Liz jerks people around stalls!
So I called Liz an' told her I didn't appreciate her tellin' peeps I'm "hard 2 handle". She wanted 2 know how I knew, an' so I thot, "Uh-oh", cuz I didn't wanna rat out Dee. But then B4 I had a chance 2 say NEthing, she sed, "Oh, well, I guess it doesn't matter cuz I've been telling NE1 who wd listen. " I sed that wasn't cube, and she told me that if I want 2 B treated like an adult, I hafta act like 1. I got mad & hung up on her! Who does she think she is, NEway?
So, later, I got this e-mail from her:
Speaking of which, Jeremy, wow, it's so weird that Dirne ended up being yr future sis's rival Eliza from TO. It is so not cube how Eliza-Dirne has dealt w/relationships. Tho I have a feeling Liz wd disagree w/me!
Howard, it's true that Dad has totally been going back an' forth abt selling his practice. Like, 4ever! And I agree w/U, I'd have more sympathy for erasa-Everett if he hadn't pulled that mean trick on U 2 get the hygienist 2 seriously hurt U w/her cleaning!
Apes
So, later, I got this e-mail from her:
Dear April,Liz, it's not cube 2 jerk ppl around like that. And totally not professional! U can't keep folks on a string like that!
I am sorry if my comment about acting like an adult upset you. I know it sounded like something Mom would say, and believe it or not, that doesn't even bother me! Saying things that Mom would say doesn't seem to freak me out anymore. I'm thinking Mom is really a pretty sensible woman.
Anyway, April, I've just got a lot going on. I was commenting to Gary Crane how nice it is to see the children playing outside again, and he remarked that, yes, summer's on its way. He then asked me whether I'll be working at Lakeshore Landscaping again, and I told him I'm not sure, since I might be teaching summer school in Mississuaga (you know, as I wrote in my May letter--people would save so much time if they'd just read our letters, eh?). Gary told me that Susan Dokis applied to work here in Mtigwaki, should a position come up. When I asked him whether a position is available, Gary told me, "That depends on you. You haven't signed a contract yet. Will you be back in the fall?" I said, "Gary...my heart is here!" And Gary said, "I know... But we'd like the rest of you."
April, I'm not even sure why I sed that about my heart being in Mtig, since really I don't know where my poor heart is! And frankly I was a little surprised that Gary was being so anxious about my contract not being signed yet. Since, in my first year, I didn't even get a contract until the very last possible second before the start of the term. And I had the distinct impression that this need to have a piece of paper, signed by a certain date, was a distinctly "white" obsession, as I stressed to Dad at the time.
Anyway, I hope that Gary and Susan don't try to rush me, and are willing to wait until I decide what I want to do, sometime over the summer. It's the least they can do!
Take care (and mind Mom and Dad!),
Liz
Speaking of which, Jeremy, wow, it's so weird that Dirne ended up being yr future sis's rival Eliza from TO. It is so not cube how Eliza-Dirne has dealt w/relationships. Tho I have a feeling Liz wd disagree w/me!
Howard, it's true that Dad has totally been going back an' forth abt selling his practice. Like, 4ever! And I agree w/U, I'd have more sympathy for erasa-Everett if he hadn't pulled that mean trick on U 2 get the hygienist 2 seriously hurt U w/her cleaning!
Apes
posted by April Patterson @ 7:02 AM
12 Comments:
At 9:20 AM,
howard said…
April,
Thanks for the sympathy about the hygienist. My mouth still hurts this morning. And if you hear any rumours about me and your dad's dental assistant, Jennifer...well, they are probably true.
By the by, it is so strange your sister calling you “hard to handle” and telling everyone. I know you mentioned one time she was upset when you called her late at night, but for her to speak of your mother as “sensible,” that is quite odd and completely out of character for a woman who, as near as I can tell from this Blog, barely communicates with her mother. She gets almost all of her family information from you.
However, you have to consider this within the context of everything else she said. For example, the interesting conversation with Gary Crane your sister told you about. I remember last year working at Lakeshore Landscaping with your sister, when people would ask her about Mtigwaki and contracts, I remember her response was exactly what you were talking about, that not having a contract for the job was an acceptable circumstance for non-white Mtigwaki. If Gary Crane is asking for a contract commitment now in May, when he never cared about it before, that can only mean he is afraid this Susan Dokis woman is going to find a job somewhere else and he is trying to keep that from happening by getting a contract commitment from her, but he doesn’t want to just tell your sister before the end of the school year that she is fired. Dokis sounds like a First Nations surname, so I guess that she is Ojibway. Your sister may be dealing with the fact that after committing 2 years of her life to teaching kids in that hellhole, they still prefer an Ojibway teacher to her. That could be tough to take, and may be a reason why she is so critical of you. It’s not really an excuse for her behaviour, but maybe she is under a lot of pressure.
As for your sister’s summer employment, I am pretty sure that Lawrence and Nick are not counting on your sister showing up for work at Lakeshore Landscaping. But they never do. You may not be aware of this, but making a job commitment in advance is not one of those things Elizabeth does, even when dealing with people in Milborough. When I worked at Lakeshore Landscaping, Lawrence said that he would hold a position open for your sister, because the advantages of doing so far outweighed the disadvantage. The disadvantage was that he would have to hire summer employment at the last minute, when he could have hired someone else more qualified. But the advantages were (a) he would be able to get brownie points with your parents who had invested in his business, (b) he would make your mother happy that Elizabeth was surrounded by all gay employees so Elizabeth was not in any danger of dating and possibly marrying someone in the blue collar field of landscaping, (c) he would make your mother happy that Elizabeth could live at home and have work and not spend her days drinking (which you may have noticed is a particular worry of your parents not only about Elizabeth but you also. You, of course, have no drinking problem, but your sister was known for getting stinking drunk, I am afraid to say, and think you have inherited your parents’ fears of her behaviour being transferred to you.) and (d) Lawrence could officially say he had at least one heterosexual on his staff and prevent claims of unfair hiring practices. Because of these advantages, Lawrence kept a job open for your sister, just as he is doing again this year.
That being said, I hope your sister takes the summer teaching job in Mississauga. Despite my homosexuality, I found your sister to be disturbingly attractive last summer and so the farther away she goes from Milborough the better. Having her around disrupts my natural orientation, and with Anthony Caine newly single and her boyfriend being a constable, I expect your sister’s life in Milborough would be very complicated. It is best to stay away from train wrecks, when you can see them coming. I hope the train wreck occurs in Mississauga and not anywhere near me.
Howard K.
At 9:32 AM,
Anonymous said…
april, thanx 4 the sympathy ‘bout dirne & b-ing willin’ 2 read all that stuff i rote yestahday about it. i had a long convo w/my future sis last nite ‘bout it. she sed i have had so many bad relationships back-to-back, i shud take a break frum romance 4 awhile & stick 2 group d8s, or just hangin’ w/her. i had been considerin’ whether or not i shud ask rebeccah if i cud do the sound @the prom wen she and ur band, 5-evah, i think she wuz callin’ it, play the prom. that way i wudn’t hafta worry ‘bout askin’ ne1 2 the prom or havin’ 2 dance w/ne1. but rebeccah may wanna uze sum1 else. i dunno. rebeccah has been uzin’ a oldah sound guy 4 her showz @the valhalla, & she may wanna uze him.
ur sis soundz like she iz turnin’ n2, like a teacher, nstead of a cube sis. a teacher wud b-lieve a ‘rent ovah a kid. ‘course it may b she iz just mad, like howard sed, since it sounds like ur sis haz been asked 2 leave her job. the same thing haz happed 2 me b4. cuz i am yung, peeps don’t think i am ne good @doin’ audio. so if they get sum1 more xxperienced, they will say, “jeremy. we got this oldah guy who wunts 2 do audio, but ur welcome 2 stay if u wanna.” it’s just a nice way of sayin’, “don’t let the door hit ur back on the way out.” if u do stick ‘round, they won’t b az nice ‘bout askin’ u2 leave the next tyme.
ur sis shud just pack up her stuff & go. i have been readin’ ur sis’ stuff on ur real blog 4 awhile now & it nevah rilly sounded like ur sis cud handle the 1st nations peeps. they were alwayz absent frum class or nvadin’ lessonz w/the whole town or hangin’ ‘round her house beggin’ 4 food or makin’ fun of her and her bf or throwin’ snowballz @her. she wuz b-ing disrespekted all the tyme & u know u can’t teach worth nething, if u don’t get respekt frum the students. ic that all the tyme n our skool, but @least we have sum teachs that the students respekt 2 make up 4 the 1s no1 respekts. n ur sis’ skool, there aren’t ne othah teachs 2 make up 4 her. she needz 2 go sumplace where there r sum good teachs, who can do wut ur sis can’t do & mebbe teach her howta do it.
At 9:54 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Sorry your sister was mean to you. Sometimes my brother Blair is mean to me and tells me it is for my own good. I hate it when he does that. Your sister probably didn’t mean it when she called you hard to handle. That is so unfair. I think you are the nicest girl in R.P. Boire. You are a lot nicer than Becky McGuire, and everyone thinks she is so great.
I have an idea. Why doesn’t your sister teach in Milborough? My mom and dad tell me that I will always need to live close to them, even when I live independently. They say I will always need help, even when I can pay my bills myself, or make food for myself, or bathe myself. Your sister’s boss wants to hire this other girl from right out of university. That doesn’t sound good to me. I am older than everyone in my classes, except the other special needs kids. Sometimes, I am doing something for the teacher I have been doing for a long time, but then the teacher wants someone younger in my class to do it instead, because they are faster and smarter. It hurts my feelings, even though I know it is true. This other girl may be smarter and faster than your sister, so your sister could be just like me. Maybe, your sister could come to Milborough and her mom and dad can help her, like my mom and dad help me. It’s no fun when a teacher doesn’t give you a chance because someone else is better at something than you are.
Love,
Shannon Lake
At 9:55 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Hello little sis. Mom tells me you are hard to handle all the time. Because it’s mom, I almost believe it. I hate to tell you this, but I was a lot harder to handle than you are. You don’t even compare. Mom tells me about you and zits and chicken wraps, and I just go, “Mom. Remember, I locked myself in a room over one zit, and that was after chasing Lizzie and hitting her. Poking at zits in a washroom and being rocked like a baby is not nearly as good as what I did.” It kind of hurts my feelings; mom thinks you are worse than I was. But I suppose it’s because I have been so successful as a writer, she forgets those halcyon days of my youth when mom used to spend her every waking hour screaming at me and complaining about how hard motherhood was. Those were the days, man. We are lucky to be raised by someone as extraordinary a parent as mom, don’t you think?
By the way, have I told you I have enough freelance clients now to consider a major switch in lifestyle? And I don’t mean going from straight to gay, even though people keep asking me about that for some reason. I now work regularly for two publishing houses, editing manuscripts. I write a weekly column which is in three newspapers. And this is all in addition to my paying job at Portrait magazine. Your brother is hot stuff.
Deanna and I are very excited that Lizardbreath may be teaching summer school in Mississauga. That is very close to where we live, I think. She would be close enough to sit the kids from time to time and she would be so much cheaper than someone we would have to pay. My son is still sick. Thanks for asking. His little ears are hurting him so much; it hurts me just to think about it. I wish I could take the pain from him, because he is too little to suffer like he is. And besides, a little pain might give me a good dose of writer’s angst, which could help my writing perspective. I hold my son tight and rub his back until he sleeps at night. It’s hard to keep up with my writing deadlines when I am doing that, but I have found that I can type and hold my son at the same time. I am writing a new piece on downstairs neighbours and how they are to blame for childhood illnesses. I think it is some of my best work. I will send you a copy when it is published.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 10:59 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Youre sister is pretty and pail like ice creme. Susan is pretty and dark like chauklit. I like bothe flavers. Youre sister has a cop boyfriend. Susan is single. I like Susan better. Tell youre sister a stereo coud change my mined.
Jesse Mukwa
At 6:22 PM,
April Patterson said…
jesse, i think liz is gonna keep her stereo, even tho u r willing 2 accept it as a bribe.
mike, i hope robin'z better soon. i do think mom suffers from sum kinda memloss abt when u & liz were teenagerz, i dunno y. i red yr letter this month so i already knew sum of that stuff u put in yr post.
shannon, thanx, yr post makes me feel a lot better. u r so gd @ making me feel better!
jeremy, liz is def turning in2 a teacher, no joke abt that!
howard, i hadn't thot abt the stress fr. gary making liz feel he likes susan better just cuz she'z ojibway. that kinda sux, eh?
apes
At 7:17 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, it’s kinda scary, ur sis turnin’ n2 a teach who iz not cube. i hope u alwayz stay cube & don’t start b-lievin’ everythin’ ur mom or a teach who iz ur sis sez. alwayz question authority. especially wen it’s ur mom & ur sis.
At 7:18 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
You wrote back to me. I am so happy. Hardly anyone writes back to me. I was right. You are the nicest girl in R.P. Boire, no matter what anyone says about you being in a bad mood all the time. I think you are great.
Shannon Lake
At 7:19 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
No stereo? Then Miss Patterson dos not get my vot. Susan. Susan. My new luv.
Luv,
Jesse Mukwa
At 7:20 PM,
howard said…
April,
Reverse discrimination can be a terrible thing. I can’t tell you how many times I was not fat enough, or muscular enough, or gay enough, or straight enough, or feminine enough, or masculine enough, or sleazy enough, or purile enough, or dark enough, or white enough, or uneducated enough, or educated enough, or ethnic enough to get a job or a role in an opera I wanted. I am sad to see your sister suffering through it, after suffering through 2 years of insipid native humour. Personally, I think getting out of that pit of despair, Mtigwaki, is the best thing she can do for herself.
Howard K.
At 7:47 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. I cannot tell how elated I was to learn that you had read my mighty and magnanimous monthly missive. Mom asked dad to write about himself in his letter and she said to me the exact opposite, “Mike, dear. Would you write about something other than yourself this time?” Of course since it was mom, how could I refuse? Besides it created a nice comparison / contrast with dad’s letter. I decided to devote my letter to my favourite person in the whole wide world, Josef “Weed” Weeder, the most successful designer / photographer in Toronto. He is a subject worthy of notice. I am sure you will agree.
As for my son, he is in the care of his mother, a medical professional. He could not be in better hands in all of Toronto, although I think next week, we might have to leave him in the hands of our landlady Lovey and/or our wonderful mom when we go to work. As you so often say, mom puts the “grand” in grandmom, and it will be so good for her "grand"ness to see our place for the first time since my son’s or my daughter’s birthday party last year. It was one of those two. I can’t remember. Dee would know. I wish mom didn't live so far away, so she could visit more often. Instead we constantly have to deal with Dee's overbearing parents coming over all the time from Burlington and having to throw them out every single time to get them to leave. It is tiring. If only they were more like mom and dad, then we would hardly ever have to deal with them at our apartment at all. That would be bliss.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 10:35 PM,
April Patterson said…
yeah, mike, i read all the mumbly monthly mishmash letters. all of 'em. every month. u never know what ppl in the fam r sayin' abt me, otherwise.
shannon, sorry i m usually so slow replying 2 u! eva told me i hafta work on that, so i'm trying.
jeremy, no way m i going all uncube like my mom!
apes
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