What if/is
I just remembered a bit more abt what happed that day Mom, Dad, Mike, an' Dee went 2 have a look @ the teeny-tiny Stibbs train house and came home all talking abt making a house switch.
Mom an' Dad came over 2 me, and Dad put an arm on one of my shoulders, all "Don't look so worried, honey. Nothing's been decided yet. It's all 'what if?'" Me: "What if?" Dad: "We're thinking, that's all! U know: 'What if yr Mom and I moved 2 a smaller place down the street?" [What? Soundz like he already decided not 2 take me w/them!!!] Then, "What if Michael and Deanna lived here? It's a perfect house 4 them and 2 big 4 us! ...It's all just "what if." Then Mom and Dad receded in2 silhouette and I thot, "I think 'what if' is going 2 turn in2 'what is'!!" Not only that, but I feel like Dad is really trying 2 get rid of me, like he just wants 2 totally B dun raising kids even tho I'm only 16 an' have 2 yrs of HS left. This is making me feel all bummy. Which brings me to. . . .
K, so like I promised, I'll tell U more abt my time in Corbeil this past wk. Thursday, after I dropped off my stuff in the Johnston Institute guest quarters, Dr. Artemis escorted me 2 this, like, small theatre. She whispered 2 me, "Lynn is a fan of amateur theatre, but she gets annoyed whenever she actually has 2 go out sumwhere 2 C it. So she had this little theatre built, and local theatre groups do performances 4 her here from time 2 time." I was like, "Oh, it's kind of like she's the Queen!" And Dr. A was all, "What do U mean 'kind of like'?" Which made me laff, but Dr. A kept this s00per-serious look on her face, so I dropped the laff.
NEway, there was a table up on the stage, kinda like a kitchen table? With 2 chairs, across fr. ea other. Mrs. Johnston, Stephanie, Nancy, Jackie, Liuba, Allison, and Laura were sitting in the front row. Ea one had a clipboard with a bunch of evaluation forms attached. Dr. A told me 2 got sit in one of the chairs, and then one by one, she had a bunch of guys sit down in the other chair and we were supposta get 2 know ea other. Every guy hadta either B a Milborough resident who xxpects 2 live there 4 the long haul, or sum2 who is willing 2 reloc8 2 Mboro.
Ea guy had one minute 2 chat w/me B4 Dr. A blew a whistle 2 let him know time was up. I had 2 have these quick "d8's" w/25 guys! Man, it was so totally draining, I can't even xxplain properly. I chatted w/, among others, tattooed and pierced drummers; hi-school students (not from R.P. Boire) including jocks, drama heads, computer geeks, and musicians; university students from all over Canada; garage mechanics, dance instructors, veterinary students, law students, firefighters, and one of the guys from Trailer Park Boys.
After that first round, I was sent out 2 have lunch in the caf (linguine alfredo) while the ladies conferred. This took abt an hour. Dr. A then escorted me fr. the caf 2 the theatre and she announced the guys who had made the cut from the 1st round. These were ten guys: (1) Adam Gentlesse, a veterinary student from Ontario Veterinary College at the University of Guelph; (2) Axel Hibobbery, a drummer and music-store employee from Milborough; (3) Monty Sugarbaum, an honour student in grade 11 from the Unser Pipi Trinken Separate School of Milborough; (4) a Milborough firefighter named Hank Buontipo; (5) Myron Mygatz, a criminology student from York University; (6) Dennis North; (7) a Romanian acrobat named Florian Popinklorinescu; (8) a competitive Spelling Bee competitor from Saskatchewan, Piet Zorbeau; (9) an abstract-expressionist artist from Vancouver, Liam O'Leary; and (10) Corey Bowles, who plays Corey on the Trailer Park Boys.
For this second round, each guy had five minutes 2 chat w/me, while the ladies furiously took notes and murmured 2 themselves. This was kinda bummy, cuz it seemed like just when I'd sorta get comfortable an' start enjoying a convo, the time'd B up and the guy'd B hauled off the stage 4 the next "d8" 2 start. After these 10 speed-d8's, I got kicked out again (this time I went 2 the pool 4 a nice swim) so the ladies cd confer again. Then, once again, Dr. A went and got me. (Fortch, she let me shower and change).
We went back 2 the theatre, and Dr. A took from Mrs. Johnston a clipboard. She looked @ the clipboard and read the names of the 3 guys who R now 2 B considered childhood sweethearts for me. They are Adam Gentlesse, Axel Hibobbery, and Dennis North. She had each of these three guys come out on2 the stage and shake my hand. Then she gave ea one a "Johnston Institute For Better Living" tote bag, containing a binder full of background info on Pattersons, a handle-less coffee mug, and an autographed t-shirt.
Friday morning, I went 2 a kickboxing class w/Steph, Laura, Nancy, and Jackie. Afterwards, I was really thirsty, and I was all, "OMG, is there a water fountain." And Liuba came along with a paper cup of fruit punch, and she sed, "Drink this; it has electrolytes." I was so thirsty, I just grabbed it and chugged it down. Then, I looked @ the cup, and it sed, "The Kool Aid" on it. I was all, "OMG, did I just drink the Kool Aid?" And then Mrs. Johnston showed up out of nowhere and she was all, "Yes you did. Relax and don't try 2 resist. It will all B more pleasant if U don't try 2 resist."
Next thing I knew, I was attending workshops on punning, slapstick humour, "making the world a better place just by being a Patterson," "embracing yr OCD," martyrdom, and "co-existing grudgingly with our animal friends." Normally, this all wd have been unbearable, but that Kool Aid stuff was giving me this weird feeling of well being. By the end of the day, I thot Bobby Curtola records were super-cube.
Saturday morning, I took a spinning class w/Steph, Laura, Nancy, and Jackie. This time, I brought a bottle of water, so I slurped that after class. But the spinning class was so intense, I was like totally ravenous afterwards. I was all, "NE1 got a Luna bar or sumthin' like that?" And Liuba showed up with a bar, saying, "Yes, here's a Luna bar." So I unwrapped it and gobbled it down. Then I thot, "MayB I shda looked @ the wrapper 1st." I did, and it was, like, "The Kool Aid in Bar Form." I was like, "I can't believe I also ate the Kool Aid!" And Mrs. Johnston showed up and sed, "U've got filmstrips 2 watch." The filmstrips were all about the history of Pattersons converting "bad ppl" 2 good. Then I had 2 read this super-thick file on Jeremy Jones. After that, I needed 2 relax a bit, so I went off 2 the guest quarters and started listening 2 the Bobby Curtola records Mrs. Johnston had set up in my room.
That's when Jeremy, Howard, Mike, and Becky showed up, and they posted abt what happed when they did. And as we were leaving, Howard was all whispering, "Quick, B4 Mike sees--I have the antidote 2 all that Patterson Kool Aid in yr system." And he jabbed me w/a needle. He whispered, "U have Steph 2 thank. She sed she doesn't want 2 C U turn in2 '1 of them.'" Then U pretty much know the rest.
Apes
Mom an' Dad came over 2 me, and Dad put an arm on one of my shoulders, all "Don't look so worried, honey. Nothing's been decided yet. It's all 'what if?'" Me: "What if?" Dad: "We're thinking, that's all! U know: 'What if yr Mom and I moved 2 a smaller place down the street?" [What? Soundz like he already decided not 2 take me w/them!!!] Then, "What if Michael and Deanna lived here? It's a perfect house 4 them and 2 big 4 us! ...It's all just "what if." Then Mom and Dad receded in2 silhouette and I thot, "I think 'what if' is going 2 turn in2 'what is'!!" Not only that, but I feel like Dad is really trying 2 get rid of me, like he just wants 2 totally B dun raising kids even tho I'm only 16 an' have 2 yrs of HS left. This is making me feel all bummy. Which brings me to. . . .
K, so like I promised, I'll tell U more abt my time in Corbeil this past wk. Thursday, after I dropped off my stuff in the Johnston Institute guest quarters, Dr. Artemis escorted me 2 this, like, small theatre. She whispered 2 me, "Lynn is a fan of amateur theatre, but she gets annoyed whenever she actually has 2 go out sumwhere 2 C it. So she had this little theatre built, and local theatre groups do performances 4 her here from time 2 time." I was like, "Oh, it's kind of like she's the Queen!" And Dr. A was all, "What do U mean 'kind of like'?" Which made me laff, but Dr. A kept this s00per-serious look on her face, so I dropped the laff.
NEway, there was a table up on the stage, kinda like a kitchen table? With 2 chairs, across fr. ea other. Mrs. Johnston, Stephanie, Nancy, Jackie, Liuba, Allison, and Laura were sitting in the front row. Ea one had a clipboard with a bunch of evaluation forms attached. Dr. A told me 2 got sit in one of the chairs, and then one by one, she had a bunch of guys sit down in the other chair and we were supposta get 2 know ea other. Every guy hadta either B a Milborough resident who xxpects 2 live there 4 the long haul, or sum2 who is willing 2 reloc8 2 Mboro.
Ea guy had one minute 2 chat w/me B4 Dr. A blew a whistle 2 let him know time was up. I had 2 have these quick "d8's" w/25 guys! Man, it was so totally draining, I can't even xxplain properly. I chatted w/, among others, tattooed and pierced drummers; hi-school students (not from R.P. Boire) including jocks, drama heads, computer geeks, and musicians; university students from all over Canada; garage mechanics, dance instructors, veterinary students, law students, firefighters, and one of the guys from Trailer Park Boys.
After that first round, I was sent out 2 have lunch in the caf (linguine alfredo) while the ladies conferred. This took abt an hour. Dr. A then escorted me fr. the caf 2 the theatre and she announced the guys who had made the cut from the 1st round. These were ten guys: (1) Adam Gentlesse, a veterinary student from Ontario Veterinary College at the University of Guelph; (2) Axel Hibobbery, a drummer and music-store employee from Milborough; (3) Monty Sugarbaum, an honour student in grade 11 from the Unser Pipi Trinken Separate School of Milborough; (4) a Milborough firefighter named Hank Buontipo; (5) Myron Mygatz, a criminology student from York University; (6) Dennis North; (7) a Romanian acrobat named Florian Popinklorinescu; (8) a competitive Spelling Bee competitor from Saskatchewan, Piet Zorbeau; (9) an abstract-expressionist artist from Vancouver, Liam O'Leary; and (10) Corey Bowles, who plays Corey on the Trailer Park Boys.
For this second round, each guy had five minutes 2 chat w/me, while the ladies furiously took notes and murmured 2 themselves. This was kinda bummy, cuz it seemed like just when I'd sorta get comfortable an' start enjoying a convo, the time'd B up and the guy'd B hauled off the stage 4 the next "d8" 2 start. After these 10 speed-d8's, I got kicked out again (this time I went 2 the pool 4 a nice swim) so the ladies cd confer again. Then, once again, Dr. A went and got me. (Fortch, she let me shower and change).
We went back 2 the theatre, and Dr. A took from Mrs. Johnston a clipboard. She looked @ the clipboard and read the names of the 3 guys who R now 2 B considered childhood sweethearts for me. They are Adam Gentlesse, Axel Hibobbery, and Dennis North. She had each of these three guys come out on2 the stage and shake my hand. Then she gave ea one a "Johnston Institute For Better Living" tote bag, containing a binder full of background info on Pattersons, a handle-less coffee mug, and an autographed t-shirt.
Friday morning, I went 2 a kickboxing class w/Steph, Laura, Nancy, and Jackie. Afterwards, I was really thirsty, and I was all, "OMG, is there a water fountain." And Liuba came along with a paper cup of fruit punch, and she sed, "Drink this; it has electrolytes." I was so thirsty, I just grabbed it and chugged it down. Then, I looked @ the cup, and it sed, "The Kool Aid" on it. I was all, "OMG, did I just drink the Kool Aid?" And then Mrs. Johnston showed up out of nowhere and she was all, "Yes you did. Relax and don't try 2 resist. It will all B more pleasant if U don't try 2 resist."
Next thing I knew, I was attending workshops on punning, slapstick humour, "making the world a better place just by being a Patterson," "embracing yr OCD," martyrdom, and "co-existing grudgingly with our animal friends." Normally, this all wd have been unbearable, but that Kool Aid stuff was giving me this weird feeling of well being. By the end of the day, I thot Bobby Curtola records were super-cube.
Saturday morning, I took a spinning class w/Steph, Laura, Nancy, and Jackie. This time, I brought a bottle of water, so I slurped that after class. But the spinning class was so intense, I was like totally ravenous afterwards. I was all, "NE1 got a Luna bar or sumthin' like that?" And Liuba showed up with a bar, saying, "Yes, here's a Luna bar." So I unwrapped it and gobbled it down. Then I thot, "MayB I shda looked @ the wrapper 1st." I did, and it was, like, "The Kool Aid in Bar Form." I was like, "I can't believe I also ate the Kool Aid!" And Mrs. Johnston showed up and sed, "U've got filmstrips 2 watch." The filmstrips were all about the history of Pattersons converting "bad ppl" 2 good. Then I had 2 read this super-thick file on Jeremy Jones. After that, I needed 2 relax a bit, so I went off 2 the guest quarters and started listening 2 the Bobby Curtola records Mrs. Johnston had set up in my room.
That's when Jeremy, Howard, Mike, and Becky showed up, and they posted abt what happed when they did. And as we were leaving, Howard was all whispering, "Quick, B4 Mike sees--I have the antidote 2 all that Patterson Kool Aid in yr system." And he jabbed me w/a needle. He whispered, "U have Steph 2 thank. She sed she doesn't want 2 C U turn in2 '1 of them.'" Then U pretty much know the rest.
Apes
Labels: crowded house, Dad, Dee, Merrie, Mike, Mom, Robin, TRAINS, Witch of Corbeil
posted by April Patterson @ 6:15 AM
11 Comments:
At 10:03 AM,
Anonymous said…
April,
Formerly little sis. Corbeil Kool Aid. Yum. I believe mom has been putting a little of it in her cooking for years. That's what gives it that special flavour. But there is nothing like having it undiluted. Yum.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 10:21 AM,
Anonymous said…
april, i gotta say ur prolly rite ‘bout ur dad’s “what if’s” turnin’ n2 “what is’s”. cuz usually, if ur dad haz a “what if” ur mom stops it rite away. if ur mom’s not stoppin’ it, then it’s gonna happ. all u hafta do is figger out whether it’s worse to live w/ur screamin’ mom or ur sil deanna, who makes u baby-sit the kids evn when she is @home. thass a tuff choice.
based on wut happed @horny t’s yestahday, i dunno how good that antidote of howard or stephanie’s was. ur eyes looked rilly big & speed-freaky. mebbe u have sum muscle memory of ur “convert jeremy jones 2 good” trainin’ that an antidote duzn’t affect. neway, i am thinkin’ “what if april patterson goez 4 my ear again @skool?” & “what if i can’t outrun her?” & “what if i get detention 4 having my ear tweaked by april patterson?” i have this feelin’ those “what if’s” r gonna turn n2 “what is’s”.
aftah wut happed @horny t’s yestahday, my v-girl, vanessa, iz luvin’ my victimificance. she sez 2 have sum1 jump on u & tweak ur ear, particularly a patterson girl, is ‘bout az victimificant az u can get. i told her i thot howeird had me beat, considerin’ anthony caine did that 2 him & he got jail tyme 4 pullin’ on ur sis’ shirt. vanessa got rilly xxcited by that till i told her howeird wuz engaged 2 rebecca mcguire. vanessa sed, “man oh man. rebecca has it all. singing career, disgraced & humili8ed by u during the gym/jam, & a most supremely victimificant fiancée. she iz like the v-girl supreme. if she were a v-girl she wud alwayz get 2 pick wut we do.” sumtymes i kinda wondah ‘bout vanessa.
neway, if u don’t c me @skool 2day, it’s cuz i am hidin’ frum u. if uc a guy with bandages on his ears, thass not me. it’s sum1 else, who looks kinda like me, but it’s not me.
At 11:13 AM,
Anonymous said…
Michael, you silly boy! I am at the Johnston Institute For Better Living, and I have to say you've made Steph and Nance LOL; Jackie and Allison are trying to suppress their laughter, and Liuba is rolling her eyes really hard. Laura's at the sauna.
In any event, no, your mother does not have access to the Corbeil Kool Aid. Corbeil Kool Aid does not leave the compound. Mrs. Johnston has noted that when you had your chance, you "chugged that stuff like it was going out of style." Steph says this explains a whole lot.
Diana Artemis, Esq., Ph.D., Ed.D.
At 12:54 PM,
Anonymous said…
Dr. Artemis,
It is so good to hear from you again. I so delighted in hearing your stories about your Greek culture when we last met.
I asked mom about the Corbeil Kool Aid and she said, “Oh, Michael. When I talk about the Kool Aid in the food, it’s like a ‘What if?’ you know: ‘What if the last time I was in Corbeil, I asked for some and they turned me down, saying it does not leave the compound?’ What if they didn’t realize that my powerful nostrils were able to sniff out where they kept it? It’s all just ‘What if.’ You know like: ‘What if the Kool Aid was something I really needed to keep a certain Martian teenager in line?’ It’s something to think about when your own children get to be a little older, Michael. Those ‘What ifs’.”
I said, “Did any of those ‘What if’s’ turn into ‘What is’s’, mom?” Then my mother said to me with her wise words, “What if you had a teenaged girl who said she didn’t like punning, but she said puns anyway? What if you had a teenaged girl who said she didn’t want to put her hair in a bun, but did it anyway? Would you consider that to be a ‘What if’ or a ‘What is’?” That was a tough question, but I think I figured out the answer.
So, Dr. Artemis, it sounds like you are right and mother doesn’t have any of that great Corbeil Kool-Aid. Oh, and thank you for showing me the proper way to “go Greek”. Josef Weeder taught me a long time ago, but since he is not Greek like you are, I guess he didn’t understand some of the subtle nuances.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 1:43 PM,
Anonymous said…
Michael, what an amusing young man you are!
Okay, since you want to play "what if":
What if the Johnston Institute Compound has, at its borders, detectors that are a billion times more powerful than your mother's sense of smell (despite the "nez patate")?
What if, while our guards searched your mother's person, belongings, and vehicles, the Corbeil Kool Aid was confiscated, and replaced with innocent, generic Mega-Food-Ade?
What if your mother, over the years, has operated under the delusion that she has been using the "good stuff"?
What if, despite your mother's beliefs that she can ever outwit Mrs. Johnston, that Mrs. Johnston outwits her each and every time?
What if, all those times your youngest sister tried to explain to you that a force beyond her control were making her pun or cursing her hair, you actually believed her, because it was true?
Oh, and what if, when we spoke of "Greeking," I thought you meant the process, in graphic design, of blocking out text using nonsense phrases?
Well, enjoy your "what ifs," Michael. Wait until I tell the girls what you and that crazy mom of yours are up to this time?
Diana Artemis, Esq., Ph.D., Ed.D.
At 2:33 PM,
Anonymous said…
Dr. Artemis,
It is so good to hear from you again so swiftly after your last letter. You have quite a series of “What if’s”.
One of the nice things about not working, I mean, staying in mom’s house and writing my second novel is the almost instantaneous access I have to mom 24 hours a day. I showed her your response. Her initial reaction had something to do with someone who was not a Patterson knowing their place, but she caught the rabbit gnawing on one of her pastries and the energy it took her to deal with that calmed her down somewhat.
She did give me two more “What if’s” which she said, "if you're smart, will be her last on the subject":
What if you were a doctor working at the Johnston Institute for Better Living who, like most of the employees there, seemed to be blissfully unaware of just how strong the relationship between the good witch of Corbeil and Elly Patterson is, as if they were patterned or modeled after each other?
What if, all those times your daughter tried to explain to you that a mysterious force beyond her control were making her pun or cursing her hair, there was actually a much simpler solution, having to do with the effect of certain foods on the chemical makeup of someone’s body?
As for the “Greek stuff”, since mom saw your response and is editing my response, yes, the process, in graphic design, of blocking out text using nonsense phrases is absolutely right. That’s exactly what I was talking about and not anything involving powdered sugar.
Love,
Michael Patterson
At 2:47 PM,
Anonymous said…
april, i’ve been pretty lucky 2 avoid c-ing u 2day, & my ear iz startin' 2 feel bettah (thanx 4 askin'), evn tho i kinda wanna talk 2u.
my v-girl vanessa, sed she duzn’t wunt me 2b her v-boy nemore. aftah she found ‘bout rebeccah & howeird, she sed she thot she cud find a boy more victimificant than me, if she checked the list of single available prisoners in the mboro prison. she sed, “what if i hadda v-boy who wuz like in prison? what if it wud b a perfect relationship. what if i wud always get 2 pick wut the v-girls wud do? what if u find sum othah girl 2 take pity on u jeremy?”
it wuz kinda weird way 2 get dumped, but since i wuz nevah actual a bf w/her, just a v-boy, u wud think it wudn’t hurt. but it still duz.
At 4:12 PM,
April Patterson said…
hey, peeps, i've checked myself in2 the psych ward @ the mboro hospital. i have this awful feeling that i have no control over my life or my blog.
apes
At 4:49 PM,
howard said…
April,
Becky and I played a little game of “What if” this morning also. I said, “What if we get a house next to Elly Patterson and have to listen to her scream all the time?” And Becky said, “What if we get a house next to Michael Patterson and have to listen to talk about how wonderful he is all the time?” We were sort of at an impasse, trying to figure out which of the two was worse.
Then I said, “What if I go to work and we wait for April to figure out where she is going to live, since that is important to you?” Then Becky said, “What if you go get yourself tested because of things you did this weekend, and skip work?” I said, “What if I really need to get something done at work?” Then Becky said, “What if you find yourself sleeping outside tonight?” Those “what if’s” turned into a “what is”, which is the reason why I am posting this from your dad’s dentist office, so he can run some tests on my teeth (Don’t ask why, but it has something to do with powdered sugar, if you know what I mean.)
However, before I left Becky this morning, there was one more “What if”. I said, “What if your aunt Jackie and great uncle Jethro were coming up the sidewalk to your house?” Becky responded with, “What if you were kidding?” I said, “Sorry, Becky. This is a ‘what is’.” As I left to get myself tested, I could hear Becky and her relatives having a discussion about wedding preparations traditional for her family and other things. I was actually happy to leave to go get tested after that.
In your father’s office, I was greeted by him saying, “April is Dental Health Month. Keep Smiling, Canada!” Standing behind your father was a woman with short black hair and mask on. I said, “What happened to Jennifer, your dental assistant?”
Your father said, “What if my partner and the future owner of this practice, Dr. Everett Callahan was engaged to be married, and his fiancée learned that he had a relationship with a dental assistant here at the clinic? What if Dr. Everett Callahan’s fiancée was a surgical nurse, who had a good friend who was a dental assistant, she could count on to report to her if anything was going on with Dr. Callahan and any of his staff, and this dental assistant were looking for a job?” I said, “Those sound like ‘What is’s’ to me.” Your dad said, “Not if you want to avoid being sued for unfair hiring practices, they don’t.”
While I was there, I said, “You know your daughter April is pretty upset you were not considering her opinion about wanting to buy the George Stibbs’ house.” Your dad said, “April? Why should she be upset? She was the first person I told about the house, over a year ago, even before her mom. She was the one who convinced me I should let her mother live there. Before that, I was just thinking about getting the property for myself. I don’t see what she has to be upset about. April is just mad that Mike and Deanna decided not to go for her idea that they move there instead of me and Elly. She gets that way every time she has an idea she thinks is great, but other people don’t. She’ll get over it, just like always.”
I said, “What if that’s not all there is to it?” He said, “What do you mean?” I said, “What if she doesn’t want to be a live-in babysitter for Michael and Deanna?” Your dad said, “There’s no way for her to avoid that, no matter which house she lives in.” I said, “What if April wants to be included on family decisions which affect her?” Your dad said, “April? The last time we had a family discussion she didn’t want to talk about it, and walked off. If she doesn’t want to participate, we’re not going to force her; and after awhile we just got accustomed to the idea she wasn’t interested.”
Then he said, “Hey! I recognize you. You’re Howard Bunt. Aren’t you supposed to be in prison?” I said, “What if my trial was so screwed up with the way it mishandled appropriate legal process that the Ontario Court of Appeal acquitted me?” He said, “Well, that was a long trial to deal with and kind of a waste of time, if they aren’t going to do it right.” I said, “I couldn’t agree with you more.”
I finished with your dad, and now it’s off for some other testing. It's over by the psych ward, so maybe I'll see you there.
Howard Bunt
At 6:09 PM,
April Patterson said…
howard was nice enuf 2 visit me here in the psych ward and bring me the yummiest chocolate soufflé!
i can't believe my dad thinx not wanting 2 talk abt his and mom's burial plans is the same as not wanting 2 b included in ne family decisions @ all. what a freak!
apes
At 11:52 AM,
Anonymous said…
You are a fucking disaster. I, unfortunately, stumbled onto this site searching for something and was blown away by your stupidity and inability to use correct grammar.
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