Best Man

So Liz wrote in with this:

April,

Well here is the big surprise to culmination "my week," I think I met my future husband at the rehearsal, whew, it is such a huge relief to know I won't have to be a spinster or a lesbian with a turkey baster, I can't tell you how good it feels to know I will be able to hold up tradition and make Mom happy, whew, I was really starting to worry I wouldn't get a husband (the man kind).

Liz

This morning, Liz came over 4 brekkie, cuz she was all outta cookies an' 4got 2 shop 4 more food. I was all, "So who's the guy?" Mike had just walked in2 the kitchen rite B4 that, 4raging 4 sum granola and milk 2 completely finish, so Liz was like, "U don't recognize our brother Mike?" And I rolled my eyez, all, "No, not that guy! The guy @ the wedding rehearsal. The 1 U mentioned in yr comment last nite." Liz got frowny 4 a moment, like "U R so nosy!" But then she kinda 4got 2 B pissy an' sed, "Oh, April, his name is Mason, and he's so hunky! He sort of reminds me of yr Gerald, but grown-uplike and manly! He's the best man, and he's going 2 B my escort b-cuz he doesn't have a d8 either! April, I just know this is FATE!"

Just then, Mike plunked down, with a salad-sized bowl full of granola and probably almost a whole litre's worth of milk in that, and he sed, "It's all my fault! I just realized this morning!" Liz an' I kinda looked @ ea other confused, but Mike went on, "Dad and the trains! I had a memory, when I was looking @ sum old pics of me and Brian Enjo, from rite around the time we finished grade 4. And that's when it came back 2 me." He did a dramatic pause, and looked up @ us, kinda tearful. "Keith Enjo, Brian's Dad, had model trains in his basement. This was long B4 Dad ever thot of it. After Brian showed them 2 me, I came home raving about how gr8 they were. But here's the worst part. After I'd finished telling Dad about the model trains, I sed...." He paused dramatically. "I sed, 'It must B gr8 2 have a father who's interesting!" Liz and I were both all, "OMG," and Mike nodded, saying, "Dad didn't get in2 the trains until the 1990s, girls, but I think I must have planted this idea in his head back in the 80s!" Just then, Mom walked in and sed, "Don't feel 2 bad, Mike. If it hadn't been trains, it wd have been sumthing equally stupid and childish." Then Dad came up from his workshop, wearing his choo-choo coveralls, carrying two little "train" ppl, saying, "Now, now, Edwina, quit fighting with Norman!"

Dunc, OMG, that was so messed up w/Kimmi, Zenobia, Zapata, and Eva all going after U @ that party U threw @ Eva's house. Howard, thanx 4 coming over when U called. Dunc, I'm sorry 2 hear abt the bald spot.

Apes