April's Real Blog

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Everything new?

More on the drama surrounding my 'rents and their decision whether or not 2 sell our house 2 Mike/Dee and move 2 the Stibbs teeny-tiny train house down the street.

I was kinda hanging out in the hallway area, still bummed over my "nothing will B the same" thots following Dee's lil speech 2 Mike abt their kiddles growing up in the same house, neighbourhood, school, an' so on. And I heard Mom and Dad in the kitchen.

Mom was all, "John, if we moved 2 a smaller house, what wd we do w/all our stuff?" And I heard Dad being all, "Leave it here." Mom responded with "....Leave it? ...Here?" And Dad went in2 a whole thing of "Mike and Deanna lost almost everything in the fire! --We leave them our furniture and everything in the cupbds and get NEW stuff!!" Mom seemed 2 warm up 2 that idea, w/"New stuff?" And Dad went w/it: "Totally new!! New bed, new sheets, new towels, new pots and pans, new couch, new TV...." Mom, sounding kinda hypnotized: "EVERYTHING NEW?" Dad sounding kinda worried: "Except me. I'd stay the same."

Huh. Nothing about me. Am I one of the things they'd B leaving behind? And if not, is Dad volunteering me 2 leave behind the new furniture bought w/my own $ from Ikea? And if that's what he has in mind, do I have a say in the replacement furniture? Who'm I kidding? Dad wasn't thinking abt me @ all. He's already all dun w/me in his head.


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  • At 11:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    April, stand up for yourself, quit skulking around, and SAY something to the idiots that call themselves your relatives.

    I think you need to start talking to other relatives about living with them.

  • At 1:10 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Formerly little sis. I know it is your tendency to always begin your discussions about family business with “What about me?” and honestly, who can blame you? I think that is what our Patterson family motto “qui super ego” means in English. However, you should remember that when dad is trying to convince mom to move to the Stibbs’ place, or really if dad is trying to convince mom about anything; the one subject he should absolutely never mention is you. That subject will just get mom upset, and then dad will not be able to convince mom to move into the Stibbs’ place.

    Dad learned an important lesson from the time when he wanted a Pavo X550, and he used you as a go between, and he ended up having to buy mom her Crevasse to calm her down. That lesson was to keep you out of the discussion.

    Just to let you know, if you stay with me and Deanna, you won’t need replacement furniture; and you can have the pick of the old stuff mom and dad leave behind. That is except for mom and dad’s bed, because Deanna says that sleeping on the same bed where I was conceived is important to her for some reason. At least the sheets have been recently shaved.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 1:54 PM, Anonymous liz patterson said…

    Ugly Brother,

    I am so jealous, it is not fair that you get to have this house, and all the great stuff in it, like the antique stubbly sheets, and the vintage cat-clawed drapes, and the sofa bed where April went roadside with Gerald, and probably even April herself, as a live-in babysitter, which actually isn't quite as lucky as you think, since we all know now that she gets drunk when she should be sitting, which is strongly frowned upon, I know, the superintendent called me in for a special meeting when I came to work hung over, taking care of kids and alcohol do not mix.

    One problem is you will have to buy all new coffee mugs, all but one or two of them got smashed in those fights Mom and Dad used to have, I know you and Dee will learn to fight just like that, where you come home and tell Dee you are going to buy some outrageously expensive toy like a stereo or a sports car and she will argue and you will say, "It's my money," and even though it's really mostly her money she will play along and say, "But I'm clipping coupons here!" even though she isn't, she's buying clothes she never wears and lemon zesters and balls of yarn, but for the argument's sake, she will say that, and then you will say something insensitive like, "Calm down your hormones, little woman," and then Dee will need coffee cups to fling at your skull, so you will need to get several dozen, Dee is very into this nostalgia thing, good thing your skull is so hard and thick huh?


  • At 6:00 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    anon, that's tempting, but whenev i try that, i get treated like ingrate, princess of the martians. i mite put sum calls in w/my auntie bev in manitoba and my unk phil in montreal, tho. not a bad idea @ all.

    that pavo x550 is a v. bad xxample, esp. since it was more abt MOM using me as a go-between, not so much dad. it's just totally diff.

    don't worry, liz. i have a feeling u will have a husband, a house, and a step-child b4 2 long.


  • At 8:58 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…


    Slightly older little sis, Even though you have pooh-poohed your formerly little sis’ babysitting capabilities due to her problems with drinking on the job, nevertheless under the letter of the law (as I understand it), having a drunken teenager taking care of your children is not considered to be parental negligence. So, if April should decide to stay with us, instead of moving into George Stibbs’ place with mom and dad, then we will consider her a blessing and not a curse. Deanna is particularly interested in whether or not April would be sober enough to recognize when a dog was telling her someone needed to be rescued.

    I think you could probably talk Deanna into giving you some of the antique sheets. Deanna has a few stained ones she has found in dad’s workshop labeled “June, 1990, last time I got some,” she especially loves. She says she really wants us to use these sheets in June, because she wants to get some kind of a surprise package sometime around April 1 the next year. I don’t quite get the connection, but I have noticed that Deanna has been very affectionate to me lately and I like it, so I am not going to question her reasons for sheet-choosing.

    I must mention that thanks to mom’s relentless shaving, the sheets do not have stubble on them. They are however; thin enough for you to see easily through them. I would recommend them to you as curtain material, if you ever pulled the curtains on your windows or shut your door.

    You are quite right about our lack of coffee cups in the house. Deanna purchased quite a few and she has been using them for target practice. Your cat is quite agile by the way. If you’re smart you’ll take your cat with you before Deanna’s coffee cup-hurling skills get much better.

    Oh, and thanks for the compliment about my skull being hard and thick. The only person who ever gives me a compliment about being hard and thick is Josef Weeder, so I appreciate hearing the compliment from a different source, even if it is from the biased opinion of my slighter older little sis.

    Michael Patterson

  • At 9:07 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, wen eva dropped her book @skool, & i picked it up & handed it back 2 her, i didn’t xxpect u2 do that thing u did w/ur um…u know, & then say, “viva le bon jeremy!” i guess u musta been xxcited by ur french class.


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