Ugh, my 'rents!

K, so U know how my mom has been talking abt getting back in2 doing sum writing, like she useta do in the old dayz? And she took thoze creative-nonfiction classes this summer an' all? Well, she actually got this published in the Milborough Shopper:

How to Spice Up Your Marriage After Middle Age

By Elly Patterson

Well, you know what they say: "Middle age is when your age shows around your middle!" And isn't that the truth? No matter how I diet, no matter how often I go jogging with my dear friend and next-door neighbour Connie Poirier, I just cannot lose that lard around my middle! And I know I'm not alone, right, ladies?

So, middle-age spread is depressing enough, but who amongst my age-set does not get into a "rut" relationship-wise? I mean, after a while, your spouse is comfortable, like an old shoe, no? So you really need to be a little bit creative to spice things up now and then. Just recently, I was making the bed, after having done the laundry. I like the laundry done just so, and therefore, I usually do not like my husband, the well respected John Patterson, DDS, to do it, willing as he is. Anyway, as I was putting the gorgeous yellow pillow cases on the pillows, John was sitting on the edge of the bed, adorned as it was with the purple-flower-on-teal-background coordinated comforter and bed skirt. I was peering at him over the tops of my glasses, when an inspiration hit me. I gave him a WHAPPP! to the head, knocking his glasses right off of him! And in reponse, he gave me a big old WHACK to MY head, knocking MY glasses off. Without stopping to pick up our glasses, we kept WHAPPING, WHAKKING, and BOOFFING each other with those pillows until we fell, exhausted, and laughing. I, of course, laughed with my tongue extended, a sign of true enjoyment. John had knocked my hair loose from its bun! And John said, "Ahhh... It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing!!!" He hugged me and said, "And baby? ...You've still got it!"

Pillow fights might seem silly and juvenile, but I have to tell you, we felt twenty years younger!!! Who knew something so childish can be so rejuvenating! So, embrace your inner child, find something silly to do, and recapture some of your lost youth and innocence. We did, and I'm so glad! Oh, Connie asked whether all this playfulness led to, well, "relations". Can you believe her? I asked her why her mind would go there, when here I was talking about childish fun! I swear, some people think of nothing else, even after menopause!

Whatevs. And ew.

Liz, ha, I guess this is becoming a habit 4 Mom an' Dad. Figs Dad overreacted. And Ger, OMG, I nev imagined yr Mom had such a violent side when it came 2 yr Aunt Vinnie. And LOL on my mom teaching that domestic-harmony class 4 the cops!

Apes