April's Real Blog

Friday, June 22, 2007

Winkies? Bwuh?

Well, I'm still talking abt this past Monday's lunch @ Shannon's table, and prolly still will B 2morrow. We'll C.

NEway, I was starting 2 feel like Shannon and her friends had gotten 2gether an' planned this whole sales pitch abt the telethon, 2 get me 2 B "Yay, telethon!" Shannon's friend Faith sed, "The telethon's 2 raise $ 4 ppl w/special needs. Sum families don't have ramps or wheelchairs or other stuff!" And that Dylan guy, who I'm starting 2 think has echolalia, was all, "Other stuff!" Shannon told me, "Know ... who ... the ... sp...on...sor is, ... April? ...It's Mayes ...Mo...tors! The ... big car ... dealer ... guy." And I was, like, "Oh, yeah! I think I remember my Dad saying sumthing abt that-- But, I guess I wasn't listening. Sumtymez, I tune him out. U know what I mean." Shannon was, like, "Mmm hmmm." Then, like, rite on cue, the next 2 ppl in line 2 walk by the table and comment on me being there--two girls--appeared. And one stage-whispered, "Hee, hee, hee! April's with the winkies!" ["Winkies?" The heck?] The short-ponytailed girl @ our table, Grace, winced again, and Shannon sed, "...We're ... good ... @ tun...ing ppl ... out."

Then, the Witch of Corbeil walked in, carrying a huge poster board with "SPECIAL-NEEDS KIDS ENDURE HURTFUL COMMENTS EVERY DAY OF THEIR LIVES!" printed on it. Just kidding. Probably.

Apes

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33 Comments:

  • At 8:42 AM, Anonymous liz patterson said…

    April,

    As soon as I read this, I called your principal again and said that I thought since you a the only student in the entire high school who can go a whole day without saying slurs against the retarded to their face, you should get an even bigger award, like Student of the Millenium, the principal said, "but it's only 2007," and I said, "well, do you really think you'll ever have another student who can hold off from calling retarded kids bad names at lunch hour?" and the principal sighed and said, "you're probably right, after all, April is the last Patterson/Richards child," and I said, "well, my brother has some kids now, but they have evil Sobinski DNA," and the principal said, "case closed," and promised there will be a special assembly very soon where they will do a presentation called "St. April" about your good deeds in life, and give you your award, I said that the St. April thing is probably going overboard, since I'm not sure you've done two miracles yet, I mean yeah, it is kind of a miracle you didn't drown in the creek, but I'm not sure it counts as a real miracle if you use a dog as a personal flotation device and hold him underwater until he dies, that's kind of thoughtless, but anyway, don't worry, you are going to be celebrated like the huge hero you are!

    Liz

     
  • At 10:01 AM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, i wuz sittin’ in detention, where i get 2 take all my xxamz thanx 2 ur sis, when there wuz this whole crowd of kidz who came n2 detention. 2 of them were miriam and bianca, u mite remembah az the 2 girls who were in detention w/me b4, 4 callin’ shannon lake retarded. they were all wearin’ armbands & i sed, “hey, miriam! wussup w/the armbands & yru peeps all comin’ n2 detection?”

    miriam sed, “oh hi, jeremy. i guess u missed it cuz u were in detention. we hadda a special skool assembly 4 april patterson or st. april az the principal called her. april seemed rilly mbarrassed, but she is officially student of the millennium. the principal talked ‘bout how she sat w/the special needs kids @lunch last monday & how she wuz still a virgin evn tho she had been d8in’ gerald forsythe-delaney 4 years & how she suffered frum becky mcguire leavin’ her band & sumthin’ ‘bout how she drowned a dog. i didn’t unnerstand ne of it.”

    i sed, “wut duz this hafta do w/u guyz b-ing in detention & wussup w/the armbands?” miriam sed, “the armbands r4 our skool club, SNIT. we’re gonna hafta do the rest of our xxamz in detention, cuz part of meeting 4 april patterson wuz that our skool club hadda do detention in honour of her.” i sed, “i think it wuz rilly april’s sister, elizabeth whose prolly makin’ this happen. she wuz the 1 who got me in detention.” miriam sed, “whatevah”.

    i sed, “wut duz SNIT stand 4?” miriam sed, “Special Needs Insulting Team.” i sed, “there’s a team 4 that?” miriam sed, “sure, jeremy. it’s our responsibility 2 walk by the kids at the special needs lunch table & insult them every day. it’s a huge responsibility. by the way, bianca & i saw u do an insult on shannon lake taking a long tyme 2 tell stories. i thot wuz gr8. u shud join SNIT.” bianca sed, “no, miriam. it’s the end of the skool year. it’s 2 l8 2 join SNIT this year. mebbe in september next year.” i sed, “well, i hafta insult the special needs kids neway. the witch of corbeil made a deal w/my mom.” miriam wuz rilly mpressed by that & she started talkin’ w/the rest of the peeps there.

    they got 2gethah & bianca sed, “did ur mom rilly contract u out 2 insult special needs peeps?” i sed, “yes. i think i have an official johnston institute of better living villains badge sumwhere on me.” i pulled it outa my wallet. they were amazed. bianca sed, “we definitely want u in SNIT, jeremy.” i sed, “ok. wut do i hafta do?” bianca sed, “we’ll get u an armband & rilly all we do is line up & go by the special needs table & insult them.” miriam sed, “well, the insults hafta be original. u can’t take sum1 else’s insult.”

    i sed, “y don’t u just call them retarded?” bianca sed, “well, jeremy, aftah the 1st 100 tymez or so, thass funny, but aftah that, it’s boring. u hafta say sumthin’ different. like the othah day, miriam & i were walkin’ by & miriam sed, ‘april’s w/the winkies’, which is a wizard of oz reference. i sed, “winkies? r there special needs peeps called winkies in the wizard of oz?” miriam sed, “no. but cuz we hafta insult the special needs peeps @lunch everyday, we have started 2 branch n2 othah things in order 2 keep things innerestin’. the winkies were short & they liked things coloured yellow. so i wuz saying the special needs peeps r the same way.” i sed, “but they’re not short & yellow.” miriam sed, “xxactly. & thass y it is an insult.”

    i sed, “so the rulez r u can use stuff frum books?” bianca sed, “or othah thingz”. then josh the geek god sed, “don’t do ne insults in klingon. i have that covered.” another person sed, “ne insults frum the french peeps in monty python & the holy grail have alreddy been done.” “also insults frum ice hockey.”

    so i’m sorry i missed the assembly in ur honour, april, but i did join SNIT. i think it will b rilly good 4 my creative writin’. we won’t get 2 do much b-ing in detention 4 the rest of xxamz, but next september there’s a whole crowd of peeps who r rilly anxious 2 insult special needs kids, all thanx 2u (or ur sis, rilly, but no1 b-lieves me wen i tell them that.)

     
  • At 10:40 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    OMG, LIZ, R U WILLFULLY MEAN OR WILLFULLY STOOPID, OR BOTH?!?! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAFTA REMIND U THAT I DID NOT HOLD FARLEY'S HEAD UNDERWATER AND I DID NOT DROWN HIM? HOW MANY TIMES DO I NEED 2 DIRECT U 2 THE SCREENCAPS FROM THE SURVEILLANCE VIDS OF FARLEY RESCUING ME, WHERE U CAN PLAINLY C THAT HE IS BEHIND ME, HOLDING MY HEAD ABOVE WATER, AND I M NOT DOING NETHING 2 HIS HEAD?

    MY GOD, U WERE THERE! U CD C PLAIN AS DAY THAT FARLEY WAS STILL ALIVE AND W/HIS HEAD ABOVE WATER WHEN DAD PULLED ME OUT OF THE RAVINE! HE WAS ALIVE WHEN U GRABBED HIM BY THE COLLAR AND YANKED HIM OUT.

    U CAN CLEARLY C HIM ALIVE WHEN DAD IS TELLING HIM HE'S A GOOD BOY AFTER U PULLED HIM OUT OF THE WATER.

    SO Y, SINCE U KNOW ALL THIS, DO U KEEP INSISTING ON SPREADING THIS LIE ABT ME "DROWNING" FARLEY.

    OH, W8, HANG ON. NO1 WAS WATCHING U WHEN U WERE SITTING W/FARLEY AND HE STOPPED BREATHING. MAYBE U SMOTHERED HIM 2 DEATH AND THEN SPENT ALL THESE YRS COVERING UP YR MISDEED, IS THAT IT?

    OH, & THANX 2 THAT ASSEMBLY U GOT THE PRINCIPAL 2 GIVE ME, EVERY1 H8'S ME 4 BEING A GOODY-GOODY PRINCIPAL'S PET!

    sorry abt the shouting every1, but liz is h8ful and it was time 2 shut down this lie abt me "killing" farley, once an' for all.

    apes

     
  • At 10:54 AM, Anonymous Eva Abuya said…

    So, Liz was the last one who saw that dog alive, man? Dang, so she had opportunity. Did she have a motive?

    Eva Abuya

     
  • At 10:56 AM, Anonymous Dawn Enjo said…

    Hm, I seem to remember Liz making a strange comment about having seen to it that the "meddling mutt" would never rescue that "kid who ruined [her] life" by being born. I always chalked it off to stress and grief.

    Dawn

     
  • At 11:16 AM, Anonymous Dylan said…

    stress and grief.

     
  • At 12:08 PM, Anonymous liz patterson said…

    April,

    Cheeze, I don't hate you, why would I call the principal to get you a special award recognizing your sensitivity and all-around amazingness if I hated you, that doesn't make sense at all, also, double cheeze, I am sorry if I got the details about your almost-drownding wrong, it's been a long time and I don't remember it all very well, and I was just speculating that probably at one point you would of had to possibly crawl on Farley's back or something, and that maybe could of pushed his head under, triple cheezeburger, I wasn't trying to call you a murderer or anything, my point was it's not a miracle you lived, since there was a dog there for you to grab onto (or to grab on to you, or whatever), I'm sorry if my doubting is getting in the way of your canonization proceedings at the Vatican or whatever, cheeze whiz, I try to be a nice sister and see what happens, a touchy Martian flips out on me, but there's no hard feelings, to show you that, I am going to call the superintendent and have them name today "April Patterson Day" on the official school calendar, so that all the students in the district can study your biography and do projects based on you life in celebration of how nice you are to the retarded and crippled kids, by the way, I think they might be pulling one over on Becky, I talked to the "Special Needs" teacher here and she says that national health care makes sure that every kid who needs a wheelchair gets one, so look out, those kids might seem slow but I think they're pulling a fast one, I think they're planning on taking that money and spending it on sex, drugs, and rock and roll, like you Martian teenagers do, cheeze and crackers.

    Liz

     
  • At 12:47 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…

    April,

    Formerly little sis. It was a proud moment in the Patterson household when you were named Student of the Millennium. I was in the middle of writing about how Leonard Driscoll was getting busy with a seductive woman from Argentina, whose skin colour changes back and forth from black to white whenever she gets excited; but mom said I needed to be present for your great honour. I am certainly glad I went and got to see the old school.

    Of course after we were greeted as special guests by the principal, I had to ask the principal why I didn’t get the Student of the Millennium award for the last millennium when I was in school at R.P. Boire and the principal said, “You Pattersons weren’t so pretentious back then.”

    Then I asked him how sitting at a table with Special Needs kids was such a great thing, and the principal said, “It’s a Patterson actually taking a stand on something. Remember the stand your family made against alcoholism and abusive families back when you were in school with Gordon Mayes?” I said, “You mean by me being Gordon’s friend?” The principal said, “No. I was being facetious. Your family didn’t make a stand at all, which is pretty typical for your family. April, on the other hand, took the action of sitting with the Special Needs students at lunch. It’s not much, but it’s a great stride for a Patterson. Not only that, but if I have this ceremony I can get the executive superintendent of the district school board off my back. If I find out who has been calling her about your sister, April, I will have my revenge.”

    It didn’t seem fair to me. After all, I was friends with Gordon Mayes and friends with Lawrence Poirier, but far be it from me to be jealous. No, formerly little sis. I was full of pride as the principal called you by name to give you that award. I was full of pride as you went up to take it. And the hissing from the other students, your friend Shannon Lake told me was just her practicing what her speech therapist had taught her about making “s” sounds.

    Normally we are a family who prides itself on anything, but it happens from time to time. Just the other day at the dinner table, dad was going on and on about how proud he was that he had invested money in Gordon Mayes who would be so successful that Mayes Midtown Motors would actually sponsor the telethon to raise money for the special needs kids. If it wasn’t for dad, there wouldn’t be a telethon. It was a proud moment for dad. I think you missed out on that, because you seemed to be tuning him out at that moment.

    But we didn’t tune you out for your award at school, at least I didn’t much. When the principal was talking about you and Farley, I suddenly remembered I had planned to write a book about the event. What was it going to be? The something of Farley. I don’t remember. Oh well, I am sure it will come back to me.

    Congratulations formerly little sis and student of the millennium,
    Michael Patterson

     
  • At 12:51 PM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    Wow! Student of the Millennium. If anyone deserved a reward like that, it's you. Congratulations. We should go out and celebrate.

    Howard Bunt

     
  • At 1:02 PM, Anonymous liz patterson said…

    April,

    Like I said, I want to show you I am not hateful to you, so here's the thing, I called the Mayor, and there is going to be a parade tonight in your honor down Main Street, then onto Grand Boulevard, and up Sharon Park Drive, celebrating your award, isn't that great, let it never be said that Liz Patterson didn't recognize how wonderful her little sister is for being nice to the weird kids in school, well, see you at the parade!

    Liz

     
  • At 1:07 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    oh, god, i'm leaving town.

    apes, booking a bus ticket, not telling u 2 where.

     
  • At 1:11 PM, Anonymous liz patterson said…

    April,

    Wow, that is sudden, well if you don't want to tell me where the field trip is to, I will just look it up on the school district master calendar, ha ha!, but seriously, just make sure you are back at 4:30pm sharp at the parade muster point at Marian Richards Memorial Park (formerly Sunset Park), we are timing the parade so the convertible you will be riding in with the trained panda and Bobby Curtola will cruise past the statue of Mom that the town erected in front of Lilliputs, commemorating a Milborough Landmark, precisely at 7pm, when the light from the sunset will be at its softest and pinkest golden glow, which will make you look the most angelic as possible.

    Liz

     
  • At 1:16 PM, Anonymous Shannon Lake said…

    April,

    I am definitely going to be at your parade. Me, mom, dad and my brother Blair. I am so excited.

    I forgot to tell you how great you did at lunch with us on Monday. You’re the nicest girl in Milborough, so I knew you would. I always think that if someone sat with us they would be annoyed by how Jack is always getting up and down from the table or how Grace with the ponytail always moves her chair so she is sitting really close to you and then she is sitting really far from you, but you didn’t. You just tuned it all out. You’re good at tuning people out. You would be really good at being Special Needs, if you were Special Needs. You don’t need to be Special Needs, because you’re so nice.

    You even listened to Faith talking and talking. Faith really doesn’t understand what the telethon is about. You could probably tell because she thought the telethon was about getting ramps and wheelchairs for people with Special Needs. Faith doesn’t think she is Special Needs. She thinks only the people in wheelchairs, who can’t get a wheelchair, are Special Needs.

    Faith really likes Grace’s boyfriend who is in a wheelchair. He was jumping his wheelchair off ramps at the park and broke his chair. He had to borrow a wheelchair from someone. Faith thinks the telethon is for him. That’s why she said what she said. Faith wishes she was pretty like Grace, so she could get her boyfriend. Faith is nuts. I’m glad you could stand talking to her, but I knew you could, because of how nice you.

    I hope you have lunch with us again. See you at the parade!

    Love,
    Shannon Lake

     
  • At 1:23 PM, Anonymous Luis Guzmán said…

    April,

    Chica. I don’t understand why you get a parade and an award when there are refugees from Mexico all over Milborough, who have never gotten a parade or an award for all the suffering they did to make it to Canada.

    Luis Guzmán

     
  • At 1:27 PM, Anonymous liz patterson said…

    Luis,

    Would you come and give a talk to my class about how hard it was for you to be a refugee from Mexico to Canada, and how long the walk is from Tijuana to Milborough, and how you had to sell sexual favors to obese American tourists in order to make enough money for the journey, it would be very educational for them to meet you, I think, also, I have already shown them every DVD in the school library and all the ones I have at home, call me okay?

    Liz

     
  • At 4:23 PM, Anonymous Luis Guzmán said…

    Liz,

    Chica. We are having exams at R.P. Boire, so I at first I was confuse by what you were saying about talking to your class. But I am a Latino, and when a woman wants a Latino, everything becomes clear. I know that when you say you want me to come and give a talk about selling sexual favors, I know what you really mean. When you talk about how you have shown every DVD you have and you need someone live, I know what you really mean. When you say you want to know how long my walk was, I know what you really mean. You mean you want someone live, someone long, and someone who can show you things you have never seen on a DVD. You want the kind of love only a Latino can offer. You have asked for Luis, and Luis always answers a woman with wants.

    Chica, after a night with Luis, you will never want a pasty-skinned, freckled and blonde accountant again.

    Your amor futuro,
    Luis Guzmán

     
  • At 4:35 PM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    I don’t know where you are, but you might want to avoid the convertible you were supposed to ride in with the trained panda and Bobby Curtola. Your mom asked Bobby Curtola to sing for her, and the panda attacked, I presume to get him to stop singing, because that’s what I would have done, but he might have been hungry for a piece of flesh from a 1960s Canadian pop star instead of those chocolate-covered bamboo sticks the town provided to feed him. They have to take Bobby to hospital and clean the blood out of the convertible first, before you can ride. Just a precaution, you should avoid singing any Bobby Curtola songs while you are in the convertible with the trained panda.

    Howard Bunt

     
  • At 4:44 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    don't worry, howard, i decided 2 travel by bus instead by panda-and-curtola convertible. i have reached my destination, out of town, safely. i won't say where i am cuz i don't want ne1 2 come looking 4 me and drag me 2 that parade!

    apes

     
  • At 4:45 PM, Anonymous liz patterson said…

    Luis,

    The parade is starting soon so I can't talk much, but I wanted to say, even though your reply was a little confusing, I am sure we are on the same page about your presentation to my class, I have decided to do away with the "white man's" exams, which I am sure you will appreciate seeing as you are from another culture just like me, I am a First Nations person in spirit, so I'm sure we will get along great, only one problem, you talk about doing this at night and I have my kids from 8:15am-3pm every day, so the presentation can't happen any later than 2:15pm if we want to have time for your whole story, a slide show, and a question and answer session, excuse me now, Mom just ran off screaming "Bobby, Bobby!" and is trying to kill a panda.

    Liz

     
  • At 5:03 PM, Anonymous liz patterson said…

    Everyone,

    It is 5pm and the parade is about to start, but I can't find April anywhere, Mike suggested if she doesn't show, we should just dress a mop in a school uniform, dye the "hair" brown, and put it in a messy bun and put the mop in the convertible with Bobby Curtola, who is being very very brave and has promised to go on with the parade even after that nasty panda bite, on the condition that we take him straight to the hospital for rabies shots after the parade, oh where are you April, and why are you shaming the Pattersons this way, Mom is beside herself, muttering about how this is not how the daughter of a landmark builder should behave.

    Liz

     
  • At 5:05 PM, Anonymous liz patterson said…

    yo apes, i just thot u should know, all the special needs kids r gathered here @ the parade muster point, an' they r all like, "where is april? we came out here 2 march w/ the nicest girl in skool!" the retards r all rilly upset, an' i can't rilly blame them. sum of these kids were planning 2 "march" w/ broken wheelchairs, yo!

    becks

     
  • At 5:41 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    i'm watching the parade on tv, from my undisclosed location. wow, mom REALLY likes bobby curtola! hm, dad doesn't seem v. happy abt how much mom likes bobby curtola.

    apes

     
  • At 5:42 PM, Anonymous Dylan said…

    bobby curtola.

     
  • At 6:05 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, it looks like they decided 2 put grace, the pony-tail special needs girl who looks like u, in the parade aftah sprayin’ her hair 2 brown & puttin’ a lotta makeup on her face. it seems 2 have fooled all the special needs peeps who were gettin’ upset u weren’t here, which is good cuz i think they knocked ovah a couple of parked cars & set sum biznesses on fire frum b-ing upset.

    it looks like they put ur mom in the car w/grace 2 make it legit. ur mom is kinda flirtin’ w/bobby curtola (if u can call lying in his lap flirtin’) & i think she’z makin’ the panda nervous cuz she keeps callin’ it a giant oreo cookie w/extra fillin’. grace, the pony-tail girl wuz doin’ ok imperson8in’ u till all the peeps started sayin’ “hooray 4 april” & she just grimaced & put her head in her hand. she prolly thot she wuz b-ing insulted again.

     
  • At 6:09 PM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    If you’re watching this on television, all I can say is I guess that proves that pandas can’t drive.

    Howard Bunt

     
  • At 6:17 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…

    April,

    Formerly little sis. It is amazing how much mayhem and destruction can occur, simply because a Patterson eschews her responsibility and doesn’t show up at a parade in her honour. The nice stone that used to say, “Marian Richards Memorial Park” now says, “r a Bich Memorial Park”. The statue of statue of Mom that the town erected in front of Lilliputs, commemorating a Milborough Landmark, now looks like a statue of Dad. I guess it didn’t get that much damage. Just a big crack across the chin. And Mom now has a taste for panda meat. If only you had shown up, this wouldn’t have happened.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     
  • At 6:24 PM, Anonymous shannon lake said…

    April,

    Don't worry. I still think you're the nicest girl in Milborough. I think everyone else hates you though.

    You should know that Gerald rescued "you" (Grace) from the convertible, since he thought it was you and not Grace. They have been kissing a lot. I don't think Gerald has figured out it's not you yet. He must be a good kisser, because Grace hasn't stopped him.

    Wait! Gerald called me a retard and Grace slapped him.

    OK. They are kissing again. It is going to be so funny when Gerald figures out it's Grace and not you.

    Love,
    Shannon Lake

     
  • At 6:54 PM, Anonymous Luis Guzmán said…

    Liz,

    Your love talk is confusing to me also, mi profesor encantador, but I believe I understand it, because I am a Latino, and we know the language of amor from birth. When you say you have done away with the "white man's" exams, I know what you really mean. When you say you will appreciate seeing me from another culture just like you are from a different culture, I know what you really mean. When you say you want to have time for my whole story, a slide show, and a question and answer session; I know what you really mean. Do not worry, chica, we will leave the lights on so you can see my culture as I can see yours, and I will not examine you like a white man. When a woman is examined by a Latino, she knows she has been examined. You will get my whole story, with all of the slides and I know you will have questions how a Latino can be so good at amor. I may give you some answers, but not all. We must not know each other too quickly. 2:15 pm, at your school. Luis will be there to give his lessons in amor.

    Your amor futuro,
    Luis Guzmán

     
  • At 7:10 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    omg, my so-called bf can't tell me apart from grace w/coloured hair an' makeup? this is so awful!

    well, i'm staying overnite @ phil an' georgia's place and i'll return sumtyme during the weekend.

    apes

     
  • At 7:17 PM, Blogger duncan anderson said…

    Apes,

    The telethon sounds rilly sketchy. OHIP pays 4 wheelchairs & othah stuff 4 special needs kids. My 1st thot was I want a cut, but my 2nd thot was Im going 2 Barbados on July 3 & I dont want 2 get arrested again.

    R u sure the Witch isnt doing sum mind control thing on u like Evah does on me all the time? I no u got probs, but y didnt u no abt the telethon b4? Mayb u shld run away but if u do dont tell ne1, u have 2 assume a new id so the Witch can nevah find u.

    Im rilly worried abt u, Apes. It makes me sad 2 c u as st00pid as me.

    L8r.

    Yr best bud,
    MCDunC

    p.s. "Winkie" menas a girls u-no-wut but only rilly rilly little kids say it.

     
  • At 7:38 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    dunc, omg, mayB i AM b-coming stupid. otoh, tuning out my dad has served me well as a survival skill.

    oh, and i heard that "winkie" means a BOY's u-know-what. how confusing!

    apes

     
  • At 7:39 PM, Anonymous liz patterson said…

    April,

    You know I didn't have hateful thoughts against you before, but now I kind of do, this parade is a total disaster, it's really humiliating, and as soon as Bobby Curtola went home, Mom got mad at me for the parade being my idea, and she got super mad when she was getting loaded on the gurney to go to the hospital for rabies vaccinations that she'll have to get because of what she did to that panda, and she saw what happened to her statue, and she got even madder, and she opened her mouth and screamed until all I could see was tongue and teeth and that hangy thing at the back of her throat, and she screamed,

    APRIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLL!

    , and that got all of the retarded kids upset, and Grace said, "I like April! April is nice!", and Gerald said, "Wait! You're not April! Oh my God!" and ran off screaming, something about an evil twin, anyway, he ran smack into Mom's gurney, and dumped it over, and now her and Gerald are both going to the hospital, but don't worry, I will probably forgive you, I am a very kind and benevolent person, being that I am First Nations (in spirit).

    Liz

     
  • At 7:58 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    liz, if it makes u feel ne better, unk phil is doing an impromptu solo concert on his hose-a-phonium. a medley of bobby curtola songs.

    apes

     

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