Senior Discount
Mom told me that after she stopped in @ Lilliput's this past wkend, she an' Moira went out 4 coffee. They left Beatrice 2 run the store all by herself. When Moira asked Mom how she's enjoying retirement, Mom told her she doesn't feel retired cuz she'z been so busy, what with classes, cleaning, and kids, so she hardly has time 2 think. And she mentioned that she'z started 2 write (w/out mentioning the creative nonfiction class). Moira wanted 2 know what she'z been writing about, and Mom was all, "Just stuff. ... Short family stories 2 put in my albums. I thot it wd be nice 2 have a sort of family diary. --Especially after I'm gone." Moira tried 2 get Mom not 2 talk like that, all "U're still yung," but naturally, this hadta 2 B the moment when the waiter showed up, all, "Senior'z discount, Ma'am?" as he collected the coffee mugz. I guess I oughta B gr8ful that no1 punned on how seniorz shdn't B "discounted" or sumshizz like that, eh? BTW, does NE1 know when the senior discounts kick in? I thot it was sumtyme in yr 60s. If so, I guess Mom looks old 4 her age!
Apes
Apes
posted by April Patterson @ 6:52 AM
14 Comments:
At 9:54 AM,
Anonymous said…
april, i dunno how old ur supposed 2b wen u get the senior’s discount, but i know peeps in mboro seem 2 give it based on how old u look nsteada how old u r. i usedta get mad wen i wud b sum place & sumbody wud ask me if i wanted the senior’s discount & i wud pull out my student id & show them i wuz only 14 or 15, now, of course. but it duzn’t bothah me nemore. i can uze the price break. the last tyme i took eva out 2 eat, she started 2 protest, but i told her i get 5 dollars off. she sed, “a cowboy duzn’t look a gift horse n the mouth.” i woulda agreed w/her, if i knew wut she wuz sayin’.
At 10:12 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Boozhoo (Hello).
I read your writings about your ngashi (mother) visiting her friend. I did not know your ngashi (mother) was trying to finish her diary before she died. Your sister never told me her ngashi (mother) was near death. I remember our one meeting last year and I had planned for her someday to attend a wedding between me and my sweet girl, but my transfer to the Toronto area has not come through and I do not know if it will before your ngashi (mother) dies. Please tell me the details about what is going on. I still talk to your sister every day as usual, but she seems to hand the phone over to Shiimsa for conversation more and more.
As for my transfer, my fellow officers in Ontario Provincial Police have been teasing me that I better get used to dealing with terrorists. I suppose you have heard about the arrest in Mississauga of the 12 men and 5 teenagers operating an Islamic terror cell, after they acquired three tons of ammonium nitrate, which can be mixed with fuel oil to make explosives. Mississauga sounds very different from Mtigwaki (Land of Trees). I am not sure why my sweet girl wants to move there.
Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
Constable Paul Wright
At 10:13 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Your mom and I are just alike. I have a diary too. I call it my April diary. I have in it all the times you wrote back to my e-mails. I also have a diary entry for each day you talked to me in school. I have spaces marked for the next time you talk to me in school too. I write a sheet with labels for the date, the time, what you were wearing, what I was wearing, what you got into a fight with Becky McGuire about, what I said to make you feel better, how long we touched each other, how long we walked together in the exact same way, how long before you left me to go off with your other friends. So, the next time we talk in school, I am all ready for the next diary entry. I wonder if your mom’s diary stories are like mine.
Love,
Shannon Lake
At 10:23 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. I just heard mom is going back to writing again. You are too young to remember this, but let me give you a few samples of mom’s poetry she did the last time she was into writing and tortured us with it:
When the dryer is on airfluff
When the last load is on spin
When you think the laundry's finished
The next load doth begin.
A tiny cry within the night
A mother's touch, a gentle light
A rocking chair, a cheek caressed
A baby to a bosom pressed
A bundle in a cot replaced
A mother's footsteps, soft, retraced
She whispers as the shadows creep,
"Now let me sleep! Please, let me sleep!!!"
She just sent me copies of some of the short family stories she plans to put in her diary. The title of one is, “Mike and Dee: Incompetent Parents, Saved by Me.” Or one for Liz, “The Time When Liz got Stinking Drunk over New Years, Trying to Impress her Married Ex-Boyfriend and Broke her Leg, and How I Rescued Her.” And one for you too, “Rocking my Zit-faced Baby Aypo.”
Is there anything you can do to get her to stop?
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 10:34 AM,
howard said…
April,
Krystle McGuire saw your mother and Moira Kinney in the coffee shop the other day. She is concerned that Elly Patterson is spending any time in any restaurant that is not hers. Becky is trying to get her to change the name of Donut & Deli to Chez Krystle or Patisserie et Epicerie or Fine Pastries and Sandwiches, but Krystle insists that in Milborough people are stupid and fancy names just get in the way. She is considering changing the restaurant to the name Cheap Food or even Food to make things clearer. I would argue with Krystle that Milborough people are not that simple, but I am not sure she isn’t right, not counting you and Becky of course. Becky’s new friend Luis is not the brightest bulb over the makeup mirror. I had to explain to him that Naked Juice did not having anything to do with putting clothing on fruit. He eventually got it. But Becky doesn’t like him for his mind anyway. If she wants intelligent conversation, she can always turn to me.
Howard K.
At 6:23 PM,
April Patterson said…
paul, in case u have the impression my mom is sickly or sumthing, it's nothing like that. she an' my dad just get morbid fr. time 2 time.
shan, if u r gonna keep a diary, pls just keep 1 abt yrself, eh? u keeping an "april diary" makes me feel like i have a stalker!
mike, ew, lemme c if i can think of sumthing that'll stop mom. mayB if i tell her i saw connie jogging w/another neighbour? or tell her gordo'z restaurant is having a special on cinnamon bunz?
apes
At 7:14 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Boozhoo (Hello).
I read your writings about your ngashi (mother) not being sick but being morbid. I remember during the one time I met your ngashi (mother), she said something about how she hoped her daughters got married before she died. Maybe she thinks the same way about her diary.
Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
Constable Paul Wright
At 7:21 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
My diary is about myself. I only write about the times when you talk to me, not when you talk to anyone else. A stalker would follow you around and write about everything you did. I don’t do that. That would be crazy. I am special needs, not crazy. Some people get them confused, so I understand why you might get them confused too.
Love,
Shannon Lake
At 7:34 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. Your ideas for distracting mom are good, but a little too short term. Once she finishes talking to Connie or eating all of Gordon Mayes’ Country Kitchen’s cinnamon buns, she would return to writing. Our mother can be very single-minded about things. Remember just last Christmas, dad told us the story, where mom was so obsessed with vacuuming and cleaning she didn’t realize that you and dad had put up Christmas decorations, and how you and dad had to wrestle her to keep from cleaning those up too. I wish mom would write about that. I thought it was pretty funny with you and dad sitting on top of mom and saying, “It’s Christmas. The decorations are supposed to be out.” over and over again, with Edgar and Dixie barking at mom; until she finally got over her cleaning obsession. Unless you are willing to do that again, I don’t see how mom’s writing can be avoided. I hope she does not ask me to edit her work.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 7:40 PM,
April Patterson said…
shan, but u shd write abt stuff that has nothing 2 do w/me, like what yr favourite thingz r that justin readz, or what u like 2 study in yr classez, an' what's going on @ home. & not, like, document stuff abt me in such detail!
mike, hmmmm. this cd b a tuff 1. mayB if she thinx her writing is keeping her away fr. sumthing more imp? sumthing non-annoying that wdn't, like, impose itself on us? let's try 2 think this thru!
apes
At 7:54 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. That’s a good idea. I would say “finding Liz a husband” but mom hates to travel and visit anyone unless there is food or illness involved. Liz is pretty safe, so long as she stays in Mississauga or that place where she lives right now.
Have you thought about getting mom to correct dad’s poor driving behaviour while trying to show off for your boy friend? I know dad got some kind of fine for it, and Mom thought it was payback for the time she put a dent in his old sports car, which you probably don’t remember. It was so long ago, I barely remember it myself. Maybe mom could be convinced dad has other problems aside from a single speeding incident. After all, there is nothing Mom likes better than to correct Dad. She would consider that to be more important.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 8:01 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
You are talking about my non-April diary. I write in it all the time. It’s a lot bigger than my April diary. My April diary has 3 pages for this school year: 1 in November, 1 in December and 1 in April. I thought it was neat you had a fight with Becky McGuire in April, so I could have a page in my April diary for April the month, not just April the person. I hope you have a fight with Becky again, before the end of the year.
Love,
Shannon Lake.
At 8:52 PM,
April Patterson said…
shannon, i don't wanna fite w/becky. u know, we can talk an' all even when i don't fite w/becks. an how 'bout u just mix the "april" stuff in w/yr regular diary, i don't need 2 b in a special book, like i'm sum rare animal on safari.
mike, correcting dad, i think u r on 2 sumthing w/that. driving, cooking, doing household repairz, loading dishes, folding laundry, table mannerz. there'z so much 2 work w/! this cd totally work!
apes
At 12:46 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
You are so modest. It is no wonder you are the nicest girl in school.
Love,
Shannon Lake
Post a Comment
<< Home