Fun w/ppl my own age
After Ger an' I had that wine (yeah U R rite Howard, it wasn't bad!) we kinda stretched ourselves out on the sofa bed (in the rec room), wrapped our arms around each other, and started 2 make out. What we didn't realize @ the time (how cd we?) is that Mom an' Dad were already on their way back from Mike's "I'm the bestest" party @ Weed's.
From what I heard l8r on, it seemz Mom (who had suddenly b-come way, way short compared 2 Mike), went up 2 Mike and put one hand on one of his shoulders, all, "It's kind of crowded in here, honey--and it's getting late. I think yr Dad and I will B heading home." And I hear that Mike helped Mom button the top button of her coat while saying, "Thanx 4 coming, Mom!"
I hear that as Mom an' Dad left the bldg, Dad was all, "Mike has sum wonderful friends!" And that Mom was like, "Yes--that was quite the party! ...I'm afraid I can't take 2 much of that sort of thing NEmore." Hmm, I wonder what sort of thing, xxactly, this was!
NEway, I'm told that in the car on the way home, Mom was saying, "I hope April isn't hurt that we went w/out her," and that Dad replied, "She was invited Elly. She sed she'd rather stay home and babysit!"
So that sets up the sitch 4 U. I guess U can do the math that leads up 2 the conclusion that Ger and I got caught in a compromising sitch when the 'rents got home. But I've gotta leave U wondering 4 @ least another day, cuz my memory is fuzzing on me again.
Apes
From what I heard l8r on, it seemz Mom (who had suddenly b-come way, way short compared 2 Mike), went up 2 Mike and put one hand on one of his shoulders, all, "It's kind of crowded in here, honey--and it's getting late. I think yr Dad and I will B heading home." And I hear that Mike helped Mom button the top button of her coat while saying, "Thanx 4 coming, Mom!"
I hear that as Mom an' Dad left the bldg, Dad was all, "Mike has sum wonderful friends!" And that Mom was like, "Yes--that was quite the party! ...I'm afraid I can't take 2 much of that sort of thing NEmore." Hmm, I wonder what sort of thing, xxactly, this was!
NEway, I'm told that in the car on the way home, Mom was saying, "I hope April isn't hurt that we went w/out her," and that Dad replied, "She was invited Elly. She sed she'd rather stay home and babysit!"
So that sets up the sitch 4 U. I guess U can do the math that leads up 2 the conclusion that Ger and I got caught in a compromising sitch when the 'rents got home. But I've gotta leave U wondering 4 @ least another day, cuz my memory is fuzzing on me again.
Apes
Labels: Dad, Gerald, Mike, Mike's literary pretensions, Mom
posted by April Patterson @ 6:15 AM
17 Comments:
At 10:06 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. You are quite right in your description of mom on the night of my Congratupalooza. She had grown so short and so spindly and old-looking, I kept on mistaking her for Grandma Marian. It was so shocking, Deanna told me my eyes kept looking like they were going to pop out of my head. The difference between mom and Grandma Marian, of course, was mom was born in 1951, so she was a young woman in the more, shall we say, “experimental” 1960s. When Josef Weeder brought out the “special refreshments” he does for most of his parties, Grandma Marian would have said, “Oh, I couldn’t”; but Mom said, “Oh look! Hors d’oeuvres.”
Mom sometimes undoes her clothing when she has one of her hot flashes, and this appeared to be one of those kinds of occasions. At least when people asked why she had taken off her coat and was removing her blouse, that’s how I explained it. Dad and I got her put back together and I think she was feeling the effects of too many hors d’oeuvres. That’s when she said, “It's kind of crowded in here.” Sometimes hors d’oeuvres make people feel claustrophobic. I got her all buttoned up so she was covered once more, and dad took her home. Mom is not a young woman anymore. There may have been a time when she could have lots of hors d’oeuvres and was hardly affected, but she can't take too much of that sort of thing anymore.
I never did hear from mom exactly what happened when she got home, so I am kind of curious how you ended up with the punishment you did. I remember when the Lizardbreath and I were young, we both got caught at various times with alcohol and members of the opposite sex. I am looking forward to your next Blog entry to see if mom reacted to it differently than she did when we got caught.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 1:09 PM,
howard said…
April,
Tell me. Did the 1961 Château Lafite Rothschild have its bouquet of of cedar, almond and violet with mineral hints? How was the texture of the wine? Did it taste floral, delicate and elegant? Was it long on the finish? Some people have told me the best Château Lafite Rothschild have the odor of black graphit. Any hints of that?
Your story brings back memories of when I was a young teenager, lying in my bed with my boyfriend, and tasting wine on his lips. Of course, the wine was not anything near as fine as a 1961 Château Lafite Rothschild. It was from some Canadian Winery, I don’t remember which one. I had not yet developed my palate for fine wines. I just remember lying there with him, and thinking to myself that life doesn’t get any better.
Of course my parents walked in on me, like I think you are saying your parents walked in on you. After that it was visits to psychologists, shock therapy, deprogrammers and finally a long stint in the Milborough Training School for Boys. I am sure the reaction from your parents was quite a bit different from the reaction I got from mine. I suspect yours were mild in comparison, except your mother may have yelled louder than mine did.
Howard Bunt
At 2:36 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Bringing boyfriends over and drinking wine while you are baby-sitting is not a good reputation for you to have. Mrs. Mayes told me I will be their official babysitter until your mother tells them she can trust you again.
My parents used to trust me completely with my boyfriend Luis Guzmán; but the story about you has made other parents scared. They say, “If a Patterson girl can go roadside, then any girl can.” You have made it malo for all of us.
I will tell you how malo it is. I got a call from a Mrs. Deanna Patterson, R.Ph., BSc. Phm for a baby-sitting job for 3 children ages 2, 4, and 15. Is she related to you? I told her I thought 15 years old was a little old for baby-sitting, since I am only 16 years old. She said my job with the 15-year-old was to keep her boyfriend out of the house and the liquor in the liquor cabinet. It is good to work for medical professionals, because they pay well; but it will be strange baby-sitting someone almost my own age. I will tell her it is not her fault she is being baby-sitted, but it is yours.
Also, do not invite Luis over to your house for wine and kissing. I will hear about it, if you do.
Alto Escurrido
At 3:25 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, a convo i heard @lunchtime.
person 1: april is “hands on”…she’s a “gig”! she’s “roadside,” man!
person 2: you mean…she’s “been there”?
person 1: yeah…an’ once you’ve “been there,” you ain’t comin’ back!
not 2 name names, but this convo wuz between sum peeps u know. rebecca heard them talkin’ & she started yellin’ @them sayin’ things like “april haz a pinky swear w/me.” & “april wud nevah talk ‘bout u like that behind ur back.” the peeps just sed, “u don’t know april az well az u think u do.”
rebecca wuz rilly upset & we kinda had our 1st talk evah since the gym / jam. she talked ‘bout how a lotta peeps don’t like her nemore & won’t evn talk 2 her wen she’z in a mall, & howard’s trial puttin’ him in jail & stuff. she seemed kinda lonely. aftah we talked, my v-girl vanessa came up & i thot she wuz gonna b mad 2c me talkin’ 2 rebecca. instead she sed, “oh, no, jeremy. spendin’ tyme w/sum1 else who is victimificant is gr8. it helps 2 build ur reputation az a v-othah & it’s 1 of the thingz i luv ‘bout u. mebbe u cud spend sum tyme w/april patterson.”
just 2 let u know, if u wanna talk ‘bout this stuff, i am available 4 u, but it’s cuz u’ve always been available 4 me, & not cuz of the victimificant stuff.
At 3:55 PM,
April Patterson said…
jeremy, mayB u can get alto escurrido off my case. she won't let up, even tho her bf thinx she is being a "pendeja" and wants her 2 stop. and now she has this crayzee idea that she's gonna babysit ME. um, no.
mike, i guess the other day when u were describing having seen grandma marian in silhouette form, this was just u confusing mom w/grandma m. honest mistake.
howard, yeah, that's pretty much how it tasted.
apes
At 5:45 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, alto escurrido, eh? i’m not rilly v. good @girl fites. i’m not evn good @boy fites these days, considerin’ i got took down by duncan anderson’s pussy posse (yes, thass wut i am calling it.). neway, i’ll ask my v-girl, vanessa or vicki simone if they have ne ideas. az 4 that “baby-sitting u” thing, i wudn’t put it past ur ‘rents 2 do sumthin’ like that if they were tryin’ 2 make sum kinda weird point w/u aftah they caught u w/gerald. u prolly wanna talk 2 them ‘bout it & c if she iz tellin’ the truth & then give ur ‘rents a piece of ur mind, if it is true. it’s 1 thing 2b drinkin’ w/ur bf wen ur supposed 2b baby-sittin’; but it’s a whole othah thing 2b humili8ed by hirin’ sum1 else 2 do baby-sittin’ wen ur in the house. it’s not like u have ever done nethin’ wrong b4.
At 6:06 PM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Little sis. I suspect you are correct I really saw mom in silhouette when I thought it was Grandma Marian in silhouette. One of the more confusing aspects of our family is the tendency to change appearance so we look like other members of the family. One of the reasons I married Deanna was that with her bowl haircut, she never looks like anyone else in the family. I thought when my daughter was born; I was similarly blessed, since she had curly blonde hair. However, there have been moments when she looks remarkably like Becky McGuire, and I have caught myself almost calling her a slattern, until I realized just in time that she was a little too short to be Becky McGuire.
Mom is particularly difficult. Sometimes she looks like dad, or Grandma Marian (like the other night). Occasionally she looks like Elizabeth with a large nose, and then there are those terrible nights when I get up for a midnight cookie and spot our old dog Farley digging through the refrigerator, only to realize it’s actually mom with some kind of facial masque. I don’t sleep well when I think about those moments.
I must confess that sometimes I have mistaken you for Elizabeth and vice-versa, but my more common mistake in identifying you is when you appear to be about 10 years old, and I fear I have wandered through some kind of time tunnel into the past and I am seeing Aypo again. However, the most frightening of all these changes in appearance is when I look at myself in the mirror, and find Elizabeth looking back at me. Fortunately, a quick check of my manly equipment dispels any belief that Elizabeth and I have switched bodies.
To this day, there is one kid’s movie I will not watch and that is Freaky Friday. When I was young, I didn’t watch the Jodie Foster version and I have not seen the more modern Lindsay Lohan version. With the various tastes in entertainment in our family, that movie has always been unanimously proclaimed as more of a horror picture than a comedy. I remember one time mom told me when you were spending the night over at that slattern Becky McGuire’s house when you were young, and you saw that movie, how you had nightmares for weeks thinking about the possiblity of you and mom switching bodies. Just thinking about it gives me the shivers. I am sure you feel the same way.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 6:09 PM,
April Patterson said…
thanx, jeremy. yeah, i'll prolly have a talk like that w/my 'rents b4 2 long. if i haven't already. u know my memory issues. i mite hafta move in w/gramps an' iris or w/auntie bev an' unk danny in manitoba.
apes
At 6:11 PM,
April Patterson said…
mike, i have sum memoriez of liz getting her hair cut similar 2 what dee has. only when i look @ pics of her, i usually notice how much she looks like u 'steada like dee.
yup, the freaky friday thing gave me nitemares 4evs.
apes
At 7:47 PM,
Anne said…
Hmm, Jeremy....I don't like 2 fite either, but maybe u could talk 2 Aldo if u brot her some food she rilly likes. Sometimes Gordie'll push my buttons bigtime & then he'll say "let's go 2 Starbux" & buy me a venti skim w/whip iced caramel macchiato. He's so much fun when he's not n the hosptial. *sigh*
So, back to Aldo, u could approach her w/stuff she & her ppl r n2, like some tamales, huevos rancheros, Chalupas, Gorditas or Meximelts. Or we could all go 2 a restaurant w/a mariachi trio, she' probably think that' b cube.
Vicks
At 8:06 PM,
Anonymous said…
vicki, thass a gr8 idea. i'll call alto & c if she iz innerested.
At 8:31 PM,
Anonymous said…
April, your brother has probably never mentioned this to you, but one of the times that he gave Deanna a "night off" to take an exercise class, she came home to find Michael squabbling with Meredith and Robin. When Dee asked what was going on, Michael sputtered, "She started it!" Pointing at Merrie. And Merrie said, "Attic Guy is a poopy head!" Robin added, "Poopy head, poopy head!" Mike actually burst into tears and insisted that Dee make the kids stop being "mean" to him.
The next day, she called me up to say she'd need my babysitting services once a week--and that I'd be watching three children: Meredith, Robin, and "Michael, the 30-year-old infant who resides with us."
But a week later, everything had blown over and I never actually had to "babysit" your brother. So I wouldn't worry too much about this Alto girl.
Ardith
At 8:31 PM,
April Patterson said…
ardith, thanx 4 sharing that story. u r rite, mike has never told me abt it.
jeremy an' vicki, thanx 4 coming up w/a plan 2 help me out.
apes
At 8:48 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, i took vicki’s advice. vanessa & vicki & gordie & i took alto out 2 starbux. vicki learned that sayin’ things like, “tamales, huevos rancheros, chalupas, gorditas or meximelts r things ur ppl r n2” wuz not xxactly politically correct. 4tun8ly, we r n mboro, where peeps say politically incorrect thingz all the freakin’ tyme. so vicks & alto shared a moment where they talked ‘bout ignorant mboro peeps. i h8 2 say it, but ur mom came up a lot in this part of the convo.
then we talked 2 alto ‘bout u & luis & had a rilly good convo ‘bout that 2. the deal w/u is the sitch u mite not xxpect. luis is a playa & u sumtymez don’t know how ur comin’ off.
lemme give u sum hints:
1. if ur in a public place, like the cafetorium 4 lunch 4 xxample, u shud sit next 2 ur bf, gerald. if u sit nexta luis & he starts fondling ur arm & stuff, peeps talk.
2. u shud prolly not call the guyz in the band ur own private wolf pack & howl @them in fronta othah peeps.
alto is rilly mad @luis, but she can’t get mad @luis, cuz she thinks it wud drive him away (& it prolly wud). u know how it is wen ur bf is not xxactly mr. nice. he sez 2 come & drink wine w/him & lie on a sofa bed w/him, wen it’s not sumthin’ u rilly wanna do, eh? u go along w/it cuz thass wut sum girls do 2 keep their guyz.
it’s the same w/alto & luis. alto told me wut "pendeja" means & it is not the kinda thing a good bf sez ‘bout his gf, particularly defendin’ anothah girl. neway, the main reason she is goin’ aftah u, cuz ur 1 of the girls luis likes 2 flirt w/. but don’t take it personal cuz it’s not rilly ‘bout u. alto sed she will lay off, if u stop doin’ stuff in skool w/luis peeps will tease her about. u know, no girl wunts 2 hear “ur bf wuz fondling april patterson again. ru gonna let her get away w/it?”
neway, the baby-sittin’ stuff she swears is real, but if ur friend ardith sez ur sil duz that kinda stuff wen she gets mad, then mebbe it is not real. alto duzn't wanna babysit u neway, cuz it wud b embarrassin' 4 her 2.
i hafta go now. vanessa sez she is tired of me writin’ 2u. she sez she haz a comfy accommodation 4 me. now vicki sez she had a comfy accommodation 4 gordie 2. u know i kinda realized sumthin’ ‘bout vicki & gordie 2nite. wen ur bf is in hospital all the tyme, there r certain kindsa bf/gf thingz u can’t do & not gettin’ 2 do them, makes u rilly wanna do them. I think vicki iz plannin’ 2 do sum stuff w/gordie u can’t do w/a broken coccyx, plus wen ur gf wunts 2 play ‘round w/ur coccyx, it’s not like a bf can turn her down, eh?
At 9:03 PM,
April Patterson said…
thanx 4 posting all that, jeremy. and thanx 2 u an' vicki 4 yr help.
alto, i will make luis keeps his distance. and i'll tell him it's not cube of him 2 treat u bad.
ape
At 9:12 PM,
Anne said…
Dinner was a lot of fun; I'm so glad every1 got along & resolved their issues!
Aldo gave me a blank look when I asked her if she was n2 Menudo. Then I told her the Rolling Stones have a similar policy about getting rid of band members, expect their cutoff age is 90. She laffed & we hit it off. I told her Apes is cube & that it's not her fault her family's a bunch of foobs, she understood.
I guess Gordie's non pc-ways rubbed off on me. He told me about the time him & Gerald prank called a Middle Eastern takeout restaurant & gave them the customer name "Mitur Binisdurti." The merlot he stole from his parents' cellar went great w/the food tho, Gordie sed.
Vicks
At 10:06 PM,
Anonymous said…
April, you do realize this whole wine thing is a plot by the Powers that Be so that you can be forced to marry your childhood sweetheart in a shotgun wedding next month, don't you? Maybe you can have a double wedding with Liz and Anthony.
Post a Comment
<< Home