Merrie wants Gran's Time-Gifts, eh?
So according to Mom, Merrie asked her if she was going 2 stay w/them 4 a long time. Mom was cooking sum of her "carrot-coin surprise" when Merrie was asking abt this. And Mom told her that it was just a few dayz cuz "baby Robin" was v. sick & Merrie'z mom an' dad hadta work. As Mom was swooping up Robin, Merrie was being all "When Robin gets better, will U go away?" And Mom was, like, "Uh-huh. And he's almost back 2 normal, C?" Ma sez that next thing she knew, Merrie was lying in bed, holding her bunny an' goin' "Cough, cough, cough!" Like 2 make Mom stay longer? Mom sez this just proves her theory that the best gift is the gift of time, an' not all thoze material thingz the kidz' Grandma Mira gives them. She got all pissed when I pted out that Mira's there, like, just abt every wk, giving the kiddlez more of her time-gifts than Mom doez. She called me an obstinate teenager an' changed the subject to how while she was there, she pulled Merrie'z hair back in2 a "proper Patterson ponytail" insteada letting her run around w/"wanton loose hair". I had 2 go retch when I heard that.
Apes
P.S. to Jeremy Duncan: D00d, I so feel yr pain!
Apes
P.S. to Jeremy Duncan: D00d, I so feel yr pain!
posted by April Patterson @ 7:10 AM
6 Comments:
At 9:44 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Boozhoo (Hello).
I read your writings talking about your from your ningashi (mother’s) visit to your nishimis (niece) and nindoozhim (nephew). Your nishimis (niece) has figured out what I found out when I met your ningashi (mother) just one time. She is a wonderful woman. I can understand easily why your nishimis (niece) would pretend to be sick to spend more time with her. Now that I am your sister’s boyfriend, I have wanted to visit your ningashi (mother) again. Your nishimis (niece) and nindoozhim (nephew) are very lucky to get to spend time with her. You are also lucky, since you get spend almost every day with your ningashi (mother). Your father is lucky too. When I think about it, the whole town of Milborough is very lucky.
I am happy to hear your nindoozhim (nephew) is getting back to normal after 3 weeks of illness.
Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
Constable Paul Wright
At 9:49 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. Mom told me how my daughter tried to trick her into staying longer. My daughter is very clever. She gets that from me, but you probably guessed that already. She’s not clever enough to fool mom, though. Mom has had so many years dealing with us when we pretended we were sick, my daughter would have to be especially clever to fool her. And of course, there are all those times when you try to fool mom too, that keeps mom sharp. Mom told me about the time you suggested that she leave you by yourself when she and dad went on their trip to Mexico in March. Pretty clever, little sis, but mom knew you weren’t old enough to do that. Maybe my daughter got her cleverness from you? Just kidding. I know it’s all from me.
I like the pony tail mom gave to my daughter. It makes her look much more like a Patterson and like me, except I never wore my hair in a pony tail. Patterson men keep their hair short, like dad. Josef Weeder wears his hair in a pony tail like a Patterson woman though. It's interesting what a difference a pony tail can make to your appearance.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 9:54 AM,
howard said…
April,
I got a strange call from my aunt Winnie this morning. It was about something that happened apparently when your mother was visiting your brother and sister-in-law.
My aunt said there was knocking on the door and when my aunt opened the door, she screamed at what she saw. The little girl from upstairs said, “Don’t worry. It’s just ketchup. Do you have a pretend knife?” Oddly enough, my aunt did from her Broadway days and she helped the little girl attach the pretend knife to her body so that it would appear she had been stabbed. My aunt said, “This is going to be a great practical joke. I would love to see your parents’ face, when they see you like this.” The little girl said, “It’s not for my parents, it’s for grandma Elly.” My aunt said, “Well, I think it is going to be terrifically funny, no matter whom you do it for.” The little girl said, “It’s not funny. I want grandma Elly to think I was cut with the knife.” My aunt said, “You want what?” The little girl said, “I coughed to play sick so she would stay after Robin gets better, but it didn’t work. If I am cut, she will stay.” My aunt said, “Does your grandma have a plane to catch?” The little girl said, “No.” My aunt said, “Does she live nearby or far away?” The little girl said, “Milborough.” My aunt said, “That’s hardly any distance. Your mother goes to work in Milborough every day. Why don’t you just ask your grandma if she would stay longer?” The little girl said, “She only comes when we are sick or for a birthday party.” My aunt said, “This is not the grandma who’s over at your apartment all the time, who got in the argument with Melville, my husband, last January is it?” The little girl said, “No. That’s grandma Mira. I see her all the time. I am talking about grandma Elly.” My aunt said, “I’ll bet if you ask your grandma Elly nicely and use your cute little girl face and say please and give her a big hug around the neck, she’ll stay longer. Grandmas love that kind of thing.” The little girl said, “Not grandma Elly. She says time with her is a gift and grandchildren should not be spoiled.” My aunt said, “Oh, I remember her now. This is the lady I prognosticated who said Mel and I should be evicted when she had never met us. She sounds like a real peach. But you like her, so there must be something to her.” The little girl said, “She makes soup.” My aunt said, “Soup? Homemade soup?” The little girl said, “Out of a can. It goes ‘sploit.’” My aunt said, “You want her to stay for canned soup that goes ‘sploit.’?” The little girl said, “It sounds like someone going potty. It’s funny. Mommy never makes soup out of a can. She makes soup out of leftovers and attic guy calls it ambrosia.” My aunt said, “I know the food. Mel and I usually have to take a walk until the air clears after your mother cooks.” The little girl said, “Mommy’s soup doesn’t go ‘sploit.’” My aunt said, “Well, try the knife and ketchup and with any luck you’ll get some more ‘sploit’ soup.” My aunt wished the little girl luck as she left. There was some screaming as the little girl went upstairs to the apartment and after the screaming subsided, a definite “sploit” sound. My aunt said, “The little girl was right. It does sound like someone going potty.” I thought you might find this story interesting, since it involved your niece.
Howard K.
At 9:56 AM,
Anonymous said…
april, it wuz kinda weird b-ing on a d8 w/eva last nite. she sed, “it’s weird, jeremy. wen we were jammin’ w/becky yestahday, i kept getting upset wen becky wuz doin’ stuff w/duncan. it’s like there is sumthin’ that makes me think sumtymez that i am supposed 2 d8 duncan.” i sed, “u have smirked @him. i know u like him.” eva sed, “but he’z c-in’ zandra. it’s kinda st00pid 2 get upset ovah a guy u’ve nevah d8ed.” i sed, “there’z alwayz sum1 u wud like 2 d8, if u cud.” eva sed, “who wud u like 2 d8?” i sed, “lindsay lohan iz kinda cute w/that smoker’z voice of herz.” eva sed, “did u wanna go 2 the lindsay lohan movie nstead of art school confidential.?” i sed, “i don’t like her moviez, but she iz kinda cute 4 an oldah girl.” eva sed, “ur sayin’ u wud dump me 4 lindsay lohan?” i sed, “2 dump u, i wud hafta b like ur bf or sumthin’. do u want me 2b ur bf?” eva started coughin’ & sed, “need sum water.” i got her sum water, but i think she wuz pretendin’ 2b sick. her coughs sounded kinda fake. sum peeps do that wen they don’t wanna answer questionz.
At 10:01 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
I am sorry to hear you are sick and retching. I have never heard of someone getting sick over a story about a pony tail before. I know sometimes when I see your hair, I wish you would take it out of a bun and let it loose like mine. I understand why you don’t. It doesn’t make me sick and retching to see your hair. It makes me sad sometimes. Jeremy Jones tells me my hair is my best feature. I think it is. No one makes fun of my hair or gets mad when my hair is too slow or doesn’t answer things right. I am glad I have long, beautiful hair. I hope it doesn’t make you sick and retching.
Love,
Shannon Lake
At 2:55 PM,
April Patterson said…
shannon, no yr hair is v. pretty & does not make me sick. it was, like, my mother'z attitude that made me sick 2 my stomach.
howard, wow, poor little merrie. so much trub 4 the "sploit" soup.
jeremy, eva came by an' sed she had fun going 2 the movies w/u. then we went shopping an' had sum coffee.
mike, mayB weed's ponytail is y u like him so much, eh? mayB he, like, reminds u of when u were little an' mom usta wear a ponytail.
apes
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