Territory-Marking

Mike had sum more 2 say abt his recent jog w/Dee in our neighbourhood:

April,

Formerly little sis. I think your readers may be interested in the conversation I had with my beloved Deanna after we stopped running until I was too tired to think. As you know from your younger years, one of the best places to not think is the ravine. There was no stream of water there this time, and I tried my best to get my body into the pose of Rodin’s The Thinker, but I couldn’t get the hand positions right. Fortunately my lovely Deanna sat down beside me and started moving my left arm from my face. Obviously she remembered Rodin’s The Thinker had his head on his right hand. Not only is my wife beautiful, but she has an uncanny memory for great art.

While she was doing this I looked forward and engaged in some small talk with her. I said, “Wow. We actually bought my parents’ house, Dee.” I find that stating the obvious is one of the best ways to begin small talk. Deanna said, “Yes, we did.”

Well, there wasn’t much to work with from that response, so I tried feigning ignorance. I said, “Somehow, I just can’t get my head around it.” Deanna loves those kinds of ignorant statements, because she enjoys coming up with explanations for me. She loves it when I don’t know things, and I give her those opportunities often. It’s one of the secrets to our successful marriage.

Deanna gave an explanation, “Maybe that’s because your folks and April are still living there.” As you can tell formerly little sis, Deanna spelled out the fact that you will be moving out, which is a detail our parents have a hard time getting their heads around. She also didn’t mention the difficulty in getting Elizabeth to leave for her apartment.

I managed to get my hand in the proper The Thinker pose by then, so since I was in a receptive and thoughtful mood, she recounted to me her list of things she wants me to do around the house. I will repeat them for your enjoyment and delectation. She said, “Once we have it all to ourselves, we can

a. change the carpeting,
b. update the cabinets,
c. paint all the rooms
d. varnish the hardwood
e. put in new appliances
f. new drapes,

and then, we’ll feel like it truly belongs to us!!!” My first thought was that it was going to be a long time before it feels like it truly belongs to us, because I have a sense the hardest part of that whole process is going to be, “Once we have it all to ourselves.” I was going to respond just that way, when everything went dark. It was one of those infernal sudden silhouettes, which plague the town.

While I was waiting for it to get light again, I pondered a pithy statement with which to come back to Deanna. Some of my choices were:

a. Birds just poop on anything underneath them…Humans have to wait until their mother moves away to throw out poop.
b. Beavers just build dams anywhere they please and call it home…Humans have to buy a home and make their wives happy first.
c. Turtles just carry their homes on their backs…Humans have to carry a mortgage.
d. Animals just mark their territory…Humans have to redecorate.

I decided to go with (d), although all of them were pretty stupid. I just don’t think as well when I turn to silhouette.

Love,
Michael Patterson

Mike, mayB U shdn't use the "marking territory" analogy out loud w/Dee, since U used that one in your "downstairs neighbours" article when U lived in Toronto. Dee mite get insulted. Even tho U @ least weren't thinking she's "primitive" as U were 4mul8ing this analogy. But if Weed suggests U write a "humourous xxposé" abt buying a house, I suggest U pass.

Apes