April's Real Blog

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

16 an' my 'rents think I can't hear?

K, so a lotta U noticed how I had my hair an' makeup an' clothes a bit diff yesterday? Well, as I was leaving the house, I heard Mom asking Dad, "Was that April?" And I heard Dad answering, "That's our youngest daughter @ the age of 16, Elly." What a bizarre thing 2 say. Like he's trying 2 get casual passersby caught up on who I am. And who ELSE wd I B that Mom even needed 2 ask? Then, Dad went on w/"Everything's going 2 B changing now. --She's driving age." And Mom was all, "Yeah. ...She's going 2 B driving us crayzee!"

Can U believe how rude? Just cuz I'm 16, doesn't mean I can't hear their loud voices when I'm just out front on the lawn, on my way 2 the bus stop. Sheesh.


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  • At 10:13 AM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, ha! evn ur own mom didn't recognize u, only ur dad. this means ur mom & ur bro recognize u by lookin' @certain thingz & ur dad recognizes u by lookin' @othah thingz. i'm not sure if thass good or bad, or it just means ur dad is smarter than ur bro or ur mom. neway, i don't feel bad wen i didn't recognize u then, cuz i'm prolly not az smart az ur dad, since he'z a doctor & all. mebbe he recognized ur dental pattern, & thass sumthin' i usually don't look @wen i look @u.

    neway, if vanessa makes ne jokes 2u 2day 'bout rings it's cuz she searched me this mornin' & found the promise ring i got 4u. she sed, "jeremy jones. ur 2 victimificant." but then she there were a lotta guyz 2day w/promise rings, so u might not wanna accept ne gifts 2day, april.

    in case i 4got 2 tell u, ur hott. i don't care if vanessa sez the hair on the side of ur face makes u look like a man frum the 19th century. it's all good.

  • At 10:15 AM, Anonymous luis guzman said…


    Please take my promise ring. You are only for me.

    Te adoro,
    Luis Guzman

    Sólo tú le das brillo y Amor a mi Corazón.
    Sólo tú me miras con tanta pureza y belleza interior.
    Sólo tú llenas de Alegría a mi Alma.
    Sólo tú conoces mis secretos, deseos y anhelos.
    Sólo tú me transmites calor con tus manos.
    Sólo tú me das fuerzas para seguir viviendo.
    Sólo tú me hablas con tanta dulzura.
    Sólo tú me escuchas con tanta paciencia.
    Sólo tú me acaricias con tanta delicadeza.
    Sólo tú me besas con tanta ternura.
    Sólo tú me comprendes con tanta sutileza.
    Sólo tú haces que me sienta el Ser más Feliz del Universo.
    Sólo tú me das tanta seguridad en mí misma.
    Sólo tú me calmas y tranquilizas cuando estoy mal.
    Sólo tú eres el que puede entrar en mi Corazón y en mi Ser.
    Sólo tú me abrigas cuando tengo frío.
    Sólo tú eres y serás el Dueño de mi Corazón.
    Sólo tú eres mi Sueño hecho realidad.
    Sólo tú eres y serás el que me ama y me amará siempre.
    Sólo tú eres al que amo y amaré eternamente!

  • At 10:23 AM, Anonymous Michael Patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. It is a sad fact that our parents appear to have lost the fine art of using thought balloons. I find them saying many things out loud which would have been more appropriate in a thought balloon. When mom is in the kitchen and says to Elizabeth, “I hope you learned the lesson I learned about using proper birth control when you watched me birth April.” Or when I am on a walk with dad in the park and he sees a skinny, wrinkly woman and says out loud, “I would like to ride a train with THAT!” It is a little embarrassing. Of course, yesterday I said about you, “What the heck is THAT?”, so I fear I am headed down the same path of loud inappropriate comments, eventually getting to the point where I am another Grandpa Jim, uttering obscenities with every breath I take. I wonder if I should add a thought-balloon-less character to my second book for comedy relief?

    Michael Patterson

  • At 11:11 AM, Anonymous gerald forsythe said…

    Yo April my luvv,

    Since this is the second day of talking about you looking like a Bratz doll, I guess you're gonna keep ur new ultra-hott look. Yee-haw! Baby, I'm on fire! Don't keep me waiting any more! I got Mater to give me my Grandmere's diamond engagement ring. If you'll do me, it's yours!


  • At 3:42 PM, Anonymous Constable Paul Wright said…


    Boozhoo (Hello).

    Once again, miigwetch (thank you) for calling and asking for my opinion on your family’s monthly letters. I read them and I felt bad for Elizabeth. It seems like your family wants her to move out of the house and be on her own and alone in an apartment. It is so different from the way of my people, where we want to protect the moozhikwe (unmarried women). In your noos (father’s) letter, the only one which talks about me by name, he says Elizabeth has “pulled into herself.” Your nisayenh (brother) says she should “extract her thoughts from the man she met in Mtigwaki (Land of Trees), and get her inner strength back.” I do not understand why moving away and being alone will help Elizabeth with this. I think it would make her be even more “pulled into herself.”

    Your sister told me she was leaving Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) to spend more time with her family, and what I see from these letters is she is trying to be alone when she is in a house full of her family. If your family is what she wanted, she should be very happy now. You are all there. You are living close. It is like a First Nations family, with more than one family in the same house.

    I know she is really unhappy because she left Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) to pursue Anthony Caine. There is nothing in these letters about him. Your sister has been in the South for 9 months. I think she has only seen Anthony Caine when she was at the trial of Howard Bunt. I don’t think he is interested in your sister like she thought he was, and that is what really makes her sad.

    Your nisayenh (brother) does not believe Warren Blackwood is good for your sister, because he will like his job more than her. He should think he is bad for her, because is a gagiinawishkihe (liar). Your nisayenh (brother) is wrong. Quitting a job will not make your sister happy. I applied for 2 transfers and it wasn’t enough. She will accept no one but Anthony Caine, and I do not know if she would be happy if she had him.

    When I read the part where your sister talks about teaching in Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) and the place where she teaches now, it makes me think your sister finally regrets her decision to leave. In Mtigwaki (Land of Trees), there are no regrets. My girlfriend Susan Dokis, whom I call Chipper, is the best thing to happen to me. And Chipper is the best thing to happen to the Mtigwaki (Land of Trees) school. No more absenteeism and truancy. Some parents may miss having their children check trap lines all year long, but have no regrets when they hear their children are becoming fluent in Ojibway and learning the honourable ways of our people.

    Miigwetch (thank you) for letting me write my words. I wish good things for your sister and I hope she finds the happiness she seeks. I especially hope she can find happiness without having a boyfriend to do it.

    Gi'-ga-wa-ba-min' na-gutch! (See you later!)
    Constable Paul Wright

  • At 6:48 PM, Anonymous Diana Artemis said…

    I have been retained on April Patterson's behalf by her brother, Michael Patterson, in order to optimize Miss Patterson's ability to garner a wide range of "childhood sweethearts" suitable for future marriage.

    I am a senior fellow at the Johnston Institute for Better Living in Corbeil. One of my subspecialties is the Patterson-Richards Accord of 1979. That document is complex and opaque, and navigating it should not be left to amateurs. Why, the bylaws and amendments alone have entire advanced research fields devoted to them--and rightly so!

    For the moment, I am advising Miss Patterson to accept NO marriage proposals (but not to decline any either, until they have been thoroughly vetted). On a related note, she is not to "do" anyone, not even boyfriend/childhood sweetheart Gerald Delaney Forsythe.

    This is all I have time to report at the moment, as there is much work to do be on Miss Patterson's behalf!

    Diana Artemis, Esq., Ph.D., Ed.D.
    Senior Fellow
    Johnston Institute For Better Living

  • At 6:49 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    hey, peeps, ms. artemis is watching me as i write this, so i can't say much. but thanx 4 writing, paul. i'm glad u cd give yr perspective.


  • At 7:43 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. I had to bring in Ms. Artemis. After Elizabeth told you that you should accept a marriage proposal if the proposal included a dozen chocolate Easter bunnies and mom agreed, someone had to step in. I waited awhile for someone to do that, but after an hour of listening to mom and Liz badger and belittle you for bunnies, I decided the someone should be dad. Dad didn’t want to have anything to do with the Johnston Institute for Better Living, claiming they had removed his Spizerinctum years ago, whatever that is. So, I faced the challenge and asked Deanna to do it. Of course, once she heard the battle was over chocolate bunnies, then Deanna started on a tirade about her stash of Cream Eggs in her desk drawer at the pharmacy and how hard it is to resist them. My children were no help, and neither were the dogs. So, I girded my loins and called the Johnston Institute. They put their top lady on it, Ms. Artemis. With her help, you should know exactly which proposals to accept, which chocolate bunnies to nibble the ears off, and maybe even expand the pool of available childhood sweethearts for later marriage. I admired how well-prepared she was, since she brought the 20-kg bar of chocolate to distract the rest of the family. She’s such a strong woman, she reminds me a lot of cousin Laura. I trust her common sense. I trust in the logic that passes between her and you. Things are looking up for you, formerly little sis.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 8:17 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    mike, liz and mom were giving me the biggest headache. thanx 4 stepping in.



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