Liz, U LIAR!
Tell me if U can spot the Liz-lie. Liz told Paul, "When I was offered a summer teaching job in Mississuaga, I was so happy I cried. I knew then that I cdn't stay here. I miss my family 2 much! --I want 2 go home." Remember how Liz had told Paul that she only just realized all this stuff abt B-ing, like, crippled w/the homesickness an' having 2 move back south? Well, she'z known abt the Mississuaga thing 4 abt a month--remember she wrote about it in her May letter!! Liz, U LIED!
So, Paul was, like, "So, the decision is made. All right. I'll ask abt a transfer south." And Liz was, like, "U will? Seriously?!" And she threw her arms around his neck. She sez that when she let go he had this look on his face, sorta dumbfounded-like, and she had a weird feeling he'd just been thinking "I'll ask... I don't know how seriously."
Liz told me, "U know, April, one of the things I will NOT miss is the hideous moose tapestry that Gary an' Vivian have hanging over my sofa! Gah, that thing makes me want 2 cry. And sometimes I have this weird feeling I'm living in this bizarre place that someone drew using a str8-edge, with all the books and other flat objects lined up all 2 perfectly!"
NEway, since Liz lied abt the timing of her wanting 2 move back "home", I'm hoping she'z not holding back NE other major liez from Paul, esp. if he'z really gonna follow her south and pull his whole life apart!
BTW, Dunc, how R thingz w/yr Mom an' Dad now that yr Dad's back? Did U ever find out Y he took off like that? And Y he ended up hanging w/Illusionist-Arne of all peeps?
Apes
So, Paul was, like, "So, the decision is made. All right. I'll ask abt a transfer south." And Liz was, like, "U will? Seriously?!" And she threw her arms around his neck. She sez that when she let go he had this look on his face, sorta dumbfounded-like, and she had a weird feeling he'd just been thinking "I'll ask... I don't know how seriously."
Liz told me, "U know, April, one of the things I will NOT miss is the hideous moose tapestry that Gary an' Vivian have hanging over my sofa! Gah, that thing makes me want 2 cry. And sometimes I have this weird feeling I'm living in this bizarre place that someone drew using a str8-edge, with all the books and other flat objects lined up all 2 perfectly!"
NEway, since Liz lied abt the timing of her wanting 2 move back "home", I'm hoping she'z not holding back NE other major liez from Paul, esp. if he'z really gonna follow her south and pull his whole life apart!
BTW, Dunc, how R thingz w/yr Mom an' Dad now that yr Dad's back? Did U ever find out Y he took off like that? And Y he ended up hanging w/Illusionist-Arne of all peeps?
Apes
posted by April Patterson @ 6:55 AM
13 Comments:
At 10:02 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Boozhoo (Hello).
I read your writings about your sister and I thought you might want to hear my side of the story, since you have heard hers. We talked and talked and talked and your sister did most of the talking. I could not believe how many things your sister told me that she never said until we were together. I talk to your sister on the phone every day, and I guess my sweet girl is one of those people who does not like to say important things over the phone. She said it wasn’t lying, but leaving a few things out. She still feels homesick.
I agreed to apply for a transfer to the South. This is more difficult than you would think. As you know, Toronto has its own police department. The service I perform in my detachment in Otter County is to provide policing services to municipalities in the Northwest who do not have contracted police service with the First Nations police or their own municipal police. I am their police force. My value as a police officer comes from my background as an Ojibway and dealing with problems the Ojibway face in those communities. In Toronto, the Ontario Provincial Police are a part of the Highway Safety Division, which means they are responsible for police services exclusively related to driving cars, like raising awareness of road safety issues, traffic management strategies, seat belt compliance, and dealing with incidents of alcohol and drug related collisions on Ontario highways. It is very different from what I have been doing and it is a completely different division. I will put my request for transfer in, but I expect pushback. My superiours will not want me to leave this area. I do not want to sound like I am bragging, but I am very good at what I do. I have a lot of relatives in the area and I am trusted by my people. This helps avoid a lot of problems. My superiours complained a lot when I put in the transfer to Spruce Narrows, but when I put in for the transfer to Toronto, just 3 months after putting in one for Spruce Narrows, I will be laughed at a lot. If I thought I was teased about Spruce Narrows, it will be nothing compared to the Toronto transfer request. But I told my sweet girl I would do it, so I will.
I will be honest with you and tell you the same thing I told your sister. I worry that she may change her mind and move again. She says she won’t, but I have a feeling Mississauga may not be the last place she decides to teach. I really do not want to have to keep putting in transfers. Also, Vivian Crane told me that my sweet girl would not have mentioned anything to me except she got mad at her and told her she needed to tell me her plans, the day before I came to Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) for my visit. I am afraid things may change again and I may not know it, because there will be no Vivian Crane to get mad at my sweet girl. What happens if I get the Toronto transfer and she decides to teach English in Japan or travel around Europe? She has talked about doing those things. I don’t know how seriously I am going to pursue getting the transfer to Toronto, if she starts moving around again. I love your sister and I want to be with her, but it has become more difficult than I thought it would be.
I will also be honest with you that I was really looking forward to working in Spruce Narrows, where I could see your sister every day. Only seeing her on the weekends and having to drive so much is tiring. I am very disappointed that I never got to do that. Now it’s going to be much worse. The drive from Otter County to Toronto is at least 12 hours of driving. When I get 3 days off, I will spend most of that time driving, and I may only get to spend 1 day with your sister, instead of 2 days. When I asked her about how we could meet, she says she might get a car and drive to meet me halfway or she might not. Then she says she does not want to think about it. Sometimes it is very frustrating talking to your sister. I love her desperately, but I often think I understand what Shiimsa says better than her. I still love her though. I want us to be together. So, I will do what it takes.
On the positive side, if I have to travel to Toronto to see your sister, then I can finally meet you and the rest of your family. I am looking forward to doing that. And if your sister does get a car and drives halfway to meet me, then she maybe she could drive a little further and finally meet my parents in White River. I will have to think about this positively and have debizi (happy) thoughts.
Just to let you know, I don’t like the moose tapestry either. It only has one antler, so the person who did the tapestry does not know what real moose look like. I suspect it is an import from the South.
Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
Constable Paul Wright
At 10:06 AM,
howard said…
April,
About your story about your sister, I have two things to say. (1)Her Patterson allure can be the only explanation why her boyfriend would take this much abuse, and if he is smart will make that job transfer request a really low priority in his life. No offence to your sister, but she seems to have very little respect for her boyfriend. (2) I am so glad she is going to be in Mississauga and not in Milborough. I really do not want to have to deal with that Patterson allure again. It really messed me up last summer. If your sister does come into Milborough, I think that will be a good time for me to take a vacation out of Milborough. Becky has been talking about us taking a vacation together; although I have no idea how that would work since we are the entire entertainment for the Valhalla supper club and I am pretty sure Thorvald does not plan to close the club over the summer.
Howard K.
At 10:06 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
If your sister does not want Constable Wright, then I do. He sounds as dreamy as Justin. I think he would do anything for your sister. It’s so romantic. I think I am going to have Justin read a bodice-ripper to me. Your sister is so lucky with men.
Love,
Shannon Lake
At 10:09 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. As much as I disagree with our sister on her decision to leave a job when she has no job lined up to replace it, I would like to point out that my lovely Deanna has mentioned several times now she greatly admires the way my sister is dealing with Constable Paul Wright. She says “Unexpected distance is a sure-fire method of getting your boyfriend to be your husband. The more you are not at home, the more he will fall in love with you.” I think she wants me to pass this on as advice to you. She means that if you have the opportunity to spend the whole summer in Winnipeg with Aunt Beverly and Uncle Dan, you should do it, so it will strengthen your relationship with your boyfriend.
I disagree most vehemently. When Deanna was in Honduras, I was constantly being tempted by other women. I was so glad when Deanna got back, so she could fend off all those advances by the hundreds of female admirers of my writing. As usual, when Deanna has advice that relates to something other than pharmacy she is totally off-base. My advice is to get work in Milborough, if you can, and do not imitate Lizardbreath, if you can avoid it. She is making snap decisions about her employment and her love life. That is most unPatterson-like.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 10:18 AM,
Anonymous said…
april, auggh! ur talkin’ ‘bout ur whacked-out sis again. no mattah wut she duz 2 her bf, he’z gonna take it. i bet if she tried 2 stab him n the chest, he wud prolly say, “oh u missed my heart, my sweet girl. a little bit lowah & 2 the left.” u have some of that patterson allure, howeird likes 2 talk ‘bout, but if u pulled that kinda stuff on me, i dunno if i wud take it. ‘course ur way hotter than ur sis, so mebbe…wut am i sayin’? sumtymez it’s hard 2 think str8 ‘bout u. neway, if it iz the patterson allure workin’ on ur sis’ bf, then wen she gets 2 mississauga & she’z further away frum him, then his brain may clear & he may realize wut kinda gf he haz. mebbe he iz alreddy w/that “not seriously” thot. who knowz? i don’t care.
ur sis remindz me a lotta my dad. he just did wut he wunted 2 do w/o thinkin’ ‘bout ne1 else. mom sed, “we can’t move all the tyme & live outa hotel rooms. i have a baby.” but he didn’t care wut mom hadta do 2 survive. he only cared ‘bout himself. finally mom had enuff. but this guy ur sis iz d8in’. i don’t think he iz az smart az my mom. i bet ur sis stringz him along 4 a long tyme & then she just makes up an xxcuse 2 dump him, like that st00pid homesick stuff. i don't think ne1 b-lieves that lie, just like u sed.
At 6:18 PM,
April Patterson said…
i don't blame u 4 being worried. i think mayB u shd, like, cancel the spruce narrowz request, fill out the p'work 4 toronto, an' stick the to p'work in a file marked "2 do". put the file in yr desk drawer. "4get" abt it 4 a while. then if u an' liz r still a couple in six months, and she loox like she'z def gonna stick around in the to area 4 the long haul, *then* submit the p'work.
jeremy, thanx 4 the compliments. i can't imagine treating ne1 the way liz has been treating paul!
howard, i don't blame u 4 wanting 2 b away when liz is in town. she seemz 2 do sum weird thingz 2 guy'z brainz!
shan, when u have a bf, i m sure u will treat him much better than liz treats her bf's, no doubt abt that!
apes
At 7:38 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Boozhoo (Hello).
I read your writings with your suggestions. I have cancelled the Spruce Narrows request and I have filled out the paperwork to request any open positions in the Toronto detachment of the Ontario Provincial Police. Unlike the Spruce Narrows request, which was within the Northwest Region of the OPP, this request requires a cross-regional change to the Greater Toronto region and a change to the Highway Safety Division. Open positions are more likely to be filled by constables already in the Greater Toronto region and in the Highway Safety Division. It may take a long time to get this transfer, so I can’t put it in a desk drawer like you suggested. I told your sister I would apply for it. I am man of my word. Your sister likes that I am open and honest. I hope that she doesn’t get upset, if a year passes and I still don’t have the transfer. I don’t think she understands how transfers in the OPP work.
I had really hoped your sister would sign the contract to stay in Mtigwaki (Land of Trees), so if we had to move, we could move together if it took a year or more to get the transfer. After all, just because she has a job to teach summer school in Mississauga, that doesn’t mean she has a job in Mississauga in the fall. I hope she isn’t thinking that she will move in with your mother and father while she looks for a job teaching in the Toronto area. That would not be fair to your parents. Your mother is a fine woman. I know this from our one meeting. She would not complain. It would be better if your sister had a job set for fall, which she would if she stayed in Mtigwaki (Land of Trees). Then she would seem as if she were still independent to your mother. My sweet girl has said many times, that it is important to her to be independent from her parents.
Once she has officially left Mtigkwaki (Land of Trees) she will not be able to come back, unless Susan Dokis or Paul Crane leaves. When I was last in Mtigwaki (Land of Trees), I think the people there were planning to put together a big welcome for Susan. The elders are so excited to get Susan Dokis in to teach the younger grades. Your sister did the best she could, but the elders feel that with Susan that they can finally get the school back to where it was, the last time they had a teacher who could speak Ojibway. Her native nickname was fish head. She was not nearly as pretty as your sister, but she was better versed in Ojibway traditions, so the students did not have to depend so heavily on Laurie McLeod, to teach Ojibway language skill and traditions. I was unaware of this, but Laurie has not taught the students for over a year, and I do not know the reason why it happened, but my relatives tell me that your sister was unimpressed with the Baloney and Bannock cartoons that Laurie’s husband Perry McLeod-Shabogesic does for the Anishinabek News. I think she said something about how his cartoons were not funny because they did not use puns, but that is just a rumour.
I am sorry if it seems like I am criticizing your sister. This last week has opened my eyes, so I know there are many things I do not know about her and how she would react to certain things. If you had told me last week that my sweet girl was going to leave Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) forever to go teach school in a suburb of Toronto, I would have called you a liar. But I still love your sister and I want us to be together. I wish I didn’t have to wait so long for that to happen.
Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
Constable Paul Wright
At 7:51 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, eva wuz talkin’ 2 me ‘bout her summer job aftah skool. she got just the job she wunted & she sed it made her so happy she cried. i wuz a little disappointed, cuz i wunted 2 spend az much tyme w/eva az a cud ovah the summer. she sed, “but jeremy. u cud work w/me. u shud apply 4 the same job.” i sed i wud, but i dunno how seriously i will apply. i am not rilly n2 the horse & cowboy thing like eva iz. i filled out the formz & turned them n, but i kinda hope they don’t have ne more open spots, so i can tell eva i tried, but i cudn’t make it. have u figgered out wut it iz ur doin’ ovah the summer, yet?
At 7:57 PM,
howard said…
April,
What do you think about Niagara Falls as a vacation destination? I suggested going to the Stratford Festival to Becky, but I don't think she is interested in drama. I give in to Becky so easily. There is something about being engaged to a woman that makes me so pliable. If she suggested we go to Mtigwaki, I might even take her up on it, even though that town is a loathsome abomination.
Apparently her mom and Dr. McCaulay are planning a vacation overseas and she thinks that would be a good time for us to go on our vacation. Becky suggested that you and Gerald might come with us, but we don't know your schedule. Do you have summer plans?
Howard K.
At 8:03 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
You may not like the way your sister treats men. She is doing something right. I was thinking about teasing Justin a little like your sister does her boyfriend. I waved a book on CD about Toronto in front of Justin. I think it made him jealous. When he read me my next book, he did a lot better job. Your sister knows how to handle men. She is so lucky.
Love,
Shannon Lake
At 9:26 PM,
April Patterson said…
paul, i don't know if it's true, but i heard that liz goez online an' posts 2 sites that make fun of baloney and bannock. i heard that perry found out and got v. offended. but this mite just b a rumour.
jeremy, howard, i m still having that weird mental block abt my summer planz. it is v. frustr8ing. when it goez away, i'll tell u abt my planz, i promise.
i think niagara fallz soundz nice, howard, but i know becks is v. particular abt vacations. she sed sumthing abt disneyland.
apes
At 10:22 PM,
howard said…
April,
Disneyland, eh? Well, it's a small world after all. I think Disneyworld is closer to Milborough, but I don't think I can legally depart the country, with my legal problems pending.
I have to get back to my show, "The Dentist and the Teenagers." Thorvald has told me he is already bored with it. The crowds were initially enthusiastic, but seem to be waning. Thorvald thinks he is going to be inspired by something tomorrow, since it is the beginning of the month. I dread Thorvald's inspirations.
Two shows a night is starting to wear on me. Unbelievably, I can't wait until Arne the Magician gets back from wherever it is that he went.
Howard K.
At 10:31 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Boozhoo (Hello).
I read your writings about your sister posting to sites that make fun of Baloney and Bannock. I think I found some of the sites, but I don’t see anyone who signed in as Elizabeth or Liz Patterson. There are a few interesting names of people who have written anti -Baloney and Bannock writings. One person is called, “Mississauga_bound”. Another one is called, “No1_eats_my_cupcake”. And there are also ones like, “Accountant_lover”, “Francoise_future_mom”, “Love_the_South” and “Childhood_Sweethearts_4Evah”. They all have bad things to say, but I don’t know why Perry McLeod-Shabogesic would think these were from your sister. I can understand why he might be offended. Some of the language is crude.
Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
Constable Paul Wright
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