June 2006 letterz!
Peeps, sorry this is so l8! I actually started reading the letters abt 2 and a half hours ago, but then we got a big thunder storm that wdn't quit an' I hadta shut down the 'puter. Drag!
My letter: Not much 2 add 'cept an apology and an xplanation Jeremy. I actually made that comment abt Jeremiah Johns, not U, Jeremy. U know how Jeremiah's been l8ly, what w/the not-funny pranx he's been playin' on every1 and the crude jokes. But I think my Mom an' Stephanie assume I typoed so they "corrected" his name 2 "Jeremy Jones".
Lizzie's letter: OMG, Liz! U admitted that U love Paul!!! So, Liz U R gonna get an apt in Mississauga 4 the summer an' then prolly hafta move again in the fall?!?!?!?!
Mom's letter: Erg, I dunno if U h8 this 2, but it bugz the heck outta me when Mom starts one of her monthly letterz w/"Thanks for your interest in our family's happenings." Like she'z the host of the fam an' naturally every1 is starting w/her letter like U start @ "Go" in Monopoly. Whatevs.
Kinda weird how Mom makes it sound like Robin's all better an' U can C fr. Dee'z letter that the ear infections R still on-going. Do U think mayB Mike an' Dee let Mom think the illnesses were all gone cuz they'd had enuf of her?
Well, now that Mom's written abt my summer-job planz, I guess my memory-block is lifted. So I'm doing the Lilliput's job 4 the summ. Boring, I know. I was hoping the rumour abt me doing voice-overz at Los Bros Hernandez animation studio turned out 2 B the true one. ::sigh::
BTW, how on earth doez Mom know abt Lizzie's teaching style? That was kind of a weird comment.
Dad's letter: So Dad thinx Ger an' Dunc R his peers. Uh-oh, Mike, this soundz like a bad, bad sign, like U warned me, abt Dad stealing my friends.
Can U believe how casual Dad is abt the idea of Liz breaking up w/Paul? Soundz like he's totally written off the relationship already. I think this wd cheese me off if I were Liz. Liz, does this cheese U off.
Mike's letter: Hm, so U had this big convo w/Melville Kelpfroth where U found out all abt how Mel and Winnie had been profs. But it didn't help w/yr sitch. Hm, Y didn't U, like, address the probs U R having w/them, like, directly, insteada hoping that beer and listening 2 stories abt war history wd fix everything?
Dee's letter: Robin's still getting sick a lot. What R the chances it'll turn out that cigar smoke is the culprit, eh? Oh, and Andrea's gonna visit. I wonder if she ever thinx abt changing her name back 2 Kaitlyn.
Gramps/Iris: OMG, does NE1 wanna hear abt slutty old peeps an' their denture humour? Not me?
Pets: LOL, I pretended Dixie's smart! That dog'z dumber than Eddie's rear left paw! An' notice Liz tried 2 dump Shiimsa. Not cube!
Apes
My letter: Not much 2 add 'cept an apology and an xplanation Jeremy. I actually made that comment abt Jeremiah Johns, not U, Jeremy. U know how Jeremiah's been l8ly, what w/the not-funny pranx he's been playin' on every1 and the crude jokes. But I think my Mom an' Stephanie assume I typoed so they "corrected" his name 2 "Jeremy Jones".
Lizzie's letter: OMG, Liz! U admitted that U love Paul!!! So, Liz U R gonna get an apt in Mississauga 4 the summer an' then prolly hafta move again in the fall?!?!?!?!
Mom's letter: Erg, I dunno if U h8 this 2, but it bugz the heck outta me when Mom starts one of her monthly letterz w/"Thanks for your interest in our family's happenings." Like she'z the host of the fam an' naturally every1 is starting w/her letter like U start @ "Go" in Monopoly. Whatevs.
Kinda weird how Mom makes it sound like Robin's all better an' U can C fr. Dee'z letter that the ear infections R still on-going. Do U think mayB Mike an' Dee let Mom think the illnesses were all gone cuz they'd had enuf of her?
Well, now that Mom's written abt my summer-job planz, I guess my memory-block is lifted. So I'm doing the Lilliput's job 4 the summ. Boring, I know. I was hoping the rumour abt me doing voice-overz at Los Bros Hernandez animation studio turned out 2 B the true one. ::sigh::
BTW, how on earth doez Mom know abt Lizzie's teaching style? That was kind of a weird comment.
Dad's letter: So Dad thinx Ger an' Dunc R his peers. Uh-oh, Mike, this soundz like a bad, bad sign, like U warned me, abt Dad stealing my friends.
Can U believe how casual Dad is abt the idea of Liz breaking up w/Paul? Soundz like he's totally written off the relationship already. I think this wd cheese me off if I were Liz. Liz, does this cheese U off.
Mike's letter: Hm, so U had this big convo w/Melville Kelpfroth where U found out all abt how Mel and Winnie had been profs. But it didn't help w/yr sitch. Hm, Y didn't U, like, address the probs U R having w/them, like, directly, insteada hoping that beer and listening 2 stories abt war history wd fix everything?
Dee's letter: Robin's still getting sick a lot. What R the chances it'll turn out that cigar smoke is the culprit, eh? Oh, and Andrea's gonna visit. I wonder if she ever thinx abt changing her name back 2 Kaitlyn.
Gramps/Iris: OMG, does NE1 wanna hear abt slutty old peeps an' their denture humour? Not me?
Pets: LOL, I pretended Dixie's smart! That dog'z dumber than Eddie's rear left paw! An' notice Liz tried 2 dump Shiimsa. Not cube!
Apes
posted by April Patterson @ 8:18 PM
5 Comments:
At 10:12 PM,
duncan anderson said…
Hey, Apes,
Sorry I havent posted things have bn weird here since my dad got back. Ill tell u all abt it ovah the weekend.
Y does Liz want 2 live in Mississauga when shes got a job in Markham in Sept? She can drive btween Miss & Markham its bettah 2 commute 4 2 months in the summer than 4 10 months thru winter. Plus she says she wants 2 b close 2 home but Miss is way farther from Mboro than Markham. BTW I wldnt live in Miss even if I had a job in Miss it sux WTF is there in Miss bsides Pearson & airplanes?
L8r. Zeds @ the door.
p.s. Steph, if u r reading this dont 4get my gfs name is Zed, not Evah.
At 10:47 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
I had to say I love Paul. He forced me into it, which was very cruel and ungentlemanly of him, I think. But, he forced me, and so I said it. Because, if I had said, "No," or "I don't know" when he said he thought I loved him, then probably Paul would have broken up with me then and there. And I do not like to have big messy confrontations with people, and breakups are always big, messy confrontations.
The ideal way to end a relationship is so much smoother. For example, say that a boy named "Derek" is living with a girl called "Lib." Derek has been cheating on Lib with other women, and does not want to marry Lib, which is cruel and wrong, since moving in together is an automatic yet tacit proposal of marriage in the mind of any sensible person.
Yet, nevertheless, Derek wants to end his relationship with Lib. The wrong way to do it would be for Derek to let Lib find out about his infidelities, and force Lib and his lewd woman to have to assault him with cooking implements.
The proper way to end a relationship is much smoother. For example, Derek could quietly move all his things out of the apartment, one by one, gradually so that Lib does not have to notice if she doesn't want to. He could make the transition even easier on Lib by making up small lies like, "all my clothes are dirty," or "oh, the TV is at the repair shop," or "I heard sleeping on the floor is better for your back." This gives Lib a chance to gradually get used to the idea of his leaving, without actually having to discuss it with him. Furthermore, it gives Lib an alibi, so that she does not have to talk about the breakup with anyone else, either. In an ideal circumstance, this method of ending a relationship gives Lib the ability to pretend she is still dating Derek for up to a year or two after the actual breakup. This allows Lib not to feel like a "boyfriendless loser" at the all important New Year's Eve parties, and weddings of old boyfriends, and such. In fact, the buffer of that year or two may give Lib just enough "cover" so that, by the time her breakup with Derek is revealed, her old boyfriend "Danthony" is divorced and ready to get back together with her.
So, in conclusion, April, do not congratulate me for having done something that I would not have done if Paul had not forced me into it. I mean, what could be worse than trying to choose between two terrifying, disgusting options: one, discussing your feelings, or two, risking a messy confrontational breakup--?
Of course, the best I can hope for now is that Paul will behave like a gentleman and continue the fiction that we are still boy and girlfriend until I have his replacement lined up. Paul seems like a very gentlemanly sort of guy, so I am hopeful that he will behave better than Derek did. Your behavior, however, is totally inappropriate for a Patterson woman. Screaming all these accusations about "lies" and deliberately pointing out when people talk about their "feelings" is totally rude and inappropriate. I am going to call mom and tell her to wash your mouth out with soap. That's what I do when Jesse Mukwa says naughty things to me. He likes it. He says that's what his mom used to do, before she ran off down south to chase some old boyfriend of hers she knew a long time ago.
Liz
At 11:50 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Boozhoo (Hello).
Normally I do not read the family letters your family writes once a month, but my sweet girl suggested it would be good way to learn more about why she made the decision she made to move back South. I am glad I did. I did not realize her mishomis (grandfather) was so near death. You may think I am not understanding of your sister, but there is part of me that hopes when your sister shops around for a full-time job for the fall, she will find schools need teachers in the Northwest again. If my transfer does not go through by September (and it probably will not), I would love it if my sweet girl could move back closer as your ngashi (mother) suggests. I really want us to be together and that means moving to the South together also. Your noos (father), I hope is a nicer man in person than what he writes about me. Northwest Ontario is not the bush. Your noos (father’s) prejudices are not what I expected out of a man who married your ngashi (mother). Also, I am not a tree with roots too deep to move. If you want to move a tree with deep roots you have to take the time to do it right. I have already applied for the transfer. If it goes through, I will be there. Your noos (father) is wrong that we are going to break-up. I do not understand why he does not like me. He has never met me.
I was surprised your sister spoke so long about shopping, museums, galleries, and theatres. I thought she liked the outdoors life. If I had known this, I would have taken her to Thunder Bay for one of our weekend trips. It is 4 hours drive from Mtigwaki, but it has theatre, museums, galleries and shopping. It is not as nice as Toronto, but it is a lot closer. I guess this is something else I didn’t know about your sister. The main thing I did not know about your sister is your ngashi (mother) and your noos (father) and your sister all say she is in love. I don’t know why your sister has never told me this. I tell her I am in love with her every day, and she has never told me to my face she loves me. When I read it in this letter, it hit me. There are all these things about your sister she never says or tells me. I didn’t know your sister was worried about me leaving my family behind to come to Toronto. I didn’t know she was worried I might not think she is worth it. I know if our relationship is going to last, I have to find a way to get her to be more open and honest with me.
Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
Constable Paul Wright
At 12:02 AM,
Anonymous said…
april, thanx 4 the xxplanation ‘bout the jeremiah johns thing. i thot 4 a moment u decided 2 mention me n ur lettah, which u hardly evah do, which iz ok, cuz every tyme it happs, it’s alwayz an nsult. wut do ur mom & her web designer have against me? it’s good 2 know jeremiah johns r8s up there higher than me 4 nsults.
eva wuz a little mad the only peeps n the band u mentioned were duncan & gerald. she’z also worried cuz u mentioned rebeccah but not her. there’s the whole rebeccah / eva comparison thing u do. sumtymez eva thinks that if rebeccah decided 2 come back 2 4-evah, u guyz wud just drop her. i told eva that wudn’t happ, cuz u were way 2 cube 2 do that. b-sides, luis didn’t get mentioned either. that made eva a little happier, eh?
by the way, wut were gerald & duncan fitin’ ‘bout? i nevah did hear, cuz thoze guyz don’t rilly talk 2 me.
At 12:06 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
You didn’t talk about me in your letter. I think it is because we have not talked in school lately. I am looking forward to your next fight with Becky McGuire so we can talk again. Then maybe I can be in your letter again, too.
Love,
Shannon Lake
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