Belated Title

Hey, so Mike left another comment last nite:

April,

Little sis. Something that is good for you to remember is there is nothing more romantic than a pun. Even a bad pun, which doesn’t make any sense, in a romantic setting, will take on romantic overtones which resonate in the heart of the most frigid woman.

For instance, last night I was lying on your bed, looking at the ceiling and marveling at how nice your bed was and that you had purchased a queen-sized bed for your bedroom, which is far too much bed for a teenaged girl. I didn’t remember having such luxuries when I lived in Sharon Park Drive, but there I was, holding Deanna’s hand as she did her imitation of Stretch Armstrong. Deanna looked over at me and said, “You did it. After all those late nights of writing and rewriting—you’re the author of a book!”

I thought briefly about correcting Deanna, and pointing out I was an author before, but what I soon will be is a “published” author; but I thought better of it. Deanna slid the hand I was holding under the covers and moved it to a more advantageous position and that gave me the big hint I better say romantic things to her. She touched me on the shoulder with her free hand and said words I have not heard from Deanna in quite some time, “Congratulations, Michael.” As if I had just won a prize. Considering where her other hand was, I believe I thought that was exactly what I was about to win.

I thought, “Well, Michael. Don’t screw up.” And I said, “Well…thanks for being so supportive, Deanna. You helped with every page!” I thought that was an easy truth, since Deanna was the one who went to the Office Depot to get that really nice paper I printed my manuscript on.

Deanna didn’t quite get that. She said, “—by leaving you alone while you worked?” She was really giving me that look which said, “You’re going to like what happens next.” I thought, “Don’t screw up. But then I thought about what she just said. If I agree to what she said then it would be like my saying her ‘leaving me alone’ is right. I didn’t want any of that ‘leaving’ stuff.”

Then I remembered what Dad had said so many times: When you’re in a crisis situation, you can always rely on a pun. I didn’t like the word ‘leaving’ so that was the obvious choice to change for a pun. But what to say? My mind was racing. I thought I could say, ‘By laving me alone’ but that sounded too much like she cleaned me. I thought I could say, ‘By living me alone’ but that was too much like Deanna was a modern-day Dr. Frankenstein bringing her monster to life.’ I thought about saying, ‘By levying me alone’ but that sounded too much like she was imposing a fine on me. I thought about saying, ‘By loaving me alone’ but it was much too bready for me. So, I opted with ‘By loving me alone’, to show Deanna she was the only person to love me while I worked on my book. Aside from my mother. But of course I wasn’t so stupid to mention mom while Deanna was in the mood. You know “in the mood” when you’re single and celibate means a lot different thing from when you’re “in the mood” to write or when you’re married and your wife is “in the mood.”

The pun worked, little sis. After last night, I am strongly motivated to start working on my next novel. If I had known it would have this kind of effect on Deanna, I would have starting writing my novels earlier in my life.

Love,
Michael Patterson

Mike, the reason I bought myself a queen-sized bed was that I figged since I was spending MY OWN MONEY NEway, I mite as well get myself sumthing that cd last me thru uni 2 getting my own place. Only now that U've hinted that U an' Dee have fouled it up, I mite just hafta burn it and get another.

Jeremy, that was sum crazy stuff goin' on @ the 3 Kronen last nite. I'd heard abt Wilco the car-driving bunny, but until U actually ride in a car he's driving, U just don't know. Wow! After Zandra an' I had our discussion in the washroom (I'll let her decide if she wants NE1 2 know what we talked abt), I cdn't believe what happed next. I hadn't noticed that Liz had been there all along, quietly drinking herself silly. Then she insisted on getting onstage 2 sing "Four Strong Winds" by Neil Young. OMG, alcohol does sum funky thingz 2 her voice!

NEway, Wilco and Zandra got me back 2 Gramps an' Iris' place just in time 4 me 2 make them a surprise brekky. Now I think I need a nap.

Apes