"Eva" Fits on the Drum Kit
K, so whoev bet $ that our band was gonna B renamed 2 "4Evah and Eva", U all can collect! I dunno, I was kinda warming up 2 the idea of a whole new band name, but Ger'z like really fixated on not having 2 change the lettering on hiz drumz much. Poor Eva was so flattered when he suggested "4Evah... and Eva" after our rehearsal 2 Saturdayz ago. She waz all, "R U serious? U'd put me in the title?" And Ger deflated her a bit when he was all, "Yeah!!! --It fits on the drum!" Me, I'm not sure Y I was all, "Good 1" when Ger sed the new band-name. It's not like this "new" name hasn't been floatin' around since when I had that convo w/Gramps @ his b-day celebration an' got st00pidly angsty abt having 2 change the name if we got a 5th member. Actually, I still don't know Y the name "4Evah" even hasta B a ref 2 the # of ppl in the band, since it's really just a nother way of writing the word "forever". Gah, every1 is so literal in Mboro. I blame my 'rents an' their puns.
So NEway, after we'd played, Ger told Luis that our playing had been "amazing" (there'z that word again) & that he'z "1 hot musician". I don't think Ger was flirting w/him when he sed that. Luis was all, "Thanx, man. I do my best." When he sed "man" I cd C Eva beaming @ him. And Ger let out a big "Woooh" abt us being a band again.
Mike, U mite have a pt abt how Dad cdn't give my friendz $ 2 start biznesses (and steal their friendship) if he'z retired an' living on a fixed income. I think he'z on the way 2 doing that. MayB I should also hint that he doesn't have enuf trainsets 2 play w/when he retirez, so he can waste more $ on thoze, 2.
Apes
So NEway, after we'd played, Ger told Luis that our playing had been "amazing" (there'z that word again) & that he'z "1 hot musician". I don't think Ger was flirting w/him when he sed that. Luis was all, "Thanx, man. I do my best." When he sed "man" I cd C Eva beaming @ him. And Ger let out a big "Woooh" abt us being a band again.
Mike, U mite have a pt abt how Dad cdn't give my friendz $ 2 start biznesses (and steal their friendship) if he'z retired an' living on a fixed income. I think he'z on the way 2 doing that. MayB I should also hint that he doesn't have enuf trainsets 2 play w/when he retirez, so he can waste more $ on thoze, 2.
Apes
posted by April Patterson @ 6:58 AM
29 Comments:
At 9:31 AM,
Anne said…
Hey Apes, happy middle o' the week! Neway, that's funny u mentioned more train activities 4 ur dad, bcause I IM'd Maynard last nite since he works n the direct mail business outta prison & asked if he could mail out model train catalogs 2 ur dad. 3 800-page catalogs should be reaching ur house n the next 2-3 business days, so hopefully ur dad won't get any brite ideas about going on more joyrides w/ur friends. If he doesn't use ne of them they're good paperweights!
Hi Shannon, if u wanna meet me n the Integrated Program room @ 2:30, I'll load up some tunes. Let's see...I got some AFI, some Sum41, Rise Against & 311. U can tell me what u think of them. I'm no princess of niceness (or even a duchess or dame or whatevs), but thanx 4 the compliment....lol
Vicks
At 9:36 AM,
Anonymous said…
Vicki,
Your so nice I can hardly stand it. I will definitely be there at 2:30. Justin is going to love the new music.
Love,
Shannon Lake
At 9:38 AM,
Anonymous said…
april, eva wuz rilly confuzed by puttin’ her name in the title of ur band. wen i wuz walking her 2 skool this morning she sed, “sumthin’ wuz up w/gerald & april @that band practice. april wuz givin’ luis a flirty eye 4 mosta the rehearsal. i thot she wuz tryin’ 2 smirk, like i do, but just didn’t have the lips 2 make it work. but then gerald wuz touchin’ me & then he just dropped this idea of my name n the title. i thot it wuz sum way 2 get back @april 4 flirtin’ w/luis, but april went along w/it & sed, ‘good 1.’ mebbe that wuz her way of puttin’ it back on gerald 2c if he wuz rilly serious ‘bout that name.” i sed, “u don’t like the name?” eva sed, “it duzn’t make ne sense. if they decide they wanna add sum1 else n the band, then they hafta change the name again, cuz they r obsessed that the band’s name tell how many peeps r n the band. wut r they gonna do if u joined the band, jeremy? wud it b 4evah & eva & jeremy? wut gerald hafta get a bigger drum?” i sed i agreed that it didn’t seem like it wuz the best band name az far az addin’ new membahz went. then i sed, “if u didn’t want ur name n the band, y didn’t u say sumthin’?” eva sed, “it wud b like i wuz insultin’ gerald. i just joined the group & he wunts me 2b the most mportant peep n the group. it mite have sumthin’ 2 do w/the becky thing. i dunno. i can’t figger out this band works. sumtymez it seemz like gerald iz n charge, but he cudn’t get new membahz till april recruited luis & me. then it seemz like duncan iz n charge, wen he accepted me evn tho i don’t play keyboardz, wen april & gerald wudn’t. then 4 the name change, gerald didn’t evn ask ne1 else wut they thot.” i sed, “soundz kinda disorganized.” i sed, “wut do u think ‘bout luis?” eva sed, “he’z nice. he hazta uze musick tho. he can’t just pick up a song by ear like the rest of us do. also, his keyboard iz not like ur keyboard, jeremy.” i sed, “wut do u mean?” eva sed, “no buttonz 4 pre-recorded soundz or sound fx. it’s just an electric piano.” i sed, “they still make thoze?” eva sed, “i guess so, since thass wut luis has got.” i sed, “wow!” eva sed, “they sed thass wut becky uzed wen she wuz n the band 2.” i sed, “oh yeah. i 4got ‘bout that. 4tun8ley, rebeccah haz upgraded since then.” eva sed, “i guess i shud b glad they finally got the band membahship & the name thing settled, ‘bout 1 month b4 the end of skool. mebbe we can play sum gigz ovah the summer.” i sed, “not likely. april iz gonna b shipped off 2 her aunt’s place the whole summer.” eva sed, “wtf? we r only gonna have a month 2gethah? this group iz so disorganized it makes my head hurt sumtymez. u wud think we coulda settled this bizness a long tyme ago.” i sed, “thass the truth.”
At 9:42 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. “4Evah …and Eva.” If you would like a professional writer to take a try at writing a new name for your band, I would be glad to do it. Anything’s got to be better than “4Evah …and Eva.” Your idea about the trains would probably work. You can’t go wrong with train purchases and dad. It sounds like your friend Vicki is already helping you with this idea. I don’t know much about trains, except the fantastic carpentry skills I picked up helping dad build some of his train setups when I was younger. I think that if I owned my apartment building, I could probably make all the repairs myself. I had to give up that dream, but the carpentry skills still remain. No love for trains though.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 9:51 AM,
howard said…
April,
I am glad to hear your band is doing well and you have finally settled on a name change, of sorts. Well, as long as you’re happy with it, that’s what counts. Although, I would have to point out that it is dangerous to put someone’s name specifically in the title of your group without getting into some ego problems with the rest of the members of the group. Eva is your lead singer, and persons unfamiliar with your band will assume that because of that position and the name, the group revolves around her. Take a lesson from one of my favourite gay icons Diana Ross and her group the Supremes. Once it was just the Supremes and everything changed once her name was added to the title. I love my Diana Ross, but if I were a Supreme I would have felt left out. Make sure you’re not a Supreme, April.
Howard K.
At 10:02 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Boozhoo (Hello).
I read your writings about your band and its rehearsal. I had to look twice when you were talking about a band, because among the Ojibway, a band is a word for a tribal group of Ojibway. In Ontario, there are 81 Ojibway bands from the Attawapiskat Band of Indians to the Whitefish River Band of Indians. The Ojibway do not have a word for a musical band, but the word for playing music is madwewechige. I would like to hear your group someday. Maybe I can come to visit you and your family. I have asked your sister when would be a good time for me to come and visit, and she does not give me a specific answer. Sometimes, I don’t think your sister likes advanced planning.
Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
Constable Paul Wright
At 10:15 AM,
duncan anderson said…
Michael, d00d, 4 1x u r rite. 4Evah and Eva is so uncube. Id say more but I dont want feelings 2 b hurt. BTW, thanx 4 the ref, but I didnt need it.
When I got up yesterday my dad still wasnt back from the goat farm. So my mom & I went 2 court & I saw my lawyer coming outta the Crown Attorneys office. He didnt have time 2 talk 2 us cos he got paged in2 the courtroom but he gave me a thumbs up as he went by.
U cant go in2 the courtroom til yr case is called cos the judges still on oxygen after Macbeth. I thot about asking my mom where my dad was but I was afraid Luggie or 1 of his buds wld overhear us so we just sat there. I cld feel Luggie glowering @ me.
Finally we got paged. The Crown asked 4 an adjourment cos its witnesses didnt show. My lawyer opposed the adjournment cos the Crown didnt subpoena the witnesses. The judge asked the Crown abt that. The Crown said that Mr Malkmus had moved 2 Nunavet & that they cldnt locate my dad 2 serve him. My lawyer pointed out 2 the judge that my dad lived & worked in Mboro & that he was ez 2 serve. The Crown admitted it had no plans 2 serve psycho Malkmus & said that Luggie had tried on Fri, Sat, Sun & Mon 2 serve my dad but cldnt find him. The judge freaked. He asked Luggie y he w8ed til a holiday weekend b4 the trial 2 try 2 serve my dad, & when Luggie didnt answer, the judge said cos u 4got abt it didnt u. He said no way 2 the adjourment, & then dismissed the charges against me 4 lack of evidence. The judge said 2 me, Mr. Anderson, u r like the cat w/ 9 lives. I hope he didnt mean Im going 2 b charged 7X times.
Zed & I went out 4 dinner last nite 2 celebr8. Im going 2 the library after skool 2day 2 apply 4 the summer job itll b gr8 working w/ Zed all summer.
When I got home from dinner the house was black. I thot my mom had gone out but she was just sitting in the dark w/ Faustus on her lap. She told me not 2 turn on the lite when I came in2 the room. I cld tell shed been crying. I told her no prob, I promise Ill nevah get charged again. She said, Duncan, yr father still isnt home. I sat in the dark w/ her 4 awhile.
L8r.
At 10:23 AM,
Anne said…
Oh man, I hope my niceness isn't grating. I mean, I thot I was doing Apes a favour by getting Maynard 2 send all those catalogs 2 her dad, but he is a convict. So do ne of u think a car-stealing, gas-siphoning, pot-dealing convenience store theif knowing the Pattersons' address is a big deal? I guess it's not much of 1, 'cause Maynard's kinda stupid & Milborough moves all over the Ontario map neway.
Vicks
At 2:12 PM,
Anonymous said…
Dearest April flower,
This is the happiest day of my life. I am sitting here at my keyboard in shock. The most wonderful thing just happened. It is my dream come true. I still can't believe it. It's like I won the Super 7 Lotto, only better. I can't believe it. I just can't believe it.
I need to be worthy of this honor. Excuse me.
Devotedly, Gerald
P.S.--Early dismissal days are the best!
At 2:28 PM,
Anonymous said…
Duncan,
I am disappointed that my sterling recommendation of you was not used to impress the Crown and the judge of your excellent character. I feel sure that if they had read it, they would have realized that any courtroom action against you would be unnecessary. However, in the event that they did read my letter of recommendation and would care to hire me to write a larger, more biographical version of your life, for sale at booksellers worldwide, then my contact information was on the letter.
As for your difficulties with Luggie, one Officer Bradley Luggsworth, I have to say my official Patterson stance is that I am glad that he finally realized the errors of his ways through my family’s influence and turned from evil to good in service of the greater humanity. My unofficial personal stance after many years of being swirlied by the brutish fellow is that I am glad he was publicly humiliated in front of his superiours. By unofficial, of course, that means I will deny I wrote this post to you, if questioned.
Again, let me know if anyone wants a biography.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 2:32 PM,
howard said…
Vicki,
Considering Maynard’s repeated failed attempts to escape from jail, which he feels he has to keep Marjee informed of, I don’t think the Pattersons are in any danger. His schemes for getting out are so outlandish; that I think even the my aunt Winnie could keep Maynard imprisoned.
Howard K.
At 2:34 PM,
Anonymous said…
gerald, pleaze tell me that this “dream come true” izn’t sum kinda award 4 band-naming. if it iz, then i think it will b definite proof there iz no god.
At 2:50 PM,
Anne said…
I can think of 1 reason why Gerald's so happy. Apes told me that when they were practicing, he lost his neck 4 a moment when yelling "We are a band again! Woooh!!" But then a second later he had it back. So I imagine stuff like that makes u realize what's really important n life.
Howard, I'm so relieved 2 know that Apes'll b safe!
Vicks
At 2:52 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
I am sorry I have not written in a while. So much has been going on with me. And, when a lot is going on with me, I feel like talking about it as little as possible.
The frustrating thing is, Paul can't stop talking about these issues. He wants to talk about where I will stay for the summer. He wants to talk about whether I will be back in the fall. He wants to talk about our future. I do not want to talk about these things. I am afraid maybe Paul's and my ideas about the future do not match up. That is going to make for some hard conversations if it is true. I think it is probably best not to have these conversations at all, but Paul is not getting the hint.
Maybe I should stop saying anything at all during his visits. Then maybe he would not try to talk about this stuff.
What do you think?
Confused, Liz
At 4:22 PM,
Anne said…
Howard, u totally reminded me of when Marjee told me about the time Maynard tried 2 break outta the Ottawa-Carleton Detention Centre. He took a butter knife from the cafeteria & some black shoe polish from the commissary 2 make a bar of soap look like a pistol. So he pulled it on this sooper naive guard who was about 2 call 4 backup. They got 2 the front door, but it was raining outside & the soap gun got all sudsy. So ur rite, he'll prolly stay put 4 a while!
Vicks
At 6:02 PM,
howard said…
Vicki,
That soap gun was a funny one. I remember the one time Maynard escaped and made his way to a hotel where he registered and paid for the bill under his real name. The police went to his room and busted him without a fight. He had some time added to his sentence that time for felony escape.
Howard K.
At 6:17 PM,
Anonymous said…
Lizardbreath,
Dee and I are really looking forward to you getting that summer teaching job in Mississauga, and we both hope you can score the permanent job in Markham. You will be so close that you can spend a lot of time with my kids and perhaps take time out of your busy schedule to babysit occasionally, for the usual “family” fee, of course.
I know you’ve spent your 2 years in a cabin on the edge of a pond and you have become the family Wilderness Buff, and are probably an expert sharpshooter who can start a fire with flint, skin a deer with your teeth and have 5628 recipes for macaroni and spam. However, I would bet you are really suffering from mall withdrawal.
If this constable really loves you, he will let you go and be free to shop to your heart’s content. After, if you really want to find if something loves you, you should set it free to spend some money at a good clothing store and then if it returns and hands you the bill, then it was meant to be. If you don’t want to tell him directly, I can write a column about it and mail him a copy.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 6:31 PM,
Anonymous said…
rebeccah, wow! i red the stuff ‘bout gigli & i gotta say, i’m sorry ur dad duzn’t think u can b hiz heir, just cuz ur a girl. i wud feel sorry 4 giblet havin’ 2 stay w/ur dad on wed & sat & monday aftah skool, but the freaky guy seems 2 wanna b a viking. i guess this meanz ur dad plans 2 hand the valhalla ovah 2 gidget az hiz inheritance or sumthin’.
neway, while i’m feelin’ bad 4u, i don’t think ur rite ‘bout eva & me. eva iz not sure ‘bout duncan nemore. apparently duncan spends a lotta rehearsal tyme n their new band 4evah & evah, starin’ @their new keyboardist luis’ butt (& i guess not @eva.) she’z back 2 studyin’ w/me & doin’ that therapy stuff dr. f sed 2 do w/a partner (thass me). thingz r goin’ gr8. i wish thingz were gr8 4 u2.
At 6:35 PM,
Anonymous said…
Vicki,
The new tunes are so great. Justin loves them. He reads me the lyrics and the liner notes, just in case I can't understand what the singers are saying. I think you may replace April as the nicest girl in school.
Love,
Shannon Lake
At 7:36 PM,
April Patterson said…
ger, ok, i'm happy 4 u, since u r so xcited abt yr arrangement w/mr. mcguire an' feel all honoured abt it. but i gotta say my feelingz r hurt, 2. u say 2day is yr happiest day & this fostering thing is a "dream come true". it makes me feel like i m not v. special 2 u. u'd think sum hilites fr. our d8ing life wd b like better than lotto 2 u, 2.
otoh, if mr. mcg. thinx of u as his foster son & his heir, mayB he'll, like, think of u as becky'z brother an' decide that meanz he has 2 give up on u marrying becks sumday.
(but if i'm abt 2 b told that viking tradition sez it's ok 4 brotherz an' sisterz 2 marry ea other, so mr. mcg sez it's no biggie, i mite hafta shoot myself!)
vicks, thanx 4 ordering the train cataloguez 4 dad! that oughta do the trick!
liz, i think if u stop talking 2 paul al2gether, he will just end up getting v. frustr8ed. do u think mayB u cd xplain 2 him y there r certain thingz u don't wanna talk abt?
apes
At 7:41 PM,
Anonymous said…
Well, I know I'd only just joined the band on that day U R talking abt, April, but I was a bit sad that no one suggested the name "4Evah ...and Luis"! I don't know, I think that has a certain ring 2 it!
Luis
At 7:44 PM,
April Patterson said…
oh, dunc, 4got 2 say i m glad 2 hear yr case got dismissed! but also i'm sorry 2 hear that no1 knowz what is goin' on w/yr dad! i hope he'z ok!
luis, like i sed in my entry this morning, my 'rents punning is a v. bad influence on, like, every1 in this town. including ger! "4Evah and Luis" isn't punny. (not that there's nething wrong w/that afaic.)
apes
At 7:53 PM,
Anne said…
Shannon, I'm glad u & Justin dig the tunes. It was hella goofy 2 hear the computer reading the lyrics to Fugazi's "Cassavetes"...lol. "This is my last picture/shot in real real realism" & Justin just sounded like it (or he, if that's rite) was reading the fonebook.
Netime Apes. :) These catalogs r unabridged, which means ur dad should stay down n his train workshop & not go out & try 2 impress ur friends or fold towels the wrong way.
Vicks
At 8:06 PM,
Anonymous said…
Vicki,
Justin sounds dreamy when he reads the phone book. Justin is definitely a he. We are having a good time with the new tunes.
Thanks again,
Shannon Lake
At 8:35 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Does Viking tradition says it's OK for brothers and sisters to marry each other? I know the answer to this one. It depends on if you are Vanir or Aesir.
The Vanir, Njörðr and his son and daughter, Freyr and Freyja, were greatly honoured by the Aesir, by giving them places among them as Aesir. However, the mom of Freyr and Freyja was Njörðr's sister Nerthus. Marrying your sister or brother was allowed in Vanheim, but not in Asgard. The Norse god, Loki accused Freyr and Freyja of being married, in LokasennaM. He also says that Njörðr had Freyr and Freyja with his wife and sister, Nerthus. So when Njörðr went to Asgard with his children, he had to give up his sister as his wife and Freyr and Freyja had to get unmarried.
I am so excited Gisli is going to be adopted by Fafa Thorvald. It is a great honour. When you marry Gisli, you will be Becky-Thora and Hoskuld’s sister-in-law. Won’t that be great?
Ragnhild, I mean Rosemary Mayes
At 9:42 PM,
April Patterson said…
yeah, that'll b gr8, rosie. thanx 4 the info.
apes
At 10:20 PM,
howard said…
Becky,
I believe, and you will pardon me if I am incorrect in this, but by virtue of my handsal with your father betrothing the two of us together, it is my job to kill anyone who dishonours you or your good name, not Gerald’s, and the Goddess Freya has already made her decision about your life mate when we became engaged. I have already been knitting baby booties for our first child, and I have no intention of giving up my true love and future mother of my children to some recently fostered foster son, who can’t even ballroom dance properly.
Here I am at the Valhalla, taking shots in the head with dinner rolls from the Milborough elderly, while singing about the joys of dentistry in your father’s half-baked opera “The Dentist and the Teenagers” and I read that he is betraying his sacred handsal with me. I don’t have a battle axe, but I am pretty deadly with knitting needles. I think some wergeld might be in order.
And the name is Howard, not Hoskuld.
Howard K.
At 1:07 AM,
howard said…
Becky,
That's a relief. I wasn't looking forward to having to use my knitting needles in combat. The last time that happened, I had to use a jackhammer to get my knitting needle back.
As for gender choice, as the man, I am the chromosome chooser. You want an X chromosome, I've got them. You want a Y chromosome, I have those too. There will be no problem getting 1 boy and 1 girl. As for oops baby, you are aware that no one really thinks of them as a "need", eh? Except for possibly some certain pharmacist we know who got tired of her husband traveling out of town for his jobs.
As for booties, blue and pink so far, but I am not stopping with two. Our children must have many booties to wear. There will be no cold tootsies in our family.
Howard K.
At 3:37 AM,
howard said…
Becky,
I can knit you some booties, if you like. What colour do you want? Thank you for intervening with your father on my behalf and getting rid of that axe.
As for the poor fat lady, I think using surrogate mothers increases the risk of having a successful pregnancy, and I don't think the egg removal part is pain-free. Also, I don't know if avoiding stretch marks is worth not having the healthiest possible baby. Madonna snapped right back into shape after her kids were born, so I know you will too.
Howard K.
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