April's Real Blog

Monday, April 02, 2007

Me @ 16?

I wanted 2 look all cute 2day, so I spent a bunch of time applying makeup, and I styled and sprayed my hair so it framed my face in a nice way, w/my hair down. But the blasted curse jumped in, and the back part of my hair sprang back in2 the propeller bun! I was a bit surprised that the front part stayed the way I'd arranged it, but I guess that's the new "16yo" version of my hair curse. Also, I wore a lil cami under my uni shirt, w/the front of my shirt slitely unbuttoned so U can C the lacy part of the cami.

When I arrived in the kitchen 2 make my brekky, Mike was pulling toast from the toaster, all "Good morning, Baby Sis!" Then, as I was getting my brekky 2gether, and Mike was sitting his Patterson butt down @ the kitchen table, Mike asked Dad, "What the heck is THAT?!!" And Dad was all, "April @ 16." Can U believe how rude? This really makes me think of how Gramps musta felt when Mike was asking Iris if Gramps was crayzee, rite in fronta Gramps!

Jeremy, I was s00per-xxcited abt that Ronco Pun-Preventer, and it DID work--for a while. But it was no match against Dad's will 2 pun. It ended up a smoky, sputtery mess, I'm afraid. Thanx 4 trying, tho!


Edit: A got sum cube b-day greetings @ my MySpace, which can finally B viewed by all now that I'm 16. Unfortch I still can't login, so I just wanted 2 say thanx 4 the cube b-day wishes!

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  • At 7:16 AM, Anonymous Gerald's Brother said…

    Hey, April, you're lookin' FINE today! My lame-ass brother isn't MAN enough for you. I'm gonna punch him in the stomach during my next free. It'll be fun seeing him doubled over. Then I'll buy you a chicken wrap during lunch. You'll see I'm the superior Forsythe male.

    Gerald's Brother

  • At 7:23 AM, Anonymous Honoria Forsythe said…

    Hey, April, did Gerald tell you about my being expelled from the boarding school where Mater and Pater had me enrolled? I had to get registered at the public middle school for the balance of grade eight, and now I'm taking home ec at the high school, just like you did! I just realized I have to start wearing more makeup if I'm to fit in around here.

    Anyway, I wanted to warn you against getting between my brothers. NOT a good idea!

    Honoria Forsythe

  • At 9:46 AM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    I guess I can’t call you little sis anymore. When I was playing my game of “Fit the toast in the toaster with my eyes closed”, I only sensed your presence or maybe your silhouette coming down for breakfast. But when I opened my eyes I spoke out loud primary out of shock. When I am shocked by something, I frequently speak before I think about what I am saying. When I was little, mom thought it was really cute. Now I'm older it’s more of a problem.

    Nevertheless, when I saw you in your school uniform, with all that makeup on, and the hair on the back of your head extended out so far as if it would make another head; I was reminded of this internet website I found one time. I think it was www.sexyschoolgirls.com, or was it www.justbarelylegal.com. I am not sure. I mentioned it to dad, and he thinks it was www.sexyschoolgirls.com.

    I said to him, “Are you going to let April go to school with that much makeup on and looking like that? Dad just said, “As you know Mike, April is a grown woman now. Elly and I have done our part in raising her, but now she’s sixteen, we’re done. Just call us for the graduation, eh?” I was a little surprised by this. As you may remember, formerly little sis, Elizabeth and I both had senior secondary through grade 13, so we were 19 before we went to university, and yet I seem to remember mom and dad parenting us even when we were 19 years old. Of course, Elizabeth didn’t start look made up like you did today until she was 25, so maybe it’s true that kids today grow older faster. After all, Gordon Mayes at 32 years old, looks close to retirement, so maybe it’s the same way with you.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 10:03 AM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, sorry the ronco pun-preventer broke so quickly. just 2 let u know, there’s this girl @skool 2day who looks v.v. hott. i mean she looked so hott, wen i saw her, i like got on my knees & proposed marriage 2 her, rite in fronta my v-girl vanessa. she wuz rilly ticked off. she sed, “jeremy jones. it’s just april patterson w/her hair down ovah her pointy ears & viol8ing the skool dress code by wearin’ a cami under her uni shirt, & leavin’ her shirt unbuttoned. u don’t need 2b that victimificant.” i sed, “there’s no way thass april. if that wuz april, i doubt evn her own bro wud recognize her w/o help.” vanessa sed, “u boys. a girl wears a little makeup & u act like her whole body haz changed. thass no reasn 2 propose 2 her. y did u do that?” & i sed, “i dunno. it wuz like i didn’t have ne choice.” vanessa, “ur silly, jeremy jones. ur lucky all april did wuz look ovah her shoulder @u & stick her left arm up like a…i don’t know wut she wuz doin’ w/her left arm. mebbe it wuz sum kinda martial arts thing. some girls in mboro take those marriage proposals rilly serious, so ur lucky she didn’t accept.”

    neway, there’s a v.v. hott girl @skool 2day, & vanessa sez it’s u, but i know bettah. 1 of the thingz i always like ‘bout u, wuz u weren’t one of thoze girlz who wears all that makeup & stuff. like ur not sum kinda a-girl. u make fun of thoze kinda girls. vanessa didn’t know wut she wuz talkin’ ‘bout.

  • At 10:09 AM, Anonymous Alto Escurrido said…


    First you don’t invite my boyfriend Luis Guzmán and me to your birthday, even though I found out today everyone else in Luis’ band was invited; and now, now you dress like that to school. Luis is a hot-blooded Latino. You are lucky I have been taking Capoeira, so I knew how to restrain him, or you would have gotten more than a little arm-kissing.

    Alto Escurrido

  • At 10:22 AM, Anonymous Luis Guzmán said…


    Chica. I saw your new look today and I think I am in love. But you are breaking my corazón. Gerald told all the members of the band were together for your birthday party and you said I had “some reason” for not being there. I would have been there, chica, if I had know it was happening.

    You don’t even mention me when you talked about your band in your monthly letter. You talk about how it is hard to get four or five people together to rehearse once a week. I know I am that “or five”. It would explain those rehearsals I don’t know about until I hear about them the next day. Then you talked about adding a synthesizer to the band. At least that’s what I think you said. That’s what I play. Are you trying to replace me, April? Is it because I told you I come from a family of Mexican refugees?

    Te adoro,
    Luis Guzmán

  • At 10:24 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    alto, i did so invite u an' luis, an' u had sum xxcuse y u cdn't go. now u r blaming me 4 not inviting u? wha?

    jeremy, that was v. silly of u 2 propose like that and pretend u didn't know i was myself.

    mike, u goof. the family albums w/pix of u graduating hs and going off 2 college are marked "1994." u didn't do grade 13, and neither did ne of yr friends. 4 sum reason.

    gerald's bro, go e-z on ger. he's having stomach probs again 2day. honoria, thanx 4 the warning.


  • At 10:25 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    luis, mayB yr new policy of fielding all requests thru alto isn't working so well 4 u, eh? i think she's not getting thoze messages 2 u.


  • At 10:27 AM, Anonymous shannon lake said…


    I am not sure you are the nicest girl in Milborough any more. You look like one of those A-girls who make fun of the kids in Special Needs, except you aren't blonde. Please tell me you aren't going to look like this all the time and go back to being the nicest girl in Milborough.

    Shannon Lake

  • At 10:43 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    shannon, mayB it's your turn 2 b the "nicest girl in milborough." i don't know if i can handle the pressure.


  • At 12:57 PM, Anonymous gerald forsythe said…

    Hey, Ape-babe, are you gonna be dressing this skankaliciously from here on out? You look like a Bratz doll. I have wood and it's not even shop class!!!

    Much luvv, G-Dog

  • At 2:03 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    dunno, ger. w8 an' c.


  • At 2:10 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. Right you are about my high school graduation in 1994. I had forgotten only Elizabeth did grade 13. Mom says there were 3 years in my life when I didn’t age, and it always throws me off when it comes to the dates things happened. For example, when I saw you this morning, I thought you had grown up almost overnight. And much to my surprise, mom said that was pretty much when it happened. As recently as yesterday you looked differently. Then I mentioned to mom I noticed most of your giddy girly-talk was gone, like using the words "totally" and "awesome". Mom said I was confused, because you said “totally” just last March 14. However, mom said I was confusing the word “awesome”, which you have said maybe 3 times in the last 4 years, with the word “amazing”, which you use frequently.

    I didn’t know how I could be wrong about your language use. I told mom I was the most closely connected with you, because we are both artists and dreamers, and see the world through different eyes. Mom said you were going to be a veterinarian. I told mom it was obvious the music lessons you were taking from Mr. Bergan has helped you as a lyricist. Then mom said, “Like the lyrics in her 16th birthday song?” I said to her that the two of us have become one in spirit and soul. Mom said, “Please, Mike. I love your writing, but when you talk like this in real life, it’s a little irritating.” Sometimes I can’t wait to move out.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 2:33 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    jeremy, ru sayin’ the girl i proposed 2 wuz u? i think i remembah u sayin’ sumthin’ ‘bout how ur sis sed u were gonna get a big load of patterson allure wen u turned 16, but i didn’t know it meant ur body wuz gonna change like that. it makes sense tho, cuz like wen u walked by i had these rilly strong urges 2 propose. it wuz kinda like howard usedta talk ‘bout w/ur sis.

    oh, just 2 let u know, if u look in a mirror, u might only see shadows & not a reflection. i wuz lookin’ in a mirror in the washroom & i thot i saw u in the background, which kinda startled me cuz ur not the kinda girl who goes n2 the boys’ washroom. neway, wen i looked ‘round u weren’t there, but wen i looked in the mirror u were there.

    i said, “lirpA?”, the girl from the mirror world who escaped n2 our world a long tyme ago. then the mirror you held up a sign which sed, “tell april i don’t wear beehives.” the sign looked normal 2 me, which means i guess she wrote it backwards so i cud read it. i sed, “ko” & i made an “ok” sign w/my hand. she seemed 2b happy. neway, thass the message.

  • At 2:42 PM, Anonymous Shannon Lake said…


    Don’t be silly. Being the nicest girl in Milborough is not something you take turns at. Besides, if you’re special needs you get a really low handicap for being the nicest girl. When I say handicap, I mean like a golfer’s handicap which is like being handicapped for special needs, but not exactly the same. It is almost impossible for a special needs girl to be the nicest girl in Milborough. Because you’re a Patterson, you get a very large handicap, so it’s a lot easier for you than it is for me.

    Shannon Lake

  • At 2:49 PM, Anonymous alto escurrido said…


    For an invitation are you talking about when you said, “Luis has his G2 licence, so he can drive us around Saturday night, so we totally don’t have to walk everywhere?” Of course, I said no and made an excuse. Luis is not a chauffeur.

    Alto Escurrido

  • At 2:54 PM, Anonymous Luis Guzmán said…


    A poem for you to show my amore.

    Busco a alguien

    Busco a alguien que me quiera,
    que me sepa comprender
    que me conozca realmente
    y, como soy, me llegue a querer.

    Alguien que me acompañe
    en la risa y en el llorar
    Alguien que me haga sentir
    lo que valgo, lo que es amar.

    Alguien que llegue a conocerme
    debajo de este disfraz
    que sepa mis frustraciones,
    que viva mi soledad.

    Alguien que entienda mi pena
    o mis ganas de reír.
    Alguien que me consuele
    y me de ganas de seguir.

    Necesito a alguien que me brinde
    compañía, alegría, amistad.
    Alguien que en mí confíe
    y que me enseñe a confiar.

    Tal vez suene egoísta,
    pero quiero a alguien para mi,
    que me de todo su tiempo
    y que me enseñe a vivir

  • At 2:59 PM, Anonymous alto escurrido said…


    ¡Usted cerdo! ¡Se termina nuestro romance!

    Alto Escurrido

  • At 6:19 PM, Anonymous Eva Abuya said…

    Alto, I don't know what you are playing at, girl. I was with April when she told you that you and Luis were invited. She told you, "I'd love it if you and Luis joined me for my birthday celebration. You're welcome to come to over for cake first, or you can meet us after, if you prefer. Either way, getting there shouldn't be a prob, since Luis has his G2 licence."

    Of course, now that your BF is slobbering all over April, I'd start clobbering him, if I were you, man!


  • At 6:30 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    jeremy, yep, it was me. interesting thing abt lirpa. i wish i had better control of my hair.

    mike, when i got home, i heard mom grumbling sumthing abt u walking around quoting yr own monthly letter.

    speaking of quoting our monthly letters, i totally hafta apologize 2 the world 4 the godawful "syn this size" pun. that doesn't even make sense!!! i wish i cd chalk that off 2 mom having steph edit my letter, but what happed was that when the ronco pun-preventer (b-day prezzie from jeremy) imploded, it caused this, like, rebound effect and made every1 w/in a 2-metre radius go in2 a fit of bad punz. i was still being affected a bit when i sat down 2 write my l8est letter.

    shannon, u don't need a handicap, u're way nicer than i am!

    man, it has been such a weird day, yo! guyz who never paid attention 2 me, like ever, were totally asking me out, offering 2 buy me things, begging me 2 marry them, and stuff like that. and guys who DO know me were also acting v. strange.


  • At 6:31 PM, Anonymous Dennis North said…

    I saw that "Happy Sweet Sixteen" ad your parents placed in the Milborough Shopper, April. And for some reason that picture of you filled me with the urge to give you dancing lessons.


  • At 8:10 PM, Anonymous Alto Escurrido said…


    Luis and I are dunzo. A Latina does not take an insult like what Luis is doing to me by slobbering over April. It is a big insult. I am glad we didn’t go to the birthday party now, if that is the way Luis was going to act.

    Since you have quoted what April said to me last week when she invited me, I remember it now. I think I was distracted because your boyfriend, Duncan Anderson, was standing behind April making some kind of humping motion while she was saying it and mouthing the words, “come” and “getting there”. I don’t know why you didn’t “clobber him”.

    Alto Escurrido

  • At 8:12 PM, Anonymous Shannon Lake said…


    You’re are so sweet for saying I don’t need a handicap. But those are not the rules for picking the nicest girl in Milborough. You should know, silly. Your mom is on the committee that picks the girl.

    Shannon Lake

  • At 8:14 PM, Blogger howard said…


    If I were you, I would take up Dennis North on his invitation to learn how to dance. He is an excellent teacher, even if his motivations are suspect, due to what appears to be an outbreak of your Patterson allure.

    Howard Bunt

  • At 8:27 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, sorry ‘bout the ronco pun-preventer causin’ u2 write the "syn this size" pun. that wuz not wut i wuz hopin’ wud happ w/that prezzie. also, thanx again 4 not mentionin’ me in ur monthly letter. i rilly appreci8 it.

    just 2 let u know, my v-girl, vanessa wunts me 2 tell u i don’t rilly wanna marry u. az u know, i always try 2 tell the truth, & so i can’t tell u that just yet. it’s been a rough day @skool. i wud like 2 tell i didn’t spend mosta the day thinkin’ ‘bout a honeymoon w/u, but that wud b a lie. i don’t have a lotta money left, cuz i spent mosta it on my new (used) harley, but i mite b able 2 swing hawaii. 4get i sed that.

  • At 8:33 PM, Anonymous Luis Guzmán said…


    Another poem for you in the language of love.

    Luis Guzmán

    ¿Cómo Te quiero?

    ¿Cómo te quiero? Déjeme contar las maneras.
    Te quiero a la profundidad y la anchura y la altura mi alma puede alcanzar,
    al sentirse fuera de la vista para los finales de ser y de la tolerancia ideal.

    Te quiero al nivel de diario la mayoría de la necesidad reservada, por el sol y el candlelight.
    Te quiero libremente, como hombres esfuércese para la derecha;
    Te quiero puramente, como dan vuelta de alabanza.
    Te quiero con la pasión ponga al uso en mis viejas penas, y con la fe de mi niñez.

    ¡Te quiero con un amor me parecía perder con mis santos perdidos,
    te quiero con la respiración, sonrisas, rasgones, de toda mi vida!
    y, si el dios elige, sino amarle mejor después de muerte.

  • At 8:35 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    vanessa, in case u r reading this, it mite b better 4 u 2 ask jeremy 2 tell her he doesn't WANT 2 want 2 marry me. that's my impression. don't worry abt the whole ronco pun-preventer after-effecty thing. @ least it ended b4 ne1 got really pun-hurt.

    howard, i mite take those lessons. it doesn't hurt 2 b a good dancer.

    my mom? i thot that whole "nicest girl in milborough" thing just came fr. u. if my mom decides it, well, it hardly counts, eh? how 'bout we don't even worry abt it?


  • At 8:38 PM, Anonymous Eva Abuya said…

    Alto: I didn't have to clobber Duncan because he's not my boyfriend, you git. Geez, who made you so nasty, anyway? I wasn't being nasty to you.


  • At 8:44 PM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Alto, u r a nasty girl. I wld nevah hump Apes, shes my best bud.

    L8r. Im @ Evahs place. We r in the theatre wing watching DVD auditions of nu drummers 4 the band.


    p.s. Luis I have no idea what u r saying in yr poems 2 Apes but if u r dissing her Ill beat u up 2.

  • At 8:46 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    luis, u hafta understand, i take french, not spanish. i had 2 use google language tools, but sumhow i don't think what u mean 2 say is really this:

    How I want to You?

    How I want to you? Déjeme to count the ways. I love you to the depth and the width and the height my soul can reach, when feeling outside the Vista for the end of being and the ideal tolerance. I love you at the newspaper level most of the reserved necessity, by the sun and candlelight. I want freely to you, as men esfuércese for the right; I want purely to you, as they give praise return. I want to you with the passion puts to the use in my old pains, and with the faith of my childhood. I want to You with a love seemed to me to lose with my lost saints, I want to you with the breathing, smiles, rasgones, of all my life! and, if the God chooses, but to love to him better after death.

    by ne chance was it supposta b:

    How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
    I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
    My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
    For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
    I love thee to the level of everyday's
    Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
    I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
    I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
    I love thee with a passion put to use
    In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
    I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
    With my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath,
    Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,
    I shall but love thee better after death.

    cuz that was elizabeth barrett browing. and it's still plagiarism, even if u transl8 in2 another language.

    btw, luis. i think u shd go back 2 alto. she's a strong latina an' all that stuff.


  • At 8:50 PM, Anonymous Eva Abuya said…

    April, some of these drummer guys have mad tatts and piercings and play CRAZY well!

    Popcorn's ready, gotta get it outta the theatre-wing micro.


  • At 9:15 PM, Anonymous Luis Guzmán said…


    Chica. Google language tools stink and there is no plagiarism when it comes to love.

    Te adoro,
    Luis Guzmán

  • At 9:17 PM, Anonymous Alto Escurrido said…


    You can deny all you want, but I saw you humping on April. She wrote about it in her Blog yesterday. And I have witnesses. You are just as bad as Luis.

    Alto Escurrido

  • At 9:20 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, i told vanessa, i didn't WANT 2 want 2 marry u. i'm not sure wut that means, so i guess it's not a lie, if i don't unnerstand it. vanessa seemed 2 like the answer a little bit. she sed it wuz so ridiculous, it made me seem more victimificant, which is good, i think.

  • At 9:23 PM, Anonymous Eva Abuya said…

    Alto, April only wrote what I'd told her. Duncan had a different explanation. Chill, K?


  • At 9:25 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    luis, u're making alto really insecure. 4get about me, go back to yr gf.



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