April's Real Blog

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Liz h8s coming rite out an' SAYING things!

This is sumthing I guess Vivian has had 2 find out the hard way. Liz doesn't wanna hafta come rite out an' SAY whatev she's thinking or deciding, esp. when it's sumthing that trubs her. U hafta work yr way thru the cluez.

So Liz told me what she an' Viv talked abt next in the convo I was tellin' U abt yesterday morning. Viv was all, "Have U signed next season's contract?" And Liz was all, "No." Viv was all, "Then yr mind is made up." Liz didn't say NEthing 2 that. She told me she wasn't gonna ever say NEthing, that she was hoping that Gary an' Vivian were gonna drop the whole "contract" ish until after Liz had gone home 4 the summer. With an offer from that school in Markham firmly in her hand. Then she'd be, like, "Oh, did I not tell U I wasn't coming back? Silly me. Slipped my mind!" But NEway, Viv went on w/"And what abt Paul? He'z already applied 4 a transfer 2 Spruce Narrowz." And Liz was, like, "I know. But, he likes Toronto, Viv. He could move down south." Viv was all, "Perhaps. If U're not coming back here 2 teach in the fall, he shd know as soon as possible. ... He's building his future around U." Liz sez the next thing she did was bury her head in2 her handz, like really, really hard! And she had this feeling Viv was having sum v. pointed thot abt her just then. When Viv came back 2 the table, Liz asked her if this was true, and Vivian sed, "Y yes! How spooky that U knew! Rite after I sed that Paul's building his future arond U, I thot that a building needs a firm foundation." And Liz sed, "Wow, that line, it's like a punny not-quite punchline. R U sure we're not rel8ed?"

So I was saying 2 Liz that Viv's got a pt. If she knowz she doesn't wanna return to Mtiglalala in the fall, she totally has 2 tell Paul so's he can cancel that transfer request. Imagine he gets it approved and he pulls up his roots 2 B in Spruce Narrows an' closer 2 Liz only 2 have Liz B all, "Oh, did I 4get 2 mention that I'm not coming back up north this fall? How 'bout U request another transfer, this time 2 Toronto. That wdn't B a prob, now wd it?" Liz got kinda defensive an' sed, "Now, April, I don't C what's wrong with that strategy! And really, Paul shd just figure out from my trail of cluez that I'm not returning 2 the north after the summer break. He should use his deductive reasoning skillz and cancel the transfer request on his own! I h8 it when ppl don't just figure these things out on their own!" Then she hung up on me. When I tried 2 call he back, I just got voicemail.

Apes

P.S. Howard, I haven't heard NE rumourz abt U, Anita, an' Marjee. Has NE1 heard NEthing?

19 Comments:

  • At 8:53 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    I know just what your sister is going through. Sometimes I have a hard time making decisions too. When I was little, my mom would make all the decisions for me. But since I am trying earn my TIL (Toward Independent Living) Program Certificate, my mom knows she has to wait sometimes for me to make a decision, even if I am slow to do it. Maybe your sister should get herself checked to see if she is special needs. If she is, then maybe Vivian would understand better why she is slow.

    Love,
    Shannon Lake

     
  • At 9:04 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Little sis. I read your Blog entry today and it made me mad. This Vivian woman obviously does not understand anything. Just because Liz is taking her time to decide whether or not to sign a contract doesn’t mean she is not going to sign it. They probably don’t have any lawyers within 1000 kilometres of wherever it is that she lives to review the contract. And even if that’s not Liz’s excuse, she may still be planning to sign. Mom talked about retiring for 3 years, but she finally did it. Dad talked about buying a new car for 6 months, but he finally bought it. You talked about getting your garage band back together for months, and you finally did it. It’s ridiculous for this Vivian to make such an outrageous statement. She is obviously one of those people who make snap decisions. Believe it or not, April, those kinds of people exist, as incredible as it may seem. Besides, she is just the wife of Liz’s boss. If Liz’s boss has a deadline for signing a contract, he should be upfront and just say what the deadline is. His wife is way out of line to make a statement that just because Liz didn’t sign a contract, then she not ever going to sign it. This is one of the reasons, I never confide in my boss’ wife.

    And what is the Vivian doing butting in Liz’s romantic relationship? Why is it any business of hers, what is going on between Liz and her boyfriend? If my boss’ wife started telling me my business with Deanna, I would write a column about her so scathing it would set the paper on fire, once it was printed. I might even tape up her foyer. Where is that tape? I have to go and ask Deanna. I’ll be back in a few minutes.

    All right. I found the tape. Well, Deanna did. Anyway, I am mailing this roll to Liz, so she can send this Vivian a message she will never forget.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     
  • At 9:24 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    hey, mike, i am thinking it wd have been a gd idea 4 liz 2 say that 2 vivian, y'know abt how just cuz she hasn't signed (yet) doesn't mean she won't. the way liz presented the convo 2 me, she made it kinda sound like one of thoze "silence equals consent" thingz.

    i have heard abt ppl making decisionz quickly. b4 i heard that, it thot it was normal 2 take 4evz like we pattz do. but now ppl r telling me it isn't!

    apes

     
  • At 9:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    april, i gotta say that sumtymez wen guyz rilly rilly like a girl, they can ovahlook a lot of the stuff the girl did 2 them. i remembah wen i d8ed tangi origami, the anorexia queen, i thot she wuz gr8. but after she bit a chunk outa my arm & we broke up, i remembahed a lot of not-so nice stuff she had done 2 me. & wen i think ‘bout it, she wuz prolly tryin’ 2 break up w/me a long tyme b4 she bit me, but she wunted me 2 do it, nstead of her. ‘course i wuzn’t gonna do it, cuz i liked her. so finally, she had 2 break up or actually do sumthin’ so mean there wuz no way it wuz gonna go on.

    i think this iz wut ur sis iz doin’ 2 this constable. she may have been givin’ him cluez she wunts 2 break up, like all thoze tymez wen she let her cat scratch him, or how she cut him off n sex, & thingz like that, & he iz not takin’ the hint, cuz he iz n lurv. prolly this movin’ just az he iz transferrin’ ovah iz the next mean thing up, so the guy will get rilly mad & do the breakin’ up 4 ur sis, so she duzn’t hafta. i dunno if u have noticed, but she haz nevah told the guy she luvs him.

    ‘course it sounds like ur sis’ plan of a trail of clues wudn’t work, cuz this vivian sounds like sum1 who will just call paul up & tell him the moment that ur sis haz officially decided not 2 stay in mtigwaki. she’z actin’ like my mom duz wen it comez 2 relationships. “either ur d8ing eva or ur not. don’t give me this bizness how she mite like sum guy bettah. i am so sick of u b-ing w/girlz who r rilly innerested n othah guyz. y can’t u d8 a nice girl like april patterson. she iz completely loyal 2 her bf. don’t ne othah girlz like that exist n ur skool?” mom can b a pain.

    ‘course i kinda agree w/ur bro. ur sis is 24, i think, & this vivian lady iz actin’ like her mom. it’z none of her bizness. & i actually agree w/ur bro ‘bout the contract. wen i wuz managin’ rebeccah (back wen she wuz becky mcguire), i alwayz had the contracts 4 her gigz reviewed by a lawyer. u don’t just sign nething like that. thass 2 tymez this week ur bro haz made sense 2 me. i must b gettin’ sick.

     
  • At 9:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Little sis. I don’t know who has been telling you that it is not normal to take time to make decisions, but you need to stop listening to them. Trust when I say this, as a Patterson, it is simply against your nature to make a snap decision. It would be abnormal for you to leap into anything. Even the simplest thing, like a change in hairstyle for example, requires long deliberation. For example, if I made a snap decision, Josef Weeder and I would own our apartment buildings now. But because we took our time making the decision to buy, Josef’s Carleen and my lovely Deanna had the opportunity to show me how that was the wrong choice.

    Little sis. You are a Patterson. You should never feel guilty for taking time to make a decision, even if your boss’ wife is pressuring to make one. It is perfectly normal. Those snap decision makers are the abnormal ones.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     
  • At 9:52 AM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    You haven’t heard any rumours about me and Marjee and Anita? That’s good. All three of us are taking Becky out shopping to get her something expensive to buy her sile…to make her happy.

    About your sister, one thing I remember from working with her last summer was that she had a hard time deciding even the smallest thing. She preferred someone to tell her what to do. Sometimes it drove Lawrence and Nick crazy, because they would have to tell Elizabeth exactly and in very plain language what she needed to do next. Lawrence and Nick always thought she was a good worker, but there was not a lot of independent thought.

    I remember they told me the story about how they had to step in and find Elizabeth a date to Anthony’s Caine’s wedding, because she was moping about talking about how she didn’t have a date and she didn’t want to go with her brother as her date. If she had just asked, almost any guy at Lakeshore Landscaping would have taken her, but she had to mope and mope until finally Lawrence and Nick couldn’t stand it anymore and set her up with Dennis North. If I had to give advice to this constable guy she is dating, I would tell him that he just needs to tell her what he wants her to do, and she would probably do it. For example, he could say, “Stay working in Mtigwaki. We’ll take a trip to Toronto whenever you get homesick. I’ll work on getting a transfer to Toronto, and then we will move at the same time.” That would probably work, except for the fact it is painfully obvious the real reason she wants to come back to Milborough is so she can chase after Anthony Caine, and she wants this Vivian lady to tell her to do it. Your sister is a nice woman, but I am so glad you are not like her.

    Howard K.

     
  • At 9:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    When you say it is not normal to make decisions slowly, the proper term is “special needs.” It takes me a long time to decide things, and I don’t like it when people tell me I am not normal. I am normal. I just have special needs and I have feelings just like everyone else.

    Love,
    Shannon Lake

     
  • At 11:12 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    shan, i don't know y i nev. saw it b4, but mayB u r rite an' pattersonz r all special needs. mayB i shd get evaluated @ school, & then get, like, accommodations? like mayB they'd let me take all my tests untimed & give me extensions on all my deadlinez. then w/all the xtra time 2 do my work, i'd totally rock my assignments and get even better marks than i already do!!! what a cube idea, shan, thanx!

    apes

     
  • At 11:45 AM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Hey, Apes, sorry I havent posted Blogger h8ed me yesterday.

    When I got home fr skool my dads car was in the driveway. I was rilly xcited 4 a min but it turned out that my mom & sum of my cousins found the car in 1 of the airport parking lots & they decided 2 bring it home. My dad def came back from Barbados cos he left his new luggage in the car. I dunno y he didnt come home.

    Zed came ovah last nite & sat w/ me & my mom. Zed kept my mom distracted by pretending she likes 96.3 Zed even nos sum of the tunes.

    I have 2 go. Zed & I r going out 2 look 4 my dad. I want 2 go back 2 Niagara Falls I no it doesnt make sense but I keep dreaming about the jumpers & the body parts.

    L8r.

    p.s. Evah, Im not under yr spell nemore. Im only going 2 stare @ yr feet. Ill make an xception if we r onstage.

    p.p.s. I think we shld change the band name. "4Evah & Eva" suxs & blows. "MCDunC 4Evah" sounds rilly cube.

     
  • At 12:32 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    wow, dunc, i wonder what is up w/yr dad. mayB peeps who r reading this an' who know what dunc's dad (nigel anderson) looks like can write in if they c him sumplace?

    dunc, mayB we shd take turnz callin' the band diff thingz. "4evah & eva" one week, "MCDunC 4Evah" the next, then "4Evah & Luis", "4Evah featuring the Forsythe", "4Evah April", and when we're not feeling like featuring ne1, mayB "4Evah & a Day", eh? oh, i dunno!!! :p

    apes

     
  • At 2:03 PM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Apes, Zed says she likes 4Evah April. She thinks it sounds sorta goth cos April is a wet cold dark & gloomy month.

    Im texting from the casino bus. The oldies r ignoring us 2day there 2 busy whispering & giggling abt Howie & Marjee & Anita.

    L8r.

     
  • At 6:58 PM, Blogger howard said…

    Duncan,

    The casino bus oldies are whispering and giggling about me and Marjee and Anita?!!! They are old, so they might forget about it by tomorrow. Hope! Hope! Hope!

    Also, if you are interested, I can call upon the services of the Ghost Who Walks to find your father, if you are interested. I still have my tattoo from the last time. It's pretty extreme, but he is effective. Let me know.

    Howard K.

     
  • At 7:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    duncan, april, multiple band namez r the kiss of death 2 a band & a publicist's nightmare. it's bettah 2 have 1 name, evn if it iz st00pid. 4 example, the beatles were a giant band n their day, and they had 1 of the st00pidest band names around. aftah they broke up, none of their former band memberz did az well w/their new band namez & most were better than the name "the beatles". learn frum histry peeps.

    i don't b-lieve duncan 4 1 minute 'bout starin' @eva'z feet & not @her boobs. if he can do it, he iz a bettah man than i am.

     
  • At 7:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Were you kidding me when you said you wanted to be tested for special needs? I don't really think you are special needs, but I would love it if you were. We would be in the same classes together and everything. I hope you weren't kidding.

    Love,
    Shannon Lake

     
  • At 7:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Little sis. You are a Patterson. You are not special needs. You are in the top 0.001% of humanity, and you should remember that. If you don't believe me, all you have to do is consider my phenomenal success as a writer and magazine editor, and that should be all the proof you need.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     
  • At 9:18 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    i've heard that there r parents who get their kidz documented as "special needs" even tho they're not really sn. the parents who do this do it so their kidz can get an xtra "edge" academically. cuz ne1 will do better on tests if they have xtra time, 4 xample. i think most ppl consider this unethical, but the parents who do it consider it ok cuz they say it's a competitive world & whatev advantage they can get 4 their kidz is justified.

    i doubt mom wd go 4 that w/me. what do u think, mike?

    apes

     
  • At 10:14 PM, Blogger Anne said…

    I'll bet ur mom would say u had a physical handicap--like obessive compulsive disorder or something--that exempted u from the rules the rest of us have 2 follow. That way she could say ur tops academically & mentally & have overcome major health challenges, & then people would tell her how wonderful she was 4 raising such an amazing (sorry--I can't control it either) resilient kid. But that's all hypothetical, u know? lol

    So I guess u were out when I stopped by 2 return ur copy of "Rollerblood 2: Electric Boogaloo." Thanx again 4 letting me borrow it--I watched it last Saturday nite after Gordie got sick.

    No one was home @ ur house, so I dropped it n the mailbox. Which was weird, bcause the last time I was @ ur house I remember a mail slot n the door nstead. Neway, as I was leaving I saw the mail man w/a wheelbarrow, & he was huffing & puffing as he was pushing it. I saw what looked like 3 humungo model train catalogs. I just saw the top one, & it said "June centerfold: Mercedes Model." So I hope ur dad doesn't get superglue all over it n his workshop, if u know what I mean. :-|

    Neway, call or text me later. Gordie took me 2 this hella boring party @ Malcolm's house. He's about 2 spike the punch tho, so it could get inneresting!

    Vicks

     
  • At 12:01 AM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Hey, Apes!

    Sorry I didnt text u sooner busy day.

    When we got 2 Niagara Falls we went 2 the turist centre. I go, if u were going 2 jump ovah the Falls where wld u jump? The turist info lady goes, but Im a happy shiny person Im not bitter @ all cos the casino fired me, the casino attracts the rong peeps neway, this is a family friendly destination, y wld I want 2 jump? Then turist ladys supervisor comes ovah & goes, u have bn misinformed, sir, we have no suicides @ the Falls. I go, I no bettah Ive cn this. Super goes, that is not sumthing we talk abt here its not good 4 business, u & yr wife have a lovely son, wld u like a brochure abt Marineland or the Butterfly Conservatory? I didnt mind that she thot I looked old enuf 2 b CWs dad but CW was pissed that he looked yung enuf 2 b r son. Zed grabbed his hand & said, throw yr temper tantrum outside, son, & we left.

    Then I spoke 2 PC Rong of the Niagara Regional Police Force. I asked PC Rong where the jumpers jump. PC Rong goes, Im not saying nething & turns away. I hear him say 2 his partner, y did the ******* OPP put up that ******* website, who can identify a nekkid floater neway?

    CW was hungry & so was I, Zed had rilly had enuf, so we decided 2 stop 4 food. CW wanted 2 go 2 the Rainforest Cafe I told him that was cube w/ me & Zed rolled her eyes & started muttering, st00pid, st00pid, st00pid.

    After we 8, we decided 2 walk along the Niagara Parkway 2 look 4 likely jump off sites. We hardly got outta the door when CW saw Arne. Zed & I wanted 2 pretend we didnt c him but it was 2 l8 CW ran ovah 2 him. Arne was all shifty-eyed. Zed goes, yr not alone, r u? Arne goes, not xactly. Zed goes, lets meet her Arne, she cldnt b worse than Denise. Arne hesitated 4 a min, then he goes, WTF, come ovah, Nige.

    OMG. My dads bn hanging w/ Arne. I didnt no whether 2 laff or punch him out. (My dad, I mean, I always want 2 punch Arne out.) My dad goes, sorry, Duncan, I realize u mite think that Arnes an odd choice of mentor. I go, no odder than hering that gran got a funeral wreath 4 a ded goat. Arne goes, oh yeah, if ne1 asks abt that, u lost yr beloved uncle Argo.

    I guess I was abt 2 freak cos Arne goes, what happens in Niagara Falls stays in Niagara Falls, always remember that, d00d. I didnt say nething. Zed goes, Mr A, Mrs A has bn rilly worried abt u, she nos u left Barbados on Tues. My dad goes, oh man, I 4got that Randi has a 'puter & IM. Im boned. I go, dad, do u no how many hours of 96.3 FM & how many games of Scrabble Ive had 2 play? U have 2 tell mom u r back. My dad was hesitating & I go, wldnt u rathr b sworn @ ovah the fone than in person. That sealed the deal. Zed gave my dad her cell. I have 2 say again that I wish I cld curse 1/2 as good as my mom, shes a real pro.

    When my dad came back, he took a big wad of bills out of his pocket & said, heres sum $, I told yr mom u wld b on the 7:00pm casino bus. Im coming back w/ Arne 2morrow, BTW, Arne, I hear that Don is anxious 2 talk 2 u as well.

    Arne goes 2 me, I feel bad, d00d, I want 2 make it up 2 u, Nige & I need 2 take a break, y dont u & Zed hang til the bus comes & Nige & I will entertain CW. Well take him on The Maid of the Mist. He gave Zed the key 2 his hotel room in case we wanted 2 freshen up, & said theyd meet us @ the bus station @ 6:30 pm.

    Arnes hotel room was way cube, it had a minibar & a heart-shaped jacuzzi.

    We r back now. My mom isnt v happy w/ my dad. Im glad Im not him 2morrow. I offered 2 play Scrabble & listen 2 96.3 FM w/ my mom 2nite, but she goes, no, lets do sumthing different. We r listening 2 MCDunC & playing Grand Theft Auto.

    L8r.

     
  • At 1:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Little sis. Mom will never get you documented as “special needs.” She loves to give charity or investments to other people, but she despises accepting it.

    Sorry,
    Michael Patterson

     

Post a Comment

<< Home