwaam!
My other suggestions also included that we should study more, and maybe hire talent instead of stuck up people who want to drag us down.
I was simply stating that choices come to people, either good or bad.
YOU on the other hand, seem to keep a close eye on April blogging as quickly as you do. Which makes me more interested in your true intentions. As I know it, you traveled all the way up to another area to meet someone you hardly know to maybe get a date?
Now, as simply a third party, how would you feel about someone travling to another person that they didn't know on the basis of trying to get to know them better? I think a Stalker, er, FAN of David Letterman did that once... It dosn't seem like a stable person would do that.
And as much faith as I have in the Law, wasn't it a group of Law Enforcement Officers that beat down Rodney King?
Now I'm not saying anything is going on, but so far the facts are this:
I was saying for fun, it would be interesting to hit on this guy that we know likes Liz. April's mature enough to decide on her own if it's fun or stupid.
YOU on the other hand, traveled across country to meet someone you never met, to hit on them, and to get a date out of them. And now you're looking at the blog of their sister that you never met, seem to be reading it with great interest, and responding to that underage girl on a daily basis. And actually, an HOURLY basis based on these previous posts.
Again, I'm not saying there's anything going on, and you're probably on the up and up.
I just thought on a whim it would be fun to goof on someone as a prank.
You were probably young once, right? Having fun, remember that? What's wrong with a harmless flirt?
It's not like it would amount to a grown man talking to an underage girl trying to be friends with her. . . right?
Jesus loves you,
Anonymous person.
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