Not Understanding the Legal System
Hey Jeremy/Zeremy, sorry it took Ger an' me so long 2 get 2 the party last nite. We were, um, really really in2 our studying. But what was left of Zapata's goth party was cube!
So Liz told me a bit more of the story abt her l8est day @ the courthouse. She was still kinda mad @ me 4 missing her post fr. the nite B4 when I made yesterday'z blog entry, or else she mita posted sum more last nite. Yo, Liz, I sed I was sorry! NEway, here's what she told me.
Liz an' Anthony were leaving the courthouse, an' Liz was all, "I don't understand the legal system ." When she told me that part, I sed that I had a weird feeling that sum force that was controlling how this case was going also didn't understand the legal system, and she told me I musn't say thingz like that abt the "Good Witch of the North", which is what she calls a certain sumbody up in Corbeil whom we don't name around here! So, the next thing she sed 2 Anthony was "They want us all in the bldg, but not in the courtroom..." No, duh! Then she sed, "They keep us w8ing for hrs, and then they send us home." Anthony was all, "Yes, a trial sure isn't the way it is on television!" And then Liz actually sed, "MayB it was in the old dayz!" Wha? Which "old dayz" wd that B? She went on, "U know...Every1 piles in2 the courtroom, the witnesses have their say, the lawyers st8 their case, the jury gives a verdict and--it's over!" Huh-wha? Anthony told her, "But a fast trial probably wasn't fair 2 the accused!" And Liz blurted out, "And all this w8ing isn't fair 2 US!" While Anthony did that thing where he watches Liz outta the cornerz of his eyez.
Well, y'know how it goez. 2morrow I'll prolly write abt sumthing completely diff. But mayB more trial stuff Monday. I hope it won't B Mike an' the "novel", but that's poss, 2.
Apes
So Liz told me a bit more of the story abt her l8est day @ the courthouse. She was still kinda mad @ me 4 missing her post fr. the nite B4 when I made yesterday'z blog entry, or else she mita posted sum more last nite. Yo, Liz, I sed I was sorry! NEway, here's what she told me.
Liz an' Anthony were leaving the courthouse, an' Liz was all, "I don't understand the legal system ." When she told me that part, I sed that I had a weird feeling that sum force that was controlling how this case was going also didn't understand the legal system, and she told me I musn't say thingz like that abt the "Good Witch of the North", which is what she calls a certain sumbody up in Corbeil whom we don't name around here! So, the next thing she sed 2 Anthony was "They want us all in the bldg, but not in the courtroom..." No, duh! Then she sed, "They keep us w8ing for hrs, and then they send us home." Anthony was all, "Yes, a trial sure isn't the way it is on television!" And then Liz actually sed, "MayB it was in the old dayz!" Wha? Which "old dayz" wd that B? She went on, "U know...Every1 piles in2 the courtroom, the witnesses have their say, the lawyers st8 their case, the jury gives a verdict and--it's over!" Huh-wha? Anthony told her, "But a fast trial probably wasn't fair 2 the accused!" And Liz blurted out, "And all this w8ing isn't fair 2 US!" While Anthony did that thing where he watches Liz outta the cornerz of his eyez.
Well, y'know how it goez. 2morrow I'll prolly write abt sumthing completely diff. But mayB more trial stuff Monday. I hope it won't B Mike an' the "novel", but that's poss, 2.
Apes
posted by April Patterson @ 8:01 AM
16 Comments:
At 9:50 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. You hope you won’t write about me and my novel!? My initial reaction is dismay since my novel is nearly complete and I seem to recollect you saying you were going to read my novel when it was a best seller. My publisher, Quinton Jones, Publisher Extraordinaire, of Biblio-Basement Publishing has assured me that the time between receiving a completed manuscript and being on the best seller list is only a few days and no longer than a month or two. It is the thought that the story of Sheilagh Shaunessy, her salvation son Charlie, her evil and uncaring husband Harvey Rood, and the whole hilarious cast of interesting and amusing characters who live in their town of Bodner Saskatchewan will be in the hands of hundreds of thousands of Canadians, and maybe a few people in the States, that keeps me from falling into a deep and resounding depression over the loss of writing about my Sheilagh. Sometimes when I am sitting by myself and I have found the inner solitude I used to achieve when I would imagine I was Sheilagh or Harvey or Charlie, my Deanna says to me, “Mike. You’re not still crying about finishing up your manuscript are you?” Her words touch me.
But I'm stubborn and I'm proud and perhaps these are not virtues. I know you would prefer to write about how woefully ignorant the Lizardbreath is about the Canadian legal system and stupefying slow Anthony Caine is about verbalizing his feelings for her, now that she is basically unencumbered by any serious marriage prospects. Nevertheless, I can accept you won’t write about my novel until it actually is on the best seller list. But when that happens, you better be writing, little sis. It will be the biggest thing that hit the Patterson family since I got my job at Portrait Magazine.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 10:43 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Boozhoo (Hello).
I read your writings about my sweet girl talking about how she didn’t get to testify in the courtroom to her friend Anthony outside the courthouse building. When we spoke on Skype over our computers last night, Elizabeth talked about it. She said, “It just isn’t fair, Paul. I want to get on with my life. I can’t wait until Howard is in prison and I don’t have to take day after day off work waiting to give testimony. Plus, I thought talking to Anthony would be fun, since we have barely spoken since I graduated from high school, but he disagreed with me. I told him in the old days, trials were over quick and the witnesses got to go back to their lives right away, and he said, ‘But a fast trial probably wasn’t fair to the accused.’ He doesn’t understand me like you do. If I told you trials were better in the old days, then you would agree with me, wouldn’t you, Paul?” I said, “Of course, teacher. Which old days are you talking about?” Your sister said, “The old days when they had short trials of course.” I said, “Are you talking about the days when Ontario had the Court of General Quarter Sessions of the Peace presided over by local justices of the peace which only occurred 4 times a year? The trials were short, but you had to wait ¼ of a year before the trial happened.” Your sister said, “That sounds even more unfair that what is happening to me now. Wasn’t there a faster old day?” I said, “My people didn’t like to wait for the Court of General Quarter Sessions of the Peace, because we never got justice there. So there was a lot of vigilante justice.”
My sweet girl said, “Vigilante justice. You didn’t have to wait for that? What was that like?” I said, “Among the history of the Ojibway, if my people felt they had been wronged by another tribe, they would gather the Ojibway men together, raid the other tribe, capture a few men as an example, and then brutally torture them until the tribe felt justice was served.” Your sister said, “Wasn’t torture against the law?” I said, “With vigilante justice, you are the law.” Elizabeth said, “And you didn’t have to wait to give a witness for days inside a courthouse but outside a courtroom, and then you were told to go home without witnessing?” I said, “The only waiting was to gather the man, raid the other tribe, and torture them to death.”
Your sister said, “That has to be better than the torture of waiting.” I said, “For the witnesses, yes. It did have a bad side effect of causing vicious blood feuds with other tribes, where they would raid your tribe and try to capture your men and sexually assault your women.” Elizabeth said, “But when your women were sexually assaulted, you could get some men and raid them. There would be no waiting, eh?” I said, “That’s how it was in the old days of my people. Constant raiding and fear with a tribal blood feud. Of course today, we have the Seven Tribal Supreme Court justices (consisting of a peace keeper, two chief justices, and four associate justices) elected by the Council of Elders and Board of Directors. It is slower, but there are fewer deaths.” Your sister said, “Your people’s old days sound even better than our old days in the South. With your people, if Howard had grabbed my T-shirt, your people would have gotten him and tortured him to death. That’s better than throwing him off the planet.” The conversation with your sister was interesting. I did not know she like swift justice so much, since most everything else about your sister goes very slowly.
I told my friend Susan Dokis (whom I call Chipper) about Elizabeth’s desire not to have to wait to give her testimony. Chipper said, “Suds (her nickname for me), in the old days, if a girl like Elizabeth tried to take a man to court for grabbing her T-shirt, the judge would laugh at her. She should be happy she lives in the days where men cannot grab at women and get away with it, even if it does mean waiting.” I said, “Chipper, you are right the new days being better for women. But Elizabeth is right the Ontario court system is backed up and slow.” Chipper said, “Suds. It is not just courts your girlfriend is not going to wait for. Vivian Crane told me Elizabeth told you she was moving South only a few weeks before she moved. How much time do you think she is going to give you to get your transfer, before she breaks things off with you?” I said, “Chipper. I think this waiting at the trial might be good for Elizabeth to understand the Ontario government is not fast, and it takes times to get a job transfer to the part of Ontario where most people want to live. She wouldn’t break up with me because of something I can’t control.” Chipper said, “I want to live in Mtigwaki (Land of Trees), so I don’t understand wanting to move to the Big Smoke (Toronto). It will be interesting to see if you are right about Elizabeth. I will tell you also, Suds, I am a patient woman. I am willing to wait for something or someone I want. Sometimes you have to wait for good things to happen.” Chipper can be very wise. It’s one of the things I like about her and what makes her such a good friend.
Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
Constable Paul Wright
At 12:55 PM,
April Patterson said…
mike, u know paul posts here, rite? do u ever read his posts? don't u think he soundz like sum1 who still considers himself a serious marriage prospect 4 liz? don't u think it's kinda mean 2 suggest he'z not?
apes
At 1:41 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. I am not sure why you think it would be worth my time to read posts of people who are not family members or are going to be family members. As for Liz’s constable boyfriend, if he was serious about Liz, he would have done whatever it takes to transfer to Toronto. He’s had since May to do it. It is clear from his lack of action that he has lost interest in her and he is interested in other things, and I have told Liz that the last time she was visiting in my apartment, but she was not happy to hear it.
I know you may like the constable because mom reports he is bigger, stronger, more muscular, and better looking than Anthony Caine and those are things that might have some appeal for a young and immature woman, such as yourself. However, he is not a childhood sweetheart, which for a Patterson, is far more appealing than anything other people consider to be important. What are looks or money or fame or trustworthiness or the ability to get along with others compared to this all-important feature? I know you must, in your girlish heart of hearts, understand this, since you have been so steadfastly faithful to one boy for the last (what is it now?) almost 4 years. Elizabeth has had a hard time understanding this, but you can tell from the time she is spending recently with Anthony Caine, she is coming to the realization that you have already achieved.
So, no, I don’t think it is mean to suggest Liz’s constable boyfriend is not a serious marriage prospect, anymore than I think it is mean to suggest the sun is not a serious way for making a room dark.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 1:41 PM,
April Patterson said…
k, so we r @ a special ceremony 4 remembrance day. mom an' i r here, and so r gramps an' iris. it's abt 2 start. i'll tell u the deets 2morrow!
apes
At 1:43 PM,
April Patterson said…
mike, seriously, read paul's posts. u will get a v. diff impression of him if u do. do it as a favour 2 me.
apes
At 7:25 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. As a favour for you, I will read the post from Lizardbreath's constable he wrote today, but I am not going back to read all of them, unless this one is interesting.
Let's see. Courts. Blah blah. Vigilante justice. Blah blah. Ojibway. Blah blah. Blood feud. Blah blah. Torture. Blah blah. Sexual Assault. Blah blah. Parenthesis. Blah blah. Wood Chippers. Blah blah. Beer Suds. Yawn!
What a mishmash. You're right, April. I did get a very different impression of him. He's even more boring than I had heard he was from mom and dad. Compared to this guy, Anthony Caine is a paragon of pandemonium. It figures Liz would go for the dullest policeman in all of Ontario for a boyfriend.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 8:00 PM,
April Patterson said…
omg, mike, u're not even giving him a chance! ok, don't go back an' read old posts, but read the new ones as they come in, an' try giving him the benefit of yr doubt. gah! really, it doesn't take much time 2 read every1's posts. i do it every day.
apes
At 8:17 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. Honestly, the only posts I want to read on your Blog are the ones directly affecting me (i.e. yours, Deanna, Elizabeth, Anthony, cousin Laura). Lizardbreath's constable boyfriend may write something interesting some day but all that reading and waiting wouldn't be fair to me.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 8:22 PM,
howard said…
April,
Wow! If you had a contest between your sister and your brother to see which one was the most self-interested, I am not sure who would win. Naturally, since I am on trial, thanks to your sister's sexual assault charges and my own stupidity for having taken the job which caused me to deserve those charges, I am more concerned with your sister right now.
As you heard from your sister, after the problems with my cousin Kayla, who refused to testify against me in the trial, Judge Patterlover sent everyone home so the Crown Counsel would have time to get his remaining witnesses in order. I wasn’t sure why he just didn’t call in your sister or Anthony Caine, who had been sitting out in the hallway all day, but he didn’t. I think it was because they wanted to give them more time together. However, considering the conversation between the two of them that you reported, it didn’t sound like a very romantic conversation, unless Anthony Caine likes girls who don’t like to wait. I was quite surprised that Anthony Caine expressed a viewpoint favourable to me, “a fast trial probably wasn’t fair to the accused” particularly to your sister. In any case, since Remembrance Day is not a statutory holiday in Ontario, we start up again next week on Monday.
I don’t how this thing between Judge Patterlover and Becky’s dad Thorvald McGuire will work out. Thorvald called up and told me, “Don’t worry Hoskuld. Your future father-in-law Thorvald won’t let you down. I am saying, ‘Your Lordship is most generous’ a lot and we are practicing a lot of ‘bench motions’ if you know what I mean.” I said, “Thanks, Thorvald.” But I am filled with a feeling of dread. Becky’s father Thorvald is not good at relationships.
I am pretty much done with Sugar’s Salon work. The old ladies, who are my primary clientele, have been crying so much when they come in for their shamp-Ohs, it has been extremely difficult to get them to the Oh part. And honestly, the weeping has begun to wear on me. As usual, I have thrown myself into weight-lifting, cooking, and spending as much time with Becky as possible. Becky cancelled all her gigs she had scheduled until the trial is over. (Of course most of her gigs were cancelled for her, after the Gym Jam debacle. At least this way, she can save face by saying she would have cancelled them anyway.) I think Becky hopes your sister won’t actually put me in prison or my lawyer Mr. Benis or her father, Thorvald can find a way out, but I have no doubt that is the way it is going to go.
I did stop by to visit your grandfather briefly to thank him for his efforts in WWII on the occasion of today, Remembrance Day. He seemed to be touched by the gesture. At least that’s what Iris told me.
Howard Bunt
At 8:42 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, it’s been a dull day 2day. it wuz good 2cu @the party w/gerald & i almost 4give him 4 spreadin’ those rumourz ‘bout me doin’ drugs & deserting rebecca during the gym jam, which caused me 2 get in-school suspension & grounded 4 a month. actually thass not true. i rilly wunted 2 punch out ur bf. let’s just say i wuz in a good mood last nite & i wuzn’t gonna let ur bf & his little comments he kept makin’ 2 me get me upset. b mellow i sed. b a goth. he duzn’t know drug slang. just laff @him. so when ur bf called me a “coke bottle” or “meth-od actor” i just smiled.
aftah the party, zapata henderson’s dad paid me my $150. zapata sed i looked good az a goth & shud b a z-boy, cuz thoze r the boys the z-girls like 2 party w/ the most. i sed i wud think ‘bout it. zapata henderson lent me a book 2 help me learn ‘bout b-ing a goth. it’s goth: identity, style and subculture by paul hodkinson. my mom iz completely against it, so of course that meanz it’s prolly gonna happ. it’s not like she can stop me frum callin’ myself zeremy, aftah all. i think i’ll try it 4 awhile.
At 9:48 PM,
April Patterson said…
mike, i don't like ppl who come on here an' say they don't read all the posts. not reading all the posts is v. bad manners. u r supposed 2 read all of them. it's a community here.
howard, i hope the dread isn't rite, like mayB indigestion or sumthing.
zeremy. it's gonna b weird calling u sumthing that's not an alliteration. r u sure u don't wanna try out "zeremy zones"?
apes
At 10:04 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, i dunno about zeremy zones. that sounds kinda like a comic strip character. zandra larson and zapata henderson, only do their first names. zandra iz an xxpert n goth. mebbe i can ask her.
At 10:10 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. You say you have a community here on your blog. I don’t see it. You have posts from Lizardbreath’s constable boyfriend, that weird kid who tried to hit you with a bicycle years ago, and something from the guy who’s on trial for attacking your sister. The people I would expect to be writing here, like mom or dad or Liz or Deanna or my kids or cousin Laura haven’t written anything. I might read something your boyfriend wrote, since he will be family someday. But the other people are too strange for your humble brother to read what they wrote.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 10:32 PM,
April Patterson said…
mayB i won't read yr posts nemore, mike, since u just don't get how these blogs r supposed 2 work. and have u 4gotten that dee and cousin laura do post here fr time to time?
zeremy, i don't blame u 4 not wanting 2 sound like a comic-strip character! who'd want that?
apes
At 11:48 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. I know cousin Laura posts here occasionally and I love it when she does.
As for my wife Deanna, I think she has forgotten about your Blog completely. When I asked her about it she said, "Does April still have that? I thought it went away when we went off Daylight Savings Time." Deanna has been a little, tiny bit obsessed with the changing of the hours.
As for you not reading my posts, I know better. You are a Patterson, after all.
Love,
Michael Patterson
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