April's Real Blog

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Not-"Escort" Gets an Invite of His Own

Liz is v. upset abt what happed when she went 2 Gordo's Garage an' Grill 2 ask Anthony 2 go 2 Shawna-Marie's wedding as her d8.

As she went in2 his office, she sed, "Knock-knock! May I come in?" And Anthony was like, "Well, hello!!" I didn't xxpect 2 C U!!" And Liz was all, "Anthony, this is a luvly office!" Anthony agreed, all "Sure is! When Gordon made me a manager, he did it up rite!" Then he was like, "And 2 what do I owe the honour of this most welcome visit?" Wow, that seems a lil overly formal, don't U think, my awesum yet gentle readers? NEway, Liz responded 2 that w/"Well...Shawna-Marie's wedding is coming up..." And Anthony was totally, "I know. I got an invitation." Liz sed, "Gr8! I'm in the wedding party, and I came 2 C if U'd B my 'escort.'" [Yeah, in "quotes."] And Anthony answered her w/"I'd luv 2, Elizabeth! It's just that...I've invited sum1 else!"

Liz is being all, "How cd he do that 2 me?! ? 1st he asks me 2 w8 4 him [1.5 yrs ago], and then he won't even w8 4 me?"

Well, I'm kinda worried abt whoev it is Anthony invited 2 B his d8 2 that wedding. I hope he doesn't end up neglecting her the whole time, making her feel like chopped liver while he moons over Liz. That wd B lousy. And yet there's sumthing v. familiar abt that.

Dennis, I think U mite B getting another call from Liz, 2 B her "escort" and dance partner.

Apes

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posted by April Patterson @ 6:54 AM  

21 Comments:

  • At 9:35 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    I suppose you are wondering how it is that Mr. Caine got an invitation and a date to Miss Shawna-Marie Verano’s wedding, when he told me he didn’t get one. Mr. Caine called me up to finalize some details for me to babysit his daughter, Francie, and I asked him about it. He said, “Honoria, it’s a new kind of humour I have been trying. You say something is true and then you immediately say the opposite is actually the truth. Like the other day, when I told Elizabeth Patterson, I’d love to accept her invitation to be her ‘escort’ to Shawna-Marie’s wedding, but then I immediately told her I had invited someone else. Don’t you think that’s funny?” I said, “That type of humour must be an acquired taste, Mr. Caine.” Then I asked him who he had invited and he said, “I invited my mother. No, I didn’t.” I was confused. He said, “It’s my style of humour, don’t you get it?” I said, “It’s like you can say a lie, and then it’s alright because you tell the truth right away.” Mr. Caine said, “Exactly.”

    I know Mr. Caine adores your sister Elizabeth, so I have no idea why he would ask someone else to the wedding. I asked my Jeremy flower about it, and he said Mr. Caine has a history of asking out other women as soon as he hears Elizabeth is dating another man, and that his ex-wife was such a woman. Jeremy supposes Anthony must have heard about your sister dating Mr. Blackwood. Jeremy also said he thought the scenario you described of what would happen between your sister and Mr. Caine at the wedding was very likely. It sounds like a horrible time to me, and also horribly rude. I certainly hope your sister has better manners than that.

    There is something else which is weighing on my heart, future sister April. Jeremy was reading your family’s monthly letters yesterday and he informed me he was quite excited you did not mention him in your monthly letter, since your monthly letter usually says something unflattering about him when he is mentioned. He told me I should also be quite excited I am not mentioned. I would scarcely believe you would allow insults to be associated with your name, but my Jeremy flower is a vigilant truth-teller, so I have no reason to believe he is lying about the matter.

    I was therefore, excited not be mentioned, until I saw what you had written about my brother, Gerald. I hope you are really not considering breaking up with my brother. My understanding is that your sister advised you to tell Gerald to “stuff it”, which does not have to be considered a recommendation to break up. Perhaps you can think of it as an opportunity to express your anger to Gerald and have a good conversation with him. I also certainly hope you see more redeeming qualities to Gerald than the fact he is a good musician. I think brother, like any man, can be trained to become a gentleman.

    Love,
    Honoria Delaney-Forsythe

     

  • At 9:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Formerly little sis. I knew this would happen. I just knew it. Every time Anthony Caine finds out the Lizardbreath is dating another man, he immediately finds another woman. I only hope and pray it’s not another awful Quebecois woman like the last time, and he hasn’t already proposed to her. Elizabeth should have invited Anthony to my congratulapalooza party, and not Warren Blackwood. I told her that and told her that, and she said, “No, Mike. I owe Warren because he saved me from Paul.” I said, “Well Anthony saved you from Howard Bunt, and he was an actual threat. Did you ever ask him out to thank him?” And she said, “Michael Patterson, it would be improper to ask Anthony out until a year had passed since his divorce. Otherwise it would make me look like a home wrecker.” I said, "You were seen dozens of times fondling each other in public when he was married. People already think you are a home wrecker. Ask Anthony." But it was no used talking to her. She wouldn’t invite Anthony and now she is paying the price. The whole thing makes me sick. I want to take my practice driving pylons and smack her over the head a few times, to knock some sense into her. Fortunately, I am not a violent man.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     

  • At 9:56 AM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    I have been in a great mood since I read your Blog entry today! Becky and I read it together and we laughed and laughed and laughed, until we made those kind of laughing sounds where you can barely breathe and tears are rolling down your face. After my trial for sexually assaulting your sister and the ear-tweaking I took from Anthony Caine, I don't think I could have read anything more perfect.

    Howard Bunt

     

  • At 10:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    april, congrats on gettin' ur G1. also congrats 4 not mention' u also have ur M1. aftah readin' ur monthly letter, i unnerstand y have not had a lotta tyme 2 practice ride my motorcycle, if practically all ur rellies r takin' u4 practice drives. it's kinda funny they hardly spend netime w/u, but wen it's an opportunity 2 get outa the house, all ur rellies r jumpin' @the chance 2 take u4 practice drives.

    also, thanx again 4 not mentionin' me in ur monthly letter. i appreci8 it.

    it soundz like frum deanna's letter, ur not gonna get 2 stay in an upstairs bedroom, cuz she plans to stay up their in ur room cuz of the kids & she plans 4 merrie & robin 2 have their own rooms. duz this mean u wud get ur mom & dad's room downstairs? that wud b way cube if u cud. thass the biggest bedroom in the house & u cud like go n & outa ur house w/o nebody knowin'. if u getta choice, thass wut i wud pick.

     

  • At 1:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hello everyone,

    First I am sorry about not writing yesterday, but things are very busy here, as the end of the school year gets near we have all kinds of tests to do, well you know how I feel about that, each student is going to learn at his or her own pace and it is not right to try to force him or her into the "white man's" rigid schedule of testing and promotion, for example, when I taught in Mtigwaki, I had many grades in one class, and this was helpful so I could calibrate lessons to how fast or slow a student felt like learning, but here, a student has to either hurry up and learn fast or get left behind when his or her peers get promoted at the end of the year, it's just not right, so I am doing the tests, but when some of my students don't get the greatest marks on them, I give extra points for effort and creativity, to help them better know the "red man's way."

    Speaking of "white versus other colors," Shawna-Marie and I had lots of conversations on the phone about her wedding dress, of course, I am too busy to actually ever go with her bridal dress shopping, but she sent me pictures with her phone, well, she looked stunning in many of the white dresses she tried on, but I said to Shawna-Marie, "Who do you think you're trying to fool, you can't wear white, you have lived with your boyfriend and even shared motorcycle adventures with him, you have to wear some shade of off-white," and Shawna-Marie started to cry, because she was dreaming of a big white wedding, but I was very firm with her and I said, "Shawna-Marie, get ahold of yourself," and she said, "But my cousin in the States slept with 18 different guys before she married her husband, and she wore white, and I have only slept with one man, who it the man I'm going to marry!" and I asked her, "Where does your cousin live?" and Shawna-Marie said, "New York," and I said, "Well duh Shawna-Marie, sleeping with only 18 guys is like being a virgin in New York, haven't you ever seen Sex and the City?, but this is Milborough, and in Milborough, if it is publicly known you have done anything more than first base with a boy, you can't wear white," and Shawna-Marie said fine, what color could she wear?, and I said, "You have to pick a shade of off-white, since you only did it with the groom, you can wear 'cream,' that is very close to being white," and Shawna-Marie said, "But, I also went to third base with Ralphie Feggmutz after prom," and I said, "Is there any proof of that?" and Shawna-Marie said, "What do you mean?" and I said, "The only sex things that count against you are the ones other people know about, in public, like, you lived with your fiance, and told everyone about your motorcycle adventures, so everyone knows you are not a virgin, but nobody knows about you and Ralphie, because it's not like anybody announced publicly you went to third base," and Shawna-Marie said, "Oh," and got all quiet and then she asked, "What would happen if I just wore white anyways?" and I said, "The congregation would stone you to death, silly!" and laughed, and then Shawna-Marie got mad for some stupid reason, and said, "Well, I guess you will have to wear 'ivory' for your wedding, won't you Liz, after all, you lived with Eric, and you broke up Anthony's marriage, and everyone in Mtigwhatever knows you had sleepovers with Paul," and I said, "Au contraire, Shawna-Marie, I always maintain what is called 'public deniability,' remember, Eric and I had separate bedrooms, so for all anyone knows, we were just roomies, and I never did anything except go to parties where I knew Anthony would be and talk to him, and Paul always left his suitcase at his uncle's house so people would know he wasn't really staying with me, so I can wear white," and Shawna-Marie got so mad she hung up on me, but later on she sent me a picture of her lovely 'cream' dress, and sent me a text that said, "u cn fk off, lz pttrsn," which I totally couldn't understand, what is wrong with people these days and their grammar, but at least she picked a nice dress that will not get her stoned, although strangely when I learned about the bridesmaid lineup I found out I got demoted in the order, Shawna-Marie said something about wanting to do it in alphabetical order and since I have a Z in my name I have to stand as far away from the bride as possible, not sure what's up with that, but I am an excellent bridesmaid, and I hope this wedding will finally catch me the husband I so richly deserve.

    Speaking of this, that silly Anthony Caine went and got himself a different woman to go to the wedding with, what was he thinking?, why wouldn't he wait until the last possible second for an Elizabeth Patterson request for an escort, the fool, now I will have to break out my Gay Dancing Wedding Non-Loser Escort, Dennis North, gosh, I hope he is still around!

    Liz

     

  • At 1:57 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Nice going, Liz. Shawna-Marie and her Mom are really disappointed. She had finally found the perfect dress, but it's only available in white, so she had to go with her second choice. I told her, "Who cares what Liz thinks, nobody judges your purity by the color of your dress anymore. It's not some kind of seal of approval." But Shawna-Marie's Mom said that if she wore the white dress, you could be sure Elly Patterson would be spreading gossip and speculation about Shawna all over town before the cake was even cut.

    Nobody buys your "public denability", Liz. If you get married, you'll have to wear tan.

    Shawna-Marie and I are going over to the bridal shop this afternoon to check on the alterations for the bridesmaids dresses. I'm going to see if we can get a nice, big bow on the back of yours for your enormous butt.

    Dawn

     

  • At 1:59 PM, Blogger Luann DeGroot said…

    Liz, if you're that hard-up for a date for the wedding, I'm sure my brother is free all decade.

    Luann

     

  • At 2:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Dawn,

    You have no proof I did anything, there are no pictures of me doing naughty things with any man and I had separate bedrooms!!!

    And it's not me making the rules, it's the Milborough Town Code, I mean just yesterday, I came home to find Mom sitting around the dining room table with Anne Nichols and Connie Poirier and there were a bunch of rocks and cans of Pledge and dust rags and I asked, "What are you doing?" and they said, "Polishing our good throwing stones, it's wedding season!" and Anne Nichols said, "The Sorensens' daughter is planning to have an open marriage, and she thinks she's going to get away with wearing 'buff,'" and Connie Poirier said, "You're kidding!" and Mom started polishing her rock harder, saying, "I was invited to that travesty! Connie, do you want to be my date?" and Connie said, "You dope, I got invited to that wedding too. We should each bring a date. The more stoners, the better. Pick someone with a good throwing arm." Anne said, "Take me. My arm is strong from throwing all those coffee cups at Steve."

    There is apparently a Milborough Matron's Matrimonial Standards Enforcement Phone Tree, and I am just saying, if Shawna-Marie doesn't want to get all enforced on by some matrons on her wedding day, she shouldn't wear white, it's not like I made up these rules, just ask Mom about what happened at Mike and Dee's wedding, how all the matrons showed up with their handbags full of rocks, expecting to get to stone Dee, since everyone thought she lived with Mike before marriage, but then some magical force prevented them from heaving away, Mom says the Good Witch of the North protected Dee because she was a virgin before her real wedding, so it was okay to wear a white dress to her fake wedding, since she just wore an ugly brown sweater dress to her real wedding, it was like she deserved a do-over or something.

    Why does everyone always blame me for just saying the truth of what Mom tells me, sheesh?

    Liz

     

  • At 4:18 PM, Blogger howard said…

    Dawn,

    As much as I hate to agree with Elizabeth, the Milborough Matron's Matrimonial Standards Enforcement Phone Tree enforces the Milborough Town Code on Matrimonial Standards quite zealously. During June, you can’t get a good throwing stone to save your life, so to speak. All the best ones are gone. And the best ones are the ones where the stone either matches the dress colour the bride should have worn, or the colour of the bridesmaids’ dresses. In Shawna-Marie’s case, with the rainbow bridal colours, almost any stone is fair game. I suppose this is why this method of choosing bridesmaid colours is so trendy in Milborough. I can see the hand of the throwing stone industry at work.

    Becky and I ran across these restrictions in our wedding preparation. So many people are convinced Becky is a roadside gig, thanks to the rumours spread about Becky and Jeffo Bray when she was in Grade 8; outside the wedding ceremony area she is going to have to display at least 3 doctors’ confirmations that she is a virgin determined in the week prior to the wedding. That’s if Becky wants to wear white. With “cream”, she only needs 1 doctor’s confirmation.

    I know when I used to work with Lawrence Poirier and Nick Browne at Lakeshore Landscaping, when they talked about legalizing their union with a wedding ceremony, Lawrence would also mention that his mom (Connie) told him she would support them if they decided to marry but she would not "give away the bride"! Lawrence supposed this to mean that Nicholas would have to play the part of the bride and thus be the recipient of the stones, if he chose to wear white. Lawrence really wants to be the bride at his wedding, but he doesn’t want to be stoned, and he wants to wear white, even though his personal history would dictate otherwise.

    Howard Bunt

     

  • At 4:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    My dearest Jeremy flower,

    I think I would prefer for us to get married in a town other than Milborough. I am allergic to throwing stones. What do you think?

    Love,
    Honoria Delaney-Forsythe

     

  • At 4:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    honoria, stop planning our weddin'. ur 2 young 2b thinkin' 'bout thoze kinda thingz w/me. 'sides ur still goin' on thoze d8s w/ur bro 2 find a bettah guy 4u than me.

     

  • At 4:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    My dearest Jeremy flower,

    There is nothing wrong with a girl making plans for her future, no matter how young she is. Mater says that my brother Gerald and dear April started dating when they were 11 years old. Don't worry, Jeremy. I will do all the planning. I think we should get married some place where there are no stones.

    Love,
    Honoria Delaney-Forsythe

     

  • At 6:47 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    honoria, when liz was asking me if i m the kinda person who can move on and just b friends, that was actually her way of saying i shd break up w/ger. i know not every1 got that from what she sed, but that's what it was. i'm a lil confused rite now and i know i hafta have a real serious talk w/ger. but 4 sum reason, it is v. v. hard 4 a patterson 2 have a talk like that w/a significant other.

    i wdn't worry abt marrying in m'boro. i'm sure u will keep yr reputation impeccable. and yr mother, the way she luvs the colour white? she'll prolly make sure every1 @ yr wedding is wearing white, and that u wear, like, extra-brite white, like how white loox under black lite. and u'll prolly have white flowers, 2. in a church that's entirely white, inside and out. and the programmes will b in braille, so they can b white on white.

    mike, mom sez u needn't worry. things will work out like they r supposed 2. but there will b sum "suspense."

    jeremy, no prob abt not mentioning u. and thanx 4 the congrats. i m pretty stoked abt my g1. i went 4 a lil drive w/iris after school, and now i m writing this from gramps and her apt.

    apes

     

  • At 7:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    All,

    There's a very simple explanation for what happened in the office today, and why I told Beautiful Golden Gal Liz that I invited someone else, and that's

    Oh, crap. BRB

    Anthony

     

  • At 7:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Milborough Town Code on Matrimonial Standards? Now I remember why I moved to Ottawa and got out the first chance I had. But, if that's the way the system works, I'll bring some freshly polished stones to your white wedding Liz, just in case. Hey, it's not me making the rules.

    Dawn

     

  • At 7:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Dawn,

    I don't know why a person who is supposed to be one of my best friends is suddenly acting all hateful to me, is it because you are mad you can't wear white and get married in Milborough because of how you are shacked up with your fiance David, well, I did not make the rules, it is not my fault you were not smart enough to demand your own separate bedroom for deniability sake.

    There will be no stones at my Milborough white wedding, Mom promised me there will be no trouble, she says Dr. McCaulay owes her and Dad big time for not turning him in for something or other, and he is going to publish a big announcement of my eligibility to wear white before my wedding, so there is no confusion, even though I never did anything the public might be able to pin on me beyond a reasonable doubt, Mom says she knows that jealous sluts out there will be sure to try to make a fuss, I guess she was right.

    April, don't talk to Gerald about this problem, are you crazy, that's the last thing you should do! If you wait long enough, it will get decided for you, also, remember what Mom taught us, direct conversation between a man and a woman should be avoided until the last possible minute, like, if Gerald really does get convicted of besmirching your reputation, you could tell him whether you are breaking up with him or not while he walks up on the gallows, unless he just cheats on you first, then that will answer the question for you.

    Liz

     

  • At 8:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Dearest sister-flower,

    You know Mater will have a stroke if you aren't married in the style my April flower described. Except that Mater will simply have the programs done in silver writing on white. Mater says "only retards use Braille, and there will be no retards at my angel's wedding." I have to say I agree with Mater.

    Darling April angel, what was it you wanted to talk to me about? Perhaps it would be easier to say if the setting were "post coital pillow talk." Think it over, sweet cheeks.

    Gerald

     

  • At 8:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    lol, lucky 4 me, i dcided 2 wear a dress that is a color 4 r wedding. i don't think i look so good in white neway. fafa sed it wuz a good idea 2 wear a color that conceals stains cuz of the traditional viking games an' sports that will occur during the reception. i tried 2 tell him howie an' me didn't plan a viking wedding, but fafa stuck his fingers in his ears and yelled, "la la la, i'm not listening!"

    at least he hasn't sed nething abt traditional icelandic apparel. yet.

    apes, just tell ger rite now. do it fast, like ripping off a bandaid. it's cruel 2 keep him dangling, ya know. he keeps calling me 4 "girl advice" an' coming over an' hanging out @ my bungalow while me an' howie r trying 2 plan r wedding, an' how many babies 2 have. it's distracting.

    becks

     

  • At 8:38 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    liz, that stuff abt not having a direct convo w/ger? mom keeps telling me the same thing (she totally read my may 2007 letter, but 4 sum reason she doesn't wanna know what i was talkin' abt wrt ger). but every1 else sez i need 2 talk.

    ger, since the whole reason i'm upset w/u rite now is that u have 1/2 the school thinking we went all the way? u r totally not having ne chance of getting me 2 go all the way w/u b4 we have our heart-2-heart talk.

    becks, i know i need 2 decide! but i don't know what my decision is gonna b.

    which reminds me. jeremy, i don't know where i'm gonna b, or even if i'm staying in our house.

    apes

     

  • At 9:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April,

    Dearest future sister. Your assessment of Mater’s decorating is mostly correct. However she did make that unfortunate statement about Braille. Mater has quite a fondness for most flowers, even ones that aren't white, except for tulips due to some family tragedy involving that particular flower.

    I thought it would be worthwhile to give you a warning about the events which occurred during this evening’s faux double-date dinner with brother and me. As you may recollect, thanks to your last evening out with Gerald, Mater and Pater both declared that brother should report to them the suitability of the male side of a brother-sister combination from the young people at the Milborough Country Club they had arranged for Gerald and me to double-date.

    This evening we were paired with Stephanie or “Stiffy” as she likes to be called, and Augustus or “Gussie" as he likes to be called, Fink-Nottle. I will try to describe the events as they occurred to the best of my ability.

    Gussie has a face not unlike a fish, wears horn-rimmed spectacles, and devoted most of his conversation to his recent discoveries in his research of newts. As a lady I was trying my best to show an interest in his interests and I was racking my brain to remember my grade 8 biology class coverage of newts. After several minutes of this, I was quite surprised when Stiffy said, “For God’s sake, Honoria, stop encouraging him. This whole dinner is a farce! Everyone knows I am secretly engaged to Harold "Stinker" Pinker, and Gussie is madly in love with Madeline Bassett.” Gussie said, “But Stiffy, I was just getting to the most exciting part, where I tell what I learned about the newts’ reproductive lives. Surely Honoria is interested in that. It is quite exciting. I would even say titillating.”

    I said, “Stiffy. I suppose we could talk about something else for a bit. Do you have any suggestions?” Stiffy said, “Absolutely. I want to know if April Patterson has broken up with Gerald yet. Everyone says she is going to do it.” Gerald, who had been either writing things on his cell phone or slumbering, woke up at this point. He said, “What? My April flower is not breaking up with me. Who is spreading this rumour?” Gussie said, “I suppose it might be the same person spreading the rumour that April Patterson went roadside with you.” Gerald said, “I never said that. People are just making an interpretation.” I said, “An interpretation! April swears you two didn’t do much more than kissing.”

    Stiffy said, “Kissing? Kissing would be nothing to get upset about, so it wouldn’t make sense for April to get upset. Let me tell you, Honoria. April made a big deal about this pinky swear she took with Becky McGuire 2 years ago, that she wasn’t going to go all the way roadside until she was at least 16 years old. Then when she turned 16 years old, she showed up at school with a new hairstyle, loaded down with makeup, and puffed up collageny lips. Compared to how she used to dress, it was like she had turned into a slut over night. Then the rumour spread about how your brother was over at her house when her parents weren’t there and everyone put two and two together.” And brother said, “I never said told anyone my April flower went roadside.” Stiffy said, “You didn’t have to. Her makeup and her hair told the story.”

    I said, “Now Stiffy. A girl has a right to change her makeup and her hair. I change my makeup and hair regularly. Just because April changed those, doesn’t mean anything.” Stiffy said, “When a girl doesn’t change her hairstyle or her makeup for over 5 years, it does.” Gussy said, “I am not usually observant of female style changes, but I must admit that even I noticed.” I said, “But that doesn’t mean she went roadside with Gerald. It just means she has extraordinarily poor personal grooming. Brother, how can you let these two say these things about your girlfriend?”

    Gerald said, “But Honoria, now people think we did something together. For the longest time, I had a hard time convincing people I was even dating April. We hardly went out. We rarely kissed, and we almost never kissed in public. There’s nothing worse than when people ask you if your girlfriend is your sister.” Gussie said, “Perhaps it was some sort of religious influence. I have heard of such a thing. Stiffy’s fiancé Stinker, is quite religious and they rarely kiss.” Stiffy said, “In public, yes. In private, Stinker is an animal.”

    Gerald said, “No. April isn’t religious. She hasn’t been to a church in years.” Gussie said, “Perhaps it’s a cultural thing. Like that Richard Gere kissing on the Indian actress and they bring immorality charges against him.” Gerald said, “Cultural. That’s possible.” I said, “I don’t think April is Indian.” Gerald said, “No wait a minute. It’s starting to make sense now. April wanted those tabla drums from India for her birthday. It was her favourite gift and so odd for a 16-year-old girl. April is really embracing the Indian culture. That’s why we rarely kiss. That’s why she was so embarrassed when I told people I was over at her house kissing her. She’s the Indian actress and I’m Richard Gere. Gussie, you’re a genius.” Gussie said, “Thank you. People so rarely recognize it.”

    Then Gerald got up from the table and said, “Mr. Singh has a whole section in his convenience store with Indian goods. My little April flower was trying to send me a message with the tabla drums and I completely missed it. I must outfit myself in a salwar kameez or a sari or a kurta and pledge myself to her new Indian style.” Then he got up and ran off.

    Stiffy said, “Thank goodness this is over. Come on Augustus. It’s time to go home.” Then they left. I had to wait for Mater to pick me up, and she questioned me about the suitability of the Fink-Nottles. The mention of Gussie’s newts immediately put her off Gussie. When I got home, Gerald was there and arrayed quite oddly. I told him that the sari was intended for the women to wear, but I don’t know if he was listening to me. He headed over to your place, April, and I so that is why I am sending this message of warning. Also, if you could take pictures I would very much appreciate it.

    Love,
    Honoria Delaney-Forsythe

     

  • At 9:24 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    omg, ger is here. he is wearing a sari, trying 2 do tree pose, and reciting sum hindi he sed mr. singh taut him. mike is writing notes cuz he sez "this will make a gr8 humour column." and liz is standing by me whispering that this wd b a gd time 2 break up.

    apes

     

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