April's Real Blog

Monday, June 18, 2007

Telethon

Well, back 2 me. Yeah, I know. I wanted 2 find out what happed next @ Shawna-Marie's wedding with Liz, Anthony, Mason, an' Julia, but I guess we have 2 w8. Hopefully not all the way until the July fam letters, eh?

So, I hadta go 2 the school xxtra early 2day, 4 xxam-rel8ed reazons, and Shannon was already there. She was all, "Hey...April...howya doin'?" I was all, "OK, I guess." Shannon went on, all "April ... I ... wan...na tell ... U ... sum...thing! There's gonna ... B ... a ... tel...a...thon ... @ the mall ... w/... live ... mu...sic ... an' ... every..thing!" I was like, "I know. My so-called boyfriend is playing drums 4 Rebeccah[h]." Shan was like, "R ... U ... going?" Me: "I dunno. ...Y?" And Shannon was all, "Be...cuz... the tele...thon's 4..." Then she made a dramatic hand gesture towards a few special-needs kids who were rite outside of that learning-center room, and sed, "US!!"

Hm, so the telethon. Good cause. Who cda seen that coming?

Apes

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18 Comments:

  • At 10:10 AM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, ur still callin' gerald ur boyfriend? i dunno 'bout gerald, but if a girl wuzn't talkin' 2 me & wuz mad @me & wudn't eat lunch w/me & told me we were not a couple nemore; i wud kinda think i wuzn't her bf nemore. iz this 1 of thoze, "once ur a childhood sweetheart of a patterson" things, like wen ur sis treated anthony caine like he wuz still her bf, evn wen he was married & had a kid? i thot axel hibobbery wuz ur bf. have i missed sumthin'?

     
  • At 10:13 AM, Anonymous michael patterson said…

    April,

    Formerly little sis. If you are planning to participate in the telethon for Shannon Lake and her friends at the mall, as the head of the Sharon Park Drive Patterson house, it is my duty to let you know that your entire family stands behind you, despite the way the Pattersons feel about giving to charities (the occasional pair of ill-fitting boots or working a food bank at Christmas once every 5 or 6 years is acceptable). However, we understand that slattern Becky McGuire is performing at the telethon, so we cannot appear at the mall with you, because that would show that we support the idea that pursuing a pop music career is a worthwhile endeavour. Music is for only fun. Not for pretending to raise money just to get on television. Dad wanted me to make sure you were clear on that point.

    It is obvious to us that even though Becky McGuire may say she is performing to raise money for Shannon Lake and her special needs friends, Becky is really going to be attempting to build up her massive, slatternly ego. I think mom has agreed to go to the mall with you, since you only have your G1 and that is as far as the family can support you.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     
  • At 10:16 AM, Blogger howard said…

    April,

    I cannot say my friends Alyssa and Jen, the other bridesmaids at Shawna-Marie Verano's wedding aside from your sister and Dawn Enjo are not disappointed you have decided not to finish the story of what happened at that wedding. They did tell me what happened next and I won't spoil it for your readers in case you change your mind and decide to tell the story anyway, but I can tell you that the remaining events of the Shawna-Verano wedding involving Anthony Caine and your sister caused some people to be happy, some people to be sad, and some people to be nauseous. In fact, I myself have a mixture of those 3 feelings when I think about what Alyssa and Jen told me.

    As for the telethon, contrary to what Shannon Lake has told you, the special education department of R.P. Boire is technically not a charitable organization. However, there is another organization which dispenses aid to persons with special needs and not just Shannon and her gang. I can't tell from what you have written if Shannon wants you to show up at the mall to work the telethon, or if she is simply counting on your appearance as a Patterson to show moral support for the telethon, or if she is trying to make sure some certain, someone is present at an event where television cameras can capture her appearance as she discovers she was wrong about something and they want to see her be really embarrassed and realize she has been completely fooled (not that I'm saying something like would or could occur, of course).

    In between studying for exams, Becky and Gerald and the other members of Becky's band have been rehearsing and I think they sound pretty good. I expect the Newlyfoobs reality TV show people will be there to extract certain parts of the performance too. They will be looking for the embarrassing parts to show on their reality TV show. I have asked Becky and Gerald to stop referring to the event as a Tard-athon, just in case they forget, and say that in front of the Newlyfoobs cameras.

    Just between you and me, I was a little sad to see what you have written about the way Shannon speaks. It seems like Shannon's halting speak style has gotten even worse than it was before. If she keeps going in that direction, soon all she will be able to say is "..." It makes me feel bad for Shannon. If she puts many more ellipses in her speech, I think she may have to start speaking in Morse code, and then only telegraph operators will be able to understand her.

    Howard Bunt

     
  • At 11:44 AM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    howard, i really wish i cda finished up the wedding/liz-anthony story. unfortch, no1 has told me what happened, and also when i sat down 2 write, the shannon/telethon stuff is what came out.

    jeremy, i dunno what 2 tell u. sumtymez i blurt stuff out w/out understanding y i even sed it.

    apes

     
  • At 12:40 PM, Anonymous gerald forsythe said…

    Formerly dearest and flower-like April person,

    Please stop referring to me as your boyfriend. You told me you did not believe we were a couple anymore. That means we are broken up. And anyway, I am Becky's concubine now. I know I am gorgeous, but you need to get over me.

    Sternly, Gerald

     
  • At 1:08 PM, Anonymous shannon lake said…

    April,

    I think I should explain about the telethon. I thought you knew all about it, because your boyfriend Gerald was playing in it. I thought you would be there for sure.

    Then I heard someone say you were saying bad things about the telethon because Becky McGuire was playing for it. And you were mad at your boyfriend and he was playing for the telethon, so the telethon was a bad thing. People started telling me they weren’t going go to the telethon. The telethon is for us special needs kids, so I had to stop you. People don’t give money to a charity if the nicest girl in Milborough doesn’t like the charity. When I heard you were saying bad things, I knew you didn’t know all about the telethon. The nicest girl in Milborough doesn’t say bad things about a telethon for special needs kids unless she didn’t know what she was talking about.

    I know some people don’t think you’re the nicest girl in Milborough anymore, because of things Gerald said about you, and all that make up you wear, and how you unbutton your shirt so people can see your underwear instead of keeping your shirt buttoned up to your collar like you used to, and how you almost never wear knee socks anymore so you can show off your legs. I know better. You are still the nicest girl Milborough, and I know the telethon will do great if knew you was for “Us!!” and stopped saying bad things about it.

    That’s the reason I told you about the telethon. I know you’ll be there.

    Love,
    Shannon Lake

     
  • At 1:12 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, ok. so which 1 iz rite? iz gerald ur bf or axel? gerald sez he is becky’s concubine, but gerald iz an idiot.

     
  • At 1:39 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    well, ger, u mighta thot we were broken up, and i mighta thot we were broken up. but it seemz the witch of corbeil has other ideas.

    jeremy, c above. i thot axel, but the witch isn't thru having her fun w/my so-called luv life.

    shannon, ok, i won't say nemore bad stuff. i think.

    apes

     
  • At 1:54 PM, Anonymous Tricky Woo said…

    April, enough! Blaming the witch for all your problems is just lazy! You need to take responsibility for your own actions, or you'll end up like my darling little Bucky.

    Yes, missing a tooth and smelling of tuna.

     
  • At 2:51 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, i dunno y tricky woo the canadian indie rock band, based in montreal iz innerested in ur luv life, but they do have a point. how can ne guy have a relationship w/u, if u don’t know if ur togethah w/them or not? 1 of the thingz i alwayz liked ‘bout u, wuz ur not messed up like ur sis ‘bout luv stuff. i mean i thot u were crayzee 2b w/gerald, but it wuz rilly consistent. now i dunno wut 2 think, xxcept i am feeling bad 4 axel. have u told him ur breakin’ up w/him?

     
  • At 3:02 PM, Anonymous Luis Guzmán said…

    April,

    Chica, you are loca. You told everyone in the band, when you’re on a professional level, you don’t even have to be “friends” with Gerald. You stopped talking to him and you stopped eating with him. Now you find out Gerald is drumming for a good cause and you call him boyfriend again. Cool move there, April!...Very professional.

    Luis Guzmán

     
  • At 3:18 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    pls don't gang up on me. i'd like 2 just b a normal girl, but i guess i don't get 2 b 1.

    axel knew the sitch b4 i did. apparently he received an official memo from the johnston institute. he's supposta stand by. i think that suxx, but apparently they enticed him w/prizes.

    apes

     
  • At 4:12 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, hey! u know i already have a gf. i got an official memo frum the johnston institute 2, like axel, sayin’ i’m supposed 2 stand by & b reddy 4 action as ur gf, cuz i am officially qualified az a childhood sweetheart. i wuzn’t evn d8in’ u, so i don’t get it. no offence, april, but if get anothah memo that sez i hafta ask u out, i am not gonna do it. u & axel & gerald can b pushed ‘round by the witch if u wunt, but not me.

    i feel sorry 4 axel tho. he wuz cube, but i dunno how he'z gonna take the crayzee that comez w/thoze prizes. i got offered a ned tanner doll az a prize, so i gotta figger axel'z prizes r a lot bettah.

     
  • At 5:56 PM, Blogger April Patterson said…

    jeremy, u r v. brave. that's cube. and kinda hott, actually!

    i feel bad 4 axel, 2. we had a long talk after i finished w/2day's xxams, and he told me that if i break up w/ger 4 reals, he'd like 2 b my bf 4 reals. and if ger an' i don't break up, we can still b xxcellent friends. he's so cube!

    btw, mike sez u'd b a fool 2 pass up on the ned tanner doll. and that he's prepared 2 offer u gd $ 4 it!

    apes

     
  • At 6:26 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    april, it’s soundz like axel is rilly n2 the program w/that “i’m there 4u if ur not w/anothah guy” line of thinkin’. soundz like u have ur backup bf, in case thingz don’t work out w/gerald. i know ur sis kinda duz like that, so if anthony caine duzn’t work out, she’z got warren blackwood or mason whatisface & that kinda stuff.

    i asked honoria if she hadda backup in case i didn’t come thru 4 her, & she wuz a little surprized by the question. she sed, “jeremy. if a lady planz 2 depart frum a gentleman’s company & she haz tyme 2 properly plan the departure, she shud make sure there is sum1 there 2 take his place b4 she leaves. no true lady wud keep a man about wen her heart lies w/another.” so, of course honoria thinks ur gonna leave gerald cuz u have axel on standby, but she iz a little confuzed cuz u already left gerald @the beginning of june. i think we’re all confuzed ‘bout that 1.

    tell u bro, he can order thoze ned tanner dolls on-line if he wunts 1 so bad.

     
  • At 6:26 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…

    Jeremy,

    How do you order Ned Tanner on-line?

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     
  • At 6:29 PM, Anonymous jeremy jones said…

    Michael,

    http://www.fborfw.com/store/catalog/product_info.php?cPath=31&products_id=29

    thass the pathway 2 order ned.

     
  • At 6:30 PM, Anonymous michael patterson said…

    Jeremy,

    Thanks. Ned will soon be mine. I owe you one.

    Love,
    Michael Patterson

     

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