Amazing AND Awesome in Consecutive Sentences
Just when U thot Pattersons and the ppl who talk 2 'em use "amazing" and "awesome" 2 much as it is. . . .
When I was closing up my suitcase after packing, I told Uncle Danny, "I wish I didn't hafta go already." And he was all, "Hey! What happened 2 the homesick kid we had here last week?" Was I homesick? I musta 4got. And I was, like, "I miss home, but I've had an amazing time here, Uncle Danny! --And working w/Laura at the clinic was awesome!" Then as we were headed down the stairs, and U.D. carried my suitcase while I carried my guitar, I sed, "Know what? I think I'd like 2 B a veterinarian." And Unk Danny was all, "That's gr8, April! All U have 2 do is focus on getting top marks until U get in2 university--work hard 4 six more yearz--and U're done!" And I got a bugged-eyed look on my face and sed, "Oh."
Well, I hope I don't suddenly lose my ambitions 2 B a vet cuz it's "too much work" 2 get the education and all. That wd B way lame.
Apes
When I was closing up my suitcase after packing, I told Uncle Danny, "I wish I didn't hafta go already." And he was all, "Hey! What happened 2 the homesick kid we had here last week?" Was I homesick? I musta 4got. And I was, like, "I miss home, but I've had an amazing time here, Uncle Danny! --And working w/Laura at the clinic was awesome!" Then as we were headed down the stairs, and U.D. carried my suitcase while I carried my guitar, I sed, "Know what? I think I'd like 2 B a veterinarian." And Unk Danny was all, "That's gr8, April! All U have 2 do is focus on getting top marks until U get in2 university--work hard 4 six more yearz--and U're done!" And I got a bugged-eyed look on my face and sed, "Oh."
Well, I hope I don't suddenly lose my ambitions 2 B a vet cuz it's "too much work" 2 get the education and all. That wd B way lame.
Apes
posted by April Patterson @ 7:02 AM
7 Comments:
At 7:44 PM,
Anonymous said…
Dearest April flower,
If you do lose your ambitions, don't worry. You don't need to have any ambitions to be my wife. I will be perfectly happy if you want to stay home and raise our many children. Mater says she thinks you would be the perfect housewife. "She's already got the wardrobe," she told me. I agreed that I love the way you dress.
Pater and Aunt Vinny have been trying to convince me to become a psychoanalyst like them. That is a lot of schooling as well. It's four years of college, plus three to five years to earn a Ph.D., plus a year of internship. I will be about thirty by the time I am finished, if I choose to go that route. But I don't think I will. It is a lot of work, and it will take me away from Milborough. As you know from your brother and sister, returning to Milborough after college is the most desirable outcome. I don't want to postpone that with a lot of unnecessary schooling.
Mater has suggested I should be a model. I am looking into that, because it would be easy to live in Milborough and commute to Toronto for work. Mater says Milborough and Toronto are getting closer together all the time. Also, it doesn't require any schooling. Too much school is a waste of time. That is what Mater says.
Devotedly, Gerald
At 8:07 PM,
April Patterson said…
wow, ger, i'm guessing yr mom an' dad must have sum hellacious arguments abt education, eh?
my 'rents r alwayz saying they xxpect me 2 get a uni education, but then dad makes his dumb comments, like how he's surprised i didn't pass out an' stuff like that.
btw, my b-day gift 2 my mom was delivered 2day, an' she was sed it was "the perfect gift". she also sed i was the only one of her kidz who got her b-day rite and that mike and liz totally failed the test she tried on them the other day. lol!
apes
At 8:10 PM,
Anonymous said…
April, I'm at Jeremy's house, watching CBC on TV, just like an ordinary Canadian teenager. We are NOT discussing what it's like to have super powers. Why would we, it's not like I'd know anything about that!
Eva
At 8:56 PM,
duncan anderson said…
Hey, Apes, I tried 2 post this am fr the hotel internet in Ottawa but Blogger 8 my post.
I think u will b a way cube vet if u want 2 b I no u can do 6 yrs of uni if u want 2 when Im rich & famus u will always b my on-call vet w/ a private jet @ yr disposal. But Im not going 2 uni cos I can b rich & famus w/o uni.
Im in Kingston 2nite, back in Mboro 2morrow or mayB Monday. Perdita & I r on a road trip in my moms car we left Terror Lake on Tues aft the bear incident enuf was enuf.
C u soon.
MCDunC
p.s. Perdita just asked me 2 ask u when the next riting course begins mayB yr mom nos.
p.p.s. I just spoke 2 my mom she says she called yr mom 2 c what day skool starts this year & my mom kept hearing all these thumping noises in the background WTF???
At 9:32 PM,
April Patterson said…
hey, dunc, that's cube abt the jet an' being yr personal vet. will faustus and falstaff b yr official tour kitties?
u can tell perdita that there'z another class starting this fall, tho my mom isn't xxactly sure of the d8. she's a bit miffed cuz the prof who was supposed 2 teach the course, bryan adams, ph.d., suddenly went on leave, along w/marilyn simone and, like, the entire english dept. and @ the last minute they hired ger'z mom, who has no ph.d. or teaching xxperience, just "personal shopper" xxperience. she'z already set up a forum 4 the class. loox like mae thomas has already begun posting.
2morrow'z blog entry will xxplain the thumping noizes, but u will wish u didn't know!
apes
At 12:45 AM,
Anonymous said…
Dearest April flower and all my little flower friends,
Mater says that the first online assignment for the new class will be posted sometime tomorrow. She has been very busy and distracted lately. She has been arguing quite a bit with my Aunt Vinny. Sometimes the arguments are quite violent.
For example, last week, Aunt Vinny pointed out that Mater has gained two pounds since she arrived. Mater was incensed, and she began spiking Aunt Vinny's food with olive oil. Aunt Vinny stepped on the scale this afternoon and learned she had gained five pounds this week.
So, tonight, Aunt Vinny retaliated by slashing Mater's white velvet chaise longue. Mater was furious, and she took Aunt Vinny's bust of Sigmund Freud and threw it out the window, except she didn't open the window first.
I guess that is what alerted the neighbors that there was trouble. Mater and Aunt Vinny were rolling on the floor, pulling each other's hair and clawing each other's faces, when the doorbell rang. It was dearest Becky friendly flower from next door.
Becky kindly inquired whether there was some kind of problem vis-a-vis the domestic harmony in our household. I assured her that the problem was a minor one and would soon be resolved, especially since Pater and my brother were already in the process of hauling the garden hose into the house. Becky kept me company whilst Pater and my brother turned the water on full-blast on Mater and Aunt Vinny. This of course broke up the argument because Mater was upset about the damage Pater was doing to her white wool rugs.
Then Becky did another good turn by informing me that her mother had called the police when she heard the window being smashed. Then she beat a hasty retreat, citing her reluctance to be subjected to the further scrutiny of one Officer Luggsworth, who apparently has heard all about her roadside reputation.
Officer Luggsworth arrived a few minutes later. Mater and Aunt Vinny were not arrested, but they are required to attend a short course in maintaining peace and domestic harmony. It is sponsored by the police department and is apparently being taught by Mrs. Patterson. Mater is not very happy about having to attend the class. She says Mrs. Patterson's qualifications to teach are not as good as hers.
Nevertheless, Mater says she will soldier on with her teaching duties. Expect the first assignment tomorrow.
Devotedly, Gerald
At 3:08 AM,
Anonymous said…
Dear April,
I am worried Mom and Dad have gone crazy, I went home this weekend and they were acting like they were on drugs. I can't sleep I am so worried about them, it is like they are two different people then the ones who raised us.
I took my laundry over there to do, it costs a lot of money in the basement of my teeny tiny apartment and a teacher cannot afford to pay to do laundry. Mom was also doing laundry, she washed the sheets for hers and Dad's bed. Well I was in my old room folding some things when I heard a lot of sounds like "whapp" "whack" "wack" and "boof", I thought some robber must of broke into the house and was beating up Mom and Dad so I decided to go stand in their doorway and watch helplessly, that is just how I feel criminals should be dealt with, not by calling the police, as you probably remember. So I went to their doorway and I saw something really weird, Mom and Dad were on the bed and had on no glasses and Mom's hair was all long and slutty and they were touching each other, like hugging, it was so freaky that I fainted. Fortunately this stopped them before they did anything too naughty, it is just not right for people who are too old to have babies to be doing that, and besides, when did you last see Mom and Dad hug or anything, it's been a long time. Well when I woke up, Mom was hanging over me and Dad was gone to call the ambulance, you know how he is always overreacting to try to call the authorities when they are not needed. Mom said that it was good I fainted when I did, she might of done s-e-x with Dad if I didn't, she didn't know what came over her, maybe insanity from all the years of housework. She told me to remember that when I am married I should give seldom and grudgingly, and not at all after I have two babies, or maybe to also have just one precious precocious change-of-life baby, but then after that, no more, or Anthony would think I was a whore.
When the ambulance came it was very embarrassing because of course we didn't need them and I told the paramedics how Dad is always overreacting and calling 911 when they are not needed, like when stalkers are hanging around outside in the bushes. The paramedics gave me a weird look, it was so obvious they agreed with me.
Liz
Post a Comment
<< Home